1. Scale back a bit. Let them eat the sticks and jump in the mud, keep them away from the road. They will tire of the taste of sticks but they will never tire of the mud!

  2. This is my take too. If I corrected everything for my kids especially stuff that isn't a safety issue I'd be so worn out (and I already am).

  3. Figure out what your bar for “no” is so that you can come up with a quick assessment. Mine is “is this likely to cause permanent harm?” Running in the road, yes. Chewing a stick, probably not. Climbing a kid height table, actually surprisingly probably not. Chewing a toilet brush, probably not but still disgusting so still a no lol.

  4. Definitely tell them what they can do. My tot loves to pick up little pebbles, and of course I’m afraid she will put them in her mouth. I’ll direct her, “what a pretty pebble you found! That’s just for looking!” I have her carry a little reusable shopping bag, so the pebble goes in the bag and the bag stays outside when we get home. For staying on the sidewalk I just tell her, “we walk on the sidewalk!” Sometimes I tell her over and over. Sometimes I sing it. And yes, sometimes I have to physically direct her on to the sidewalk.

  5. If they learn to expect no to be the response to most things, they’ll learn how to be sneaky about stuff n not tell you. Source: a child raised by anxiety guided mom.

  6. Kiddos generally can't assess how far is "too far". I like encouraging kiddo to run to the fire hydrant, the big tree, the next telephone pole.... He knows to wait at the corner, and gets loads of positive reinforcement because I can say "great job, thanks for waiting!" at every mini-stop.

  7. I think positive reinforcement is never a bad idea. And sometimes you just gotta let the reins go a little. A little mud may be annoying to clean but isn't dangerous. Let them lick the stick and find out ewwww it's nasty. Make clear boundaries for what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and follow through on the actions "if you go out into the street we will have to go home or go back into the stroller" etc

  8. I try to ask myself in the moment “why not?” If the why not is real because there’s a legitimate danger or bad repercussion to it, I say no. If the only why not I can think of is it’s an inconvenience to me or because it’s not something I would do as an adult, I let them do it. That’s the general rule of thumb I try to follow. There are lots of things you can do besides tell them no to allow them to still feel like they have some control over what they’re doing or to redirect their fun. I acted with my oldest similar to how you’re saying you find yourself acting with your toddlers and now he’s nearly 10 and he’s always freaking out about every thing, I took a more relaxed approach with my younger two and they’re so much more chill. Of course every child has a different personality and all that but I’m pretty confident that some of it has something to do with me adapting the “why not” mentality.

  9. This! I have several, crippling anxiety. Something I absolutely do not want for my kid. I always ask myself "why not?" Before saying no, and I've actually found that it helps me feel a lot less stressed as well

  10. I like the “why not?” mentality as well for reasons you listed. Also then it forces me to list the reason why it is something dangerous and I can inform my two year old as to why we are not doing it. I have a lot of anxiety as an adult and also as a child I did as well. My mom always just told us “no” and if we asked “why not?” It was just “because I said so!” Which never seemed fair to me and my siblings. To which she would respond “well life’s not fair…”

  11. Being a parent to a toddler sometimes feels like a constant test of deciding which battles to fight. Every time I’m about to say no I pause and give it a good thought. Otherwise I’ll just bark “no” all day long! Don’t want it to lose its luster. I definitely say “careful” a lot, and now my toddler says “careful!” as he’s doing something potentially dangerous like climbing. Redirection is important too. “Let’s try this puddle instead! That one will get your socks wet.” “Wait for me! Let’s hold hands and hop together.” “Want to ride on my back until we get through the parking lot?” And reserve the hard “no” and “stop!” and “don’t do that!” for times where they’re about to get hurt like running towards the road or something.

  12. Can you take them somewhere else on a walk, like the woods? Or bring a ball and let them rampage around a park? I find walking by the road with my toddler frustrating for the exact reasons you've mentioned- we try to go places where there's just less danger so I don't have to pull back on the reins as much.

  13. Seconding this. When we do outside time, I specifically use it as a practice to say yes as much as possible. I’m willing to drive somewhere farther away to have safe, open space if need be. Allowing total free play (save any unforeseen danger) has really helped my kids and myself be happier.

  14. When they run too far ahead yell “freeze!” And have them wait for you. If they walk to close to the road, direct them to the other side “you need to be next to the grass”

  15. What you’re describing is using positive punishment. You’re adding something to the environment to punish the behaviors your don’t want. We want to instead add praise for the behavior we do want! So if you see a safety concern (licking sticks) and want to say “don’t lick sticks”… wait for them to just hold it and comment “ I love how your just holding your stick” and suggest other appropriate ways to use it. It’s all about adding a positive comment beforehand so they are motivated to continue receiving those positive commenta

  16. Determine why you are saying no. Is it really dangerous? It sucks for kids to get hurt but honestly there is value in learning through mild injuries like a scrape or bump. Obviously if they are doing something truly dangerous, like running out into traffic or hitting people with sticks, they have to stop. If so, say no but offer an alternative. Don't jump off that big ledge, but come over here and we can jump over a puddle together. Don't run, but we can use our feet to stomp like elephants. Don't hit people with sticks, but you can hit the ground or the tree and listen to the noise. Always follow a no with a safe alternative!

  17. My current mantra, “Allow them to do dangerous things safely”. If the child is trying something new or exploring and they won’t get more than a bump or scratch from a fall… I let it go. I praise her and say “you did it!” If successful. I offer help and encouragement if she seems frustrated, but try not to intervene if she is focused and trying again. For hikes with my daughter if she isn’t listening, she goes back in the backpack or stroller. We try again and I repeat the rule “you need to stay by mommy, and stop when I say stop”. Clear expectations and clear consequences.

