1. When someone says they’re dating casually they mean they want to go on dates and sleep with and hang out with people in a dating-ish way but don’t intend to enter a committed relationship. Yes sometimes people fall for each other anyway but in general it means no commitment or serious relationship will follow

  2. Casual meaning just sex. Then dating with a goal to enter into a committed relationship - not always marriage

  3. Political views of many people reflect their core values and it is also important to consider how opposing views they have to mine.

  4. Yeah, this is why the “it’s just politics” line showcases an utter lack of understanding or caring, neither of which are good.

  5. There's the big thing. Nowadays people who have different politics don't just have different world views, they literally live in different realities.

  6. "Eliminating regressive tax provisions" and "directly giving cash to poor people" are policy decisions we can disagree on. But "The government can do more to help the poor" we cannot disagree on. As an example.

  7. This has been my view when people argue about "listening to the viewpoints of all sides". I'm fine with a debate about how to address an issue. Higher minimum wage? Or UBI? But when we're disagreeing about facts and reality, there's an issue (Covid existing, who won the 2020 election, etc.). When we're disagreeing as to whether certain people should have basic rights or be treated as equals because of their gender, skin color, or orientation, we have issues. When the other person doesn't even support our continuing to have a democracy, we have issues.

  8. I went through a breakup a few days ago, not because of this, but I'm just glad to read your comment because it validates the fact that I want to feel heard or understood even if I don't need my partner to agree with me. It wouldn't bother me if they disapproved of my views so long as they made an attempt to understand them first.

  9. You also really learn what your future in laws could be like since parental opinions generally influence kids

  10. Agreed. Started dating someone May 2016. Thought love of my life. Maybe will always feel that way. Didn't consider party or political leaning. It had never been a big deal.

  11. My personal belief is that some human beings do not feel love. They don't feel it. It's a long story of the "personal is political" type, but suffice to say I couldn't square my family's politics with them being decent human beings. As a kid my mom told me a story to demonstrate that my dad isn't racist but as I got older I realized it's that one story because it might be the only one (and of course the context that he was frequently vocally racist which prompted my mother to "prove" he wasn't real racist).

  12. Absolutely this. I also think that, because of this, it's alright if the views are slightly different, just not dramatically. If they're slightly different and you're both the types to not get up in arms about those slight differences, then it'd be the same as any other imperfection you'd find in another partner. They're going to exist, you just gotta determine if they're going to be a problem or not.

  13. it's not the political beliefs themselves, so much as the level of absolutism and dogmatism with which they hold those beliefs that is problematic.

  14. Heard somewhere that politics aligning isn't necessarily important, but values aligning is. I think as you get older your politics become more true to your values and principles.

  15. When someone gives me the whole, politics don’t matter spiel, I like to ask what they think politics are. They are essentially the values by which we as a society agree to live. What’s more important than that? If I can’t agree on core values with you, we are not compatible and should not date, casually or otherwise.

  16. I was with a man that had almost the pilot opposite of values/views for 5 years. It seeped into everything. Hell even watching kids movies could trigger a situation.

  17. I'm 63 and completely agree that the older I get the more I understand the big picture. I have cut people out of my life - family and friends that have political views that do not align with mine. The politics of today are not what they were 30 or more years ago. There were times when I could have an amicable discussion with someone whose political views were different from mine and we could agree to disagree and remain friends. Now politics have taken a drastic turn and so extreme to the point that if I know you vote for a certain party, I just don't want anything to do with you - no need for us to even try to discuss it. One of the things in my family that pisses me off is my BIL is a damn racist and homophobe and Trump supporter. My daughter, his niece, is bisexual, married to a Black man (we are white) and they have a transgender daughter. BIL is against all of this, but because they are "HIS family" HE will "allow" it. He can go "F" himself with this mentality.

  18. Exactly this, to put it bluntly as an lgbt person if you support people who want me stripped of all my rights or dead? We’re not gonna get along, and we’re certainly not gonna date!

