1. As awful as it probably sounds to you right now: your wife and you should have a talk about your expectations (and hers) as far as your marriage is concerned. And then you need to figure out whether or not there is a way that the two of you can stay a couple.

  2. I think this is the worst thing about being with someone with low/no sex drive and you’ve summed it up well. It’s the emotional exhaustion of thinking about something you know your partner doesn’t think about at all. It would be like if your partner just didn’t feel hunger anymore and expected you to feel the same. The hunger never goes away and every time you have a snack you feel gross and deceitful.

  3. Right. If it was just the physical sensation of an orgasm, she’d be fine with just a vibrator. But it’s not. The connection with another human being that desires you just as you desire them is just not something you can experience or recreate by yourself. And it’s not something you can numb yourself into not desiring anymore. Or at least, not in a healthy way…

  4. Yeah at the end of the day I've come to the realization that most people don't really consider their vows.

  5. This sadly has disaster written all over it. If I was you I would seek out a dr and a therapist who specializes in this sort of thing

  6. From a physical standpoint, have you spoken to an endocrinologist or urologist? They can medially help with sexual drive. Increasing testosterone can make a world of difference in your sex drive. As can other things.

  7. I'm seriously wondering if he just has a testosterone problem. This can cause all the things he has listed in his post.

  8. don't say yes if you mean no is all I'm gonna say. She's asking you because she wants it without hurting you, if you lie and say you are okay with it and aren't it'll damage the relationship

  9. Not to be an asshole, but you and your wife kinda set yourselves up for failure to begin with. You’ve denied the fact that you’re asexual your whole life obviously, and your wife was more than likely miserable due to the lack of sex long before you got married, and still chose to marry you anyways. Seek counseling or divorce, cause it’s obvious you don’t want to actually open the marriage.

  10. I can't understand how they even got married in the first place. I get that plenty of people don't have sex before marriage. But how do you not explain that you don't feel sexual arousal to a potential life partner fairly early in the relationship.

  11. Pretty easy I’d assume. When my gf and I first met the sex was consistent and great, as soon as she went on birth control her sex drive just disappeared. We’ve been together for almost 6 years and for the first several years before this specific birth control things were totally normal and fine, so had I rushed to pop the question I’m sure I’d be pretty dismayed to be in a marriage with no sex, but we weren’t rushing in to marriage which has given us a lot more room to work out these issues

  12. This is one of the few times I don’t see counseling as a remedy. She will still need steady piping and OP will still feel how he feels. People want what they want, compromise will be implemented but they NEVER last NOR maintain a happy life if wants as well as needs are not being met. And yes ground rules for her trysts will be essential but that one about not keeping contact will be giving them fits in short order; after going many dicks(long interval) inbetween “a Mr. Goodpipe” the 2nd or 3rd one won’t be so willingly discarded especially if there’s chemistry of any other sort.

  13. Counseling won't change anything they are incompatible, and should stop causing each other so much pain and break up. He doesn't want another man having sex with his wife . And he doesn't have to libido to do it himself so the only option is to simply break up.

  14. Ahhh this isn’t a good place for either of you to be in. If you can be ok with it I think you’d make her incredibly happy but there is always the risk she would develop feelings for someone else and leave you. So I can see why you don’t feel comfortable with it. The alternative is also cruel. She isn’t getting her needs met with you. I think she’s done the right thing asking your permission to do this. If you don’t want sex with her then you should let her get it elsewhere if you want to keep her. If not, she will end up leaving. It must have been very hard for her to suggest this. Have you looked into sex therapy or couples counselling? If you both want to make this work you really need some help. Mismatched libido is a serious issue. My ex tricked me into thinking he was as sexual as me and soon as we got married he just turned it off. It was torture. I always wanted it and after six years and three kids, I couldn’t go another day feeling rejected and unwanted. People need to be more open with their sexual needs and for the love of god don’t marry someone you don’t match well with in the bedroom or it’s going to end in tears.

  15. I doubt the wife even has a high sex drive. She probably has a normal sex drive but the husband sees it as high cuz he has no sex drive. He will never be able to satisfy her. Why did they even get married in the first place?

