1. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

  2. I know you've invested a lot into the wedding, but going into a serious commitment as a marriage and starting off with this new information considering all your thoughts and emotions, is not wise at all. You should at least postpone and discuss the way forward. You need time to process. Money comes and goes my dear. The wedding shouldn't be at the costvof your mental and emotional well-being.

  3. she did it specifically to trap him, but at a point before the marriage so that she doesn't feel like he's trapped. but either way, absolute bullshit and there's no way he should marry this person unless he's okay with her pulling this type of bullshit again.

  4. Seriously. Don’t go through with it. My aunt got married knowing she shouldn’t because of these same reasons - saw the sign right before the wedding, but it was already paid for, people flew in. Took her three years to get out and she wishes she would have just called it off.

  5. I had to break off an engagement once. 3 months before the wedding. I was feeling stressed about the whole thing, was young and thought I had to go through with it, because honor, I proposed, responsibilities. Blah blah blah. In spite of her cheating on me. Yeah, I know, messed up. Young, dumb, naive, stupid.

  6. Great advice and fresh perspective. Your parents sound nice. I hope that conversation came from love. How did you take it? Did you break down crying. I think I would have if that burden was so heavy.

  7. This is the perfect plan right here OP. Do not marry this woman. What she did by telling you now was to ease HER conscience. This is not a person you want to marry. She is insanely selfish. Use the venue for a family reunion and a Dodging the Bullet Celebration

  8. Call it off. Why marry someone because of money? What else will she lie about? BTW If you’ve gotten two women pregnant how do you have fertility issues?

  9. Are you sure you have fertility issues? Did you do a fertility test with a doctor? Just saying, because many people think that but it's usually miscommunication with the doctors.

  10. How do many people think they have fertility issues when they don't? I have no heard of this before, so would like to understand

  11. It's clearly a deal breaker for you, so it won't work. You may have spent all this money, but it's not too late. If you think she did this on purpose, then she probably did and thought it'd be a good idea to do it at a moment where she thinks you can't turn back.

  12. There are two issues here. One is the upcoming wedding, the other is the breach of trust. You don’t need to tackle both of these at the same time. You can pause the wedding for now while you process and decide what to do.

  13. My mother wishes to this day that she called off her first wedding. She got pressured into it by family because of sunk costs. Her husband later turned out to be not just an adulterer, but a bisexual swing partier.

  14. Think about why she CHOSE this moment to tell you. She knew it was a deal breaker, and hid it from you until now, knowing it would be to late to back out of the wedding, basically forcing you to suck it up and go through with it. If she handles this issue like in this manner, try to imagine how she'll handle things in the future.

  15. Eh he doesnt have to have a wedding. If this really is a deal breaker for him, he can tell people about this, move on and have a big ass party for family.

  16. She's using the social pressure of your entire family already being here to make sure you don't back out of marrying her. She knows it would be horrible for you to call it off. If she really cared she would have told you with ample time to think things over and process.

  17. Hey. Go say all of this to her. And have a conversation. Then make a post about how it went and we’ll tell you whether you should break up and what not but communication is key so go say ALL of that to her.

  18. Do not spend the rest of your life with this person JUST BECAUSE your grandparents flew from Italy. You can still enjoy their visit, besides If you told them about the abortion they probably wouldn’t want you to marry her anyway.

  19. Yep, guy with poor fertility, lady says she wants to have kids with him, she "miraculously" gets pregnant, then secretly aborts. This doesn't add up.

  20. How would he even know about his fertility if they never tried to have a baby? I don’t know my fertility status since I am unmarried and never tried to even have kids. They don’t do that during regular physical exams…

  21. Don't marry someone you resent. It doesn't get better- losing deposits and money on clothes and cake is such a minor thing when compared to years of anger and resentment and constant strife in your life, and at the end being out way more money because of the divorce. You want kids, and you want someone who appreciates how difficult it may be for that to happen and how that means you want to seize every opportunity. This is not the woman for you.

