1. Hey no I did at the start but once I realised it was every night, I ask if he can tell me the next day or later. He gets offended and seems sad, but still hasn't stopped, and it's been months.

  2. An hour before you go to bed, say, this is your last chance to tell me any long stories because in an hour I’m going to bed, remember?

  3. You've been at this for months? And he's not understanding how it feels or what it means for you? And doesn't appear to care?

  4. Yep. He is either trying to damage your relationships and your sleep, or he has some deep insecurity that is manifesting in this deeply annoying and selfish behaviour.

  5. There have been multiple posts on here from people whose partners intentionally wake them up or keep them awake as a power play or form of abuse.

  6. Yeah, at this point I would be demanding answers from him when he starts this shit, I can't believe it's been going on for months. I'd start tell him I'm leaving the house/headed to bed way earlier than I intend to (to not interrupt my own plans), and then grill the shit out of him.

  7. I wonder if he is ADHD. I'm ADHD, and my memory is relational. So pre-diagnosis, when something triggered a memory it felt like I had to express it right away because who knows when I'd next remember it. To me what it sounds like is happening is OP is saying "I'm going to bed". And his memory is going "oh shit you wanted to tell her about this thing".

  8. Reminds me of abuse too. My ex would try to control and mess with my sleep. If I were in this relationship myself, I would be seriously scared.

  9. He doesn’t want to move closer to your work, he doesn’t want to shut up and let you go to sleep, are you sure he loves you? Because it’s sounding like you just exist to be the audience for his massive ego, and play dumb control games, but he doesn’t care much about your well-being. Time to shut the bedroom door and lock it at 10 pm, and find a BF who at least pretends to care.

  10. It's okay for him to be offended. Let him feel that discomfort and let it spur him to change his behaviour, which is the cause of the problem. I encourage you to suppress your instincts for "politeness" and just rigidly enforce hard cutoffs; he knows when you have to go and it is not rude for you to refuse to be pushed past that.

  11. My husband sometimes will do this. We have different bedtimes, and honestly my brain starts shut-down mode about 30 minutes before I actually go do the toothbrushing and stuff. Never mind that we have been hanging out on the couch for the last hour, often he remembers something I HAVE to know when I'm heading to bed. I just let him talk while I do what I'm doing. It isn't registering anyway--my brain hears him making noise, but that's all. I've also totally fallen asleep while he's talking. Of course there are times I miss information that would have been good to know, but we function pretty well anyway.

  12. I had a roommate who would do this, specifically the part where he’d start telling me about his day as I was trying to get ready to leave. He was autistic (diagnosed as a kid) and he needed to info dump while also not seeing social cues that I wasn’t interested. I basically had to say, in clear plain language, that this was not a good time to talk and that he could talk to me another time. I had to do this multiple times, and I wouldn’t indulge him. Eventually he figured it out.

  13. I had mild autism I grew out of (now the research says it is similar neurologically to ADHD and there is definitely symptom overlap). I struggled with conversations because when I wanted to say something I would really feel like I was going to burst until I got it out. But I also wouldn't let people I liked off the phone because of fear of abandonment, which had nothing to do with my autism. I had like really low EQ and was not self aware.

  14. You need to be more direct - "I'm going to bed in half hour, story time is done." And repeat the latter part when he starts a story (he will).

  15. As a mental health professional sounds like he might not be aware he has some wierd form of anxiety relating to a loved one leaving or going to bed. If I had to guess he might've been scared to go to bed alone or see his mom go to work and he would capture her attention via stories. but thats a guess lol. Only way to solve this is to have a real conversation about it with him in the middle of the day when you both have time, if he's willing.

  16. Finally an answer that isn’t “he’s trying to mess up your sleep so you perform poorly at work”, like who the ef would jump to this kind of toxic paranoid conclusion. Sounds like you may have hit the nail on the head with this one.

  17. I have to wonder how consistently going to the bathroom the moment she says she's going to bed fits into this. That seems like something consistent with wanting to delay her more than just having something to talk about that can't wait.

  18. Before you go home tonight, get some comfortable noise canceling earbuds. At your bedtime turn on the white-noise, or something else to drown him out & go to sleep. He can talk to himself.

  19. I would be petty and wake him up in the morning to tell him a story. Get offended and hurt when he tells you to stop.

  20. My ex husband used to do this as a form of manipulation. That's not a crazy theory I have. He actually admitted it. He said it was to teach me that he was in charge and that I shouldn't make decisions without his agreement.

  21. It’s an anxiety reaction for him. You’re going to be unavailable so he suddenly remembers something he wanted to tell you to keep you there, whether consciously or unconsciously.