  16. this is the right question....dunno why you're being downvoted. if neither of them can change then they should just divorce.

  17. My wife's ex-husband convinced her to do the same. More for his own pleasure than hers. She reluctantly agreed. Thats how we met. We've been together for 8 years and married for two now. I still owe him a big thank you for convincing her to date other men or else I wouldn't have met her

  18. Have you had your testosterone checked?? Bc my hubs takes testosterone .. his was low and he a helped immensely. Also you don’t have to agree to anything you’re not comfortable with. She married YOU through good times and bad. If she has sex with other men your marriage will break down even more bc you don’t want that.

  19. I (F) have been with my husband for nearly two decades. For years neither of us had a sex drive - mine was due to being on hormonal birth control for many years. When I got off BC my sex drive kicked back in. He was completely fine with not having sex and didn’t care to see his physician to see if there was anything he could do (testosterone) to increase his libido.

  20. Sounds like you are asexual and she is hypersexual. Not exactly the best mix. I would suggest counseling.

  21. Or she's normalsexual. Hypersexual means she has a higher than average sex drive. Just wanting sex now and then with a willing and enthusiastic partner sounds extremely normal

  22. Have you examined the medical aspect here? If you came to me for an appointment, as a doc I would order the following labs: testosterone, free testosterone, SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin), estradiol, standard CBC,CMP & thyroid/lipid profiles. Even a sleep study might be indicated. I'd also write you for Cialis or something to help in the meantime.

  23. No they need a divorce. I doubt OP's wife is hypersexual. She probably has a normal sex drive but OP thinks it's high because he has none and can't tell the difference. He will never be able to satisy her sexual needs which is a huge part in a good relationship. OP's wife needs a willing partner and OP cannot provide that for her. Lying there and faking it is not enough

  24. Not only that, if you haven't already, I would highly recommend looking at your hormones. Sometimes TRT can do wonders (for both men and women in fact). It is quite possible you've had some serious deficiencies in your testosterone caused by any number of developmental issues.

  25. I would say explore your options together with a sex therapist. Emphasis on sex therapist not just a regular marriage counselor. There are lots of ways to make your relationship still work and you both need to have an open conversation about fulfilling your needs.

  26. OP, it's ok not to be ok with this. You need to express these feelings to her. However, this marriage may need to end as her needs are not being met. If you love her, which I definitely get from your post, you've a duty to her happiness. Her needs are not being met.

  27. While asexuality is a very real thing and I'm not invalidating that... Have you ever had your hormone levels checked? Low test causes lack of sex drive. I heard a doctor say before that asexual men are a lot more rare simply because of physiology

  28. Why would you even proceed with the relationship and get married if the sexual demands are so different? Sex is important and can’t be over looked. It probably would have been better to end things when you guys were just dating so you could find more compatible people.

  29. Almost zero sexual drive married to "incredibly" high sexual drive? You really didn't think this through did you?

  30. “It's unfair for me to say no. My wife deserves sexual pleasure, it's unfair for me to keep that from her. But I'm not enough for her. She wants sex with another man. I'm fucking terrified. I can't lose her. I can't stand the thought of another man touching her.”

  31. My friends had this problem. Kids and all. She told him that she needed to see other people (in her case men or women). He had no idea what to do or say. She wanted their marriage to work so much, she would agree to any stipulation he placed, as long as it allowed her to have a sex life with other people. If there was anything he could think of that would satisfy his own needs and keep their marriage intact.

  32. You know there are a few things you can do with your wife that don't require you to actually have sex with her but could still give her enjoyment. I also hope you realize that the more you withhold sex from your wife the more she's going to want it.

  33. Tbh, I don’t think she’s hyper sexual. I think she’s normal. She doesn’t need to have sex everyday or maybe every week - she just wants to have sex.

  34. Have you ever had your test levels checked? Low levels can cause issues in this department, if you do have low test there's things that can be done to raise them & it'll help in the sex drive department.