  22. I've never understood people who want to tell all their "secrets" just to unburden themselves or alleviate their guilt. If coming clean hurts the person you love and can't possibly make things better, keep your mouth shut. If you cared that much you never would've started the secret in the first place. Going to cheat? Tell your partner up front. Abortion? Financial cheating? Don't create the secrets, just be honest.

  23. If you would have called the wedding off 3 months ago, call it off now. No matter how you look at it, it's reasonable not to want to marry someone who aborted your child while in a stable relationship. Slightly different reasoning applies if it was not your child, but still totally fine to not get married in that case. Waiting 3 month and telling you now is a dick move, might be the lesser evil compared to the abortion, might be a bigger issue in itself, but certainly doesn't make her case stronger.

  24. Yep, people have the right to make all sorts of choices. You can chose to cheat on your significant other, but it still means you're kind of a shitty person for doing that to someone you have a commitment to.

  25. Because if she had told you before, you might have called off the wedding. Now it’s too late, you’re “trapped”. This isn’t remorse it’s manipulation. Get out dude. Eat the financial hit from calling the wedding off but DO NOT marry someone like this.

  26. Unpopular opinion: maybe she wanted to tell you but was afraid to. You come off pretty unapproachable on this. It seems like she wasn’t ready for a child yet and didn’t want to be talked out of an abortion, but knew that’s what you would do so she decided to go through it alone. It seems she feels guilty and wanted to give you a chance to back out before the wedding if you couldn’t deal with it. I would talk to her with an open mind. Find out why she didn’t feel comfortable telling you then. Ask yourself can you move on from this being hidden for months. I think you guys need to openly talk to each other about it and why it felt the need to be hidden. To me it seems she wanted to tell you but was afraid you wouldn’t support her decision so decided herself saving the relationship back then was more important than being honest about the abortion.

  27. This is why I’m so confused by all of the comments saying she disrespected him by not birthing the kid and that it’s probably not his.

  28. If you knew about it you would have try to stop her from getting that abortion. I'm not saying she was right, but I understand

  29. Stand by your dealbreakers or you'll create a resentful life together. And all those people will have watched a very dark wedding that they might look back on and wonder about if things get even worse.

  30. For me I don’t read it as her trying to trap you. It seems like she probably knew she would have to tell you and kept putting it off till the last moment. I’m not saying I think it’s a good decision but it’s possibly why she left it so late. If she was really trying to trap you, she would have told you after the wedding or possibly never.

  31. Call it off dude, you said it urself it's a dealbreaker. You don't want to start a marriage built on lies at the very beginning of it, honestly I'm so sorry for you man.

  32. You apparently have a living child alreadyand your sperm count is just low, not obsolete …. I think you’ll be able to have children just fine.

  33. She just showed you a part of herself, a face you didn't know. She revealed her secret at the very moment she knew it would be too late for you to back out -and that speaks for itself

  34. How do you know the aborted child was yours? I get it, you care for her, you're embarrassed to call it off with everyone gathered. But she betrayed your trust, the next time she does ago she can take a large portion of your assets. Get out now, marriage is not a bandage.

  35. You said it’s a dealbreaker. Enough said. Call it off. Canceling this wedding will be cheaper than getting a divorce. Especially, if you see yourself forever resenting her for this. Also, considering you have fertility issues and she went behind your back to abort… I wouldn’t be so sure it was even yours. Sorry man.. that’s a really shitty situation.

  36. You've had children before. You're obviously not super infertile. Were you guys using protection? If she had come to you and confided in you that she didn't feel ready, would you have supported her? You must remember that it's the pregnant petson who's sacrificing their health and risking their life for nine months, not their partner. Does she have any conditions that could make pregnancy more dangerous for her?

  37. If you were my child, I would support you immediately calling off the wedding. There is absolutely no way I would want you to go through with marrying that girl.