  19. This comes up a lot whenever you talk to conservative men in the US. Many are extremely angry that left-leaning girls won't date them, so they hide their political beliefs for as long as they can. Instead of just accepting that that means the person is a bad fit for them, they decide feminism is destroying humanity or whatever, and that women are to blame for their lack of access to casual sex. As though they aren't creating the world in which it's difficult and unsafe for women to have casual sex.

  20. Because a large portion of American women are no longer sleeping with conservative men and they're salty lol. It's been an ongoing thing for a while now.

  21. I think the answer to this question really depends on whether or not you are meaning "casual dating" as a euphemism for "hooking up for sex".

  22. As man engaging in hookups you probably want to know her stance on abortion before an accident happens. Unless you like to live dangerously.

  23. Casual dating can lead to casual sex. Casual sex can lead to pregnancy. Pregnancy can lead to a co-parenting relationship with the person.

  24. Idk. If someone feels like "Black people complain too much and don't have it that bad -- racism would end if we just stop talking about it" thennnnnnn I don't even want to sleep with them

  25. Even then, I don’t care how hot the person is— if they ascribe to beliefs that devalue me and my fellow humans as equals, I don’t want to contribute to them experiencing pleasure. Isolation should be a natural consequence to a misanthropic worldview. Your dick can pull itself up by its bootstraps. Or maybe if you give enough tax breaks to the rich it will trickle your pickle.

  26. My stance is “no one with a confederate flag, blue lives matter, white privilege isn’t real, MAGA, or pro-life viewpoint is getting near my vagina. Even for a ONS.” Even my casual hookup meter has standards.

  27. 100%. I had gone on a few dates with guys who casually dropped that they were "United Russia" supporters; after that it was pretty much "Gotta nope out of here asap" for me.

  28. I feel this so much. Met a girl and we where pretty much two peas in a pod. Then we started talking politics. It wasn't even a "I'm one side and you're the other." it was how we both saw the world. She became far less attractive after that.

  29. Totally! I was seeing someone new when Roe v Wade was overturned, and it was like 3rd or 4th date, so safe to tread the waters. I told him how concerned I was about it all and he said to me, “Yeah but we live in (liberal state) so we’ll be fine. It’s not like you have to worry.” And it was just an instant turn off. No thought about how women from conservative border states will need to come here for their services and overwhelm the system. No thought that a conservative majority in the house and senate could ban abortion across the whole US. No empathy for other women who are scared or in pain or whose medical access was abruptly cut off. Just no thought for the future at all. And whenever I mentioned it to my guy friends, I kind of got the same response. It was surreal and an instant turn off.

  30. There are some political opinions that can turn very ugly very quickly, if something goes wrong while casually dating. Abortion rights aren't something that's particularly safe to disagree about in a sexual relationship, even a casual dating one.

  31. There’s something ugly and hypocritical about men who want to have casual sex but still believe in forced births

  32. Came here to say this! I dated a guy and I got pregnant like reeeeeally early into the relationship. He was so cool, I just assumed he shared my political views. I had an abortion and didn’t think much of it other than feeling like a dumbass for not using a condom that one time. I found out 2.5 years later when we broke up that he never loved me because he couldn’t respect a woman who so easily chose an abortion. Turned out he cheated on me with a girl who shared his traditional values and got her pregnant months after we broke up.

  33. I personally find it pretty baffling that abortion is considered a "political" issue (mostly in the US, tbh)... there's actually so much about american conservative agenda that is purely a human rights issue, should have nothing to do with politics.

  34. This - when I started dating again this year, I was -far- more open minded about dating folks who listed themselves as "centrists" or "conservatives", but after the first dozen people, I noticed that men who identified with those groups strongly trended towards being ruder and more aggressive (in a bad way), so I just stick to dating other liberals now.

  35. Abortion is a huge one for sure. Also LGBT rights. If you’re queer, particularly if you’re trans, it’s probably not a good or safe idea to date a bigot who wants you dead.

  36. Exactly. If a man doesn't believe in my right to control my own body when it comes to abortion, that tells me a lot about what he thinks about my rights to my body in other situations. Throw in a surprise whoopsie and he could make your life a living hell in a multitude of ways.