  35. Have you seen a doctor? Perhaps there's a reason for your low sex drive. "Just because it has always been doesn't mean it must always be." You are missing out too, and you don't even know. And it's causing a big problem in your marriage, at least for your wife it is!

  36. Medication like antidepressants caused sexual side effects to the point where it kills your sex drive.

  37. Dude, if you're Asexual why would you ever get married and have a child to begin with? Where was the impetus to make those major life decisions?

  38. If I found myself in your position I would like to think I would still be trying to pleasure her, by helping her masturbate with toys and my hands so she doesn't feel the need to look else where.

  39. People who don't want to have sex shouldn't try to have relationships with people who do. You should never have married this person.

  40. Why are you putting the sole responsibility on OP? It's equally as valid to question why his wife committed to marriage with a partner she knew she was incompatible with?

  41. A know a straight man happily married to an asexual woman. I havent inquired how they make it work, but they are honestly soulmates in every other way, from how I see them together and how fondly they always talk about each other.

  42. I know everyone is saying Asexual and that could be but have you ever talked to your doctor about it? It could be a health problem like a hormone imbalance. If you have no physical reasons you two will have to evaluate your individual needs and how they can all be met. It is definitely worth seeing the doctor to rule out any possible reasons.

  43. I’m gonna say the same thing even if the roles were reversed. It has nothing to do with you being a man.

  44. This is what I would have typed, it's actually very uncomfortable when one who isn't into sex things those who are into it should understand and accept he isn't into it.

  45. That's actually quite a good point. Why does he care if another man touches his wife (consenually) when he has literally no desire to touch her

  46. Sounds like you might have low testosterone count get it checked asap it can cause a lot of issues

  47. If you don’t want your wife having sex outside your marriage, then you need to step up and talk to a doctor on how to safely increase your sex drive. Otherwise, your marriage may be coming to an end.

  48. This is tough, I'm with you, i'm 36M married 10 years with two kids, I'm pretty much asexual and could care less about sex. My wife has learned over the years that my drive doesn't go up at all, but if she initiates with me, then i'll follow up with her and it can lead to sex. She now just knows that if SHE starts it and is very forward about it, then she can get it. I don't know if you're the same way, but i never deny my wife sex when she wants it, but i also never start sex or try to initiate because i never think about it.. She has purposed to sleep with other men as well, and i was in the same seat as you, "why does sex matter this much?" , "I want her to be happy", "I don't want other men touching/kissing her", "I dont' want to be selfish and deny her this type of happiness".. .it's a huge conumdrum and I'm sorry you're in this, as I was.. We ended up just talking about what we could do ot comprimise.. she said DAILY/WEEKLY and i said MONTHLY/QUARTERLY.. she then said, Weekly but only 1x a week, so i agreed. She now just initiates whenever she wants it in the week, and I NEVER deny her, i know it takes everything out of her to just initate it, fearing i'll reject her.

  49. As others have said, get your T count tested and get yourself a sex drive to match your wife's. It's not easy but the alternative seems to be something you don't want and I don't blame you for that. You love your wife, then fight for her by getting your body check out to see if something can be done.

  50. I’d get tested for low T and go to therapy first. Don’t want to say you are wrong bc being asexual is fine but a romantic relationship needs sex so I can see where she is coming from, she is being respectful by asking and giving you time to think it over.

  51. Bro, she doesn’t want to leave you. She is telling you she doesn’t want to leave. She made that clear. It’s not that she wants to leave. She loves you. She just needs sex and you aren’t able to give that to her. She loves and respects you enough to say hey I need to have more sex. She doesn’t want to start a relationship with anyone else. She wants you and now she needs you to say,” you know you are right, sex is just something I don’t want, I know it’s important to you so yes let’s set up a few rules so I’m not uncomfortable and don’t feel I’m losing the best thing in my life.” You might find she loves you even more.

  52. Why did you stay together so long if you’re not sexually compatible? Seems like an obvious bad decision. I think you should get some couple’s therapy if you want any shot at saving the marriage.

