Vaughan is a suburb of Toronto, named after (apparently) a problematic founded with racist tendencies, so I find the name an odd choice when things in Vaughan are getting their names changed away from Vaughan.
NTA, they sell food and you buy it and eat it. It isn't like you are taking patient food from their rooms. When I was taking night classes the deli spots by our class were closed but there was a movie theater, and we would buy food at the movies. They knew us already too and didn't ask us for a ticket, they would just be like . . ."just going to get food?" Yup, go on in.
When my kid was hospitalized, the nurses suggested that we eat the patient lunch, and buy our kid cafeteria food, because the caf food was better. No one cares who is buying food in a public cafeteria, or why.
Honestly, I imagine that the guests are going to be all over the place. Some more rustic, some more glam, some more barn. Which dress do you like the most? I would get that one, and go rhinestone with the accessories.
I know that cross-contamination is unlikely in a shared microwave, but he has an anxiety disorder, and one of his triggers is food (he spent nearly 30 years randomly getting sick, not knowing he has celiac disease), so it's difficult to convince him of that.
No dedicated entry space with zero storage for anything is a design choice I don't understand. A place to sit down and take off shoes is super helpful for guests.
Even if they are wet or dirty? Where I live, we get all the weather, so it might be rainy, muddy, snowy, or dusty out. Plus, some people like to change into indoor shoes.
Pets with rabies can transmit it to their owners (and other people). As a person with allergies I will take allergies over rabies any day. FYI, if you have an older pet that has had all of its shots, some vets will check their titers and stop if the pet is immune. Which is likely what happened with the 19 year old dog.
The couch sucks so bad that it hurts OP's back. I can't fathom how he thinks a pregnant person should sleep there, instead. If it's too uncomfortable for OP, it is far too uncomfortable for his pregnant fiance and unborn child. OP needs to get over his selfishness NOW. If you are physically harming people in your sleep, you are the one that gets the couch. Not the person, who is carrying your child, that you are assaulting.
That’s what led me to the liner and extra blankets. I can use them on nights where it’s needed, but not overinsulate on warmer nights. Do you think a fleece blanket would have been more effective if used inside the bag versus draped over like I did?
Yes, the fleece goes inside. When you are cold, every layer you add goes on top AND on the bottom. You need to insulate from the air and the ground, and trap as much heat as possible as close to you as possible. Buying a second sleeping bag and making a sleeping bag sandwich is my go to method.
I am politely declining an invite to a party when I am told what gift to bring, what clothes to wear (beyond a basic dress code) and the plans include spraying me and my plus one with paint (and this is not a culturally appropriate event).
It sounds like OP did tell her “your mother would like to do this with you first, please feel free to come back to me afterward so we can talk about it.” though. To a child young enough, it could still come off badly even in a nicely worded way in the what of the moment if the child is frustrated step mom isn’t showing enough enthusiasm to do these things with her, which it did considering that op told her “do this with your mom first and come back to me.” And again, OP may not have handled it perfectly but that doesn’t make her an AH. it sounds like she’s taken in interest in SD and her life, just didn’t share these big moments with her and it created resentment and come off to SD like she didn’t care.
There is a huge difference, IMO, between just saying "call your mom", and "this is something your mom specifically said she wanted to be a part of, so let's include her in this exciting moment". The first one comes across as "I don't want to deal with this", and the second one addresses the excitement and gives a really good reason to call mom first.
Sure, but in these moments was OP thinking with that much nuance? OP gave a brief rundown but I doubt she really just said “call your mom”and left it at that very time, because she also used words like “I think your mom would like to teach you this.” And “talk to your mom and come back to talk to me afterward if you’d like.” We’re getting a rundown of years in a few sentences here and maybe I’m more willing to read it charitably than most, but it seems like OP does care. We don’t know how OP’s relationship with mom is to know whether mom would want to involve her in these moments as well. Again, it could have been handled better but no one is perfect and I think bio mom had a hand in this as well for not discussing this with daughter herself when she was old enough. I can tell OP isn’t some evil step mom, though, and I don’t think she deserves to be the AH here when it was mishandled on several fronts.
I know that OP cares, as an adult reading the post. As a pubescent child, I can see why the daughter didn't. OP needs to explain now that she thought she was doing her best respecting the mom, and is sorry that it came across as cold and uncaring. I can't imagine the slap in the face the daughter repeatedly felt when she tried to share exciting news with OP, only to feel fobbed off. Because it doesn't matter that adults reading this can see that OP cared, it matters what the daughter felt.