  38. Your family would understand it’s not a good enough reason to go through with it it’s your life at the end of the day but the trust is broken can you live with what’s happened? Could you forgive and move on? If it’s no then the choice is clear, money can be re earned And time heals if she isn’t the one someone will be and they will respect you enough to make any life changing decisions together!! Best of luck op x

  39. Canceling the wedding would be much easier than divorce. If the abortion was a hard line for you then it’s time to walk away.

  40. You can do the exact same things you could have if you'd known a day ago or right after it happened. Never sunk-cost yourself into a situation that could make you miserable indefinitely.

  41. Please don’t get married, there’s a comment that responded to you that offered a really good idea of what you could tell your guests. It will be very disappointing and not great for them but i promise it’s better than staying together when a dealbreaker has occurred. Good luck dude.

  42. She told you not because she wanted to be honest with you but because she felt guilty and knew this would cause her the least amount of strife and issue cause you’re backed into a corner. She’s not an honest girlfriend and she won’t be an honest wife.

  43. Don't get married! A Marriage in the judicial system is nothing more then a business partnership between two people. So, based on her character, her principles, how she treats others, her trustworthiness, would you consider opening a multi-million dollar business credit account with said person IF SHE WASNT GIVING YOU SEX or JUST CAUSE I REALLY CARE ABOUT HER. If you wouldn't do it, then do not marry her. In the end, she is entitled to %50 of everything from the day you say I DO.

  44. She only told you now BECAUSE you just closed on the house and family is in town.... she feels secure and confident you won't bail. I'd prove her ass wrong. Be honest with your family, friends and say adios BEFORE marriage is involved. After that, it's a whole other ball game. AND I can imagine down the road there'll be more lies, deception if she's fucking twisted enough to do this. She'll one day be knocked up by someone else and claim it's yours.... she's low bro.

  45. If it’s a dealbreaker, then break the deal! Especially before it becomes legal! My father always taught me, the engagement phase is for you to truly learn if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Engagements cause stress, and bring out how a lot of people handle situations. She just showed what she thinks of you and your relationship. A broken engagement and lost wedding deposits is cheaper than a divorce.

  46. A friend of mine had her wedding called off 2 days before. She turned the reception into a huge party and yes, she was sad, but it was a great party and she knew she had dodged a bullet.

  47. Hey! i just wanted to offer some support. I know this must be hard to find the person you were planning to spend the rest of your life with lied, manipulated, and betrayed you. But that is what had happened. you said abortion is a deal break and she knew this? well i have a feeling there will be more lies, manipulation and heartbreak in your future if you don’t call the wedding off now. You don’t have to tell everyone exactly why, you can just say you found out you have irreconcilable differences that cannot be over come. Do not go into this marriage, please, for your own mental health. Take this time to think about you and yourself and be selfish with what you want right now. It’s okay.

  48. Dude this is some serious shit. I would pause the wedding as u need to get your head straight. She even knew you had fertility issues but went ahead with it. She's inconsiderate and selfish she should have spoken to you about it. I would definitely have trust issues with her. So sorry to hear that. Sending positive energy your way.

  49. If it’s truly a deal breaker as you say, it’s already over. Take all the gifts as your own and go on your honeymoon and find some new women to spend time with.

  50. I'm so terribly sorry. If I were you the question would be why did she do it and not tell you? You must be wondering if it's even yours? Don't try to stiff upper lip yourself through this wedding you need to Postpone. Now. Maybe take a trip next week that's not your honeymoon if you're off work? Again I'm terribly sorry, you must be so shocked and heartbroken.

  51. You just said that something was a deal breaker and you don't know what to do? Call off the wedding.

  52. Walk away! Walk away NOW! Buh-bye…. Your family will understand or forget it, but you will have to deal with this for a looooong time, if you don’t walk away NOW!

  53. I feel like you need more info from her. Was she ashamed to be pregnant during your wedding? It makes no sense why she wouldn't talk to you about it at the time, and just went ahead and did it. She knew how precious this baby would be to you, and wasn't prepared to take that into consideration. And now she says she still wants to have kids with you, but how can you trust that?