  53. To throw another side of this convo out there... if you could happily live the rest of your life without having sex and you're aware your wife could not. What is it that makes you feel so ultimately devastated that she would consider an open relationship? Where you are still what you are but without the guilt of feeling like you need to pleasure her.

  54. I can really understand where she’s coming from. As devastated as you feel right now, imagine how she feels when you “force yourself to have sex with her”. When she knows you’ll never “want” her. She wants sex that is give and take and she’s trying to find a way to get it without losing the person she loves. You two are not compatible. I have a high sex drive and I cannot imagine how horrible it would be if my husband could only have sex when he MADE himself. His drive is much lower than mine and I hate it, sometimes I just want to be wanted. And it only happens like that every so often. For you wife it happens never. Honestly I don’t think this is relationship that can last. But she is trying to very hard to make it last.

  55. You need to get your levels of testosterone checked!! Please ignore everyone's advice and you need to start treating your low sex drive as an issue because it is! It's not natural not to want sex especially as a man! What kind of medications are you taking currently? You should not have a low sex drive and something is probably medically wrong. If you're overweight, that could also be a factor.

  56. Two wildly incompatible people realize they are incompatible, get married and have kids and then are surprised that they are incompatible 🙄

  57. It seems like you’re asexual. Honestly, you probably should’ve married a woman who was also asexual, because this is the result when you marry allosexuals.

  58. Fellow Ace here, my dude. It's always going to be difficult to have a long term relationship with someone who is high sex drive. It's not just the sex that she misses. There are a thousand other sexual aspects of life that you are probably too sex-repulsed or sex-neutral to even understand. Dirty jokes and passing pats on the butt, to random arousal and full-on passion. I understand being heartbroken over this, and I think it's great that you're so understanding, but even as a fellow Ace I know that your selfishness to "keep" her and not acknowledge even further that you've lost her will hurt you much more later on. Humans are (usually) wired for sex, intimacy, and relationship world building, you might still be her best friend but she will connect with one or more of these men and it will break both of your hearts all over again.

  59. OP, as you may have read from others, I’ll highly suggest getting your testosterone levels, everything checked out, and let’s be fair, no one wants another person to be piping their wife unless they’re into that sort of thing and you sure as hell don’t sound like it, there are probably many medical remedies or items that can increase your drive in the long term but I’d highly suggest consulting your doctor.

  60. Maybe go see a doc first. A low testosterone level can decrease your sex drive. Everyone keeps saying you might be Asexual but it’s better to first check the medical possibilities.

  61. Even though it wasn’t what you wanted to hear your wife did the right thing by talking to you and being honest instead of going behind your back. I agree with the comments saying to get a testosterone test. If everything comes out medically normal you and your wife will need counseling together to navigate this and make a decision on whether there is a way for your marriage to work.

  62. Might as well break up now because at some point she's going to sleep with someone and develop feelings for them and keep sleeping with them, and that will be the actual end of your marriage. though the minute she sleeps with somebody else you're married just pretty much over. Why she married you and you two are so sexually incompatible is crazy though. Maybe she figured you'd change but people aren't change so you're either going to have to live with your wife in an open marriage where she goes and can screw everyone like a rabbit while you watch and do nothing or you get divorced and try and get full custody of your child so their kid doesn't have to see their mother messing around with random dudes all the time.

  63. Your wife wants a connection you aren't willing to give or compromise on. This will not be the first marriage to end because of strong sexual mismatching

  64. Hey buddy, now i don’t really have a clue about all the asexual, hyper-sexual talk going on in the comments, but it sounds like you’ve got an issue with your t-levels. Testosterone levels are responsible for your sexual drive, and as we get older they tend to dip and at times quite a lot. This can make you feel tired and also wreak havoc on your sex drive. If you’re able to check with a endocrinologist to see how your levels are and if youre able to supplement them i’m sure you’ll yourself feel the need to have more sex.

  65. I don’t think she wants sex with another man. She wants intimacy and sex at all. She wants to feel desired, attractive, wanted. She wants to be touched. In your situation, I’d honestly seek a medical opinion for your body to make sure it’s not just a hormone fix. Then if you really are asexual, I’d let her go. She will find intimacy and good sex with another man, and it can’t stay nsa at that point.

