please learn and grow from it, there's too many people who're angry and bitter and blame other people and you've just opened up an opportunity to be better

I agree. Acknowledging is the first step to improving.

Exactly. I was with someone for several years long before I met my wife. She had used me in every way possible while giving nothing in return. Afterward, she blamed me just as she had for every other failed relationship. Last I heard, she was still miserable.

OP is going to use their ex once again - this time as a learning experience and to grow from it 😏

Facts

Amen

Tell you what, my first wife used me up financially to put her into a business. Once that happened she told me she didn't want to start a family anymore.

My first wife used me to start her business. I sunk $40k into it. Once she started being successful, I made a plan to pay off the debt. Shortly after, she asked for a divorce… on Christmas night. Ruined Christmases for a while. I didn’t pursue repayment in the divorce. Just sucked it up and paid it off in a few years. Ended up with perfect credit… but missed my window for kids of my own. Wife2 has a kid so it all worked out in the end, just not what I had planned. Wouldn’t change anything.

There are a lot of kids in the foster-care system that would benefit from someone like yourself that just “cared”.

That sucks man. I would adopt honestly.

I would've done everything in my power to put that business under. What a fucking cunt.

Damn, that is so heart breaking. I'm glad you found a great woman to be your wife eventually but I'm so sorry for the whole no kids aspect. Your first wife was a complete bitch.

I have the same thoughts about my ex, only I'm the guy in my situation.

The fact that I hate myself is probably why my wife has never really respected me or given even half a shit what I'm feeling. She sure does act like she gives a shit though. Always has to look like a great terrific person to everyone else but I get fucking yelled at for anything you can think of. I fucking hate my life. I should've killed myself a long time ago.

This!

But how do you know what you deserve?

This is an experience that everyone goes through. Take it as a good lesson to not be in a relationship just because you don't want to be alone. If you date someone that you're not really into, but they're really into you, they will get hurt. Props to you for recognizing your behavior and wanting to grow. And double props to you for leaving the situation and sticking to your decision!

I’ll cut you some slack since you recognize that you made a mistake, but damn this is a shame.

I'm broken from shit like that and I honestly wish I killed myself a long time ago. My life is a fucking joke. If I didn't have a child I would've done the job by now. It always helps when it all gets denied and all my mistakes get brought up instead, from like 8 fucking years ago.

It broke me. I just ended a relationship like that. She was severely mentally ill and was a recovering addict. I broke things off with her because we didn’t talk for three months. I had done my best, failed plenty, but I had done my best to make sure she knew at the end of the day I would always be there for her. But she ignored me, treated me like I was nothing. And just, I was shown that no matter how much time and effort, heart and soul that I put into someone, I would always fall short.

It broke me that’s for sure.

Babe?

As someone who's been affected by someone like you: thank you. I've always felt that there's gotta be some reasoning behind the blue eyes that bittered my heart. I thought I was just naive giving my all to the relationship to have it implode unexpectedly. The hurt from that has changed me forever. Somehow, there's solace in your post.

That's some valuable introspection. That's how we learn and do better in the future. You're human, these sort of things happen, don't beat yourself up.

Hindsight is 20/20. Can't go back and change what happened but you can changw yourself moving forward.

You have two options: keep it that way or just come back to your ex and retribute the affection.

I have moved on from him. I don't love him anymore. Should I just go for his sake? I will never be happy. Compromise for someone else happiness?

So why did you dump him?

Becoz we would fight regularly over petty things. And IG with time I stop loving him

Why didn’t you give him that respect?

IG... I was just stupid

At least now you're aware of it, and compassionate enough to care, so now you can do better in the future. You could also apologize to your ex and tell them this realization, if you think it'll help

I went through this (as the guy) and instead of being bitter I went to therapy, tried my best to heal, and moved on with my life.

Reflection always feels nice. I hope you grow

Typical. He just didn’t do it for you. Happens every day. Maybe he was a provider, but he was a sure thing. Settling just felt like giving up. Is there anyone else out there? Don’t settle for someone you don’t have the hots for. You did him a favor by moving on. I would hate to wake up 10 years in and then get a divorce. Cut losses early. Red flags in this relationship help you decide who you want in life.

There is one quality of life I see in all my friends who are either in successful relationships or happy to be single: they love themselves for who they are first and project trust and respect for their friends and partners. Plus, and this is most important, they communicate well and are honest about their values.

You don't have to fake love.

I was friends with a guy that treated me that way. Honestly, I did like him. I considered dating him. But something felt off. I broke things off with him because I didn't think I could love him as much as he loved me, and that wasn't fair to him. He deserves to have someone love him as much as he loves.

You were who you were and he dated you freely. Sounds like you have grown some now in a good direction. Let yourself have peace with the past you.

The fact you recognize it means your are becoming a better person. I often think about selfish dumb things I did when i was younger and don't even recognize that person any more.

Yeah. The break up hapened like 2 months ago.(not even 2 months have completed). But it's funny the past self was so stupid not to realize that.

Learn and grow. Keep journaling!

While I agree with everybody saying learn and grow and whatnot, there's another interpretation of what you're describing that is less malicious. You took him for granted, and that's pretty common. Using somebody to me implies a bit more unempathetic intent, as opposed simply not appreciating the person.

I'd would assume he learned a little something from that relationship just as you have.

Glad you have the conscious to realise this. Most people don’t and are still ignorant of their selfish actions.

You can apologise to him atleast😒

I have

Well OP has said they already have but even if they hadn’t, sometimes going back to your ex to apologize long after the damage is done does more harm than good. Some people just want to move on and forget

[удалено]

That was a funny.😂

Can you explain the joke? I have autism, I don’t get it.

