1. If you have a serious, committed relationship with someone, what better way is there to gain essential rights like immigration, hospital visitation, consent for medical decisions, insurance benefits, etc?

  2. “What if you simply grow into people who are no longer compatible? What if the person you married changes into someone different?”

  3. I appreciate the answer. However I still wonder if it's possible to really say you're "all in". Even if you both commit to knowing that, and you're both serious about it, I worry that promising to always go through life with that one person will lead to both people being miserable with each other over time.

  4. There are many benefits to being married. For example, if your spouse dies without a will, their property will default to you, while if your long time live in lover dies without a will, their property will not go to you. You get visitation rights in the hospital, you get tax benefits, etc.

  5. Δ I guess there really isn't anything wrong with divorcing someone later. It just seemed to me like a really difficult and painful process. The thought of going through not only the legal aspects but the emotional and social aspects scares me quite a bit. But I guess besides the legal aspects, it's not super different than a breakup.

  6. It is a promise, but the the promise is empty. Without continued work to keep the marriage alive the promise means nothing. Marriage is rooted in a need for young people to settle down, work, and have children. Many people today have other options. Still, committing to a partner and doing the work to keep the connection meaningful can be both freeing and fulfilling.

  7. Marriage is either a legal contract or a sacrament or both. It doesn't have to be both. The sacrament can exist without the legal contract or vice versa. "A sacrament is an outward sign of an inward grace." If your conviction is to stay with someone "for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; until death do us part." you make it part of your marriage ceremony, announcing your conviction to the world. If it's your conviction, announcing it is beneficial, because it's a difficult decision to make and to carry through. It means that when your spouse suffers a serious illness or financial setback, you will stay with them. And they will stay with you if you suffer such an illness or setback. Such a commitment acts as a kind of insurance against suffering illness, bankruptcy, and divorce all at the same time. Sure it still might occur but if you've talked about it and made a commitment, it's less likely to occur.

  8. A marriage is a contract. When a man and a woman are not married, but in a relationship, they are effectively in a state of legal and real life limbo. Together but not committed. No legal rights that are afforded to married couples. Marriage symbolises the strong, enduring union of a man and a woman. To endure means that both are willing to defend and preserve that union. If the two aren’t married, they really aren’t serious because there really isn’t anything real concrete to preserve because love is an abstract concept.

  9. I understand the legal benefits side of it, but I disagree that unmarried people cannot be committed. You say that marriage defends a union, but ‘union’ to me sounds at least as abstract as ‘love’. And if people do change over time and stop loving each other, why would they want to preserve that ‘union’?

  10. I used to feel that way, until I met my husband. And it took awhile to understand what marriage actually means. My husband is my life partner. So we went into it knowing there’d be imperfect times and situations that we will deal with together. Us versus everything else. The commitment we made was to be partners, not just a romantic couple. We make it a point to be intimate multiple times a week so we stay connected. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a strategy for any serious relationship in your life.

  11. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment of unconditional love. You can love a boyfriend/ girlfriend, friends, etc. Those relationships are more often conditional. They last as long as the other party is meeting your needs at the moment. They can still last long term/forever, but there is still the understanding that the relationship may end if they drift apart, loose feelings, or either party decides that they are no longer fulfilled by the relationship. When you promise to love someone unconditionally, it's a commitment to love them no matter what. The problem understanding the point of Marriage beyond the legal/contractual benefits is that the majority of people getting married no longer view it as a lifelong commitment of unconditional love, but as a conditional relationship with better benefits. That's not saying that either partner cannot break that commitment, through infidelity or abuse, but it's expected that both uphold that commitment. In a bf/gf relationship, if I was unhappy, I'd leave the relationship. In a marriage, if I'm unhappy, my commitment says I am to work through that with my spouse to reach a point of being happy and fulfilled in my marriage. We are both expected to give 100%. Sometimes your spouse is unable to give 100, so you have to give more until they are able to give of themselves again, and vice versa. It's a selfless love to love someone without conditions, in a society that is constantly telling us to value ourselves over anyone else. That mindset it the antithesis of unconditional love. A marriage is putting the other person first always. It isn't easy. Sometimes it's extremely difficult. But when you fight through the difficult times to get to the better, it is a level of love and fulfillment that's pretty amazing. But it requires that level of dedication and commitment from both people that most aren't willing to make.