  66. Have you thought about bringing this up to a doctor? A million things can directly effect your sex drive, right down to vitamin D deficiencies. If there's any hope your lack of arousal is related medically, why not try for her?

  67. So would it bother you for her to get something from someone else that you don’t even value? You can’t condemn her to a sexless life just because you don’t want to do it yourself - it will just kill your relationship slowly anyway.

  68. Speak to your medical doctor or a counselor for possible treatments. If that's not an otion then save yourself heartache. Her having sex with other men is not a solution. STDs can be mouth to mouth so condoms are not the answer. You know you could not stand it so let her know the answer has to be no. She can decide what she will do.

  69. Im just curious as to how both parties agreed to being in a relationship and getting married knowing their sex drives are opposite. You knew you weren't sexually compatible when you were dating, and still stayed? I understand that some people feel like sex isn't an important staple to a relationship, but obviously it is to your wife or she wouldn't be even concerned she isnt getting enough sex.

  70. Is there a medical reason behind your lack of libido? I’m positive your wife would prefer to have more sex with YOU, not some stranger. It’s possible this can be addressed by your doctor and you can both be satisfied within the marriage.

  71. You are not sexually compatible. Have you considered seeing a doctor and getting a prescription for a medication like cialias or viagra? Your wife is feeling sexually neglected. It is something that she needs from you. Yall need to find a middle ground where you both or happy or the marriage will end.

  72. why’s everyone saying “why would someone marry someone with no sex drive blah blah”, sex isn’t everything in a marriage?? why wouldn’t you get married just because of one thing, when you love someone you overlook your differences

  73. And that's the exact attitude that leads to a dead bedroom and eventually divorce and/or indefinitely. Sexual compatibility is more important than almost anything else, when a couple is mismatched someone's going to end up resentful.

  74. Sounds like you could be asexual or have a hormone etc issue. Talk about boundaries with her but this doesn't sound great. You saying her being another man makes you sick, then maybe if you wanna give her what she wants and you want to want it see a doctor.

  75. OP: Have you ever had your testosterone levels checked? Low libido is sometimes be a associated with low testosterone levels. Not suggesting that there's anything wrong with you, just something to consider

  76. As much as you’re devastated she may be feeling similar feelings. She knows that you love her and sounds like she wants to be open and honest. You feel like your not good enough for her but she might feel the same way. She wants to be someone’s desire. To be sexually desired. If everything else in your marriage is awesome then try to find a way to make this work. Maybe you can try talking to a sex therapist to help you. Maybe you both can go to couples therapy. There are days when I’m not exactly in the mood and my girl is but I still give oral. Self masturbating isn’t the same as the actual thing. At least for me it’s a whole different sensation. Good luck OP. Hope everything works out for you.

  77. You don’t want to have sex with your wife, and you’re upset that your wife wants to have sex with other people? I’m not really sure how you expected your marriage to work out. You’re both incompatible. You should have seen this coming. You shouldn’t be with someone that you feel like you have to force yourself to have sex with. And your wife deserves to be sexually satisfied, and a partner who enthusiastically wants to satisfy her. Sexual compatibility is a very important part of a marriage, I don’t care what anyone else says. You can love each other all you want, but people have sexual needs and deserve to have them met. (Within reason.)

  78. It's OK to feel sad about this. But it can be done. Having sex is amazing " when you want it" and for someone with an incredibly high sex drive being with an asexual is a huge mismatch.

  79. OP, you mention that she knew you had a low sex drive. You also knew she had a sex drive. You don't mention what you've done to compromise except for sex a few times you weren't invested in.

  80. I mean….what did ya’ll expect? I can’t imagine sleeping the same bed as a beautiful woman and being a relationship with her, and yet, she’s just having sex with me because I like it and isn’t really interested in having sex at all. It must be awful for her. That being said, she has known about this for some time, so I’m surprised she hasn’t either left the relationship or talked to you sooner. If ya’ll want it to work so bad, sacrifices have to be made.

