"A naked blonde walks into a bar, carrying a poodle under one arm and a 6 foot salami under the other. The Bartender says, 'So, I don't suppose you'd be needing a drink?' So the blonde says..."
I've always wondered if something like this would work. Like if someone is aiming a gun at you, and you give an 'oh shit!' look behind them, would they think something/someone is behind them and be distracted long enough for you to swipe the gun and get out of there?
You basically described how old school inertial guidance systems work for aircraft. Using sensitive gyros and an alignment process it starts with an initial longitude and latitude to know where it isn't and continually does that over the course of the flight.
Feels about right. I said something similar, (what are you going to do punch me?) to a friend who was blackout drunk and I was trying to help calm down. Said friend proceeded to punch me
That’s assuming the person is capable of guilt. What if they’re a remorseless psychopath? In that case, remembering that event will probably only make them happy.
That's a nice gun. I have a gun too. On the side of mine it says Desert Eagle. On the side of yours it says oh shit, it says Desert Eagle too, listen, please don't shoot me.
I had a very similar reaction. I answered the door to 3 people pointing guns in my face. They decided they wanted to rob my roommate who was dealing weed out of the apartment about 10 years ago. Was too stunned to move. Zero flight or fight instincts in that situation. Luckily no one was hurt and 2/5 people involved were caught and prosecuted. Hope you’re doing alright man
What happened to the bullet in the pool then? Did someone remove it before the police arrived? I would think that would be decent evidence that they did it.
Think you accidentally left your mutual friends actual name cus you dropped in a Ryan randomly but in all seriousness thats crazy and glad you got out of there
I mean, if I already know I’m gonna die, like with 100% certainty, and I’ve already done everything I could have to prevent it already, it would be something like “fuck you, I’ll see you in hell”
My cousin was once driving in this shady neighbourhood and his mother was in the back seat. Three guys showed up with one pointing a gun at him and the other two behind asking him to unlock the back door. He just quickly shifted to first gear and drove fast but not before the guy shot his arm twice. One bullet got lodged inside the other exited and went into the next seat.
hahahahaha omg I explained this game to my gf who is from a small town and I'm not from a huge city or anything but I'm so glad this is a thing everywhere
Scrolling through the typical reddit comedy bullshit to find a real answer that illustrates the horrifying truth of losing someone who someone else loves and depends on.
"I have a shitty ex-wife, two kids who won't speak to me, and am up to my nose in debt. If you shoot me, you'll have a hell of a problem, and I'll get rid of all of mine. Your call." And I'll walk away at a normal pace like I don't care.
I was in this exact scenario. I pointed at a security camera saying "look at that." As soon as he looked at it, I said "now your face is on camera and if you shoot me you'll be in jail for life." He put the gun down, punched me in the face, then walked away. All things considered, I'd give it a B+ or A- for effectiveness
Security cameras for the win! The dudes who pulled guns on me are currently in jail because of security cameras (and a healthy helping of their own stupidity).
I had a guy pull a gun on me at a bar. He kept it low under the bar top so other people couldn't see. The short conversation prior led me to believe that this was it for me. My "last words" I ordered two shots from the bartender. He let me go after some confusion.
“My name is April Kepner, I'm 28 years old. I was born on April 23rd, i-in Ohio. I'm from Columbus, Ohio. M-My mom's a teacher and my d-dad is farmer... C-Corn. Corn, he... he grows corn. Their names are Karen and Joe. I have three sisters. Libby's the oldest, I'm next and then th-there's Kimmie and Alice. I... I haven't done anything yet. I haven't... I've barely lived. I'm not finished yet. No one's loved me yet. P... Please, please, I'm so... someone's child. I'm a person. I'm a person.”
This is really good. They say you should tell them about yourself because it makes you a person to them. It humanizes you and makes the chances of being shot go down.
In the most genuine way possible, I'd tell the shooter "I love you". In hopes that it will haunt their dreams for the rest of their days. Never knowing why this person who they gunned down said something like that.
I wouldn’t say anything, I would look the man dead in the eyes and stare into his fucking soul, science suggests of you look the shooter in the eyes while he has to gun pointed to you it increases your likelihood of survival
There’s no right answer. The truth is, you’d need to assess the person, the situation, if you know the person then you assess what they are doing this for… there are so many variables. It’s a very open-ended hypothetical the way it’s stated.