  22. I’m dying to know what these “stories” are… like is he complaining about someone at work? Telling OP he did something notable? Just how does he have multiple long-winded tales that only unfold at others’ inconvenience???

  23. ive dealt with this before, just tell them to write it down and tell you another time. if they arent willing to do that, just flat out tell them you arent interested unfortunately as, your boundary isnt being respected. then let them know that, shocker, when you feel respected- you are more willing to listen to these things.

  24. That sounds like separation anxiety. I have an old acquintance who were just like that at any point where I mentioned being short on time or needing to go.

  25. He sounds like he's behaving manipulatively and doing this as some sort of power move. He's being an AH and intentionally messing with your plans. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't respect your (frequently repeated) boundaries?

  26. This sounds exactly what my bf does to me. He knows I like to eat alone because anxiety is rough on me. He likes to talk to me as soon as my food is done cooking. At first it was just annoying but I indulged and ate my cold food alone. After a while, i started telling him to just come with me to the room if he wants to talk to me and that still makes him huff and puff and Follow me like IM the inconvenience. It's weird and now I'm also wondering if he does it on purpose

  27. Sleep deprivation is an insidious manipulation tactic. Mine would always start fights right before bed amd keep me up til 2am. Id have to get upat 4am for work while she sleeps til 10 or 11.

  28. If you've asked him time and time again to stop, and he's still doing it, I think it's time to get angry. Your boyfriend is depriving you of sleep, knowingly, even when you've asked him to stop! And this isn't just about story time - you are sneaking into the bathroom to brush your teeth so that he doesn't take it over and make you stay up later.

  29. You might have to shift from nice to firm or even blunt/disciplinary. My partner was making me late for work distracting me with long stories. I gave one warning “time wrap it up” and then as soon as time was up “we can talk later, I have to go.” If he tried to start again - hand up in start position and a firm “no” or “what did I say.” Let him see you be annoyed. You’re protecting him from natural consequences by being patient and calm and saving your annoyance to post on Reddit. Make it clear if he doesn’t respect your boundary, you will reduce contact with him. Get ready at home or your friends place. Sleep apart. Consider taking a break (say a week apart) for him to decide if this habit is worth the relationship to him.

  30. Go to bed/your apt anyway when he starts, then wake him up at 5:45 to tell you the story before your day starts.

  31. My adhd brain could be like this. I think you're right to cut him off. Maybe you can just tell him you're leaving/ going to bed 30 minutes before you plan to (but don't tell him that). Otherwise he just needs to deal with being butt hurt until he learns to save it.

  32. I suggest you tell him you’re going to bed earlier than 10 for now as your health is vital and of utmost importance. If your goal is 10, tell him you’re going to bed when 9 strikes the clock. 9pm hits: “Headed to bed now! 🥱” Then start getting ready for bed. Every partner has their weird quirks we have to learn to overcome 🤷🏻‍♀️

  33. This is a good idea thank you, I think I would have to actually get up and go for him to start on the story though, otherwise he will just do it again when I actually go to bed. But I'll go earlier and play on my switch or something.

  34. Tough to say for sure, but I am definitely leaning towards this not being some sort of abusive power play and more personality trait. Whether it's from ADHD, separation anxiety, or being on the spectrum is anyone's guess.

  35. Just a plug for the genuinely oblivious guys who do dumb shit like this. The following may ultimately reveal my Reddit account to my wife (hi gorgeous!) but here goes.

  36. I feel like this misses the mark so badly. You just wanted to tell this long story about you standing in doorways and make it some how relatable to OP's situation. OP's spouse is messing with OP's sleep. That is not a cute or quirk.

  37. Midwestern goodbyes are like this too. You need to give like 20 minutes to physically exit a location unless you are slipping out unnoticed. The last minute news updates and schedule information as well as hugs and leftovers get doled out as you are trying to get out the door haha

  38. I don’t know about your boyfriend but I don’t consider the stories I want to tell my partner more important than his well-being. Quite often, I really want to tell him something but I acknowledge there’s a place and a time for my crazy stories. If I start and he tells me he would like to listen to it at another time, I respectfully wait.

  39. You said you have to wake up early and he tends to sleep till 8.30 am. Just wake him up at 6 and tell him to finish the story. If he refuses to get up pretend to be hugely upset and sad. Do this for a few days and his storytelling will stop.

  40. "No." as in "No, I am not listening to you, I am going to bed/out/whatever" is something kids understand ata very young age.