  81. If we go with pure LOGIC, no emotion, here’s the breakdown: you and your wife decided to marry Into an Incompatible situation. You both chose this. Now, it isn’t working for her anymore, and she needs it to change. She doesn’t want it to change, she NEEDS it to change. You can either try to adapt and have sex with her to save the marriage, or,you can let her get her needs met outside the marriage (in which case I would recommend you get counseling to deal with the emotional repercussions of that and make it a healthy change in your relationship), or you get divorced. Those are your only options. What you cannot do, pay attention here, is try to force her to continue in this marriage which meets none of her intimacy/sexual needs. You have to give in some way. Good luck.

  82. Been in your wife's shoes and it's not fun. It might hurt you, but I'd definitely consider it, because this is her cry for help. She's obviously in love with you and doesn't want to keep putting you in bad situations or uncomfortable situations.. But she needs sex. No strings attached sex is a way she can get her fulfillment sexually and also get to snuggle and cuddle the person she loves the most in the world.. You.

  83. your title is misleading. Your wife doesn't want sex with someone else, she wants sex with you. But you're not willing to fill that need, and she's realized she doesn't want a life without physical intimacy. So now the ball is in your court.

  84. Your statement of "I have to force myself" is very telling. even if you aren't sexual I would think that you'd want to give your partner some pleasure.

  85. To put it shortly, there’s really only a few outcomes. If you want to stay with your wife and have her be happy, she’s going to have sex with other men. If you break up with your wife, she’s still going to have sex with other men. The least likely option is you guys stay together and continue as usual, don’t see this issue revolving itself. At the end of the day, sadly but to put it blunt, your wife wants to have sex. Your choices here amount to whether you stay with her or not and you have to decide what’s gonna make you the most happy. Sorry for your situation OP.

  86. Get to.the doc and urologist. Lay it out for them, please! . You may have a low testosterone level etc that is causing this problem. I had a friend who literally had a testosterone level at the bottom. There is also that business called Roman that talks about this, there may be help!

  87. I agree with most people saying your asexual but a normal sex drive to an asexual person could easily seem very high. Although I had a friend in high-school who was similar to what you described and it wasn't till he realized he was gay that the arousal part kicked in for him.

  88. You’re in a lose lose situation here. You let her have sex with other men and SHE WILL catch feelings on one of them.

  89. You're enough to her. You're so enough to her that she wants to be with you even though you are so different in that aspect of your relationship. I think that's very enough.

  90. Put a condition that it be only with sex workers. They keep it professional and avoid developing relationships with clients.

  91. I’m going to be honest, if you’re in a monogamous relationship I don’t think it’s right to withhold sex from your partner and expect them to just put up with it. Your wife is young and beautiful, she wants to feel desired. I know I’m going to get downvoted for saying this but I would 100% be in the same boat if the roles were reversed.

  92. This is way above Reddits paygrade, yall need a therapist or a divorce. Yall should have never gotten married to begin with. No here is in the wrong, she's right to want sex, and you're right to not be OK with her doing it with other men.

  93. When I read that you have to “force yourself” to have sex with your wife my heart broke a little for her. To be so undesired must be devastating. You focus on the pleasures he isn’t getting, but I promise being desired and the pursuit is just as missed.

  94. You should read up on Ethical Non-Monogamy. There is a large collection of couples just like yourselves. One partner is asexual and the other is almost hyper sexual. They are perfect partners in every way, but this. They learned about non-monogamy and polyamory and figured out what works best for them. Some are capable of going fully NSA and others end up making a connection and sometimes you can’t help it. When my husband suggested we open our marriage for my sake (his testosterone was low and he had sleep apnea so he had no libido) I thought he was crazy but we tried. We said no feelings would be involved, but then I caught feelings. We talked it through and he realized he wasn’t losing anything by my loving him and someone else. In fact, he felt like our sex life had improved ten fold after he got his cpap and his hormones leveled out while I was still dating. We’ve been at this for 4 years now and it’s been life changing. We communicate better than we did before and according to our friends they saw us as the perfect communicators already, so this is huge! Our love seems to have somehow grown for one another and we have a much deeper bond than before. He knows all about my sexploits and he’s met a few of my partners over the years. It works for us. I wasn’t sure about it, and w us both being autistic, it was very hard at first, but then we figured out a rhythm w taking care of our son and scheduling etc. I’m likely in the minority here, but I truly think you should read up on it. Being asexual is not a bad thing but in a relationship w someone who is not asexual, it can be a huge issue overtime. We all have needs and hers aren’t being met.