Lol had a gun held to my head when I was like 18. Obviously weren't my last words but all I could say was "Chill dude. I'm delivering your pizza." He did in fact chill. I don't remember if he tipped or not though
"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself."
It takes 15 milliseconds for the human brain to send a message to the body, so by the time your bullets hit me my cerebral cortex will have transmitted a signal to the seventeen helping muscles that operate my trigger finger, and before your asshole has had a chance to pucker up, your medulla oblongata will be splattered on the fucking wall behind you. And if that's the last thing I accomplish on this beautiful green earth, well then ha, I say HA: what a way to fucking go.
"A naked blonde walks into a bar, carrying a poodle under one arm and a 6 foot salami under the other. The Bartender says, 'So, I don't suppose you'd be needing a drink?' So the blonde says..."
Wait.... Please complete this for me... I need to know what the blonde said.... Please
This is good, because when you fall through the ceiling, he’ll miss the shot.
I dont get it someone ples explain
Forgot my pencil.
“Your dick is out”
Zipper's down
"You guys wanna see a dead body?"
Cut it out, Vern
Famous last words.
How's your sister?
"I don't have a sister"
The second biggest burn in gaming history.
Cayde?
destiny2
Look past him and say "shoot him before he shoots me"
I've always wondered if something like this would work. Like if someone is aiming a gun at you, and you give an 'oh shit!' look behind them, would they think something/someone is behind them and be distracted long enough for you to swipe the gun and get out of there?
I’ve thought this too. If I’m getting robbed look by him and yell “officer” so he thinks there’s a cop behind. Idk what I’d do next tho
Criss-Cross (Peter Griffin voice)
“Any last words?”
Wait, my gun has the bullet doesn't it?? I'm not gonna aim!
I love this - the sauce:
Rip the legend, Trevor Moore 🙌🏼
"If you dare!"
Do it.
It's not the Jedi way...
*dew it
Are you hard too?
Fear boner!
Sounds like something Archer would say
“ you might want to hold off, Because your boss is gonna need me. 6353 Juan Tabo, apartment 6.”
Take whatever you want.ive got money. I have- I have a lot of money
I just re-watched the series a third time from end to end. It is an absolute masterpiece!
JESSE DO IT NOW. JESSE
Yeah?
Literally the closest Walt ever got to dying and he pulled a pro gamer move like that
Okay for real though.... Driving on Juan Tabo kinda sucks sometimes 😂 traffic is awful and people drive like morons.
no words id just start deepthroating the gun
Ah, show him what he could have if he doesn't shoot, smart.
The only way
Using horni to escape death. Noice
Make sure to maintain eye contact the entire time
Thanks for doing what I can't
"Fuckin finally!"
Just "thank you," with a smile. There are so many ways to take that, and all of them are disturbing.
Relateable
Good luck getting the blood out
Cold salt water and dawn dish soap.
Someone shat in my pants
But I don't know if was baby me, or old me. Or... me me.
…And it’s not me
The safety is on....made you look.
Ah yes the classic MGS4 trick
Or in the words of Frank woods “safety’s on, dipshit”
You gotta push that yellow button to load it
"The bullet knows where it is, because it knows where it isn't..."
By subtracting where it is from where it isn’t or vice versa, whichever is greater…
You basically described how old school inertial guidance systems work for aircraft. Using sensitive gyros and an alignment process it starts with an initial longitude and latitude to know where it isn't and continually does that over the course of the flight.
Please feed my dog
‘At least make sure my cat has a good home. She deserves it.’
i was scrolling through all the hilarious replies until i found this one. fuck you for making me cry
No
Aww what the heck. This is the way 🥲
“What are you gonna do? Shoot me?”
"You call that a gun?"
Feels about right. I said something similar, (what are you going to do punch me?) to a friend who was blackout drunk and I was trying to help calm down. Said friend proceeded to punch me
Quote from man shot
task completed successfully.
“I guess I don’t have to pay my student loans now.”
Alternatively, “Man, my student loan provider is gonna be so pissed at you.”
My ancestors are smiling upon me, can you say the same.
For the love of Talos, just shut up and let’s get this over with
"You'll never catch me!"
suddenlyskyrim
Just look them in there eyes and I would say “not again! See you soon”
The entirety of Terry Pratchett's Discworld book series.
Filibustering it, eh?
"Despite rumor, Death isn't cruel--merely terribly, terribly good at his job."
