1. I hope there is no such thing. When I die I better be allowed do rest. ALL of me, together.

  2. The act of helping someone is by no means a negative experience. Helping another hurting human being is one of the easiest ways of self gratification.

  3. Your perspective helped me see this in different light and words of strength, thank you

  4. I would agree and you stated that well. Although we are addressing the original op in which the experiences of forgetfulness can be clinically explained and fall under simple PTSD symptoms.

  5. I find that underneath anger is usually alot of pain. Continuing abusive behavior towards ourself is actually quite normal. Not that it's healthy, rather it served a purpose. All that frustration is coming out. Take the time to listen to what he needs. Let him feel heard and seen and known. Our persecutor was mean in an attempt to keep us from needing because our needs seemed overwhelming. But when we learned that being needy was our way of seeking safety it all changed for us.

  6. I don't think wanting to love your own child is selfish at all. That you're concerned enough to ask for advise means you have every intention of doing the best possible job you can. To say we shouldn't have children is critical and judgemental. To want a degree of healing before jumping into parenthood is wisdom. Just keep in mind that the degree of stress can cause dormancy and all sorts of triggers. I've raised 2 and they r still alive. I spent most my time drinking to stay functional and wish I had more healing before but it didn't happen that way. But if you're willing to put in the work, and all your parts too, I would say yes, absolutely. Too many people have kids they don't want. That you actually want to pour your love into a child is huge! They will be lucky to have you!

  7. I'm sorry it's been so difficult! We find that much of our communication is non-verbal anyway. Something as simple as just sitting in silence with another part and sending love their way. After reading I feel the need to just breathe. You're carrying so much...don't forget to find some peace and beauty in life. It's what keeps us going!

  8. We always try our best, but we're not always able to make things work in the best way. None of us is as old as body age (23) for example, we don't feel like adults at all and relating to the adult world is difficult for us most of the time. I think this is our greatest difficulty in life as of now. We're all sure about one thing though: we're not going to give up, it's never gonna happen.

  9. Yes. One of the most important healing things I’ve done was to go back to that room and find the littlest (I mean in my mind) where he was crouched on the floor, shivering from the cold and frozen in shock. So I gently picked him up and carried him out of there, as he clung with his arms around my neck and whimpered. I think that was when I really started to heal.

  10. Beautiful. I know it doesn't make it all go away but it helps so much. Glad you could bring your little guy some relief!

  11. It's not that you'll go Dormant if you go into the headspace, it's that there's unexplored areas that hold other alters.

  12. On the other hand, pushing in a direction before you're stabilized can have seriously negative consequences. Whatever you do, GO SLOW. And have a support system in place.

  13. I think this is why many of us start to persue healing. It becomes impossible to live with the effects of trauma. Being able to separate the symptoms of what happened "then" and reduce those symptoms "now".

  14. We've seen her once or twice a month for about a year now. She's also the person who diagnosed us with PTSD and ADHD already. Those are the two things I try to get accomodations for at the moment. I tried to explain it to her multiple times already but she is ignoring nearly everything I tell her and honestly at this point I think searching for a new psychiatrist is my best option... The problem is that the new psychiatrist needs to get to know me as well and that takes time. And I don't know if I have that time anymore. Also i would feel bad for going to the trauma specialist as I'm on the waiting list already and if she got more time I wouldn't be on that list I guess. I just don't wanna bother anyone..

  15. You are not a bother. Never. It takes guts to stand up and fight for your system! We have been so cruely beaten down by the world but we have to keep fighting for what we deserve... compassion. A trauma specialist "should" be much more sensitive regarding you're needs. We had to stop seeing our therapist because she kept triggering us. But finding the right one is so rewarding. It's well worth investing the time again.

  16. Homosexuality is formed due to a prenatal biological event, a preventable congenital event caused by deficiency of minerals and or vitamins during pregnancy. (Epigenetics by Dr Joel Wallach) The pre-optic area of the hypothalamus in the brain of homosexual men is smaller than that of heterosexual men.

  17. Trauma is distress without resolve. The healing process looks like helping all parts to realize that although they are still experiencing distress, we can help bring resolve. We can help them put what happened in the past where it belongs so it doesn't continue to cause us distress.

  18. We have trouble reading faces. Our abuser smiled at us and hurt us. So we don't know what to expect. I can see how receiving compliments could also raise doubts as to their intentions. I guess my question would be are the compliments genuine? Are they coming from a place of understanding who you really are?

  19. I describe myself as the one that holds our shit together. I think therapists are misinformed about us being able to "summon at will" different parts. Although there is truth in each part taking a degree of responsibility for their forward growth. For some it's harder to do because of amnesia. But if you can co-front it's easier, like taking a child by the hand and helping them to complete a hard task. We don't just expect them to do it on their own. We come alongside them and help them to process so they don't stay stuck.

  20. You haven't failed in any way. I personally don't think it's so bad, rather a way of trying to regulate ourselves within a window of tolerance. Not that I condone sh, rather I think we just get to a point and we don't know what else to do. We get desperate. So we try and find other ways to cope and replace the not so helpful ways. I know it's discouraging when you've come so far, but having those desires in and of itself isn't bad. It's pointing us to another area that need healing. Sounds like you've made the connection of what triggered you and that is huge progress!

  21. Don't tell him. If someone refuses to listen there is no way to explain logic to them.

  22. So my take...all these parts are trying to make sense of a traumatic situation. They respond in ways that are best for our system at the time and then they get stuck in that time frame. So we approach all behavior as doing what we knew to survive. It's not that they are intentionally trying to be bad, they want to survive, to make it all hurt less, to try and make sense of the pain. We almost always blame ourselves. Thats why sucd* rate is so high for us. But it's not our fault and never was. Yes parts are acting out and the behavior is no longer appropriate. But at one time it was. The work they have done has saved us. I think that should be honored! They did what was needed. Now it's our turn to take care of them, to teach them a better way. But by criticizing them I think tends to push them away even more. They are just hurting. When we stop and ask what and what they need...they felt validated and heard.

  23. What you call controlled switching...could you be referring to developing co-consciousness or "how to leave the situation and someone else takes over"?

  24. I cannot thank you enough for this , I wish I could do better than silver!! thank you so much

  25. Also these. I get so much out of this site. If the author is truly on here...thank you!

  26. There is nothing dumb about what your experiencing. We get the "hamster ball" feeling that just keeps going around and around.

  27. Thank you - you responded to me somewhere else as well. I apparently did not explain myself correctly there, but you understood - so thank you

  28. I do not like this community: I just want advice but can't post. I have been a member for while...I am growing to hate myself for seeking help. I started the journey a couple of months ago when I became very distressed and my reactions were impulsive and overly emotional. I tried to post here and in plural. I post can't in either. I made the decision to seek help-i've got a therapist now, but that took a month. It is horrible to be in a place where you finally ask for help- and then you realize you have to fight to get it.

  29. Please don't hate yourself for seeking help. It still is so hard for us because we didn't have anyone when we were little that would help. But we are bigger now and we know how to bring relief to some of these hurting parts. You're wants and needs are valid. It's ok to be hurt. Sending hugs your way!

  30. Not looking for advice...but the problem probably won't just go away. What we resist persists.

  31. Being able to switch between alters at will is something that can be developed if that's what you're asking.

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