  95. You mention she has an “incredibly high sex drive”. That might not be the case — she most likely just has a regular sex drive, which is only “incredibly high” from your perspective because you have none. Try to avoid unduly framing her as abnormal just because you are facing a deficit on your end. She is not abnormal for simply wanting sex. Also, in no part of your post do you mention trying to perhaps take some supplements or even a prescription to gain / enhance your sex drive. Is that even a consideration for you so that you can attempt to meet your wife halfway? I do feel very sad for the situation your wife is in. Sex is so important, and is such an important part of marriage.

  96. I hate to be one to presume people’s sexualities, but..I honestly think you’re asexual. That’s what it sounds like from what you’ve said. I would have a more comprehensive talk with your wife and discuss if the marriage can survive without sex. If no, there’s two options for you; agree on a strict “contract” of sorts so that your wife can be sexually satisfied without ruining the relationship…or end it. Can you live with the knowledge that your wife turns to other men for sexual gratification? Alternatively, can you live without her? Can you stay together or split up in a way that won’t harm your son? It is a difficult situation, but the only way you can navigate it is by communicating with your wife.

  97. You're incompatible Really incompatible There's no way forward together you must separate and find people who fit you better. She isn't the only woman in the word and I guarantee you you will find another to love just as much. The same goes for her.

  98. 1 See a doctor and a counselor and get something that helps you to be able to be the man who pleasures your wife.

  99. You guys should have thought more about your sexual differences before you got married. There's no compromise in this situation because someone will always be left unhappy

  100. I think there are few options you can try before divorcing. You can get your hormones checked and get them fixed if there's any problem. You can both compromise and start to have sex. She can live with less sex (but still some sex) and you can have more sex if you are both comfortable with it. You can consider her offer again. Lastly, you can divorce so you are not forced to have sex and so she is not forced to live without it.

  101. You two should have never gotten together. She is gonna continue to go outside of your relationship to get what she needs because you do not provide it.

  102. Seems weird to jump into having sex with other people instead of at least trying to work things through with you first. Have you seen a sex therapist together or on your own to discuss your feelings around your difficulties?

  103. Should probably also see his doctor and get his hormone levels checked. If his testosterone is low it could explain his libido.

  104. OP - no honey. Listen I’m a woman and I have a higher drive. I’d be happy to have sex daily. I turned 50 recently and my partner is six years younger. He’s a 2-3 times per week kinda guy.

  105. Everyone calling you asexual is jumping to a conclusion that might not be real. I'm sure there really are asexual people out there but I'd bet a lot of people who think they are have a physical illness they're not treating. You might have an underlying medical condition leading to a lack of libido, which may just be the most noticeable symptom right now. You should discuss it with a doctor to make sure you don't have something going on that could lead to more serious consequences down the road.

  106. This sounds like a classic case of "we'll get married anyway; it'll be FINE!" and then realising later that it's not.

  107. I see a Stag/Vixen relationship coming on. There is nothing wrong with that. She's not your property. If she loves you and you are her emotional man and partner and nothing gets in between that, sex is nothing more than a physical escape. Turn her into a Hotwife and be her man to take care of her. Who knows, your libido may shoot up miraculously. You can divorce your wife, you can't divorce your best friend.

  108. Sex is a big part of a relationship and it sounds like you are not sexually compatible. I would suggest couples counseling before you make a decision. Honestly, I get where she is coming from. But I also understand that not being interested in sex is also normal-some people are just asexual. But it wouldn’t hurt to get a medical check up for yourself, in case there is a contributing factor (low T, etc).

