just need to vent

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My mom wouldn't get me treatment for a medical condition when I was a kid and now I most likely wont be able to have kids, which was my mom's biggest dream for me.

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  1. I've seen so many comments in other subreddits about how after you have kids, you and your spouse no longer have the same love for one another. Now you both love the kid(s) more than eachother and you're no longer a couple but like, two people who devote eachother to the kid(s) above anything else. And I mean, I guess that makes sense since you should love and care for your kids? But it just sounds depressing to me. Like "yeah my husband/wife is no longer as important because kids." You're just these people who's sole purpose is now kids.

  2. I strongly believe that putting all your love and effort into your kids is why when they grow up and move away the parents divorce. They put no effort into their relationship, it all went into their children, so 20 years later they don't know or recognize the other person outside of how they fit within the child rearing framework.

  3. I'm sorry you got bothered with the bingos. Family bingos are the worst. Hopefully you can be a strong force in showing him there are different options when it comes to the lifescript. Although he is a boy so it probably is all a foreign concept to him. I'm glad you have us to vent to.

  4. And I am sure that he is being raised to be the "master" of his household too! Yeccchh!

  5. When the tour guide was asking for volunteers, I started looking down at my phone. Didn’t want to risk eye contact with her or the tour guide. And then the inevitable“oh will you move?”

  6. There's another downside to treating mothers special at work - it's actually not solving the root problem. At my company I think both mothers and fathers get 5-month parental leaves. Even though my area is very progressive, it's completely common that mothers always take off the whole 5 months and fathers only take part of those months off. Why? The answer is obvious - fathers just don't take on as much parental duties as mothers. So instead of complaining about "gender pay gap" which is mostly caused by the fact women tend to become mothers which makes them not be able to focus on their careers as much as men, we should fix the underlying problem - if a man becomes a father he should participate in raising his kid as much as the mother does. Then "mothers at work" would no longer be special (no more special than "father at work" anyway), in a good way!

  7. I’ve had this as well. On a lot of UK subs there are ‘how is everyone faring’ ‘what is it with people flashing their wealth’ ‘how are cafes/restaurants/bars still full’

  8. I think it would be fun to meet some of these people. After complaining how hard it is to get by because they're parents and they show up in a 1 year old SUV, with their nails recently done, Ray-bans on their face and one of those ugly Coach purses with the "C"'s on it. You will know that they are working for the show. Everything is about choice. They have chosen their nails over their children. Boop...I said it!

  9. I'm single and live in a state that generally has cheaper housing and the cheapest apartment I could find was a 480sq studio for $1089/month that I had to wait 3 months to move into. Until I got a job making $20/hour I didn't even make enough to qualify for this rent either. Seriously how are single people supposed to survive right now?

  10. And sadly, this becomes part of their decision making process if they are living with an SO right now. Where is the empathy for someone who is trapped in a shit relationship because they have to decide to have a place to live or not?

  11. I get so tired of people asking for money. If you worked as hard as I do for mine you would have some...and then people get snarky because I say no.

  12. This fills my heart with joy! Because how can you have just one? Crazy cat lady (6) and not ashamed to say it! I own that shit! (but I am definitely not keeping my cats Grey Gardens style!)

  13. I've had this fantasy too! Mine is an artists commune. Everyone lives in their own place and there is a signal letting people know if they can drop in and visit or not. I like to be alone so having someone around all the time would make me lose my shit.

  14. During Shakespeare's time, men mostly only had sex with their wives for reproduction and had sex with other men for enjoyment.

  15. I only get one life. My only job in this life is to make myself happy. (obviously without harming others) If I chose not to trade my personal time, health or wealth for another person then that is my choice.

  16. Anyone else also notice particular obituaries, ‘tributes’ or memorials, that women who pass away receive as well? Man… Because I saw so many, I noticed a pattern early on too, which influenced my realizations as I was growing up, about what is expected and demanded of women. Pay attention to what people (friends,relatives, fans, colleagues, etc….) tend to say first, or even only.

  17. I think this martyr sacrificial mentality is created when we're young. If you are only praised and rewarded when you are doing for someone else you begin to see it as normal. Girls are sugar and spice and everything NICE. So don't say anything, don't rock the boat, don't go out and get dirty and run around and play hard. Keep tidy and pretty and quiet. Be helpful, don't be difficult. While boys are encouraged to take part in competition and be adventurous. As long as women continue to raise their children along these guidelines things will remain the same. (because let's face it, not a lot of men are doing much child rearing) And why would they do it differently? They bought it themselves.