  54. Do not go through with the wedding simply because you have so much invested. You’re right that she chose to wait until the last minute for that very reason. If you have doubts about the relationship call it off. Maybe you will be able to move forward down the line, but better to do so with a clear head. I’m sorry.

  55. If your reasoning for proceeding with the wedding is financial loss, people traveling in etc. That is immature and foolish. You are doing yourself a massive disservice. Cut your losses early if this is a deal breaker. Why go through years of mental anguish, likely further financial loss during the divorce?

  56. Call it off and have a party for the bullet dodged. She did you a favor. And you will never be able to fully trust her again. This is too huge.

  57. You’re infertile but you’ve knocked up two people? Also it’s her body and also if you weren’t officially hitched yet she may not have felt like she trusted that revealing she was pregnant before the ink dried would’ve ended well.

  58. He never said he was infertile, he said he has fertility issues. If you go for, say, over a decade of trying and it happens twice, that seems like a standard low sperm count problem to me.

  59. Not everybody assumes she cheated. But most recognize the fact that it is entirely possible, especially given that she can’t give him a reason. She was too embarrassed to tell him until today, but that doesn’t explain why she did it in the first place.

  60. You’re acting like an abortion is a bigger deal for you than it ever was for her. Who knows what she went through making that decision and for you to be in the comments making guesses as to what sort of evil reason she had for not telling you or doing in the first place is inconsiderate.

  61. if he’s against abortion or wants children then it probably is a bigger deal for him. I would also say she is the inconsiderate one for not telling her partner until days before their wedding.

  62. He still has the right to know, as he may have ended their relationship or wedding months ago. if you care about your partner you should be honest about something like that.

  63. I'm reminded of the line from Shawshank - "Do you trust your wife Mr. Warden Man?" Because it comes down if you want to forgive her. Do you still want her in your life? She didn't want a baby at that time, she knew how you'd feel about it. She didn't tell you.

  64. ummmm ... assuming you're a guy and you have fertility issues and she somehow magically got pregnant ... you have bigger issues than an abortion. Sounds like she was cheating on you, sorry. Time to go to the fertility doctor to check, and get checked for STDs, too. Call off the wedding. You guys have a LOT to work through before you get commit to such a person.

  65. Sorry if I misunderstand but if her having an abortion is a dealbreaker for you, then for her sake, call off the wedding and let her find a man who doesn’t want to control her body.

  66. It's not bad timing, she intentionally left telling you until the very last minute to force you into this position. That alone is just fucking horrible and you are going to end up in a sham of a marriage with someone who is happy to manipulate you when it suites their personal goals/agenda.

  67. She told you now because she thinks it’s too late for you to bail, and once you have the ceremony you’ll forgive her. She’s manipulating you.

  68. Shes probably better off without you if she doesn’t want to have your kid or feel comfortable being open with you :-)

  69. Well it doesn't really matter what you feel about her decision to have an abortion because no matter what that was always her choice to make. Seems like she didn't tell you because you would have emotionally manipulated her into carrying a child into this world when she wasn't ready or didn't want to. There are medical solutions to whatever issues you have inseminating her. I don't condone keeping this secret and telling you when she did but it does seem like she felt like it was her only option, not like it was out of spite.

  70. Aborting a child without talking to you isn't a red flag.. its an entire red parade. Just like a controlled burn can stop a wild fire from destroying a forest, chosing to let go of something you love can stop your destruction.

  71. I love the controlled burn analogy here. Totally agree. Canceling the wedding and the house purchase will be big losses but you'll potentially save yourself from far greater losses in the future.

