1. "A naked blonde walks into a bar, carrying a poodle under one arm and a 6 foot salami under the other. The Bartender says, 'So, I don't suppose you'd be needing a drink?' So the blonde says..."

  2. I've always wondered if something like this would work. Like if someone is aiming a gun at you, and you give an 'oh shit!' look behind them, would they think something/someone is behind them and be distracted long enough for you to swipe the gun and get out of there?

  3. I’ve thought this too. If I’m getting robbed look by him and yell “officer” so he thinks there’s a cop behind. Idk what I’d do next tho

  4. You basically described how old school inertial guidance systems work for aircraft. Using sensitive gyros and an alignment process it starts with an initial longitude and latitude to know where it isn't and continually does that over the course of the flight.

  5. Feels about right. I said something similar, (what are you going to do punch me?) to a friend who was blackout drunk and I was trying to help calm down. Said friend proceeded to punch me

  6. That’s assuming the person is capable of guilt. What if they’re a remorseless psychopath? In that case, remembering that event will probably only make them happy.

  7. That's a nice gun. I have a gun too. On the side of mine it says Desert Eagle. On the side of yours it says oh shit, it says Desert Eagle too, listen, please don't shoot me.

  8. Had a gun pointed at my head before.. all I could get out was, “uh…ah..uuuh” but I suppose I’m still here so doesn’t count.

  9. I had a very similar reaction. I answered the door to 3 people pointing guns in my face. They decided they wanted to rob my roommate who was dealing weed out of the apartment about 10 years ago. Was too stunned to move. Zero flight or fight instincts in that situation. Luckily no one was hurt and 2/5 people involved were caught and prosecuted. Hope you’re doing alright man

  10. What happened to the bullet in the pool then? Did someone remove it before the police arrived? I would think that would be decent evidence that they did it.

  11. Think you accidentally left your mutual friends actual name cus you dropped in a Ryan randomly but in all seriousness thats crazy and glad you got out of there

  12. Fuck you, gunman, I made your mom cum so hard that they made a Canadian heritage minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick.

  13. I mean, if I already know I’m gonna die, like with 100% certainty, and I’ve already done everything I could have to prevent it already, it would be something like “fuck you, I’ll see you in hell”

  14. My cousin was once driving in this shady neighbourhood and his mother was in the back seat. Three guys showed up with one pointing a gun at him and the other two behind asking him to unlock the back door. He just quickly shifted to first gear and drove fast but not before the guy shot his arm twice. One bullet got lodged inside the other exited and went into the next seat.

  15. hahahahaha omg I explained this game to my gf who is from a small town and I'm not from a huge city or anything but I'm so glad this is a thing everywhere

  16. Scrolling through the typical reddit comedy bullshit to find a real answer that illustrates the horrifying truth of losing someone who someone else loves and depends on.

  17. "I have a shitty ex-wife, two kids who won't speak to me, and am up to my nose in debt. If you shoot me, you'll have a hell of a problem, and I'll get rid of all of mine. Your call." And I'll walk away at a normal pace like I don't care.

  18. I was in this exact scenario. I pointed at a security camera saying "look at that." As soon as he looked at it, I said "now your face is on camera and if you shoot me you'll be in jail for life." He put the gun down, punched me in the face, then walked away. All things considered, I'd give it a B+ or A- for effectiveness

  19. Security cameras for the win! The dudes who pulled guns on me are currently in jail because of security cameras (and a healthy helping of their own stupidity).

  20. I had a guy pull a gun on me at a bar. He kept it low under the bar top so other people couldn't see. The short conversation prior led me to believe that this was it for me. My "last words" I ordered two shots from the bartender. He let me go after some confusion.

  21. “My name is April Kepner, I'm 28 years old. I was born on April 23rd, i-in Ohio. I'm from Columbus, Ohio. M-My mom's a teacher and my d-dad is farmer... C-Corn. Corn, he... he grows corn. Their names are Karen and Joe. I have three sisters. Libby's the oldest, I'm next and then th-there's Kimmie and Alice. I... I haven't done anything yet. I haven't... I've barely lived. I'm not finished yet. No one's loved me yet. P... Please, please, I'm so... someone's child. I'm a person. I'm a person.”

  22. This is really good. They say you should tell them about yourself because it makes you a person to them. It humanizes you and makes the chances of being shot go down.

  23. In the most genuine way possible, I'd tell the shooter "I love you". In hopes that it will haunt their dreams for the rest of their days. Never knowing why this person who they gunned down said something like that.

  24. I wouldn’t say anything, I would look the man dead in the eyes and stare into his fucking soul, science suggests of you look the shooter in the eyes while he has to gun pointed to you it increases your likelihood of survival

  25. There’s no right answer. The truth is, you’d need to assess the person, the situation, if you know the person then you assess what they are doing this for… there are so many variables. It’s a very open-ended hypothetical the way it’s stated.

  26. Lol had a gun held to my head when I was like 18. Obviously weren't my last words but all I could say was "Chill dude. I'm delivering your pizza." He did in fact chill. I don't remember if he tipped or not though

  27. The fact that you've got replica, written on the side of your gun. And the fact that I've got desert eagle, 5.0 written on the side of mine.

  28. "Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself."

  29. It takes 15 milliseconds for the human brain to send a message to the body, so by the time your bullets hit me my cerebral cortex will have transmitted a signal to the seventeen helping muscles that operate my trigger finger, and before your asshole has had a chance to pucker up, your medulla oblongata will be splattered on the fucking wall behind you. And if that's the last thing I accomplish on this beautiful green earth, well then ha, I say HA: what a way to fucking go.

  30. would work if irl people were movie antagonists, but most probs ur brain will get blown off before you say your first word

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