1. Fr I get self conscious eating a popsicle in public cause idk if someone just watching and waiting for me to wrap my lips around it. I lead with my teeth now and make it look painful. This is no way to live

  2. I'm a male and i feel like it have to hide my body lotion in my bathroom when people come over because they probably think im just going to town over here with the giant bottle.

  3. One time I watched a guy bust out a bottle of lotion on the bus and I was like "OMG is this fuckin perv about to crank it right now?" Turns out I was the perv, he just wanted to rub some on his hands.

  4. Why's everyone using lotion when masturbating? That just sounds like it would just make everything unpleasant and slippy.

  5. I still dont get why ppl use lotion. Tried it but it doesnt feel good. If i need something like that i just use regular lube.

  6. Also. Female twins. Ugh. I hated the questions growing up and through high school. No, we do not get “freaky,” she is my fucking sister.

  7. I had a grown man ask me in all seriousness If my twin and I swap boyfriends because ‘we’re the same person’ so apparently our boyfriends won’t know the difference. I had to tell him that not only will they know the difference but I am not attracted to her boyfriend, nor her to mine… he did not believe me.

  8. At least you immediately know whoever said that has a porn addiction and is dumb enough to believe porn is real life. Most people don’t make red flags that obvious

  9. I just bought one because my shoulder is fucked and I keep expecting to come home to the locks on the house changed only to see the massager eating dinner with my wife and kids through the window.

  10. Riding crops. I have one I bought when I rode horses for years, still have it and everyone assumes it's a sex thing.

  11. Well if you put it under your bed next to your fuzzy handcuffs I see the assumption, now if its next to your horse bridles and other riding gear they are just dirty minded and know nothing about horse riding.

  12. Everyone thinks horse riding with the leather, whips, tight jodhpurs and boots is sexy but the reality is everything smells of horse shit and she’s always covered in mud!

  13. “No one's saying you can't eat a banana, Terry. But you can't stand on the comer sucking on it for 30 minutes. You have to actually take a bite.”

  14. Massager. My wife has a magic wand that we legit use for massages and nothing else but feel like we need to hide it from plain sight.

  15. Same! I bought one that's technically a sex toy but I use it specifically for massage, because the curved shape of the handle lets me reach the knots on my back and apply rolling pressure in a way that more standard wand massagers don't allow for because of their straight handle and heavier build. Plus my bad shoulders make it hard to sustain, and laying on a wand doesn't really help relax severe knots, and my partner just can't help no matter how hard he tries. A curved wand is just flatly the only thing that helps.

  16. Yeah we bought one initially as a sex toy but we ended up using it more as a regular massager for neck way more often

  17. I always feel awkward buying cucumbers as a woman. I know I’m just making salad, and I know other people aren’t looking at my produce purchases assuming their naughty by nature, but still… they’re so phallic.

  18. "I've dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It's funny to say they are small. It's funny to say they are big.

  19. Tons of formerly innocent words. Just off the top of my head, there's "head," "bulge," "package," "ebony" (this one's almost exclusively used in porn now), "gaping," "inflation," "hyper," "scat," "role-play," "bound," so many more. None of these started out meaning something sex-related, most of them are attached to some type of specific fetish now.

  20. i remember when a scatback was an undersized half back generally brought in on 3rd downs so that they can run routes and also usually were on return teams

  21. Corndogs. Never forget high school trying to eat one in the cafeteria and feeling on display lol high school boys

  22. A girl with the last name “corncog” rushed my sorority and everyone kept calling her corndog and making jokes. I often wonder how she is.

  23. Just eat it corn(dog) on the cob style. Y'know, side to side, preferably very quickly and while making typewriter sound effects like a cartoon character.

  24. Grew up in Utah where all the girls had to wear a white shirt beneath their tank tops, it was an awful style.

  25. Oh man, this hits, I was once talking stuff with my boyfriend and I said "Yeah, like people who sexualize step brothers are weird, they can never get along, they always have to fuck" and he sees me dead in the eyes and says "You know I have a stepsister right?....I tried to sleep with her once" Literally I stopped eating and left the room quickly.

  26. I'm an electrician and my apprentices fantasy is to have a girl come onto him while working like a porno. We were working a job at this young strippers house, and he had to leave early. At the end of the job it's like 630pm, she comes out in a silk robe, thanking me so much, with a beer for me, asking me to stay and smoke with her. I'm in a committed relationship so I got out of there, but he was so jealous when he heard about it, that's what he gets for leaving before the job is done lol.

  27. I had a retail job where we would communicate on walkies if we needed extra help at the registers. If someone was called to the register, sometimes a response would be "I'm coming!". If they had been called multiple times and were getting a little irritated, I might hear "Oh my god I'm coming!"

  28. When I was about 14 I didn’t know what cum was and I used to use it in texts as a shorter version of “come” … mortified when I found out what it really meant

  29. I’m immature. Every time I see an email at work where they abbreviate cumulative folders to cum folders I giggle a little bit.

  30. When I was a kid and we had to steal porn magazines from our parents it was always written as "come", the word "cum" seems to have arrived around the same time as the internet.

  31. Shower head kinda sucks tho, like it’s hard enough to breathe when there isn’t water flowing down my face lol

  32. I call my dad Papi since that’s an Italian thing and he’s part Italian. I used to be relieved that I could avoid the whole sexualization of the word “daddy” since I didn’t call him anything remotely similar to that, but lo and behold, people are sexualizing the word “papi” too. I can’t win

  33. When you have kids, you refer to each other as Mommy and Daddy or Mom and Dad. You don't tell your 2 year to give his sippy cup to "Constance" or "Bernard". You say, "Go give your cup to Mommy". Then you refer to each other as "Mommy and Daddy" in front of the kids for their benefit. Then you refer to each other as "Mommy and Daddy" when the kids aren't there out of habit and maybe because it's cute. At most cute. Not sexual.

  34. I get weird looks when I talk about my 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system. Stop the stigma.

  35. In Swedish the word for the number 6 is sex, and the word for sex is still sex. We can't even count to ten w/o intercourse.

  36. I have long legs, and regular panty hose always slip down so the crotch is hilariously low. Like mid-thigh, early-Justin-Bieber pants low. Thigh highs are the best thing ever.

  37. It's funny how things that used to be part of every woman's everyday wardrobe have become sexualized these days. Before the invention of pantyhose, all women wore thigh-high stockings with a garter belt. Even little girls wore them: the character

  38. Not if it's my best friend and I having a sleepover. We'll complain about general life things, eat shitty food, and end up quoting Spongebob until 3am.

  39. I just saw a post where the tomato looked a little like a penis and so the husband wouldn’t eat them. Imagine thinking food is gendered or indicative of your sexuality.

  40. Ive been scrolling, and im really surprised I havent seen tampons mentioned yet 😂 The number of men I've had the misfortune of meeting who legitimately believe that it feels "good" to insert a tampon is absolutely s t a g g e r i n g.

  41. Jesus Christ, seriously? I’ve never heard anyone say that and thank god cause I’d kick some nutsacks in… using a tampon feels like shoving a tiny, pinchy, unforgiving weapon of war into your coot. And god forbid it’s not seated properly.

  42. Dildos. They're like swiss army knives, can be used for anything, and yet people just have to make it all about masturbation.

  43. Panties. Half the population wears them, so they’re VERY ordinary. And they’re sexualized in a way that boxers/boxer-briefs aren’t.

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