1. That is correct. They would not pay rent and I would have to spend extra money for their food and the other things they need while they used my TV and internet and other things in my house to use. My father said family are guests and you share with them but that doesn't make any sense to me.

  2. This is particularly true when renovations to your home have to be made for the cousin having the surgery. Who pays for that? And when it's done, the changes are permanent. I also agree that they expect to stay without paying anything. Is your father aware of your own diagnosis and the ramifications of it?

  3. NTA. You are not obligated to let someone move in with you just because it's convenient for them, especially if it brings a lot of inconvenience for you. Aside from that, if social cues are not easy for you, (I have 2 kids on the spectrum, so I totally get that) then your family should know that hinting or passive-aggressively trying to get you to know what they want is ridiculous.

  4. I didn't get tested until after I didn't live there but even after I was diagnosed my family still thinks I'm just being difficult on purpose. I'm lucky my friends and colleagues understood when I told them so they are direct with me and take the time to explain if I don't understand what is happening. I'm happy you are more understanding than for your kids than my family is for me.

  5. I have a feeling OP family is the type to ignore such things, I have meet a few families that outright ignore and deny that their child/ family member is on the spectrum.

  6. Wait, wait. Your family not only thinks they're entitled to use your home as a free AirBnB, they also think they're entitled to demand you undertake construction for their convenience?? Which I suppose you would have to pay for as well. That's crazy.

  7. I agree with you on everything except finding a different doctor. Bariatric surgeons are in major cities and by that I mean 1'000'000+ residents 'major' to make it worth practising there. These are highly specialized clinics, especially ones that will take a patient large enough to need doors widened for them. There probably isn't one closer to them.

  8. They know I was diagnosed when I was in college. But they have always thought I was difficult on purpose and I could stop if I want to even though it's not true.

  9. Widen the door? I would assumed he’d have to widen and renovate a bathroom plus have a hospital bed in his living room front doors are already wider than room doors

  10. Also, if the relative is so big a door needs to be widened, what may the weight do to OP's furniture, beds, etc. I say this because I've had my sofa damaged beyond repair by an obese family member (400-450+) and another guest literally broke my toilet due to his size. I now check furniture ratings for weight. I'm not fat-shaming, I'm a size 16 myself and could definitely lose 50-70 lbs. I'm just saying that when company visits there are always hidden costs whether it be an elderly person's accommodations, a child's needs, a couple's requirements. All of this factors in.

  11. My cousin did ask after all the hints from him and my aunt didn't work. I said no because I honestly didn't know it was one of those questions where you are supposed to say yes out of politeness and not one where you could give a real answer.

  12. Nta honestly I hate when people get mad at other people for not reading their minds. All could have been solved by asking.

  13. My cousin did ask me after the hints did work. But I thought it was a question where he wanted a real answer and not one where I was supposed to agree to be polite.

  14. NTA. Family shouldn’t “hint”. And when your cousin did ask, you said no, and that’s that.

  15. NTA. If no changes were needed to your house, I would say that it would have been very nice (though not required) to offer him a place to stay. Given that doorways in your house would need to be altered (and that is a lot more expensive than you may think), expecting you to offer that is way too much to ask especially given the expense.

  16. Yes. He has to lose weight first and then have the surgery and then do some recovery before he can go home so it would be at least a year and a half to two years plus more if there are complications.

  17. Nta There should have been direct conversations on this like who was paying for modification to your house or pay for increased cost to you. Hinting for you to offer instead of direct conversation was so you would offer and be back into paying for modification and cost of stay because they didn’t ask you offered. Your family is manipulating you. Your autism saved you money. Don’t let they guilty you because their manipulation didn’t work.

  18. NTA. I'm autistic and ADHD as well and the idea that people should "pick up on hints" with these big commitments is ridiculous. If they wanted to live with you they could have just asked, but the idea that you're rude for not offering is asinine.

  19. I agree with you except for wanting to abolish hints. Hints are a valuable social tool because they allow asking without asking. Ignoring hints is much easier than denying a request. They save face. I never asked and you never refused. Hinting is just a tool to soften interactions.

  20. NTA. Fuck them for even hinting that request. That is quite the imposition and I am guessing they were hoping to take advantage of your unwillingness to say to "no" to family instead of how you really felt. The fact that you would have to permanently remodel your door for their needs is ridiculous. That in itself is a giant ask. They should have offered to pay for the remodel if that would have made the choice easier for you. I am thinking it would not have changed your mind but the offer should have been floated.

