1. The biggest impact my mom's illness and death had on me was my cognitive function. My short term memory is completely toast now. Like I always had mental health problems but this straight up feels like I'm missing part of my brain, it's been 2 years now.

  2. It's been almost 4 years for me (it still feels like it was yesterday and I hate that number) and I feel the same. I'm glad I'm not alone, I always thought I was in this.

  3. It’s been ten years for me since my mothers passing and my short term memory is still awful. My nickname is fish brain. I hope your memory isn’t like mine and improves!

  4. In a way. I had a lot more compassion for people, I was willing to give people and situations more of a chance. I went through some stuff around the same time with relationships failing and needing to put up boundaries and focus on myself, so I cut off a lot of family who weren’t there. Not close family, my immediate family is small… but like my Dad’s mother only came to see him once during his hospice stay (it was a few months). So… I have pretty much let that bridge fall into disrepair.

  5. I relate so much. I’m so mean now. No just outwardly but internally. I’m spiteful and hatful. I’m annoyed but everyone and everything and I’m not saying I was the world biggest cheerleader before my mom died but watching her die killed me and took something important. My mind is like a void now. I use to write for fun. Just short creative stories. I can’t even focus anymore on the here and now to even think of ideas and get more angry. It’s a cycle. I’m waiting for myself or someone to break it.

  6. Same! To see people smiling makes me angry and I really don’t want to be like that. I used to love the romance books but I can’t even get into them now. It’s so aggravating and I have so many books to read.

  7. Oddly enough I don't. I'm in such a better place now after the wake up call I had when my mom passed. Is it bittersweet to think how much I want her to see me now? 1000%. But in the end I am now who she knew I could and would be. Just one of those things you don't know until you know and by then it's too late.

  8. Absolutely. I found I was able to do the "live in the now" attitude and got much more daring and adventurous after my mom's death (plus I was 20 so had the frenzy of youth at my side!) - then my dad died 9 years later and I basically broke.

  9. Yes. I miss my innocence. It feels like my capacity for joy and love died when my dad died. It's been a struggle trying to remember what real joy feels like again.

  10. I was already firmly a mess before she died, but I miss the version of her that I was before she got sick. Bright, energetic, sassy. Smartest girl in school. Loved the stage. Never doubted my own beauty. Read anatomy textbooks for fun. Thought I would dance with my troupe until I was an adult, go to games and dances in high school, graduate college this year and become a nurse or a veterinarian who wrote novels on the side. Instead, I'm this.

  11. All the time. I’m not nearly as happy, and I used to be fun and very goofy. I have a rare very good day where that version resurfaces but it’s short lived. My oldest friend told me I’m always serious now. I’m also way less tolerant and patient with other people.

  12. Hey, I feel the same way. My dad passed away when I was 21. My dad was the breadwinner for the family, and always used to make sure that we had fun, whether it was going out fishing, or going on vacation to the mountains up north, or all of the dumb toys he always bought himself to play with. He honestly was my best friend.

  13. I understand this. I was young when my mom passed, but up until that point I loved to dance, try new things, and I loved art. I used to be more outgoing. I lost all interest in everything and never really regained that back. Now, I'm introverted and quite, I don't dance AT ALL. I hate trying new things.

  14. Definitely! It’s almost been 5 years since my mom passed away, I talked about it with my siblings and they all have this feeling. The loss of a parent has a lot of impact doesn’t matter at what age you lose them.

  15. It's been four months since I lost my mother, and honestly, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to be my old self again. Because of this realization, I may have gained a new perspective about my maternal grandfather, who was pretty much a mean spirited individual.

  16. I can relate to feeling bitter and irritated over simple things. Before my mom died my anxiety was manageable but now I can't even be in crowded places. Going grocery shopping almost gives me anxiety attack but I've been trying to work on it, although the pandemic did set me back a bit in my progress.

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