Oh wow this was a blast from the past. To answer your question: things have sort of improved? I feel like I have found a group of friends now who are more available and who lean on each other more for support, even though many of them have partners. One of my closest friends when I originally wrote this just full on stopped talking to me about a year ago, and not being on the rollercoaster of wondering whether she will be available for me or not has helped a lot.
I went to check out the metro sectional in person and saw a floor sample in sumner ivory. It struck me as a very clean, blemish-free white, perfect for someone who lives a very clean and tidy life, which I (with 2 kids and a dog) do not. We went with tepic ivory instead. Still in the ivory family, but with more dimension (easier to hide minor stains before I can get to it with the folex or bissell).
No issues! It was super easy to get out a faded food stain (Cheetos maybe?), and a red dry erase marker stain. I used folex. I have noticed my dog’s hair (she’s short hair breed) gets stuck in some of the tepic weave but a brush or vacuum gets it out.
Congratulations!! What a huge accomplishment! You should be so, so proud of yourself. And what a gift you are able to give to others by choosing to do your thesis on trauma informed care. I'm so happy for you :)
It might be helpful to refer them to get their cortisol levels checked. Sometimes, folks with trauma or chronic stress end up having their cortisol spike in the middle of the night, and meds/ supplements can be helpful in getting their body's cortisol production rhythm back on track.
I love my townhome! It allowed me to buy a more updated place in a better location than if I had bought a single family home, and the perks of living in a nice, walkable area far outweigh the downsides of townhome life. Every once in a while, I hear my neighbor's music quietly through the wall, but I think that's only when they're playing it really loud. I also don't feel like my backyard is super private, as my neighbors can just look down into the yard from their windows. And there isn't as much natural light as in a single family home, because there are only windows on the front and back of the house, so take that into consideration as well. But overall, I'm super happy with my place. It's a perfect starter home (although with the interest rate I got, it might just be my forever home now!)
Going back to an abusive relationship over and over again. I've spent the past 2-3 years helping a friend get the courage to leave her abusive partner. She actually moved out about 6 months ago, and is now in the process of "trying to work things out" with him. It's so hard, because she ultimately has to be the one to make the change for herself, but watching her ruin her life like this is excruciating.
When this happens to me, it usually means I need to add another (or a few) support for myself. Maybe that's looking at medications that could be helpful or adjusting the meds you're on. Maybe it's adding acupuncture or yoga or reiki. Maybe it's being more intentional about giving yourself time to process things outside therapy through journaling, meditation, talking about it with friends, etc.
Looking for advice on how to explore trauma with a young male client. I've been working with him for about 4 months now, and progress has been slow but steady. It's taken a long time for him to start open up about his feelings instead of just saying "I'm good." He's actually extremely intelligent and insightful, just avoids vulnerability. He came to therapy due to a psychotic break which resulted in hospitalization. I don't want to give too much specifics due to client privacy, but my client has observable physical symptoms, which I at first attributed to medication side effects, but over the course of treatment I have become more and more suspicious that this is a stress response. When asked, the client agreed that it seems stress plays a role in these symptoms. Moving forward, I want to explore the possibility of trauma with this client, just an inkling of which was hinted at during our intake session. As I mentioned it's come a long way for my client to open up as much as he has, and I'm concerned that going in too hard could unearth a lot that he isn't ready to talk about, if my hypothesis is correct. I would love to get advice from those with more experience about what has worked for them, how to prepare clients for potentially opening themselves up to traumatic memories, and anything else you think may be helpful in this situation. Happy to provide more info, just like I said I want to be very considerate about giving too many details away that would make it obvious if my client ever happened upon this thread, truthfully.
A lot of work can be done around trauma without actually talking through the traumatic incident itself. Even just acknowledging the fact that the client has experienced trauma and exploring the ways that trauma symptoms are showing up for the client can be a game changer for folks. This also opens the door a crack to the idea of talking more directly about the trauma in the future, when the client is ready and able to do so.