  21. Many homes have load bearing uprights around doors. And load bearing lintels. If you were to have the exterior door modified it could cost upwards of $15k and city permits to do so. Not to mention alterations to their room and the bathroom, and any other needed space. These alterations quickly ad up, and I doubt your family is offering to pay that. Every gastric bypass patient has a very involved coordinator, THEY should help him find a place to live that accommodates patients of size

  22. So many homes are not designed to be universally accessible. I’m eyeing how to make my home accessible should I ever need a wheelchair - my grandmother was in one temporarily after an injury, and trying to navigate the hallway/bathrooms with it was a nightmare - and ugh, it’s really involved!

  23. Absolutely NTA. Not only would you be forced to give up your privacy, it would likely mean housing them for free AND necessitating permanent modifications to your home. You were wise to say no.

  24. NTA it's your house, and you're not a mind reader. If it's going to be expensive for your aunt to have to widen her doors, wouldn't it be just as expensive for you to have to widen yours? If your cousin is going to be in a wheelchair, it's not just the doors you're going to have to worry about. I was in a car accident in January, and I had to have a wheelchair ramp built. The cost of lumber and labor we had to pay over $600. That doesn't include the other changes you would have had to make inside besides the doorways. Getting a shower chair, ensuring your bathroom is big enough for the shower chair, toilet chair for If they can't use the regular toilet. There's just so much more that goes along with accommodating someone like that. Not to mention if you rent you have to get permission from your landlord to even make changes like that and permission to have people who aren't on the lease be able to stay. If you own your home, family or not I'm not sure I'd want those changes made to my house if your aunt and cousin aren't going to be there for an extended period of time

  25. NTA. I have an auntie who is not on the spectrum but likes her privacy and deliberately bought a one-bedroom condo in a large city that is a popular tourist destination just to keep people from "visiting" her. She could easily afford a small manor but doesn't want to deal with family and friends who think they should get to treat her as their vacation hotel.

  26. NTA. Just because family will be spending time in your city, your never obligated to let them come over or stay.

  27. I would have picked up the hint and pretended I didn't. That's why people hint, they want to know but don't want to ask outright. Genuine hiinting is asking without asking because it's socially easier to ignore a hint than to refuse a request.

  28. NTA. Regardless of whether you are austistic or not, you don't need to offer your house for them. There are hotels, Airbnb etc.

  29. NTA. You don’t have to pay nursemaid to your cousin, if he can afford the surgery and to travel for it, he can afford a hotel for a few days and one of his concerned family members can take the time off work and travel with him to play nursemaid.

  30. Oh no. Absolutely NTA. That is way too big a burden. That surgery and recovery is difficult and if he is of a size that requires you to enlarge your door, well, that's a whole other inconvenience. Plus your cousin may need specialty beds or toilets or other furniture because of his size for which you may not be prepared.

  31. NTA. I’m bad at hints to, and I just think people should ask and that’s it. Also they are not only asking to come to sleep in the rooms they are asking you to modify your home, something you would have to pay and you would be stuck with unless you want to pay to make it back as it was. They are just guilt tripping you, you did nothing wrong.

  32. It would be kind to offer if you are actually able to have them stay, but you are not obligated to do so. Please explain to them that you do not pick up on hints and why so they understand for the future. If they still don't understand, that's on them, not you. I would also explain that you assumed you would need to have your doors widened like your aunt and that isn't feasible for you to do, so you said no when cousin finally asked outright. This way they know you had good reason and were not trying to be rude.

  33. It would be for almost 2 years, involve widening his doors & they won't be giving OP any money to help with living expenses. That's too much to ask or assume of someone.

  34. NTA. Dad can pay for the rental if he's so concerned. And next time he complains to you tell him that you are embarrassed he has the gall to offer your home up instead of footing the expense and inconvenience himself or minding his own business.

  35. NTA at all. Please don’t allow your autism diagnosis to distract from what a big ask housing your aunt and cousin would be. Watch a few episodes of my 600 pound life. If your cousin lives with your aunt now, she’s probably a big part of the problem. If your cousin is able to get to surgery, the recovery is brutal. Your family is trying to rope you into being another carer for your cousin.

  36. NTA. Guests are fine until you need to purchase construction permits from the city to accommodate them. No is a complete sentence in this instance. I'm sure there are Air B&B's that can better accommodate them without damaging the existing structure.

  37. NTA. It is NOT rude to not offer to share your home with people. It is NOT rude to say no when they ask. You do not need to even tell them a reason. “No” is a complete sentence. There is NOT an unwritten rule that you have to pick up on hints and have to host people who would permanently alter your home (which most landlords would not allow anyway!!) and who would majorly impact your own daily life.

