1. Shit.. All those times flirting didn’t work. All those times girls were really charmed by me shamelessly saying stupid shit. I thought they just thought I was hot, I didn’t think it could’ve been that they just want a guy who says his stupid shit shamelessly.

  2. Staying stupid stuff is actually a flirting tactic that works. I saw this on a YouTube channel. Think about it. If someone came up to you and said you are really beautiful can I get your number , that might not work. But if somecame up to you and said something silly like excuse me is this the line to the restroom? That is funny

  3. That’s it. Just be yourself shamelessly and confidently and it charms everyone. They won’t care how stupid the words are, all they’ll see is how self-assured and confident you are.

  4. I find that if I want to flirt with my partner, I can either let out a dinosaur screech or do an awkward little dance. Those usually work. We're both autistic though so this may not translate well into NT language.

  5. I’m a girl. How do I flirt? I don’t know the code. I feel like I weird guys out. I feel like people always say don’t judge a book by it’s cover as the saying goes apparently (I hate idioms but this one I understand), but I find the opposite problem. I feel sometimes I notice men will flirt with me but then after discovering I can’t make eye contact and am well fidgety as I’m sure many on this sub can relate too… the men make assumptions either I’m not interested or I’m weird … or I don’t know? Can someone help me out here. I do not know the code. Boys confuse me.

  6. i was quite good at flirting before my anxiety got worse, I just said things as they were. I once told a guy that he looked cute, and immediately I could see how he got happier and more himself around me. Loads of guys dont get compliments often, so if you mean it, say it.

  7. Ask how they day is, what kind of interest they have, and if you find something common ask if they want to go to a fun activity. Something like " Hi, I am Sara. How is your day? ". I know that interactions like this is hard,- but practice and observation of your female friends can help. Maybe also a female dating And Relationship Coach,- but be careful with who you choose.

  8. I'd just be confused by that question. Do they just want me to say my favourite colour, or what do they mean? What does it even mean to be a colour? You can't be a colour, it's not a living being, it's an interpretation of light wavelengths our brain makes. I'd probably just say my favourite colour and leave it at that. And then afterwards they'd think I have a lack of interest in them because I gave a short/uninteresting answer. Or maybe I'm overthinking that. Idk, flirting makes no sense.

  9. I knew the line would work, which is why it worked. Be confident, self assured, and well tempered and it translates into your speech. It’s hard to describe what confidence and calmness sounds like but that’s what it was.

  10. One thing that sucks about being on the spectrum is that normal human things don't come naturally but what can be fun is treating normal human things as a puzzle to be solved and it feels so fucking good once you "solve" it

  11. Not directly related to the post but instead of asking for someone's phone number, offer them yours. That way you aren't putting the person in a position where they have to divulge personal information to a stranger. If you ask "hey, can I give you my number?" they're very unlikely to say no, since they can just discard that information later if they don't want it. It puts the ball in their playing field to make the next move, so should they not be into you, they just won't message, and no harm done. It also eliminates any potential predatory feelings (many situations aren't predatory of course, but it only takes one odd encounter to put you on guard for all others) or fear they might be harassed if they give out their contact details, or assaulted if they give a fake number, which is a real and valid fear many AFAB and other vulnerable people have.

  12. Behind the scenes of this watered down story was many hours of reading books on body language and getting people to help me understand the art of conversion and seducing. Took me years to manually learn the techniques and practice irl. The brain is amazing in how well it can learn

  13. I could see how it’s easy but I don’t get how I could apply this in my current situation, i don’t go out much and if I did I’d probably be by myself since my friends aren’t into that stuff, I could use some examples

  14. well I just did it walking in a park, it was really hard for me to grasp at first but talking to strangers isn’t really a big deal for NT people. the point is that if you’re a confident person who believes in himself, you can strike up a conversation anywhere and people will want to listen no matter what you say because you know you’re interesting. Id be happy to answer any more questions you have:)

  15. Serious question: Do people actually just walk up to others in bars and start flirting with strangers? I've never seen anyone do that in real life. Are there even people who hang out in bars alone in the first place?

  16. Yeah, I have no idea how you're even supposed to meet a partner other than dating apps and stuff. It simply doesn't make sense to start flirting with someone in any other situation. And dating apps are ofc useless.

  17. I have a lot of girl "friends" and they're pretty attractive, but I've never seen a guy approach them when we go out to bars. I feel like it's just something seen on tv shows and movies. Real relationships are usually made in social circles.

  18. Great, so the area where we could have an advantage (content) is irrelevant, while the part where we're most commonly handicapped (form) is the key. More good news at eleven..

  19. I try to think of it more that my weird obsessions with certain topics won’t weird them out so long as I sound sexy when I talk about them 😁

  20. what I was getting at was that once I understood that it was not the words people said that made them interesting, captivating, seductive, but how they talked. I started to see clearly what made a person seductive or not (not even sexually but someone who could seduce anyone into listening to them). I realised that every good flirt I know, has something in common, confident and self-assured. there’s not one way of “how to say it” but if you trust yourself, are confident, then that idgaf mentality translates into how you talk. So be yourself. Own who you are. Don’t try to copy other peoples confidence or pickup lines. My best advice would be realise that not one person is better than you, people are just people, you can talk to your crush since they’re gonna find you interesting and charming because you KNOW you’re interesting and charming. if you truly BELIEVE in who you are, then you can say whatever and people will only think “damn that’s one confident, self-assured person” and that is what attractiveness is.