I am stuck on him being the best choice because he will do the hard work for free, not because she loves him and wants him there. I was already not entirely on OP's side from the first paragraph. All eyes will be on the couple, regardless of what the guests wear.
The quote is "She once had a go at me for watching porn yet did it herself in the past." I read "it" as "watched porn". A lot of people are reading it as "made porn". The sentence works with both substitutions, so I called it vague. I do lean towards my interpretation, since OP's argument would be stronger if the GF was, in fact, a porn star, so OP would have made that as clear as possible.
I see you more clearly outlined the choices but I do not see the point if you are trying to make one. I'm not saying that she is wrong just that she chose knowing the outcomes and they came.
"Keep both" comes with baggage/downsides that people are underestimating, IMO, and assumes that OP would want to stay with a husband after being forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy.
Tough decision but you made it with full knowledge of the outcome based on what you said. Abort one and lose your husband or keep both. Both of you had hard lines on the issue and unfortunately it left you both with a broken marriage.
The choice is risk dying and long term complications to your body and keep a husband that you will resent and a child you don't want, or get an abortion, taking care of your physical and mental health and still lose your husband. Because going through the pregnancy wasn't going to result in a happy, healthy family.
Jumping in to say caregiver should actually do their best to keep NEUTRAL as possible and gauge the injury level first - because you are absolutely right, they will mirror your response. Let them develop their own mind/body awareness and how to recover from tumbles.
Ok but HOW? How do you do that? Are you going to assign a teacher to literally walk around with the bully all day, ignoring the rest of what they need to do? Because schools do not have money to do that.
And the schools that do things like restrict access to bathrooms or take away the bathroom doors to try to keep bathrooms "safe" get (rightly) lambasted for that decision. I feel bad for OP who was clearly bullied and is still upset about it, but there is a limit to what schools can do. Fairly certain that security cameras in the bathrooms would be frowned upon, and would bathroom monitors.
The lesson for your kids is "if someone is a violent turd, avoid them." Having no friends, never having someone to play with at recess is a natural consequence, and may impact C's behaviour more than anything else". C learns that by hurting people, no one will play with them, kids learn how to grey rock a bully and make them go away.
This. Your child isn't obligated to interact with another child whose behavior can cause them harm or ill feelings. She may choose to keep trying, or she may decide she's done playing with C.
I would talk to a bunch of financial advisors, and get different options. If it's medical malpractice, you may need to look into care costs for the future. Which do need to be planned out. It is very easy to see this as a lot of money, because it is. Medical equipment and therapies for the rest of your life are expensive, too.
According to comments on another sub with he same post, OP's daughter is in prison for murder. The circumstances and details of this are not posted, just that part.
Posting the picture and publicly supporting the murdering daughter is a bit iffy, regardless of the wedding. I know that there is an aspect of "love the sinner, hate the sin" happening. And I get that you don't stop loving your kid. I do. Social media posts may cross boundaries, though.
Refreshing from all that garbage I see on Twitter about $200 grocery hauls in Canada… and you find out they went to shoppers drug mart to buy groceries lol
It's always interesting to watch people shop at the same stores I do, in the same general geographic location, but spend much more just by making different choices. Sure, if you buy laundry detergent when it's not on sale and the expensive brand of pre-sliced cheese, and off season fruits, you are going to spend more.
Adding on to this is Merritt, its a weird spelling and is an awkward derivative of "merit"
Vaughan is a suburb of Toronto, named after (apparently) a problematic founded with racist tendencies, so I find the name an odd choice when things in Vaughan are getting their names changed away from Vaughan.
NTA, they sell food and you buy it and eat it. It isn't like you are taking patient food from their rooms. When I was taking night classes the deli spots by our class were closed but there was a movie theater, and we would buy food at the movies. They knew us already too and didn't ask us for a ticket, they would just be like . . ."just going to get food?" Yup, go on in.
When my kid was hospitalized, the nurses suggested that we eat the patient lunch, and buy our kid cafeteria food, because the caf food was better. No one cares who is buying food in a public cafeteria, or why.
Gotta be something else going on at home that she's that reluctant to take him to the hospital. What doesn't she want them to find?
To me, it sounds like she is hiding some type of neglect, at best. None of those symptoms alone are ok, and together paint an ugly picture.
Ohhhh cowboy boots are highly encouraged!! 🥴 but I’m skipping that part.