  38. It doesn't say what gender you are, but I'm guessing you are or were born female because you're expected to be the home maker, the one to bend over backwards, and to my understanding women are diagnosed with autism later than boys are.

  39. When I got diagnosed I was told it is not noticed in girls the same way as boys. I have no idea how true it is. My therapist tells me the same thing. My family thought I was being difficult on purpose even though I wasn't. At least my friends understand now.

  40. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  41. Autism has nothing to do with you not thinking this is something you should offer. This is not a normal obligation. It would be nice if you wanted to do it, but it's a very big request.

  42. Yeah, the reason the rent they'll be paying is expensive is because everything will need to be specially constructed.

  43. NTA. Not only have you said they’d want to stay rent-free and you’d have to supply their food and spending, you’d have to have permanent, major construction done on your front door and frame. That’s insupportable. Why are you on the hook for this? What is your family’s rationale? Are all these people willing to pitch in their fair share of cash and labour to support them? If you suggest it and they’re unwilling, they can pound sand. You’re looking at thousands of dollars in output and there is zero benefit to you besides the pleasure of their company.

  44. NTA. Even if your have the space, adding 2 new residents to your home, one of whom is about to undergo a very serious surgery with an intensive recovery experience, is a massive deal. It completely changes the dynamics of your relationship, and if you already struggle to pick up social cues due to your autism, you will have a difficult time with this and will probably get a lot of grief for it. The fact that you have to modify your home for your short term guest is also a big deal and not cheap by any means (I work in the door industry, can confirm).

  45. Nta. If they did come out and plainly ask, and you said no, that's the end of it. No is the answer and it is extremely rude of your family to insist otherwise.

  46. NTA and i can assure you as a fellow autistic hint-misser with a special interest in etiquette that there is no unwritten rule saying you must offer up your home. In fact, the rule here is that if you ask someone to host you and they say no, it's very impolite to keep pushing, and superrrr rude to then complain to others about being turned down. The rude person here is not you, by any stretch of the imagination.

  47. NTA. Even if you picked up on the hints that they wanted to stay with you and you still said no. It’s your place, who cares if you’ve got the space or not. They picked that doctor states away. Is there really none that would be closer for them?

  48. I was NOT rude of you not to offer and it was NOT rude of you to say no. It is your space/home. These are all things you are allowed to do. You are allowed to say no. Everyone is allowed to say no. Their feelings, while you might feel bad, are not your problem. Frankly, it WAS rude of them to ask after all of the hints, whether you caught on or not. Your parents might be embarrassed or upset with you- so be it. You are an adult and are bound to disappoint them at some time. Embrace it. It’s uncomfortable the first few times but you get to set the rules for your life and home now. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or anything else and you were NOT wrong is telling them they could not stay with you. YOU WERE NOT WRONG. There is no unspoken rule that you didn’t know of. Please memorize and use this response, “ I’m sorry, that’s just not going to work for me.” Or, “I’m sorry, but that’s not going to work this time.” These statements are all you need to wade through the uncomfortable and sometimes unreasonable requests of others. Frankly, the pressure your parents are placing in you is wrong. They are weak for not supporting you. Likely they are exhausted from all of the family drama trying to get you to give in. DON’T GIVE IN NOW OR IT WILL NEVER STOP. They will always, from here on out try to manipulate you to their wants. If you stand firm now this should be the last of it. Now, at your next family gathering, and perhaps many more from now, this will be brought up as a means to embarrass you in to thinking you’re an awful person. This isn’t true. If you face it squarely and call them on it it will not last and you will be free. Responses like, “that’s not going to work with me” are fun and very effective when they hurl their “disappointment” and “hurt” at you. Also, when they call you “insensitive” or “selfish” or whatever DO NOT TRY TO JUSTIFY YOURSELF. It is a rabbit hole and a trap unless you just reply “ok” and don’t let them get to you. If you look confused or wounded this will only feed and fuel them on.

  49. NTA If you're autistic, you may be noise-sensitive, like me. My sister came to stay with me for a month, for her tummy tuck after her gastric bypass. She brought her adult daughter to take care of her, so I didn't have to do anything except drive them to the store. I had a huge house, so I'm sure they thought it was no big deal, but they NEVER stopped talking. It drove me up a wall. Several walls. If I had it to do over again, I would help her find a rental. Preserve your peace and quiet.