  18. My mom said the same about my cousin who travels a lot she said she needs to stay in her house and learn to cook, oh and that ppl who travel and go out never want kids. So stupid.

  19. Everyone should know how to cook. It is a basic necessity of life. You need to be able to feed yourself.

  20. I don't mind kids...I don't want any, but I don't mind them, mostly. What I do mind, and this does not only apply to parents but to anyone who feels that the rules do NOT apply to them. The quiet car is for quiet. The line forms at the back...the passing lane is for passing. The day to day entitlement gets my back up. You are NOT special...wait your fucking turn! No you may not skip to the front of the line because you have kids. It is not my responsibility to look out for YOUR kids. That's your job, you had em, YOU take care of them. And BTW, stop doing such a shit job parenting them. Parenting is a verb...it means an action is taken. Put in some effort and "raise" your child...which includes discipline and real consequences! I have met some great kids and it is clear that their parents put in the work to make useful, respectful, courteous and caring children.

  21. I hate it too. I’m not dysphoric about my gender but I feel like my personality and goals would have more suited the life afforded by a man in the current US society.

  22. Yes, it is great to be a tall brick house built woman. No one fucks with me. They used to a bit when I was younger and more naive. I will say this. I am not interested in dating, ANYONE. This is the vibe I put out, no flirting, nothing...just a straight forward, I say what I mean and mean what I say. No one would dare now.

  23. I've watched so many women in my life be left with nothing because they sacrificed everything for children and late in life their husband decided to leave. It would be dumb of me to do the same to myself.

  24. You were right. You only get one go around and there is no reward for sacrificing yourself for someone else's benefit. Your only duty in your life is make yourself happy, (not to the detriment of others) You do need to put yourself first, because you know that he is putting himself first, and his child before you as well. You are choosing to be happy and although the end of a relationship is hard, you only grow thru hardship and failure. It only gets better as you come to understand yourself and your goals .

  25. So the answer is obvious...a woman was speaking so he wasn't listening.

  26. People love Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil, but Susan Powter got a lot of hate. On her 1994 self-help TV show, she promoted an organic whole foods diet with regular cardio and strength training exercise. She said things like, “You’ve gotta eat, you’ve gotta breathe, and you’ve gotta move.”

  27. I think that she was a woman exercising her power(powter, haha). This was long before it was okay for women to expect to be heard and demand it. She was so upsetting for people because she was living it unapologetically. Men were threatened, women were shocked(but secretly envious).

  28. They don't always get the past quite right with the '70s and '80s nostalgia, though. I remember watching the movie Super 8 when it came out, and the teenager working at a gas station was wearing a Walkman. That movie took place in 1979, and assuming he could get his hands on one in the first few months it launched, it would have set him back about $200. That's the equivalent of over $800 today, and pretty unlikely purchase for a kid that was making probably $3 an hour part-time at a gas station.

  29. I think that there are lower levels of maturity in kids today, especially with respect to being responsible and accepting and understanding consequences. Sexually they are far more mature than we were! And 12 doesn't seem too young to be alone to me, but also what business is it of the neighbours? If the kid was 5, I would understand, but at 8 and my sister at 10, we were starting dinner, that was our job.

  30. My plan is 60. It is important to make a "decision" like that because it informs many of your other decisions. Do I really want this "extra pair of shoes" (or whatever) or would I rather have the money in 10 years...or do I want to have to deal with "this object" in ten years. It makes it much easier to spend less and not get caught in consumerism for the sake of consumerism.

  31. I spit out my coffee when I read this. 🤣

  32. All religions are exactly the same shit, different time periods

  33. When you understand that religion was created to control the poor people, of which there was many, to continue to serve the wealthy, of which there were few, and to stop a revolt/uprising. Sadly they forgot they made it up and fell victim to the manipulations.

  34. So he can have a hold on her. Men control women this way. Want a woman under your thumb? Knock her up under the guise of “having a family🥴”

  35. I think another point is that, (more with women), they have no identity of their own. They are so and so's mom, or blank's wife, or so and so's grandmother. Very often they don't even realize that they have no identity of their own but only in connection to who they are to other people and what they do for them.

  36. This happened to my mom so much so that she became an alcoholic when we got our drivers license and were more independent.

  37. Sometimes, when they get to middle age and have time for introspection they decide to change this dynamic and their people almost come after them with pitchforks. They don't like it when she is thinking and doing for herself...suddenly now she is being selfish instead of the doormat they prefer! It is really sad to realize that their love for her was conditional.

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