  37. Once casually dated a guy when I was 19, found out he got kicked out of bible college for spending his tuition on hookers, booze, and blow. Got pregnant two weeks into knowing/dating the guy, turns out he had a breeding kink. I did not know this. I know I was an idiot for not making him wear a condom, but that one time we slept together was all it took. When I told him, he said we had to get married or he would sue me for custody. He was on welfare, couldn’t keep a job cause he was an alcoholic, and was very mentally abusive. When I told him I wasn’t marrying him, he told me to abort or he would steal the kid and drop it off at a Christian adoption agency. I was 19, undiagnosed with BPD until a year later, living at home with no job or education. Hardest decision of my life, and I wish it would’ve worked out, but it was the best thing for me.

  38. My current gf, her last boyfriend of 4 years decided it was his right to demand she get an abortion and if she refused, have the baby taken away from her anyway.

  39. Even casually dating, I have to stand being around this person for extended periods of time. And usually politics reflect morals and I don’t like being with b holes.

  40. And it might be surprising how much a partner having different political views can interfere with your career. Their loose warped ethics or 'in it for themselves mentality' can bring down your life.

  41. It is mind blowing to me that people don’t understand that it’s far far more than a “difference in opinions”. Having the opinion that not everyone deserves basic human rights means there is an acute lack of moral decency that I’m not cool with entertaining.

  42. I've had couples come in to my business and one of them will go off on this unprompted and unhinged rant about something my face obviously shows that I know a lot more about than they do, and their spouse just shrinks into the corner like Homer Simpson vanishing into a hedge. We're talking someone with an honorary degree from Facebook University lecturing me about my actual specialty specifically because I did not ask them nor share an opinion myself.

  43. Viewed the top 200 comments and have yet to find "I wouldn't date a person who is pro-choice or wants to tax the rich"

  44. I realize that if you go far enough left you get outright extreme views - but what kind of mainstream opinions do 'liberals' actually have that is too offensive to ignore?

  45. Get it out of the way first. If you both accept each others differences, then that’s fine. However, if you cannot, then there’s no point in wasting time just to be doomed in a failed relationship later down the road. Remember, you only get one shot at life.

  46. I’d say a LOT. Casual dating is how you find your long term partner. You don’t necessarily need to have the same opinions but you DO need to be on the same page as your partner about fundamental things such as politics, children, careers, monogamy or lack there of, etc.

  47. Depending how far you go back , Americans at least had shared truths they could argue about. Nowadays you just have half the Country claiming everything is fake news or misconstrued if it doesn't fit their narrative. Nixon would never have been impeached with today's media landscape

  48. That's exactly how I feel. These beliefs are getting too extreme and starting to affect my life directly. Any American who says politics isn't a big deal must be cis het and never had to deal with pregnancy complications. Gay marriage was legalized when I was a teenager. Segregation ended when my dad was a kid. Trans people are having their rights taken away Women have already died due to abortion laws. I will keep voting because I don't want to die like that poor woman in Ireland.

  49. Same for me. Disagreements on economic policies can exist because we won't have major influence on how the global markets/Economics plays out , but basic courtesy to observe rights and dignity of other human beings is extremely important.

  50. As a Jewish guy with access to an industrial laser cutter you just made me realize how much fun I could have screwing with people....

  51. Yeah I always find this question like so crazy to think about. Because it makes me realize like... Damn. These people really view it as some kinda preference meanwhile I'm like no that's literally a safety thing.

  52. Your political views are how you see the world. If your views are that some people are simply less human and less deserving of rights than others, that’s a deal breaker. Why would I want to spend any time with someone like that?

  53. Yeah, it’s like… humans rights aren’t something we can fundamentally disagree on and have a relationship. Romantic or otherwise. And beyond that, if you vote for candidates that hold those beliefs, even if you don’t, I’d be worried you’re hiding those views under the pretense of “It’s just their economic policy I agree with.”

  54. It’s high up there for me. It’s a cornerstone to a person’s beliefs and perspective. It’s a vital foundation for how a person interacts with those around him. It will affect how that person behaves, speaks, thinks, and acts with you. It will affect your future.