It's a double whammy when you think what you're experiencing at 17 is young love (FINALLY, someone you can attach to!), only to find out that you're in an abusive relationship AND you can't tell anyone about it because the family of origin trauma has taught you that if you are anything less than 100% fine, your feelings are too much and push everyone else away.
When I worked with teens, I had a tradition of decorating rocks with them on their last session. They could choose two rocks from my stash, and we would each decorate a rock for the other one with things that were meaningful from our time together. I would give them the rock I decorated to take home with them, and they would leave their rock in my "rock garden" (a fish bowl with a lid that sat on my bookshelf) where the rocks from other past clients also sat. They liked the idea of leaving something of themselves behind in my office, and being able to hold onto something from me as a reminder of all they have accomplished.
Also: Marie Fang has a great checklist for starting a private practice on her Private Practice Skills website that was super helpful for me when I was just getting started.
Your realtor and mortgage broker are there to help you with everything. Don't worry about asking too many questions or bothering them by having them show you homes/ run the numbers on homes you might want to see. At the end of the day, they work for you!
Oof. Yeah, me neither. That's a big barrier to it for me, although I'm not sure I have anyone in my life who would actually take care of me anyway. But I don't usually let people close enough to try.
Therapy Jenga! Write questions on the jenga blocks, and whenever the client picks a block, they have to answer the question. Alternately, you can write numbers on the blocks and have a list of questions on paper. Whatever number you choose is the numbered question you have to answer! This way, you can have different question sets for different topics, but can still use the same Jenga blocks :)
Pretty organized! I don’t like clutter, so my house stays pretty clean. I do have one or two spots in the house where I make piles of things I need to put away.
Welcome :) it felt like such a relief to me when I found this community, because people really understand what I’m going through here. I hope you find the same sense of relief and belonging that I have.
YES. This happens to me, too. My family has always talked over me and interrupted me, so now I just sort of go quiet if anyone outside my family interrupts me too. I think a lot of people (without families who trained them to think what they have to say isn’t important) are able to keep talking and not allow the other person to take control of the conversation instead of just going quiet?
In my experience, the numbness comes from being overwhelmed by emotion. It doesn’t matter if it’s dread or excitement, a lot of different feelings or a ton of one feeling, seems to overstimulate me into numbness. YMMV. I’d spend some time journaling or asking myself what are my feelings here and what are the potential outcomes. Good luck!
I think you are spot on. I'm definitely having an overwhelming amount of conflicting emotions, which I think is where the numbness is coming from. Going to have to do some soul searching and figure out where I stand. I'm also trying to remind myself that whatever I decide to do, it doesn't have to be a forever decision. Sometimes it's hard to remember that it is my right to back out of things any time I want to.
I've been told I "look really young" when I am in an emotional flashback to my childhood. It's not an alter, just a young part of myself that I am blended with in that moment. I totally understand. It can be really scary and off-putting when you're not used to it.
It feels really scary when it happens, because I don’t really remember what it feels like to be a child. Plus, it comes on involuntarily, and feeling out of control of my body is a huge fear for me. My boyfriend has seen me in a full blown flashback (without me reverting) once, and that was last night, and he was pretty freaked out. I haven’t asked him what he saw yet, but I do remember he was scared when it happened. Flashbacks suck so hard. Do you just let it roll through until it’s over, or do you try to ground yourself? I’m trying to just let it roll through, but the memory loss is just awful, as well as the physical exhaustion that follows it.
Usually for me, once I feel the feeling enough and allow the young part of me to have her say/ show me what she needs to show me, the flashback ends. I also get super tired when that happens though. It takes so much energy to be back in the helplessness and loneliness and shame of that time.
I feel this right now, I wonder if your situation has improved 2 years on? Please update if you read this, I'm curious :)
Oh wow this was a blast from the past. To answer your question: things have sort of improved? I feel like I have found a group of friends now who are more available and who lean on each other more for support, even though many of them have partners. One of my closest friends when I originally wrote this just full on stopped talking to me about a year ago, and not being on the rollercoaster of wondering whether she will be available for me or not has helped a lot.
