1. I see it as a way of asking for more sex. See? While you were away I had two carrots because I was lonely

  2. It was her joint account that she shared with her now ex boyfriend. Because all couples do that before marriage, right? Especially when she is 22. This is classic.

  3. That, plus if I felt like leaving the browser trail behind me, I bet I could find a carrot shaped dildo out there on the internets..

  4. Even top quality, organic carrots are stupidly cheap. Even if he sticks multiple prime carrots up his ass during the day every day for a year the amount wouldn't be "copious".

  5. Yep no way this is real. And if he is sticking those up his ass I would be very suprised that he did not lose one within the year and had to go to the doctor.

  6. that drove it home fully for me, but started having my suspicions when she said it happened 2 years ago, then said “let’s flashback to a year ago”.

  7. Right? Who tf has a joint account within a year of getting together? That sounds like a really really bad idea.

  8. Yeah that seems like a shitty reality to be in. Same with the sex, you work hard and then have to work in bed too.

  9. They way you write makes me think you're 14 and the details make me think it's all a huge pile of BS. Shared account with a seemingly short lived relationship? Bags of carrots ? No way.

  10. I think the giveaway was "spending copious amounts". Carrots are like 19p a kilo, even if you consider £1 to be a copious amount of money the man would be dead.

  11. Horny teens of this sub will upvote anything sexual, even more so if it's obviously made up.

  12. I'm calling BS. Why would you have a joint account with someone you were in less than a yr relationship with?

  13. I saw a TIFU post about a dude getting hair Lazer off his ass and the lady commented on his wedding ring BUT he thought it was his ass.

  14. YES! I'm glad people are catching on to the point a comment like this is at least halfway up the page, I hope one day it can be the top comment, then eventually we all just agree to downvote these things.

  15. I'm sorry, but I cannot stand whatever the fuck this sub has become. I mean, this reads like a 6th grader's 'comedic' erotic short-story. These are barely even trying to be realistic stories anymore. This whole story just seemed like a set-up for a bunch of butt-play jokes about carrots. "I'm not one to kink shame, but my boyfriend wanting to shove phallic vegetables up his ass ruined our relationship." How adventurous of you. Would you break up with your girlfriend if she left her dildo out or wanted to rub a vegetable on herself to get off if you're claiming to be so open minded? They were together for *at least* a year, and this 'Non-kink-shaming' person left them over this? This is seriously nonsense. How is this even remotely believable? This is erotica written for middle-schoolers.

  16. Brutal.. I love it and totally agree. The pre-thought surplus of jokes and cheesy/puny humor is usually a dead giveaway.

  17. My favourite part was describing the amount of money spent on carrots when they're about 50p for bag of them. Let's say 2 big carrots cost 20p and he was said to be using 2 a day. That's £73 a year...

  18. This is it folks. It finally happened. We had to survive through eight months of 2020 to see it, but we are here. The worst reddit post of all time. It's momentous, and I know I'll never forget it. I can finally unsub from

  19. to be fair, it was clear for a while that, if the worst post ever was to be written some day, it would be on

  20. Glad someone agrees. I just left a much longer comment on here for this exact reason. This sub has turned into a "Give me upvotes for making jokes about 'kinky sex'. Extra points if I say I'm a lady"

  21. Saves the carrots but buys bags of them with the joint account. Can only get off on it but has never told anyone else ever about it. Totally verbose and graphic. I don't understand how anyone is actually responding to this like it's remotely true. This sub is such utter crap now.

  22. This is BS. No one could spend ‘copious’ amounts of money on carrots. Carrots are cheap. And coming home to ‘soggy carrots’ and lube. Get out. I’m not buying it.

  23. A 5 lb bag of carrots costs about $4 at Walmart. I'd estimate conservatively that they come with like 15 in a bag. This means that about $8/mo was spent on carrots, even cheaper if baby carrots are used. This not a copious amount of money spent on carrots and I don't even believe you had a joint account with your boyfriend.

  24. This story is a lie. A bag of carrots is only about $2. Unless he was buying organic. Also, carrots don't go soggy in the shower, I know because I used to eat carrots as a shower snack.

  25. I don't think carrots are a safe thing to stick up your bum. What if it broke off and you were left with a bit of carrot stuck there? Actual sex toys pass safely tests to ensure something like that couldn't happen.

  26. Bollocks. Just not having it. How much are carrots? Fuck all. You can't complain about him spending loads of money on them. They're pennies each.

  27. Of all the possible things he could have said, of all the possible fetishes he could be into- sticking something up his butt is pretty low on the “WTF” hierarchy.

  28. my brother in law works in the ER and just pulled a carrot out of a mans ass last weekend. actually, it was a 15 year old kid. I just wonder how long it took before the kid went to his parents. "mom, dad...don't be mad"

  29. Can we get a real TIFU for god sakes. Godamn Karma farmers. I think, that the likely scenario here is that the OP is the carrot fucker and they wanted to poll the internet to see what people would think.

  30. Well shit, I love sticking things up my ass, but not vegetables. I prefer a simple smooth vibrator and or a prostate massager. Best orgasms us men will EVER have, give it a try, it will leave your legs shaking.

  31. And the angel of the lord came unto me Snatching me up from my place of slumber And took me on high and higher still Until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own Midwest And as we descended cries of impending doom rose from the soil One thousand nay a million voices full of fear And terror possessed me then And I begged Angel of the Lord what are these tortured screams? And the angel said unto me These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard Tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat Like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers! Can I get an amen? Can I get a hallelujah? Thank you Jesus

  32. Okay but I just need to know if OP is Aussie ? Need to know if my Aussie detection skills are as good as I think

  33. I was all set to give you grief for reacting badly to his harmless delight, but.... leaving used carrots around greasy and sad is....damn..... yeah, that would put me off too.... damn.

  34. Putting vegetables in your orifices is asking for infections. His scoffing won't prevent an ass infection.

  35. Sometimes these are just specific enough that I think there’s no doubt the person the post is about reads it.

  36. "sticking carrots up his clacker..." That gave me a fit of laughter. sorry you had to deal with that and the carrot letdown, but seriously, thanks for sharing.

  37. Moral of the story is: do not ask for a secret if you are not ready to hear it (or be prepared to deal with said secret)

  38. I think you’re a massive asshole for going online to tell the world about it. Imagine how you’d feel if you were him and you read some intimate details about you posted on reddit by an ex.

  39. Taking advantage of someone being drunk to invade their privacy and get them to tell secrets they don't want to tell is fucked up, especially if you're pretending to care about them on top of that.

  40. I used to do this for my then-boyfriend when I was younger. Didn't really know much about sex, and the concept of buying and using a dildo was too embarrassing for me.

  41. Ah man, What wouldn’t happen if he made dinner nd it’s was carrot related? Did you trust him he didn’t shove t up his ass first?

  42. A man visits a doctor and says "Doc, I like to stick carrots up my ass but I'm worried it's making my asshole orange"

  43. I laughed, but i feel for you. He seriously didn't want to have sex though? Only liked to stick carrots (or anything) up his ass? That's unfortunate

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