  55. I'm queer, so if someone wants to date me but also voted for a politician who campaigns on taking my rights away, I'm gonna decline (and be very confused).

  56. I think This every time I see a gay republican. It’s like, bro that guy you voted for thinks your an abomination what are you doing?

  57. This. My rights and my identity are unfortunately political right now. I don't want to fuck someone who doesn't view me as a person worth respecting, and I don't want to introduce them to my friend circle.

  58. Yeah i’m bisexual so when i date a guy i need to know i can say that without it being weird. I don’t feel the need to casually date if i have to hide in order to participate. I actually even know some decently liberal men who have been weird about it(me and the people i date are younger so that might be why)

  59. Gay dude here. I always do an "are you conservative/libertarian?" vibe check as a basic test of whether someone is a shitheel.

  60. As an American, if they supported the guy who bragged about grabbing young women he’s never met “by the pussy”, then it means they are OK with and even admire forcible sexual assault. Not someone anyone can feel safe around for even a moment, casual or otherwise.

  61. Same here! When my boyfriend first showed interest, I asked about all my strong held morals about human rights etc and we agreed. We were morally the same. But he’s slightly more right leaning and we respect each other. Respect is everything, along with similar morals. We learn from each other often.

  62. I think when politics become about being a part of a say In women's bodies, who people marry, religion, and the endless amounts of other things that shouldn't be a part of politics, is when it becomes an issue. Because politics seem to pull these things out around elections to try and win votes instead of worrying about actual politics is when shit goes haywire.

  63. I've been married 25 years and I've often found that you don't have to like or enjoy the same things but you really do have to have compatible values. If political views are a substitute for values, it's a convenient shorthand for "Am I going to be able to live with this person respectfully long term?" There are, of course, couples that can separate the two, but it's rare.

  64. This is my view too and try to keep an open mind meeting people in the other party but funny enough I’ve never met any conservatives who are just fans of low taxes, it always seems to come with the conspiracy theories and anti women/lgbtq/minority stuff too. Or they just want me in the kitchen. I’m fairly progressive and have dated people to the right and left of me but never across the aisle because they can’t pass the low low bar of having generally normal views

  65. If someone is of the political belief that i or people like me shouldnt have rights, then they arent getting any sex lol, so id say pretty important.

  66. I personally don't think I could date someone who tells me "I can't shower in the evening because it will bother the ghosts".

  67. Yeah, but if you voted for the candidate who represents your second quote because of their position regarding marmoset fur, you are functionally just as bad. Saying "Well, sure he's a Nazi, but I like his fiscal policy" is just being another Nazi.

  68. I've dated outside my political affiliation, it was fine. That being said, I think going forward we'd have to agree on at least the big issues if we don't want to be fighting all the time.

  69. I can’t find people (women in my case) attractive if they have political views that dehumanize others, or if they are wildly uninformed about social and environmental issues. I’ve done that and been there and it’s just a huge waste of my time and I don’t like their company and I don’t agree with their opinions or resulting behaviors.

  70. If you expect it to go anywhere it matters. I thought it didn’t and then I was with this girl for 2 years and she thought we were getting married but what it boils down to is a lot of people’s political beliefs are tied to their core values and if you can’t agree on core values you probably won’t get along in the long term. I ended up breaking up with her and broke her heart but I thought maybe after she went through college and became more educated she would form her own beliefs instead of spouting what her parents always told her. She stayed republican so I dumped her lol

  71. happily married so those days are behind me (hopefully forever) but in general i wouldn't want to hang out with people i don't like, let alone have sex with them even if it's just the casual kind. and yes, there are certain politcal views that will make me not like you no matter what an easygoing, entertaining, charismatic and attractive person you are apart from them.

  72. Depends on how radically different their views are from mine. Differences are one thing, polar opposites on the political spectrum are another.

  73. It would depend on what those political views are. I don’t mind if someone wants to raise or lower taxes, or pay off the national debt. However, if that same person believes that a certain group of people should be rounded up and murdered so everyone else can take their stuff, then I’d consider that a dealbreaker.

