1. It goes hand in hand with that escapism and fantasy. You create a picture of who you want them to be so they fit in the narrative. The reality is they are not this and they can never live up to that expectation.

  2. The only two times I've been an LO (that I am aware of) is two separate older dudes who ended up sexually harrassing me at work. Not cool.

  3. Yes I've experienced it. Tbh I think it depends a bit on the limerent. Some people can hide the intensity so it seems more charming, still offputting though when you can tell they don't really know you and are infatuated.

  4. I relate. I was best friends with someone who saw me as an LO and later roommates. Yeah, I realize how stupid this was...

  5. Selfish, save us from ourselves, projection, not reckognizing and acknowledging them for who they truly are because we place our own idealized qualities onto them. perfectly described!

  6. Yikes. Thanks for sharing. I don't see myself going that far with my LO. I guess there are varying degrees of a LE? This almost seems like stalking/obsession.

  7. This! So true! My early 20s and late teens were haunted by one such person. Made my life miserable. NC is unacceptable to them.

  8. Why did you agree to meet him again? What he did crossed a line. And if you suspected limerence, better to reject him if you had no intention of pursuing anything

  9. I suspected he was also autistic and didn't get the hint. I did facetiously say if he happens to be in my city in the future to hit me up, not thinking he would actually book a flight to see me. It felt cruel to refuse to see him when he hadn't crossed any real boundaries yet, and I genuinely had liked him when we first met last month. But I made it clear during his stay that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything, especially when I realized he wasn't respecting my boundaries (trying to hold hands, kiss, etc). I felt a bit bad saying goodbye, he seemed stricken at the idea of not seeing me again, but hopefully it was for the best.

  10. Yes! My LO also has limerence for me, and it's been frustrating but eye-opening. His tendency to put me on a pedestal actually has made him really insensitive to my feelings at times because he thought nothing he could do would affect me negatively since I was so high above him, etc. I finally got mad at him and basically told him in so many words how this was hurting me. He has the self-awareness to acknowledge what he's been doing and apologize, and told me he is working on it in therapy. So I'm hopeful we can stay friends, but sheesh!

  11. Maybe he was limerent but usually, for an otherwise mentally healthy person, rejection will end limerence. He had another issue or issues. If my LO had said, early on, that he wasn’t interested, limerence would not have developed. I agree…we can choose how to act, even when it’s difficult to do so.

  12. I've had two people have limerance for me, both were mentally ill. One had bipolar disorder I, the other BPD. It was interesting bc I totally knew how they felt, especially the bpd guy. He had deep self loathing and hated himself and essentially begged for my love, but he didn't realize that's what I gave him. I mean, I didn't want to be with him, but I also told him that what he was feeling wasn't love, it was anxiety, and who he knew me to be is his own idea of me, not the real me.

  13. Yeah, I had a female friend become limerent for me (f) and I'm not even technically bisexual. It created some really toxic situations. She was intensely jealous when I got married to a man, and wouldn't stop attacking him and competing with him, so I had to distance myself in stages from her as she just couldn't be happy for me and made it all about her.

  14. "Because it wasn't me he saw, but a projection of his own fantasies" THANK YOU SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!!!

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