  21. Rather have a good conversation, before a date. Rathe be attracted to intelligence before beauty. People get old, communication lasts till death.

  22. Yeah, calling flirting a 'code' also set off alarm bells for me, but it seems like they just mean 'be confident in yourself', and that's not a bad message.

  23. This is why i try to get people to take the risk and get out of your comfort zone, that’s when the life changing grand revelations happen!!

  24. Yea, you can say whatever you want. You can even say something ridiculously weird or maybe even creepy, but as long as you laugh and smile, it's all good.

  25. Personally it feels a lot easier knowing I can say whatever I want I just have to sound calm and confident. This sounds dumb but it helps to watch YouTube videos of people rizzing, flirting, spitting game 😎 watch Tykwondoe

  26. Keep your tone calm. Don’t be loud, don’t speak quickly, speak with a regular rhythm, like yo know what you’re saying. Don’t be confused with sounding boring and monotone, calm as in relaxed.

  27. You want to know the REAL key to flirting? It's to not care and generally not take yourself seriously. If it doesn't work out, you just try with the next person.

  28. You know what's helped me? Being rejected dozens of times. Over the years each rejection hurt a little less because I became a little more numb to it. Now at 44yo rejection may still sting a little but it's quick and I bounce back almost immediately.

  29. So, here's something that helped me, because rejection always set off my social anxiety and I had a tough time, not just with the actual asking someone out, but really knowing what to ask them out to do. Like, "Hey! Do you want to go out with me?" "Sure! Where?" "Shit! I hadn't thought of that yet! I was expecting a "no"!"

  30. That's what I've found helps in life in general. Appear confident, even if you aren't. I've never studied or practiced for job interviews, and in every single one I've been in, I get the job. Purely because I appear confident. I swear it's a cheat code to the universe.

  31. EXACTLY. I literally act like I’m the most self assured confident person in the world and people believe anything I say

  32. Unfortunately I am blessed with such a sexy accent that people don’t even listen to what I’m saying 😢

  33. I never really flirted, all my bfs were met kinda randomly. Minecraft, some discord server (like the current and probably the final one looking at how our relationship grew). Like seriously, one moment I'm talking with some guy about d&d and fantasy books, 3 months later suddenly we're planning to meet our parents and we consider living together. No idea when and how it happened but it did xD

  34. This is actually kinda true for me but there is a measure of dumb luck as well I think. I usually bombed at the first date, second date was a rare occurrence and 3rd was a unicorn.

  35. Flip side of the coin, it’s not what you’re saying, it’s how you’re saying it. (+ ur body language)

  36. I believe it can be done, but I don’t recommend. Much much much harder to convey tone through text. Personally not worth the risk. Better approach is to just set up an irl meet-up and flirt in person

  37. It's also very easy with coworkers if your company has you use tools like Teams or Slack. Seriously, use a lot of cutesy gifs and emojis and you can absolutely figure out which coworkers like you.

  38. Don’t worry about how to make the tone. Own who you are, believe in yourself and the right tone will naturally happen. Confidence gives you a seductive tone

  39. Lmao I'm reading The Art of Seduction currently by Robert Greene and I feel like he was trying to hammer that point home several times throughout the 100 pages I read through so far, both by example and by saying it repeatedly outright.

  40. Just be yourself in a shameless way. Own who you are, the good & bad. Believe in yourself, trust yourself and the confidence will show in how you speak. Which will be seen as attractive to others

  41. It’s all about looks and confidence. Years back in college I was a pretty good looking guy and without my diagnosis I thought the world was wrong and I was the genius one. I scored a lot because girls also liked that dark kind of personality. Fast forward 10 years, I am fat now due to antidepressants and have lost all confidence after I had my diagnosis, I haven’t talked to a girl in years.

  42. My flirting was telling my now husband that if there weren't other people around I would let him fuck me over the beer barrel that was next to us in the pub :')

  43. Practice until you’re not anymore. To feel ok talking to people unfortunately the only thing you can do IS talk to people. Baby steps, try just talking with no intention. Talk to a waiter, mailman, whoever. Eventually you’ll feel ok to start trying to flirt once you’ve built up you confidence talking to strangers.

  44. Makes sense. Though I assume It still matters a little what you say. Like, no matter how you make it sound, saying something like "I am going to murder your parents and eat their liver" to a stranger probably won't get a positive result.

  45. I believed in myself, was confident, and had a mindset that I knew she would give me her number & if she didn’t who cares, I know who I am. Tone of voice just falls into place when you are self-assured

  46. I’m trying to elude to the fact that confidence is key. Something I’ve learned is that for some reason, NT’s will believe almost anything you say if you say it confidently. In this case, my buddy bet me to go ask a stupid question “what’s your fav colour?” So when I said it I asked it confidently with genuine intent and she took her time and genuinely thought about it for a second. I literally made some random girl believe that it was an important question. Still don’t really understand it myself but it legit works. Not only just flirting but anything.

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