I’d sing happy birthday so on their birthday they’ll remember when they shot me
Damn
This is actually genius
That’s assuming the person is capable of guilt. What if they’re a remorseless psychopath? In that case, remembering that event will probably only make them happy.
"Could we hurry it up please? I've got a thing..."
I’m worth more to you alive than dead.
gets down on knees
Go go gadget bullet proof head!
They should really nerf that guy:
"Look! Over there, a 3-headed monkey"
"That's the second biggest monkey head I've ever seen!"
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
I'm selling these fine leather jackets.
Ahh I did not expect to find such a fellow man of culture here.
"Your safety is still on"
"Point the gun away from my head".
"Don't shoot! I've got an erection!!"
"Get ready to see a spooky dead body."
That's a nice gun. I have a gun too. On the side of mine it says Desert Eagle. On the side of yours it says oh shit, it says Desert Eagle too, listen, please don't shoot me.
I love this reference, i wouldnt shoot you just because of this
If there was truly no way to avoid getting shot?
Ted Bundy's last words too, bro
Delete my browser history
Had a gun pointed at my head before.. all I could get out was, “uh…ah..uuuh” but I suppose I’m still here so doesn’t count.
Sounds like your strategy so far has had a 100% success for you. Nice!
takes notes
I had a very similar reaction. I answered the door to 3 people pointing guns in my face. They decided they wanted to rob my roommate who was dealing weed out of the apartment about 10 years ago. Was too stunned to move. Zero flight or fight instincts in that situation. Luckily no one was hurt and 2/5 people involved were caught and prosecuted. Hope you’re doing alright man
Ditto, but I didn't say anything at all, so double doesn't count for me.
Everyone thinks they know how they will react, but it's different when it happens.
Which one of you cowards shit my pants?
This happened to me when I was 12!
W...T.....F
What happened to the bullet in the pool then? Did someone remove it before the police arrived? I would think that would be decent evidence that they did it.
Think you accidentally left your mutual friends actual name cus you dropped in a Ryan randomly but in all seriousness thats crazy and glad you got out of there
Glad you're a quick thinker, my slow ass might not have caught the distraction.
I don't even care if you just made that up. It was a great read.
A bit late but I did have a gun held to my head.
Yo momma so fat, she takes selfies with google Earth
Fuck you, gunman, I made your mom cum so hard that they made a Canadian heritage minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick.
Wait! I have an important message for you about your car’s warranty service!
I guess that’s a good way to get it over with fast
I mean, if I already know I’m gonna die, like with 100% certainty, and I’ve already done everything I could have to prevent it already, it would be something like “fuck you, I’ll see you in hell”
Wait…
True words "you're fucking crazy" as I walked away. 1983 42nd st at 3am.
Sorry bout that
So, did you die when they shot ?
"Am wearing bomb jacket"
"..connected to my brain. If brain stops, then boom."
I had a gun to my head once. The guy said get out of my car, and I said OK and got out.
My cousin was once driving in this shady neighbourhood and his mother was in the back seat. Three guys showed up with one pointing a gun at him and the other two behind asking him to unlock the back door. He just quickly shifted to first gear and drove fast but not before the guy shot his arm twice. One bullet got lodged inside the other exited and went into the next seat.
So were you trying to carjack someone and chose poorly or did they carjack you?
I’d yell “PENIS” really fucking loud, so I am the final victor of the penis game.
hahahahaha omg I explained this game to my gf who is from a small town and I'm not from a huge city or anything but I'm so glad this is a thing everywhere
Can you feed the dog on your way out?
Don't miss, i don't want to be a vegetable
I am your father.
Lerooooooy Jenkins
Goddammit Leroy!
“Damn.. I saw this on
If you'll go that way you'll need a bigger gun
Kid named gun:
I have had a gun pointed at my head.
I'm glad you didn't get shot and that your daughter got to see you again
Scrolling through the typical reddit comedy bullshit to find a real answer that illustrates the horrifying truth of losing someone who someone else loves and depends on.
"I have a shitty ex-wife, two kids who won't speak to me, and am up to my nose in debt. If you shoot me, you'll have a hell of a problem, and I'll get rid of all of mine. Your call." And I'll walk away at a normal pace like I don't care.
Shooter turns out to be a good Samaritan. Your speech convinces him to help you by getting rid of your problems.
Shoots you in the knee.