  72. Kinda hoping y’all break it off lmao. You have complete different views, and you seem to think that your fertility issues have something to do with her

  73. i feel so bad for her to be honest, most ppl in this thread dont seem to understand how difficult that decision is and there's a million reasons why she could've thought that was the right choice for her. even if she wants kids in the future that doesn't mean she wants to be pregnant now. in fact, she may not want to be pregnant ever and would rather adopt or have a surrogate. her family might be very conservative and shun her for having kids before marriage. she should have told you sooner, sure, but it makes me wonder what made her feel so unsafe telling you in the first place. keep in mind that you're able to nut in someone and chill while she has to carry it inside her for 9 months, which has a ton of bad effects on the body. she probably just wasn't ready yet. plus, you don't seem to be as infertile as you say if the only thing holding you back is a low sperm count. that can be fixed if you feel so strongly about it. i think it'd be best to either postpone the wedding and talk about it or break up

  74. It's her body & her business - you may think a kid & pregnancy would be a gift from the gods, but she obviously feels differently & doesn't want a kid right now.

  75. She absolutely timed this truth telling on purpose...shes snowing you with information during a time of stress and anxiety as a way of forcing you to forgive her...by going through with the wedding, she thinks her slate is clean

  76. Is having a copy of your dna really worth throwing everything away idk. Like why have we romanticized a kid having half your chromosomes to this extent? Why is it so romanticized? Just because they have your chromosomes makes it special? Does nothing else that comes after birth matter? Why do you need your partner to go through 9 months of pain and body horror for you to love a child? Why can't you adopt?

  77. See on one hand, If it's a deal breaker than break up with her, that's what that term is suppose to mean after all. You wouldn't be in the wrong for doing so and I hope nobody comes at you assuming this a AITA post.

  78. He said in another comment that he got another woman pregnant before 🤔 so....maybe he doesn't actually have fertility problems. He mentioned it being a low sperm count, but they can ebb and flow depending on age, stress level, diet, the kind of underpants you wear. But also, idk why she's have an abortion unless she felt very off about the pregnancy. It's weird that she'd tell him before the wedding, almost like, perhaps, she doesn't want to marry him and doesn't want to be the one to call it off.

  79. It is her body but ultimately she should have spoken to him about it then and not 2 days before the wedding. Lying by submission is the worst type of liar.

  80. Call it off. She did it, she has her reasons, but you didn't deserve to not know until she felt like you couldn't do anything about it.

  81. You say she knew that this was a deal breaker so she waited to tell until she thought you wouldn't be able to break up. Prove her wrong, cancel the wedding and see if you can stop the closing.

  82. Mate who honestly cares. It's not your decision and you don't get to tell her what to do. I'm sorry you have fertility issues but it's really beside the point.

  83. Here’s the thing. Everything is already paid for and people are there already. If you can get money back then call it off. Otherwise…have a big fucking party and if she insists on coming then make sure you let everyone know what she did.

  84. You will be miserable and wondering for the rest of your life if you marry her Can you touch her on the honeymoon knowing this? Why subject yourself to the misery. Going through with the wedding makes no sense

  85. You can and should cancel the wedding. She lied. She manipulated. Chances are either she never wants kids, or the baby wasn't yours. Divorce will be a lot more expensive than a wedding.

  86. Are you sure the baby was yours? Also, just based on this alone you should definitely call off the wedding and get away from her as fast you can..

  87. I understand your frustration with the whole situation, but remember that at the end of the day, it’s her body and the choice is hers. She might have thought that even though your sperm count is low, if she got pregnant with you once, there’s a chance she might get pregnant with you again.

  88. Its not just that she got an abortion, its that she knew how important this was to you and didn't tell you until the last minute (controlling?). This behavior will apply in the future into all decisions you have to make as a couple. How will she handle future other stressful decisions if this is how she handles this one. Does she suffer from anxiety issues or is she just manipulative? Either way its very problematic. Can you all make an appointment amidst all the planning to see a therapist to talk this all thru? I'm so sorry it must be awful to be in your situation!

  89. I get your views are your views, but it obviously wasn’t easy for her, you kind of suck for being in a “me, me, me” mindset with this. I spent thousands , my fertility, she did this to me.

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