Honestly, I imagine that the guests are going to be all over the place. Some more rustic, some more glam, some more barn. Which dress do you like the most? I would get that one, and go rhinestone with the accessories.
My favorite one is probably the least appropriate lol
8 is lovely. Normally, I would say nude or silver. However, if the bride wants bling, I would go for pink with some kind of shiny stuff on it.
I know that cross-contamination is unlikely in a shared microwave, but he has an anxiety disorder, and one of his triggers is food (he spent nearly 30 years randomly getting sick, not knowing he has celiac disease), so it's difficult to convince him of that.
How does he feel about Thermoses? Because now you can have soups and chilis and stews.
The Withdrawal method is up to 80 %effective, who told you it was useless?
80% effective is still a lot of babies.
No entry coat closet
No dedicated entry space with zero storage for anything is a design choice I don't understand. A place to sit down and take off shoes is super helpful for guests.
I like my guests to keep their shoes on.
Even if they are wet or dirty? Where I live, we get all the weather, so it might be rainy, muddy, snowy, or dusty out. Plus, some people like to change into indoor shoes.
RIGHT?! “Oh no, my dog licks itself and can’t eat peanut butter” vs “My dog died a slow and painful death”. These people are so offensively stupid.
Pets with rabies can transmit it to their owners (and other people). As a person with allergies I will take allergies over rabies any day. FYI, if you have an older pet that has had all of its shots, some vets will check their titers and stop if the pet is immune. Which is likely what happened with the 19 year old dog.
It looks better on her than it does on the model!
It really just needs to be steamed or pressed. It looks a bit sloppy because it is wrinkled. It will look sharp when it's pressed.
I mean.... A pregnancy definitely needs more than 2 hours of sleep per night. I would argue lack of sleep will have more severe consequences for her.
The couch sucks so bad that it hurts OP's back. I can't fathom how he thinks a pregnant person should sleep there, instead. If it's too uncomfortable for OP, it is far too uncomfortable for his pregnant fiance and unborn child. OP needs to get over his selfishness NOW. If you are physically harming people in your sleep, you are the one that gets the couch. Not the person, who is carrying your child, that you are assaulting.
That’s what led me to the liner and extra blankets. I can use them on nights where it’s needed, but not overinsulate on warmer nights. Do you think a fleece blanket would have been more effective if used inside the bag versus draped over like I did?
Yes, the fleece goes inside. When you are cold, every layer you add goes on top AND on the bottom. You need to insulate from the air and the ground, and trap as much heat as possible as close to you as possible. Buying a second sleeping bag and making a sleeping bag sandwich is my go to method.
NTA and how absolutely pretentious and entitled.
I am politely declining an invite to a party when I am told what gift to bring, what clothes to wear (beyond a basic dress code) and the plans include spraying me and my plus one with paint (and this is not a culturally appropriate event).
It sounds like OP did tell her “your mother would like to do this with you first, please feel free to come back to me afterward so we can talk about it.” though. To a child young enough, it could still come off badly even in a nicely worded way in the what of the moment if the child is frustrated step mom isn’t showing enough enthusiasm to do these things with her, which it did considering that op told her “do this with your mom first and come back to me.” And again, OP may not have handled it perfectly but that doesn’t make her an AH. it sounds like she’s taken in interest in SD and her life, just didn’t share these big moments with her and it created resentment and come off to SD like she didn’t care.
There is a huge difference, IMO, between just saying "call your mom", and "this is something your mom specifically said she wanted to be a part of, so let's include her in this exciting moment". The first one comes across as "I don't want to deal with this", and the second one addresses the excitement and gives a really good reason to call mom first.
Sure, but in these moments was OP thinking with that much nuance? OP gave a brief rundown but I doubt she really just said “call your mom”and left it at that very time, because she also used words like “I think your mom would like to teach you this.” And “talk to your mom and come back to talk to me afterward if you’d like.” We’re getting a rundown of years in a few sentences here and maybe I’m more willing to read it charitably than most, but it seems like OP does care. We don’t know how OP’s relationship with mom is to know whether mom would want to involve her in these moments as well. Again, it could have been handled better but no one is perfect and I think bio mom had a hand in this as well for not discussing this with daughter herself when she was old enough. I can tell OP isn’t some evil step mom, though, and I don’t think she deserves to be the AH here when it was mishandled on several fronts.
