1. Get a lawyer and go to court for custody agreement. This kind of stuff will come up during such a thing and will be held against her.

  2. The guy says he has only met her 4 MONTHS ago. It's way, way too early to ask for 50/50 custody. His wants don't override what's best for the child. Weekly visitation or maybe taking her one night a week would be way better start.

  3. You're right. And during that time the mother is bad mouthing him. How is that good for the child?

  4. It's not. They both suck, imo, and are not thinking about what's best for the child.

  5. YTA. Part of a relationship is sometimes accepting the shortcomings of our partner. None of us are perfect (you included).

  6. Yes, this is fairly well put. I sympathize with OP bc this sounds super annoying, and something that's like little constant prickles that keep up until you blow up. And yet, however understandable, you can still be an AH for how you handle it.

  7. This is ridiculous, she was handed the bag for ONE thing only. She knew it was one thing. If I tell someone to "get something from my room" why on earth would they think that's an invitation to take something else as well? You don't simply make the assumption that you can use whatever you like just because you were handed the purse, that's called entitlement.

  8. Would you hand your bag over if you had a gun in it? I know it's not the same, but it's still a weapon nonetheless and OP was irresponsible with it. Top that with the fact that the friend was drunk enough to point what she thought was perfume away from herself, and it's not a pretty picture.

  9. I didn’t realize replying was arguing. I think a few people asked questions or needed understand. I realize this format does not allow for entire history but this was suggested to me

  10. The exclamation marks are definitely doing you in. You are also being too agressive, and it comes across as arguing. Take a step back, breath a little and then answer people calmly. There is no need for agression to get your point through.

  11. I have always been an !! type of writer, don’t know why. Feels like attack mode from people here and I have to defend myself. I did not know I was not supposed to reply back and someone yelled at me about that…

  12. You can always answer back when people ask questions. Clarifying without a prompt can be seen as a border case depending on what/why you are clarifying.

  13. I actually think OP is a bit unreasonable. The gf is only 18, barely an adult. She probably still lives at home and is financially dependant on her father. OP can defend himself and feel good about that, but he's leaving his gf to deal with the shit he stirred. It sounds difficult to live with someone like this and, imo, it's quite telling she started crying.

  14. I was always told not to worry my kids about money issues, I'm just not sure how?

  15. Yes, you should not place that burden on your kids, but there is a difference between worrying about everyday money (food and basic living costs) and extras like these. It would be bad if your kid had to worry if they can get another glass of milk in the dinner table or new clothes when they grow out of the old ones. But it is fine for them to understand that their mom is not made of money and can't drop 1k+ on new clothes whenever (bc that list looked like 1k if you buy brand stuff new). It's not realistic. New brand clothes are a luxury anyway, and even more so in this volume...

  16. OP, you should suggest that FSIL be a groomswoman rather than a flower girl. You say your fiancé needs loved ones to stand up for him. FSIL is an adult and an important part of fiancé's family. She should 100% be a part of the wedding party but in a role that is age appropriate. If you simply don't want FSIL in the bridal party, than YTA.

  17. Or give her the honor of being the best woman. They can modify the duties depending on what she actually can do.

  18. YTA. I may have done the same in a hurry, so fine, you borrowed her deodorant when you did not know she'd be bothered. Fine. She then let you know that she was uncomfortable with that. What did you do then. Did you apologize? No, you did not. I stead of you doubled down and started a fight.

  19. ESH. Since you and your friend talk openly about this part of your life, I would say it's fine to take up your concerns with her. I'm not so sure about going to the wife though. It should be your friend's job to make sure she isn't part of cheating, so you may be overstepping. On the other hand, I would like to know if my partner was cheating on me. So it's a bit damned if you do damned if you don't.

  20. NAH. You are not wrong to want the money, but if she doesn't have the money, she doesn't have the money. You could talk about payment schedule. Maybe she can get something for you now and the rest over time. Cause really, 40k is a lot of money, and unemployed person can't even get a loan to cover it, so it's unreasonable to expect her to magic up the money right this minute.

  21. Info: did you call him out for using racist language (like, please don't use racist language/that word) or did you just call him racist?

  22. Ok, imo you should call him out for "slipping up" and using the word. You were very much in the right in that part.

  23. Yeah, or since it's Nutella just eat it with a spoon in her room. Or buy mini Nutella packages to have outside the home. There are plenty of options that don't include endangering another person's life.

  24. You assume they are in the US. They may be in a country where age limits only apply to public spaces and not to alcohol that's consumed at home. It's another conversation if it's smart.

  25. That is the conversation I was having.

  26. Also if we continue on the legalities aspect, while this sub is about moralities, legalities do affect the judgement. In some cases more, in some cases less.