  18. My current approach is to remind them of facts, and bring their attention and focus back to the complex/risky thing.

  19. We do red light, green light on our walks. I let her run ahead by saying green light but when she’s getting too far it’s a red light and she stops until I catch up. It makes it a game while letting her explore and have fun yet stays safe

  20. Is your job to keep them safe or to prepare them for the dangerous parts of the world? I think that’s a question you need to ask yourself and then hold your actions up to that lens

  21. I'm all about "fuck around and find out." Much of what I will tell mine is "I wouldn't do that," especially if all that's going to happen is an inconvenience to me. And no matter what, I'm going to be inconvenienced at some point in the day anyway. For example, "Don't put the paint in your hair" sounds totalitarian, arbitrary, and makes no sense to them. "I wouldn't put the paint in my hair, it's going to be a mess that we'll just have to clean up." If they don't listen, then they have to take a bath and get their hair washed, which they hate. The first way makes them resentful of me, and turns them off of painting. The second way let's them see why I said not to do something.

  22. There’s a lot of good responses so far but I’d like to add that I try to focus on positive reinforcement when my daughter is doing a risky thing carefully. Like “wow, look at you walking that bench like you’re walking the plank! You’re doing such a good job being careful, keeping your eyes on where you’re going and taking slow careful steps!”

  23. Instead of using the word no, say let’s do this instead , and show them something they CAN do with the stick. I try to limit using the word no , because too much no limits a child’s exploration to some extent , and makes the word no less important overall. Save the word no for situations where it is necessary.

  24. I tried to see what would make it a yes Yes, but later Yes, but I have to be near by Yes ,but only for 5 minutes. It helped me chill and see what specifically I was objecting too

  25. Save the nos for immediately dangerous things, not the messy or inconvenient things, and always note that the no is for safety. Use “you can _________,” more than “you can’t ______.” This will help dig yourself out of the Novalanches and inevitable power struggles.

  26. I noticed myself doing this too. I turned it around and by telling my son no and all the things he couldn't do I would switch it around by telling him things he COULD do instead. It doesn't always work but it definitely has caused less stress and gives him a sense of independence and confidence.

  27. I really like some of the advice in the book Hunt Gather Parent on this. Instead of constantly saying no, instead try and explain the consequence of the action you would like them to stop doing. For example, "you're going to get lost if you run too far ahead", or "you could get hit by a car and get hurt if you run in the road". Even for my 16 month old, I've found her reactions to be much calmer when I say something like this than when I just say "no" and take something from her.

  28. I recommend that when you do have to redirect them, try telling what they DO need to do instead e.g. "hold mummy's hand", "walk in the middle", "lets walk down the bench", "lets count the trees" etc to give you and them a break from constantly saying no lol

  29. I was a “helicopter” parent heavy dirty for the first 3 years. Kids are generally a lot tougher than you would think. I’ve backed off and allowed my daughter to find her own limits. I still keep a watchful eye, but I just started giving her a little more space, little bits at a time. It was more training myself in hopes that she benefits from it.

  30. I teach freedom in my home. It's a hard road to hoe. You here freedom and think it's easy just let them do what they want. But it's not that simple. Teaching freedom does not mean I don't teach discipline or responsibility for one's actions. It just means I say no a lot less. I just think about where my "NO" is coming from, it's coming from concern then I spend more time on it but if it comes from something I was taught when I was young I re-evaluate it and decide on it's true value.

  31. We take our little one (20 months), on trails away from the road as much as possible because walking on the road it’s constantly “no that’s someone else’s property we can’t play in their yard, you have to hold my hand, no we can’t run out into the middle of the street to step on the manhole cover, etc etc”. This way he’s free to explore the moss and the sticks and pick at the bark on the trees, collect rocks, stomp in the puddles, lay on the ground looking at pine clones or digging in the dirt or whatever else and we’re not constantly saying no. Just no eating random mushrooms.

  32. I make it a contest- my grandsons are a bit older- but I pick an object ahead that they need to stop at.

  33. I definitely struggle with this too! It probably doesn't help that I have diagnosed general anxiety, which I have under control thanks to medication. But I still find myself constantly alert to potential hazards ("Danger, Will Robinson!") and worry that I'm just making my kid unnecessarily nervous and risk averse, and passing along my anxiety, which I absolutely do not want for her.

  34. Also don't be afraid to model the good behavior. Like can we all hold our hands behind our backs like little duck tails and follow momma duck. Their hands are busy, they are behind you and having fun. You can do this with lots of animals. They can even pick the animal. Beside that I second all the other comments with the picking your battles and trying to ask them to do things instead of saying no.

  35. Something that works for me is to consider is this action dangerous or is this action messy. Messy is allowed in my house - jump in the puddle, stick your hands in the dirt, pick up rocks, etc. Dangerous is where I draw the line - no running in the road, climbing requires 3 points of contact, etc.

  36. I highly recommend researching "Montessori at home". Their philosophy and the way they teach and treat children is extremely positive and encourages curiosity, self-discovery, and critical thinking (e.g. hmm.. that stick really didn't taste good).

  37. Just saying, jumping in the giant puddle getting soaked crying and demanding to go home.... That's something toddlers will remember next time they face the puddle. I'm watching my daughter do this over and over, remember what happened last time and avoid those same mistakes.

  38. Older sister of twins and mom of twins. Wrist leashes at that age helped me a lot. We did a lot of things solo as I'm a single parent. Making sure they burn enough energy helps them behave better as well. Having multiples or two very clear on age is different than having two several years apart.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

News Reporter