I know that OP cares, as an adult reading the post. As a pubescent child, I can see why the daughter didn't. OP needs to explain now that she thought she was doing her best respecting the mom, and is sorry that it came across as cold and uncaring. I can't imagine the slap in the face the daughter repeatedly felt when she tried to share exciting news with OP, only to feel fobbed off. Because it doesn't matter that adults reading this can see that OP cared, it matters what the daughter felt.
I mean she does request his help for free. While wedding planning is usually ultra expensive if you ask someone with the know how.
I am stuck on him being the best choice because he will do the hard work for free, not because she loves him and wants him there. I was already not entirely on OP's side from the first paragraph. All eyes will be on the couple, regardless of what the guests wear.
Generally, when women are ashamed of their actions, it means that they did not enjoy them.
It says she did amateur porn in the topic. Like the 3rd paragraph if my memory serves me correctly
The quote is "She once had a go at me for watching porn yet did it herself in the past." I read "it" as "watched porn". A lot of people are reading it as "made porn". The sentence works with both substitutions, so I called it vague. I do lean towards my interpretation, since OP's argument would be stronger if the GF was, in fact, a porn star, so OP would have made that as clear as possible.
This is so weird because I'm 38 and I can only think of like 2 times in my life that I got participation trophies.
I think it depends on the age of the kid, as well. Under six all got trophies for my kids, and after that first through third for trophies.
I see you more clearly outlined the choices but I do not see the point if you are trying to make one. I'm not saying that she is wrong just that she chose knowing the outcomes and they came.
"Keep both" comes with baggage/downsides that people are underestimating, IMO, and assumes that OP would want to stay with a husband after being forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy.
Tough decision but you made it with full knowledge of the outcome based on what you said. Abort one and lose your husband or keep both. Both of you had hard lines on the issue and unfortunately it left you both with a broken marriage.
The choice is risk dying and long term complications to your body and keep a husband that you will resent and a child you don't want, or get an abortion, taking care of your physical and mental health and still lose your husband. Because going through the pregnancy wasn't going to result in a happy, healthy family.
There is so much you can do other than everyone suffering through 3 hours of nightly crying. Especially since kids under 2 are often crappy sleepers.
Possible? Yes. But prohibitedly expensive. The beading is the most expensive part.
Jumping in to say caregiver should actually do their best to keep NEUTRAL as possible and gauge the injury level first - because you are absolutely right, they will mirror your response. Let them develop their own mind/body awareness and how to recover from tumbles.
I was going to say this. Don't jump up and make even the smallest fall seem overly dramatic, but do assess the injury before telling them it's fine.
So, again, you are thinking I have more control than I do.
illini02
Ok but HOW? How do you do that? Are you going to assign a teacher to literally walk around with the bully all day, ignoring the rest of what they need to do? Because schools do not have money to do that.
And the schools that do things like restrict access to bathrooms or take away the bathroom doors to try to keep bathrooms "safe" get (rightly) lambasted for that decision. I feel bad for OP who was clearly bullied and is still upset about it, but there is a limit to what schools can do. Fairly certain that security cameras in the bathrooms would be frowned upon, and would bathroom monitors.
You are right, I dont know what is happening with C.
The lesson for your kids is "if someone is a violent turd, avoid them." Having no friends, never having someone to play with at recess is a natural consequence, and may impact C's behaviour more than anything else". C learns that by hurting people, no one will play with them, kids learn how to grey rock a bully and make them go away.
This. Your child isn't obligated to interact with another child whose behavior can cause them harm or ill feelings. She may choose to keep trying, or she may decide she's done playing with C.
Thanks for sharing this point of view.
I would talk to a bunch of financial advisors, and get different options. If it's medical malpractice, you may need to look into care costs for the future. Which do need to be planned out. It is very easy to see this as a lot of money, because it is. Medical equipment and therapies for the rest of your life are expensive, too.
According to comments on another sub with he same post, OP's daughter is in prison for murder. The circumstances and details of this are not posted, just that part.
Posting the picture and publicly supporting the murdering daughter is a bit iffy, regardless of the wedding. I know that there is an aspect of "love the sinner, hate the sin" happening. And I get that you don't stop loving your kid. I do. Social media posts may cross boundaries, though.
Refreshing from all that garbage I see on Twitter about $200 grocery hauls in Canada… and you find out they went to shoppers drug mart to buy groceries lol
It's always interesting to watch people shop at the same stores I do, in the same general geographic location, but spend much more just by making different choices. Sure, if you buy laundry detergent when it's not on sale and the expensive brand of pre-sliced cheese, and off season fruits, you are going to spend more.