  74. I wish people would stop acting like political views don't translate nearly 100% into your views on just about every important thing in life.

  75. A lot. As a woman, I won’t date someone who is willing to trade my bodily autonomy for a tax cut. And I won’t date a racist.

  76. Mind you, not even a tax cut for themselves, a tax cut for some psychopath billionaire who will never even know they exist and probably barely would acknowledge them as human.

  77. I don't want to risk getting naked with someone who turns out to be dangerously insane. I did enough of that when I was young. Nowadays you can use party affiliation to find out how crazy they are pretty quickly.

  78. My dad is a hardcore Republican and my mom is 100% Democrat. They have been that way since they were young and before they ever met each other. They just don’t talk politics with each other.

  79. My fathers friend has this. They have been married for over 20 years and my dads friend is a full on republican, and his wife is a full on democrat.

  80. I think it depends on the issue. I can have reasonable disagreements with someone over tax policy but if they want to turn gay or trans people into second class citizens then I want nothing to do with them.

  81. If the way you vote has a negative impact on people who have less than you, we’re not dating for long. If you can be grifted into voting against the best interest of the country over two issues, we ain’t a match.

  82. If someone is completely on the other end of the spectrum, it's not gonna work out. But if someone generally has some different opinions I don't mind. People have different values and opinions, I can deal with that. We just need to live in the same reality.

  83. I lived in a very small, 99% fundamentalist Baptist town for a while and I had to start asking guys if they believed in dinosaurs. Three guys out of the five I dated said no.

  84. It's not about their political views. It's about them being able to have a civil conversation and disagree with someone without flipping out.

  85. I see myself as left-leaning liberals but I can't stand many liberals and progressive not because of their views but they're just being annoying af. And on the other side I know many right conservatives that I can have a civil political conversation with.

  86. Complete dealbreaker. If a man doesn’t believe in my right to choose and vote for same I can’t date him.

  87. I'd overlook most things on a one night stand. But a regular fling does require that they at least aren't a fascist or think that certain groups of people don't/shouldn't exist.

  88. It depends doesnt it. If the other person disagrees on some economic issues then thats one thing, if they are a Nazi its something else.

  89. Political views tend to reflect personal values and attitudes. These things matter to me personally and I would find it hard feel attracted to someone who's values I didn't respect. Even when I find someone insanely physically attractive; the minute I lose respect for their character, I lose my wide on.

  90. I finally got myself out on a date with this attractive woman some time back. Haven't dated for half a decade. We had a good time, but she offhandedly mention that she needs a "man-man' and that she's super turned off from men who show "feminity"

  91. If you start banging then the uteran eviction subject should have come up. Definitely a hot political topic that should be addressed if you wanna bang.

  92. My political views are a reflection of my core values. Most of which boil down to being considerate, having empathy, and feeling safe. Things that are absolutely necessary for me, even for a dumb meaningless hookup.

  93. I think not so much in casual, but if it gets serious, it's certainly cause for arguments. I feel that in the US, people also associate political views with a person's morals..

  94. It depends. In the United States, Republicans are generally terrible human beings in the way that they have a tendency to be racist, self-centered, and misogynistic. However, I've dated conservative Canadians, and their version of the right isn't so much based on religious background, and more so fiscal conservatism.

  95. I cut off my brother for being a trump supporter, racist, and sexist. So I definitely wouldn’t hesitate to cut anyone else out of my life

  96. Depends on how different the politics are. I would probably date a fiscal conservative who values my humanitarian values, but I couldn’t date a Trump supporter.

  97. as an immigrant im not a huge fan of dating someone who thinks I'm a lazy scum who should "go back to my own country" so yeah, I'd say so.

  98. Depends how much of their personality is based on their political beliefs and if they are able to hold an adult conversation. If 90% of a persons personality is tied to politics, its a red flag.

  99. If you're going to be sleeping together, you have to be aligned on birth control and reproductive rights. Unfortunately in the US that topic has become VERY polarized and narrows your choices down

  100. If it seems to take over the whole conversation and won't stop, I assume it's also taking over parts of their life. I don't mind discussing views, but it's a date, not a debate

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