  50. NTA at all. so...to be "polite" you're meant to offer to put up your morbidly obese cousin (sorry but thats clearly the case) AND his aunt...and somehow manage to PAY FOR HIS FOOD??? sounds like footing the bill to feed someone who needs construction just to fit through a door is the type of thing that could put a person in debt and thats absolutely not your issue. not to mention, they're expecting to be there for 1-2 years with 0 payment, and ALSO expect you to undertake construction to your home on YOUR dime? are these people out of their f*cking minds? saying no was totally acceptable. this isnt a situation where close family needs a place to stay for the weekend. they're basically asking to take over your home. forget that.

  51. NTA - If you needed to have a construction job to accommodate someone being able to fit through the door. It's not a trivial matter to casually invite them to stay with you.

  52. NTA. You don't have to offer anything to anybody you don't want to. "Hinting" at something is manipulation, so basically you refused to be manipulated. When asked directly you said no--and the family used the guilt trip manipulation to get their way. You are not rude, you are just not doing what your family wants you to. Stick to your instincts and boundaries. Cousin can figure out his own life.

  53. NTA while it's nice to offer if you have the space, the fact it would be an extended stay and your door would need to be modified to have them stay, it goes from somthing nice to offer to an unreasonable expectation. With the need for modifications to your home what they should have done is ask and offer to pay for the modifications. Even then its up to you, if your dad bri gs it up again ask him who would be expected to pay for the needed renovations to make your home accessible. Would they pay rent and bills, would they respect your house rules? Honestly probably not. You did the right thing.

  54. Nta. You said no, that is enough. Don't be pressured into something you don't want to do, especially if you know that this arrangement will hinder you, not help.

  55. NTA. Tell them next time they want something ask. Don’t play games trying to hint at what they want. You can still say no and WNBTA but you can’t read minds. Such a dumb thing to get mad about.

  56. INFO how long would they be staying for? I would balk at hosting anyone if it meant having to remodel part of my home. They should pay for any alterations like that, and at least for the majority of their own groceries. Hosting guests who basically invite themselves should really not look like an all-expenses paid vacation for them…

  57. NTA Its your home and you had a valid reason not to offer.. After all you're not the one that made cuz the size he is. Not your problem if we are 100%

  58. Nta for a number of reasons. Honestly, all you had to say was "I would have had to had my door widened" and that would have been sufficient enough, let alone the rest of your valid reasons

  59. NTA - it's rude to ask someone to construct a larger door on someone's house just so they can live rent free with you. My grandparents once had to get the floor around their toilet replaced and reinforced after having a heavy guest stay with them for a couple of weeks.

  60. it sounds like the doors need to be made wider because the cousin can't actually get through them at the moment? The aunt's house needs door widening pre-surgery, not just the doors wherever they end up staying when they're in the city for surgery.

  61. There may not be a surgeon close to where they live. If the cousin is considered high risk and people in cousin's state have gotten a little sue happy then there probably aren't any surgeons close to them willing to treat him.

  62. NTA this is no small deal. They're expecting you to host two people pre and post surgery. How long are they going to stay? What is the expectation of you while they are there? Are they guests that you have to host, or are they just roommates using the bedrooms? Are they going to contribute anything to your home as they're staying there? Are there going to be follow-up visits that they now have to stay at your place for? When does this end? You're not TA for not picking up hints. It wasn't rude of you to say no. It was rude of them to complain when you did.

  63. You have no obligation to help them, let alone PAY to help them. Take care of you and let them sort their own crap. NTA, and if Dad feels so bad, He can help them.

  64. INFO How long would they live with you? If it’s a few days or a week to recover to travel then yes, it would be nice to offer. Sometimes family does things to help each other that are inconvenient.

  65. NTA. The real assholes enabled your cousin. It would've been loads cheaper to get him psychiatric help early rather than bringing him food as he got worse and worse. That's an addiction. Besides the legality, it's no different than bringing an addict drugs IMO.

  66. I’d say that if the stay was less than a month and did not require construction to your home, you should offer to let them stay. Like you’re not an asshole if you don’t per se, but general family social norms would be that you’d offer. But the fact that it would require construction to your home really makes this not your problem. You would be beyond generous to offer your home up at that point.

  67. First of all, "mild" autism just means you are able to speak using your mouth parts. That's literally it.

  68. So, you would be out of thousands of dollars to make your house liveable for your cousin - without any help and your father is calling you selfish? WTAH?