  109. In another post effectively the same as this, there was a great comment: A good sex life is a small part of healthy relationship, and a bad sex life is everything in a bad relationship (or something?).

  110. i mean y’all are on the literal complete opposites of the sex drive spectrum so this issue isn’t really avoidable. you don’t HAVE to agree but you do have to communicate with her what it means for her if you say no, and accept that she may want to be with someone who can fulfill her that way.

  111. It’s what they say, when the sex is great, it is 10% of your relationship. If it sucks, it’s 90%.

  112. What’s unfair is her knowing you’re like this and still choosing to have a family with you. She’s incredibly selfish, and I personally couldn’t continue to be with someone who would even ask that.

  113. My friend...you can take all the T you want or attend as many counseling sessions as possible - but at the end of the day, you're probably just asexual. If you are, there is no way you're going to be able to truly satisfy this woman for the rest of your lives. It's probably about time, before she suffers anymore, to start considering separating so you can both find more compatible partners. Sometimes relationships just don't work, that's life. I'm sorry, man

  114. This is a problem that is truly difficult to solve because you can't just magic up a sex drive. I've had situations where the vibes have faded over time and we have sex less, but this is way different. You're not wrong to feel devestated, but I can't help but feel for your wife too.

  115. Hate to say it but I’d look into divorce. I wouldn’t want my wife getting it from another dude and if you just don’t like sex then I’m not even sure how you made it that far

  116. Have you seen a Eurologist to rule out any chemical imbalance or other medical issue for the low sex drive?

  117. OP, have you considered that you may be asexual? The total comfort with no sex, the fact that you say you need to will yourself to sex despite her being attractive makes me think so. Generally people have low sex drive, but they still want sex from time to time. This points to a special scenario, and shouldn't be handled the same.

  118. This would be a deal breaker for me. If you say no, she'll cheat on you. But that's my opinion. I'm not sure if counseling would help. If you want to save your marriage, do what you have to. Oral may be the ticket while she's pleasuring herself.

  119. Try looking for a therapist who works with polyamorous people. Fact is your relationship isn’t sustainable as is. No judgment but highly sexual people can’t live without sex and it’s honestly cruel to ask that of her. Either you need to learn to accommodate her needs or you need to end it so she can find a more compatible partner.

  120. Well I think divorce atp you can’t satisfy her and ofc you’re gonna be jealous your her husband.Both if you should of really think this through.Also I doubt she’s hyper sexual she’s most definitely have a average sex drive and you can’t see that.

  121. Honestly there is a high likelyhood that you have a hormone inbalance and should seek out the help of an endocrinologist. A lot of people think it's just a part of you to have low sex drive but it is actually unnatural in both men and women and can often be cause by hormone conditions.

  122. I was in the same boat with my exwife. She avoided sex completely. I have a high sex drive. I stuffed my drive down, did everything to make it work. I just can't live without sex. It's an important part of my relationships. You can try everything to make it work, but, you'll just end up making yourself crazy, sad and really freaking horny. Good luck!

  123. Go get yourself checked out by a Dr. Comments implying it's normal is not OK. Fucking is more than that and you two have a massive disconnect.

  124. Marriages that work: both like ice cream, one likes chocolate the other likes vanilla. Marriages that dont work: one LOVES ice cream, the other HATES ice cream.

  125. I've been there. That conversation still haunts me. ALWAYS talk about EVERYTHING before committing with someone.

  126. Have you seen a doctor for your low sex drive? What if you’ve had a hormone imbalance since puberty? Have you seen a therapist alone or together?

  127. I am so very sorry but I think you and your wife will need to have a conversation about the future of your marriage as a whole. You are not sexually compatible

  128. This is a difficult position to be in and I wouldn't want to introduce another man into the bedroom before trying a few things first. First, can you take the blue pill and think of it as a work out? Can you push your feelings into a position where you're sole focus is to please her? I'd do everything in my power to try those before letting another man in the bedroom. There are men that are capable of that, and it's not as abnormal as people might lead you to believe, but if you're this devastated now you'll probably end up being bitter and unhappy before splitting up. Wish you the best stranger.

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