I was in this exact scenario. I pointed at a security camera saying "look at that." As soon as he looked at it, I said "now your face is on camera and if you shoot me you'll be in jail for life." He put the gun down, punched me in the face, then walked away. All things considered, I'd give it a B+ or A- for effectiveness
Security cameras for the win! The dudes who pulled guns on me are currently in jail because of security cameras (and a healthy helping of their own stupidity).
Nah. I think in terms of getting shot or not it's more suited for a dichotomous pass/fail grading scale.
"If you shoot you're gay"
What if he says "no homo?"
Shooter: “that’s so homophobic i hope you get shot”
Buy GameStop
Damn, I’m not one to kinkshame but this is a little weird ngl.
"Trigger discipline!!"
Don’t miss
Look them in the eye and say “I forgive you, but will you forgive yourself?”
I wanna meet someone who could say that, and mean it.
I had a guy pull a gun on me at a bar. He kept it low under the bar top so other people couldn't see. The short conversation prior led me to believe that this was it for me. My "last words" I ordered two shots from the bartender. He let me go after some confusion.
Could I get just a little more context please I really wanna know what lead to that and then why he let you go
"Excuse me sir, before you kill me, you really need to shave your balls*"
"Go to Manscaped and use the offer code below to get 10% off the new Lawnmower 4.0 ki-"
Tell my wife hello
With my last breath i curse zoidberg!
“My name is April Kepner, I'm 28 years old. I was born on April 23rd, i-in Ohio. I'm from Columbus, Ohio. M-My mom's a teacher and my d-dad is farmer... C-Corn. Corn, he... he grows corn. Their names are Karen and Joe. I have three sisters. Libby's the oldest, I'm next and then th-there's Kimmie and Alice. I... I haven't done anything yet. I haven't... I've barely lived. I'm not finished yet. No one's loved me yet. P... Please, please, I'm so... someone's child. I'm a person. I'm a person.”
This is really good. They say you should tell them about yourself because it makes you a person to them. It humanizes you and makes the chances of being shot go down.
"See you in hell"
In the most genuine way possible, I'd tell the shooter "I love you". In hopes that it will haunt their dreams for the rest of their days. Never knowing why this person who they gunned down said something like that.
“Finally! I’ve been waiting for this my entire life!”
I wouldn’t say anything, I would look the man dead in the eyes and stare into his fucking soul, science suggests of you look the shooter in the eyes while he has to gun pointed to you it increases your likelihood of survival
is this a peer reviewed study? what was the sample size?
I lost the game
“Excuse me, I have to return some video tapes.”
All you big badasses over there throwing cool one-liners at your future killer. Mine would be:
I’m waiting for a self-defense expert to comment what you should actually say in this scenario.
Do everything to avoig getting yourself in that situation to begin with.
There’s no right answer. The truth is, you’d need to assess the person, the situation, if you know the person then you assess what they are doing this for… there are so many variables. It’s a very open-ended hypothetical the way it’s stated.
At least, for this split second, someone in this world actually gives a shit about you.
Lol had a gun held to my head when I was like 18. Obviously weren't my last words but all I could say was "Chill dude. I'm delivering your pizza." He did in fact chill. I don't remember if he tipped or not though
"Do it and ruin both our lives, dumbass"
If I survive this Im ending your bloodline.
Alternate ending: “If I survive this let’s continue your bloodline together”
“How the little piggies will grunt when they hear how the old boar suffered.”
But then you remember that you aren't a Danish king and have no sons
BOOM HEADSHOT!
Why don't you do us both a favor, and pull the trigger, do it, do it mother fucker do it!
[удалено]
What are you doing step-shooter!?
This death was sponsored by raid shadow legends!
Never gonna give you up
I have had a gun pointed at my head.
Safetys on dumbass
The fact that you've got replica, written on the side of your gun. And the fact that I've got desert eagle, 5.0 written on the side of mine.
You either cum in the sink or sink in the cum, brother, so let's finish up.
"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself."
"kill me and you never find the millions."
What the fuck is a sandcorn
The safeties on
C’mon, fucker. Do it.
It takes 15 milliseconds for the human brain to send a message to the body, so by the time your bullets hit me my cerebral cortex will have transmitted a signal to the seventeen helping muscles that operate my trigger finger, and before your asshole has had a chance to pucker up, your medulla oblongata will be splattered on the fucking wall behind you. And if that's the last thing I accomplish on this beautiful green earth, well then ha, I say HA: what a way to fucking go.
would work if irl people were movie antagonists, but most probs ur brain will get blown off before you say your first word