  69. NTA, it’s your house, do as you please. It would be different if you had a very tight knit family and you were close to this aunt and cousin but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. Also, i would not want to have any work done to my door for a temporary arrangement

  70. NTA as he can't get into your house without construction work. Who would pay for that? I would have said no for the exact same reasons. Tell your dad you can't afford it as who will pay for the construction work, plus it might take the value of your home down if you did that.

  71. NTA. They are not simply asking to stay with you, they would need you to get your door redone. Whose paying for that? Secondly - your house means you decide who gets to stay with you.

  72. NTA. You're allowed to set boundaries. They're not entitled to your space just cause they're family. And you're not obligated to.

  73. NTA I don't have autism, but I absolutely hate it when people "hint" things because even when you can get hints, you can misunderstand it. Why can't people just clearly say what they want? But then also respect it if you say No? Gosh the world would be so much easier and nicer. You don't owe anyone anything. This also counts for family.

  74. NTA You don't have to offer your place to anyone if you don't want to. It's rude... and if they're calling you rude, then they're being rude to as it's rude to call someone rude... at least, if you're telling them they're being rude... apparently.

  75. NTA- you’re under no obligation to have people live with you just because they’re family. Especially considering all the other factors brought up, NTA.

  76. NTA I'll never understand why being 'family' makes you obligated to do anything. If your dad is so worried about it, ask him why he isn't paying their living expenses while they are there for the surgery. Again, NTA they are making an unreasonable request.

  77. INFO Do you have to have your home renovated?? Who is going to pay for that if they cannot afford rent? My suggestion is to call the doctor office who is doing surgery and ask them how much recovery time before patient ready to travel home. What supplies type of accommodation needed. It is looking like you have not been given enough information. Have you been told how long they need to stay? The other problem is the bed and furniture. You may not have adequate bed and furniture for your obese cousin. Your family knows you are autistic. Why do they expect you to read minds of people?? They asking you to be a thing you are not. My suggestion is to get the full details of what is needed and how long they would need to stay in your home. If you decide to host your cousin make very clear what you require from them such as what parts of house are just for you and who is buying groceries and paying utilities and so forth. It is your decision yes or no. I am suggesting if there is a scenario where you could say yes get all the information you need to find out if this is a safe option you can provide to your obese cousin.

  78. NTA it's not your father's place to let them live with you they are grownups they can deal with problems on there own it's your house not anyone else's don't let them pressure you into it and I read in your comment that you would have to pay for there food first off God not let them deal with that on your own it's your money not there's it may sound greedy but it's not your father does not need to welcome them into your home

  79. NTA! Widen your doors??? What on earth?? That is an extremely unreasonable request. No, no, no. Why is it that people think it's OK to make these onerous requests of others??? That is so rude!

  80. NTA - It's a huge deal when you have to take care of someone post surgery that is unable to fit through normal doors.

  81. NTA, it sounds like accommodating your cousin could be to your expense and detriment. Seriously, why must you enlarge your doorways? Is your guest room upstairs? Groceries- could be a seriously increased bill 💸. I would explain all of the above to family members. You are allowed to say no.

  82. NTA... no, regardless of your Autism or not, you do not have to allow them to stay with you. That is your choice and not everyone is comfortable sharing their homes with friends or relatives. You have no idea how long they may be there either. Surgery could be easy or come with complications. Do not let your father guilt you into anything. It's expensive to have gastric bypass surgery, so, I am guessing they can pay for the rent on a place.

  83. NTA. You aren't missing anything, your family is just disappointed you didn't buy into the idea that family has a right to take advantage of you whenever it's convenient for them.

  84. NTA momma of a 7 yr old on the spectrum and he’s the same way he doesn’t even register social cues and that’s ok that’s what mom and dad are for. But I will tell you this it’s been a learning curve for all of us as he’s the only one on both sides of the family on the spectrum so it’s our first time ever having to navigate such a thing.

  85. No, you are NTA. Your cousin asked and you answered. You are not required to house people you don't want to, even if (and sometimes especially if) they are family. And especially if they are going to hint at things instead of using their words.

  86. First of all, I hate people who say. I dropped hints...it is passive aggressive. Second, you would have to make your door bigger? Third of all, they want to mooch off you? With someone who just had surgery and may need special care? Pass NTA

  87. NTA. Regardless of your autism diagnosis, it’s Ok to say no or not offer someone your place to come live with you for an indefinite number of months.