  41. You are going to have to have a confrontation, and also tell him to STFU when you need to sleep. Your sleep is just as important as good diet and exercise where your health is concerned. Don't put up with that. Dude sounds like he is oblivious and has no self-awareness.

  42. Is your BF compulsively clingy/dependent on you? Might be having some sort of odd panicked reaction to you “leaving” him alone even if you’re just going to bed.

  43. “ Hey babe, i’m tired and headed to bed. I’ll make a note to ask you about the story when I have time tomorrow.”

  44. My wife does similar kinds of stuff. She'll start telling me something as I'm walking away, etc. Years ago I just started walking away and doing what I was doing, then I come back into the room when I'm done and say "what were you saying?" and that's that. I think you're right that it's a control thing (she's the more controlling person in our relationship), so you just need to set and stick to your boundaries. Controlling people are just that way, and there's not much you can do to change them, so you just have to not let them control you.

  45. Sleep deprivation is an insidious abuse tactic. He is taking advantage of your kind nature to allow his abuse of you. Frankly, he deserves to be told off, fuck his fee-fee's, full stop. I'd dump him, honestly.

  46. He could potentially be doing this on purpose, but it’s most likely an aspect of social incompetence. My advice would to have the talk to him again. And repeatedly state that this is a boundary, and if he insists on ignoring it, you’re within your full right to ignore whatever he’s saying. It’s a simple “if you do this, I WILL react like this”. Also, it’s perfectly okay to say that it’s building some resentment on your end.

  47. You need to tell people like this to shut up nicely. After being nice you have to be more forceful. Their brain just doesn't get it.

  48. I was like this, although mine was a trauma response his could just be anxiety or a habit that he never broke as a child. Either way, you pointed it out to him, now you need to stop indulging him. Whenever I fall back into this pattern all it takes is a gentle reminder because I care about how my actions affect those around me. I don't want my partner overly tired or missing out on family time because of me.

  49. Get something that makes a loud noise and keep setting it off while he tries to tell his story. Then put headphones on and walk away from him, tell him goodnight. If he tries to follow, lock the door behind you.

  50. I sort of do this. For me it’s always when I lay in bed. I get a second wind and my brain starts thinking of a thousand things. So sometimes we lay down early so I can get it all out because when I’m in bed is when I get my “best” ideas.

  51. Yep you might be polite but you're also allowing your boundaries to be over stepped. He probably just wants someone to stay up late with him and he's being selfish. Tell him no stories after 10pm, start listening to a podcast before bed. Make a ritual and once that ritual starts you're in wind down for sleep. If he continues put in earbuds. If he tries to keep doing it, then you need to take the earbud out and just say what? We can talk about this tomorrow, put a pin in it. Flash a smile and put the earbud back in. Done.

  52. I'm going to speculate on why he's doing this - he's insecure you have competing responsibilities or interests in your life, and engaging in this interrupting behavior is his unconscious way of reassuring himself that he's important to you.

  53. I would walk in. Greet him and when we have tea or are relaxing say something like “do you have anything you want to tell me? I’d like to hear it now because I have plans later and won’t have time to listen”.

  54. So many stories in this thread of (mostly) women recommending how to daily manage a partner’s manipulative/self-absorbed/controlling behavior as if they were a small child. Life is short and precarious. Nothing is promised. Is this how you really want to spend the time you have?

  55. You already got a lot of good advice, so I'll just commiserate. Though she doesn't get offended when I politely cut her off, my wife is the same way. I will literally have one foot out the door and then she starts a story. I think she just has a bit of impulsiveness about sharing things. There are much worse problems to have and I am glad we communicate pretty well, but it's annoying at times.

  56. I had an ex who did something similar to this. Just as we were splitting up (over many things, not just this), I asked him why and he said 'control'.

  57. Dude this is a weird power move. Move somewhere closer to your work and decide if you even still want to be together.

  58. Your BF has separation anxiety. Also being quite immature in that he is showing ZERO respect for you meeting with family or sleeping with your hectic schedule.

  59. So stop being polite to him about this. If you're about to go somewhere, simply leave in the middle of his story. If he gets pissed, tell him "look you knew I was leaving at 7 PM, Why would you start something you couldn't finish by then?"

  60. If you weren’t explicitly telling him not to and warning him you were going to bed in 30 minutes, I’d say you could chalk it up to social incompetence. But you are explicitly warning him and he’s still continuing to do it. That’s purposeful at that point. This is definitely some kind of weird power play.

  61. This can be a symptom of mild anxiety. Or just general anxiety. Does your boyfriend exhibit any other symptoms? Does he over examine things? Have a hard time making purchasing decisions?

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