  12. Well, first of all, for many people it's a religious thing. Most marriages across the world are still held in churches and you make a vow before God to love and honor your chosen spouse, that way you can feel good about your relationship. For an atheist it may seem like a stupid reason, but for many religious people it is actually very important still to not "live in sin".

  13. "Love" isn't a feeling, but "like" is. Love is a decision, and I made the conscious decision to love the man I ended up marrying. We had plenty of conflict, physical fights, drug addiction, homelessness, etc. but we stuck by each other through it all, and came out the other side better people with a stronger marriage. Realistically I recognized my window(s) to get out of my relationship before we got married but I was already committed to him. My husband told me in front of our friends that he wanted a divorce... one month into our marriage. But he didn't follow through. The commitment of marriage offers a sense of security and familiarity that living together in a marriage-like state may not.

  14. Getting married does make sense. If you are not a faithful person. It does not make sense. Marriage is a covenant between. Man. Woman. And God. Man and woman become one flesh. One soul. Ruled by the man. One of first curses in the Word. Torah. Pain in child birth. And husband shall rule over you. Man will have to sweat to get food. The marriage is a union so that we are not alone. Man and woman. Becoming one flesh to me implies a union beyond flesh. Spiritual union. Paul says if you are unable to not have sex then you should marry. Otherwise to sustain from sex is a closer relationship to God. Marriage is to help through loneliness. Sexual lust. To have sex outside of marriage is a sin upon yourself. These are some of the many reasons why marriage makes sense. Unless someone believes in the Word. In my opinion. There is no reason for marriage.

  15. First of all marriage makes sense if you are religious for obvious reasons I won’t touch further on that. Marriage is a legal contract which gives you tax benefits and simplifies custody of children of whom are the actually beneficiaries of marriage. I may be biased because divorce is not a thing in my family since people actually chose good partners they like and WORK at it. The issues of growth can be mitigated because you are supposed to grow together you shouldn’t be the exact same people at the start as you are 10 years later. Again though the purpose of marriage is that it is the optimal way to raise children and divorce or other arrangements often fucks kids up. Therefore you should marry the person you want to have children with so that you can provide the optimal environment for raising children

  16. In my view, marriage is alot closer to a buisness transaction as opposed to something you do because you love eachother so much. Like you know you’re going to be together for a long time because youre in love, so lets sign a contract that comes with a good handful of benefits for us both so our lives together can be a bit easier. If you both work but your partner has better insurance, you two are looking into buying a house together, you both want the other to be their benifactor should either of you die, and you both want a tax cut, then yeah keep doing what you we’re doing before but also sign this contract that essentially does what you were already doing but also adds benifits.

  17. Marriage is not just about a promise to love and care for your spouse forever--that's more like a commitment to try. Families, however, are the building blocks of society, and marriage is a commitment to provide a healthy and stable environment for the children you may have, and to raise them to be good citizens and to try to make the world better. Moreover, in a good marriage, each partner is committed to becoming a better person and helping their partner do the same. This may be why marriage is described in the Writings of the Baha'i Faith as "a fortress for well-being."

  18. So your take is since something could fail it's not worth trying at all? Do you apply that to other parts of your life that involve feelings? You might hate your job after 7 years, so why even start?

  19. I agree. I think society has (archaic and often patriarchal/ misogynistic) traditions that get passed down. A tenacious tradition doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good one.

  20. My wife is from Japan. I'm from the United states. Neither of us could live in the others country long term without getting married.

  21. Marriage has nothing to do with love. Marriage is a matter of civil and legal privileges that can be obtained and maintained in the absence of affection. You don't get married because of love, you get married because you want the benefits of legal recognition

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