  88. NTA. Keep saying no. If you let them in, they'll turn your routine upside down. Your dad thinks it's rude not to offer, but you're actually making a good decision. You know you don't want them to live there and you said "no". Many neuro-typical people never learn to say "no" and get taken advantage of by friends and family. You did the absolute right thing for you. They can get a hotel room. You only let family/friends stay with you if that's what you want and never more than three days. Fish and in-house guests stink after three days!

  89. NTA. If he is so large doors have to be widened, that is asking too much. It also puts the rest of your house at risk of being damaged.

  90. Look dude your NTA, but also everything really depends on the type of relationship you have with someone and how you want that relationship to be going forward

  91. The hospital likely has a social worker who knows area resources and options. There may be short term furnished rentals in the area that are used by patients such as your relative. His aunt is presumably going with him to take care of him. Doing so would be far less complicated if the two of them shared a space of their own. They need a sit down with the surgeon and the surgeon’s team to find out who exactly what they need throughout the process.

  92. NTA. My cousin is morbidly obese. And I want to be clear that I’m not judging all obese people by my cousin’s disgusting personal hygiene standards. This is just him. To put it bluntly he smells like death. He’s too big to clean himself properly on the toilet probably because he can’t reach and he doesn’t bother to shower properly and clean all the skin folds. If he stays with me I’d have to toss out all my bedding and every couch he sat on. Way too big an ask to have him live in my house even if he was paying.

  93. No, you’re NTA. Your family should know by now that hinting doesn’t work with you. My eldest son is on the spectrum too. I would never expect him to pick up on hints. Besides, dropping hints in this situation is just passive aggressive and immature. It’s up to your family to act like adults and use their words if they want something. You’re not responsible for them failing to do that.

  94. NTA- yeah, if you were emotionally close with them, I would invite them in and work out something. If you’re not, then no.

  95. NTA, I have no patience for middle school pussy-footing. If they wanted to ask you if they could temporarily stay with you then they should've asked you directly rather than playing dumb games and hoping you would ask yourself unprompted.

  96. NTA. I just read on your comments that this could be for 2 years. They expect you to do construction work on your house and then feel happy to host them at your expense for 2 years? Too bad your dad feels embarrassed. He should, but embarrassed that he thinks you should do that.

  97. NTA The only one taking care of you physically and emotionally right now is you. Your cousin needs specialized housing and extreme care for his situation. He and your aunt need to work through the doctor’s office and arrange it. It wouldn’t just be the doors on your house that would need renovations, the structure would have to be reinforced for excessive weight and made handicap accessible. Realistically you could be talking over 10k, more likely multiply that several times over. This is too much to expect of anyone. This would disrupt your house, your schedule and your peace of mind. Also once they started staying there to get them out you would have to legally evict them through the courts if they said no. Talk to your therapist, letting anyone move into your home, your safe place and sanctuary is not in your best interest. Let your cousin and aunt deal with the doctors office to get a place that can accommodate them. Taking care of yourself is important.

  98. It's not rude at all not to offer to have 2 people live off you, especially if your house would need to be permanently altered to accommodate them. They can go to a hotel and use a disability accessible room which is already altered to be suitable. NTA

  99. NTA if someone wants something they should ask. But more importantly, your home is not able to accommodate them. If you need major structural changes for them to stay for a short them (the door wouldn’t be the only thing that needed altering) then it’s not feasible for them to stay. End of story.

  100. Info: Why did they choose a doctor so far away, when that is a pretty common procedure that many general surgeons can perform?

  101. From my understanding the more a person weighs the more specialized the doctor has to be so my cousin needs a specialized doctor for the surgery.

  102. NTA but why are ppl so against family living with them temporarily on this forum. If you feel comfortable with them living there and didn’t pick up on the request then u can just offer. As far as widening the front door. It may not be an option in all houses. I would assume it would go from single door to double door. And you can say that you don’t have the funds or the time to do it. Or if you are willing you can ask the aunt to foot the bill. The recovery is about 3-5 weeks. So it’s not long term.

  103. If they did stay with me it would a year and a half to two years. First my cousin needs to lose some weight under the supervision of the doctor before he is eligible. Then the recovery will come. He will also need physiotherapy to get him mobile again once he loses weight after the surgery. If he succeeds in losing weight he'll need to have his skin from the weight loss removed. Of there are complications the stay would be longer. Besides the door needing to be wider this is another factor in it.

  104. When I had cancer no one in my family came and took care of me. My insurance did have some home aides to assist me and my friends did too. But no one traveled to me and I was too sick to go home and my doctor was here anyways. My family thought I was being difficult like me being on the spectrum. If I did go home I wouldn't have needed my door to be widened so I could get in and out of the house as well.

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