I went to check out the metro sectional in person and saw a floor sample in sumner ivory. It struck me as a very clean, blemish-free white, perfect for someone who lives a very clean and tidy life, which I (with 2 kids and a dog) do not. We went with tepic ivory instead. Still in the ivory family, but with more dimension (easier to hide minor stains before I can get to it with the folex or bissell).
How has the tepic ivory fabric been for you? I just ordered it and am feeling nervous! Has it been hard to get stains out?
No issues! It was super easy to get out a faded food stain (Cheetos maybe?), and a red dry erase marker stain. I used folex. I have noticed my dog’s hair (she’s short hair breed) gets stuck in some of the tepic weave but a brush or vacuum gets it out.
Oh awesome! That's such great news :) Thanks for putting my mind at ease!
Congratulations!! What a huge accomplishment! You should be so, so proud of yourself. And what a gift you are able to give to others by choosing to do your thesis on trauma informed care. I'm so happy for you :)
It might be helpful to refer them to get their cortisol levels checked. Sometimes, folks with trauma or chronic stress end up having their cortisol spike in the middle of the night, and meds/ supplements can be helpful in getting their body's cortisol production rhythm back on track.
RemindMe! 2 days
RemindMe! 2 days
I love my townhome! It allowed me to buy a more updated place in a better location than if I had bought a single family home, and the perks of living in a nice, walkable area far outweigh the downsides of townhome life. Every once in a while, I hear my neighbor's music quietly through the wall, but I think that's only when they're playing it really loud. I also don't feel like my backyard is super private, as my neighbors can just look down into the yard from their windows. And there isn't as much natural light as in a single family home, because there are only windows on the front and back of the house, so take that into consideration as well. But overall, I'm super happy with my place. It's a perfect starter home (although with the interest rate I got, it might just be my forever home now!)
Going back to an abusive relationship over and over again. I've spent the past 2-3 years helping a friend get the courage to leave her abusive partner. She actually moved out about 6 months ago, and is now in the process of "trying to work things out" with him. It's so hard, because she ultimately has to be the one to make the change for herself, but watching her ruin her life like this is excruciating.
When this happens to me, it usually means I need to add another (or a few) support for myself. Maybe that's looking at medications that could be helpful or adjusting the meds you're on. Maybe it's adding acupuncture or yoga or reiki. Maybe it's being more intentional about giving yourself time to process things outside therapy through journaling, meditation, talking about it with friends, etc.
Looking for advice on how to explore trauma with a young male client. I've been working with him for about 4 months now, and progress has been slow but steady. It's taken a long time for him to start open up about his feelings instead of just saying "I'm good." He's actually extremely intelligent and insightful, just avoids vulnerability. He came to therapy due to a psychotic break which resulted in hospitalization. I don't want to give too much specifics due to client privacy, but my client has observable physical symptoms, which I at first attributed to medication side effects, but over the course of treatment I have become more and more suspicious that this is a stress response. When asked, the client agreed that it seems stress plays a role in these symptoms. Moving forward, I want to explore the possibility of trauma with this client, just an inkling of which was hinted at during our intake session. As I mentioned it's come a long way for my client to open up as much as he has, and I'm concerned that going in too hard could unearth a lot that he isn't ready to talk about, if my hypothesis is correct. I would love to get advice from those with more experience about what has worked for them, how to prepare clients for potentially opening themselves up to traumatic memories, and anything else you think may be helpful in this situation. Happy to provide more info, just like I said I want to be very considerate about giving too many details away that would make it obvious if my client ever happened upon this thread, truthfully.
A lot of work can be done around trauma without actually talking through the traumatic incident itself. Even just acknowledging the fact that the client has experienced trauma and exploring the ways that trauma symptoms are showing up for the client can be a game changer for folks. This also opens the door a crack to the idea of talking more directly about the trauma in the future, when the client is ready and able to do so.