  27. I think there are a lot of points in this post to talk about, but this one is not really bad: it's about how they felt as a child when they got a gift they didn't want. Didn't you ever have a wish you so so very badly wanted and then you didn't get it? Or you got something you really didn't like or want which also meant you didn't get something you wanted or would have liked?

  28. ESH, telling anyone that they deserve something bad that they had no power over is always a asshole thing to do(even if totally justified), Maya is an asshole for obvious reasons.

  29. If you think it's justified, you may want to update to NTA, for justified AH.

  30. NTA. You can't force him to do it, but the fact he isn't willing to tie up the loose ends is concerning. Is there some underlying reason he isn't sharing or is he generally this apathetic in other areas of his life? Perhaps he isn't ready for another marriage so staying married is an easy excuse, could be a multitude of reasons but it certainly would piss me off too. I mean, definitely NTA, you guys have a kid on the way so it's obviously a serious relationship - he needs to pull his head out of his backside and take care of his business.

  31. And not just for their relationship. Lola and her partner are victims of his dragging feet too, although I wonder where they live that Lola can't do the filing.

  32. I’ll take the risk of being down voted to oblivion but here goes. ESH - your mother should not just invite people to stay in your home without permission. That’s wrong. But I’m not understanding your reluctance to host your mothers boyfriend other than the fact he’s not your Dad. Most parents I knew of in my college days hosted their children’s significant other for a few days over the summer. The vast majority of them had not met them in person nor spoken to them on the phone. I honestly don’t see much of a difference between housing your adult children’s significant others and your mothers new beau aside from you possibly having some fear of your mom moving on.

  33. I don't think it's unreasonable if they are staying the night or longer at OP's house. The mom has only dated him for 3 monts, and it seems fairly casual from the description. OP has never met him, and the mom can't know him that well either. If the mom and bf would be just coming for the dinner, I'd agree. It'd be ESH. As things stand, it's really NTA.

  34. She could have also made up an excuse to not come? Funerals are for the living after all, so taking something and, hell, maybe selling it afterwards would have probably been better for the living relatives OP went there to support. Bonus points for discreetly giving the memory a finger in that way.

  35. That might hold water if the two youngest (16 and 19) hadn't been asked to be there to help.

  36. YTA. You were fine to ask her to babysit. It's even fine to order her to babysit in an emergency like this one, because she is part of the family unit and needs to pitch in.

  37. ESH. While they shouldn’t be that dense where they’d mess up food so badly, you shouldn’t be taking it out on them.

  38. Yup, eating the maple syrup mess would have been natural consequences. And who knows, maybe it would have been an eatable combination. You do put sugar/syrup to tomato sauce, so while adding maple syrup sounds, erm, interesting it may not have been that bad if she didn't drown the dish in it. And if she did drown it, well, it still would have fed her.

  39. I mean the dad married when OPwas well past her teen years and has since been her own independent person who has since moved past needing a mother figure to bond w.

  40. Oh, for sure she doesn't have to. But if it's your parent's long time partner it does come across a bit like a refusal to get to know your sibling's partner or your friend's partner. All doable I suppose, you don't really need to see them for anything other than an occasional dinner/party, but it's a shame to put in zero effort.

  41. No it’s not a shame. They’re parents new partners aren’t around as much in their lives so there’s no influence so there’s no point to make an effort on OP’s part

  42. What do you mean by influence? I'm kinda baffled honestly cause I'm clearly missing your meaning. As said, there is no obligation to get to know people in your extended family (which spouses of your family members are), but imo it is a bit sad if you don't make any effort. That of course applies to both parties. Depending, it may also mean your children won't know their cousins or visiting grandparents will be awkward since there is that strange adult your parent hasn't wanted to get to know/be somewhat friendly with etc. But everyone does as they will. 🤷‍♀️

  43. Info: am I reading between the lines correctly that Michael's dealing with mental health issues and/or neurodivergency (ADHD), and you brought that up in retaliation? Or are his circumstances something unrelated to his brain?

  44. And if OP was promoted to a position of power in relation to the AH employee, she has more responsibility to act "correctly". Her response could have been something like this is not acceptable/we'll be talking with HR about this. It's unprofessional but still one thing for people on the same level to fight dirty, but if someone in higher position does so...😬

  45. I didn't even think about that. Leaning into possibly ablest language as a manager is incredibly gross. Totally shut the dude down, report him, and get him fired - but you also need to set the tone for the rest of the team.

  46. INFO is it common for bartenders to join in a wedding? I have never heard about cateres/bartenders/photographers/ect who were paid to be at an event participating in the festivities beyond maybe having a plate at dinner. She wasn't a guest, I'd be annoyed if I was paying someone to bartenders for me and they were hitting the dancefloor.

  47. Yeah, couldn't imagine seeing this where I'm from, but maybe it's the done thing somewhere? Or some specific community? I was reading this like, wait what? Do people actually do this somewhere?🤯

  48. Well, I'd argue that's more a work trip.

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