It's a double whammy when you think what you're experiencing at 17 is young love (FINALLY, someone you can attach to!), only to find out that you're in an abusive relationship AND you can't tell anyone about it because the family of origin trauma has taught you that if you are anything less than 100% fine, your feelings are too much and push everyone else away.
When I worked with teens, I had a tradition of decorating rocks with them on their last session. They could choose two rocks from my stash, and we would each decorate a rock for the other one with things that were meaningful from our time together. I would give them the rock I decorated to take home with them, and they would leave their rock in my "rock garden" (a fish bowl with a lid that sat on my bookshelf) where the rocks from other past clients also sat. They liked the idea of leaving something of themselves behind in my office, and being able to hold onto something from me as a reminder of all they have accomplished.
Pro tip: if you choose to do this, get some clear nail polish to paint over the decorations on the rocks so they don't wear off!
You can always start getting your business set up! Come up with a
Also: Marie Fang has a great checklist for starting a private practice on her Private Practice Skills website that was super helpful for me when I was just getting started.
Your realtor and mortgage broker are there to help you with everything. Don't worry about asking too many questions or bothering them by having them show you homes/ run the numbers on homes you might want to see. At the end of the day, they work for you!
Yes I think about this sometimes. But realistically I’m not very good at letting people take care of me either so …
Oof. Yeah, me neither. That's a big barrier to it for me, although I'm not sure I have anyone in my life who would actually take care of me anyway. But I don't usually let people close enough to try.
Therapy Jenga! Write questions on the jenga blocks, and whenever the client picks a block, they have to answer the question. Alternately, you can write numbers on the blocks and have a list of questions on paper. Whatever number you choose is the numbered question you have to answer! This way, you can have different question sets for different topics, but can still use the same Jenga blocks :)
Oof. Right in the feels.
Pretty organized! I don’t like clutter, so my house stays pretty clean. I do have one or two spots in the house where I make piles of things I need to put away.
Welcome :) it felt like such a relief to me when I found this community, because people really understand what I’m going through here. I hope you find the same sense of relief and belonging that I have.
YES. This happens to me, too. My family has always talked over me and interrupted me, so now I just sort of go quiet if anyone outside my family interrupts me too. I think a lot of people (without families who trained them to think what they have to say isn’t important) are able to keep talking and not allow the other person to take control of the conversation instead of just going quiet?
In my experience, the numbness comes from being overwhelmed by emotion. It doesn’t matter if it’s dread or excitement, a lot of different feelings or a ton of one feeling, seems to overstimulate me into numbness. YMMV. I’d spend some time journaling or asking myself what are my feelings here and what are the potential outcomes. Good luck!
I think you are spot on. I'm definitely having an overwhelming amount of conflicting emotions, which I think is where the numbness is coming from. Going to have to do some soul searching and figure out where I stand. I'm also trying to remind myself that whatever I decide to do, it doesn't have to be a forever decision. Sometimes it's hard to remember that it is my right to back out of things any time I want to.
I've been told I "look really young" when I am in an emotional flashback to my childhood. It's not an alter, just a young part of myself that I am blended with in that moment. I totally understand. It can be really scary and off-putting when you're not used to it.
It feels really scary when it happens, because I don’t really remember what it feels like to be a child. Plus, it comes on involuntarily, and feeling out of control of my body is a huge fear for me. My boyfriend has seen me in a full blown flashback (without me reverting) once, and that was last night, and he was pretty freaked out. I haven’t asked him what he saw yet, but I do remember he was scared when it happened. Flashbacks suck so hard. Do you just let it roll through until it’s over, or do you try to ground yourself? I’m trying to just let it roll through, but the memory loss is just awful, as well as the physical exhaustion that follows it.
Usually for me, once I feel the feeling enough and allow the young part of me to have her say/ show me what she needs to show me, the flashback ends. I also get super tired when that happens though. It takes so much energy to be back in the helplessness and loneliness and shame of that time.
Hang in there. I know this is so uncomfortable. I care. *safe hugs*
I cried the first time I saw this. Exactly how I feel about my dog 🥰