I’m sorry that your parents damaged you. I highly suggest finding a good therapist to work out your traumas. Best of luck.

Oof

I for one an shocked that u/ witchy_princess011 would ever act in a malicious or entitled way. 🙈🙈🙈

Anything with princess, queen, divine any of that shit is or should be a red flag big enough to make Stalin proud.

Have you seen me somewhere else?

Good on you for realizing this. Now, do you want to see if he'll take you back or just carry forth and be more mindful of men who are good to you in the future? Also, will you seek him out and apologize or will that just make things more awkward or create expectations you wish not to meet?

You don’t fall out of love with someone. You love them or don’t love them. You fall out of romance and excitement. The two are not the same.

Yes. You could put in that way too

Exciting new piece of dick in the background happens too.

This is not true whatsoever. Falling out of love happens all the time. It sucks but it happens. With your logic, breakups don’t ever happen.

If you let him fuck you, even once; it’s all good.

Sad but true

TRUEOFFMYCHEST

Your self reflection is important

Treat everyone how you want to be treated, cant go wrong.

Just don’t re-traumatize him by contacting him to apologize.

I used to date a girl a long time ago, I loved her like hell, but she really didn't reciprocate, as she later acknowledged, that she used me just to feel loved and comfy for a few months, while her ex was gathering up strength to come back to her and apologize or whatever. I was mad mad at her for some time, but you know what... five years later I didn't really give a fuck. I learned from that experience and at some point even felt something like gratitude. Also, I realized that it wasn't just her fault, but mine also, as I basically was simping for her, having no respect for myself. So don't worry too much about it. Its good that you reflect on it, but there's really nothing you can do. Bygones be bygones

You're growing. Learn from the past; don't let it keep you there.

How many people never learn this is shocking, glad you could reflect on yourself and work to be better!

Someone did this to me. Love is and has been ruined for me since. I hurt others now because reciprocating is broken.

I hope that you can find the tools to heal and recover. I see a lot of relationship trauma on this post. A lot of people have so much trauma because of others, and if you can see that you’re hurting others because of what happened to you, that also means you can take steps to change it. And you’re not alone. A lot of us suffer greatly due to how traumatized people are and how little we understand about healing and how to heal from it.

Are you my ex girlfriend ?

At least your self aware

Is this my ex?

Hey self reflection is better than what many do when it comes to relationships.

They say the unexamined life isn’t worth living

Good. Now learn from your mistake , don't do it to the next person in your life .

I once dated a girl that I could have treated much better. Over the years I have thought about tracking her down and apologizing. The problem is that it could very well make her feel bad over something she'd long since put in the past. My penance is I get to own that shit and stay out of her life.

If you think the relationship is salvageable, go for it. Otherwise, just move on and learn from this experience. Don’t beat yourself up. If you really feel bad you could shoot an apology his way. We all mess up

I feel like we all use someone eventually, some just accept it differently

do you randomly think that you used your ex

Going through my journal always brings thoughts. I also realize what I used to think and what I am thinking now.

Some stuff is fixable some stuff you just have to let it go. I mean if you have the opportunity to reach out to him and apologize I think that might be a weird apology. We all make really silly mistakes in the past and you just have to realize some are just mistakes and you just have to keep on trucking. I guess the only thing to even feel an ounce of regret is if he's in a really bad place in life and you put him there if not you have nothing to even be worried about. It's not like you absolutely destroyed his whole life being. Find forgiveness within yourself it's hard but it can be done with time

Im sure he learned from it too, hope he found someone better

I do from the bottom of my heart.

Hey, you're already doing better than most by acknowledging that you were wrong about how you went about the relationship. Try not to do it to the next guy

"I feel like I have used my ex"

He doesn't deserve your respect simply by loving you very very much.

My opinion: everyone deserves respect. Even if they are being a dick to you. Becoz we don't know the place they are coming from.

man same bro. i miss my ex. dated for 2 and half years. now she at usc. and i’ve “moved on” w a different girl, sex is better but it’s not the same

You should consider sharing that with him in a apologetic manner. It might be nice for him to have some closure, especially if he hasn’t moved on. Just done make it all about yourself and if you’re not interested in him stills, make sure he doesn’t misinterpret the apology and your intentions for reaching out. Hurting people sucks. I’ve only been heartbroken from one woman who used me for sex when I was young even though she knew I was falling for her.

Been there, done that unfortunately...from both sides.

Ok. Maybe next time you should learn and not take people for granted.

This is a wonderful growing point for you. Take this time to cry and feel guilty about it. But also realize you’re a human and you’re just learning and experiencing what works and what just doesn’t. I used to treat my bf like he never mattered and good god do I regret it to this day. He sticks by my side and loves me even though I haven’t been the best girlfriend. He had his faults too… but I didn’t do much to make it better. We will be married soon and I’m so glad I did a 360, not just for him but myself as well. Your person will come and they will understand you and stay by you even though it’s tough. But don’t be that person anymore, learn from it and grow 💕

You live and use and breathe but most importantly you learn!

Typical.

...the post every dude wishes was about him...

Yeah I was the cold hearted party before. Most of my distance in the relationship had to do with a demanding workload, but my partner and I aligned with the same life goals and clicked well when I had the time off….I was going overseas and planning to end it before that just because I didn’t see anything long term developing after the infatuation phase….but instead I was a coward and ghosted her for a month……this was pre universal SIM card days….I came back to a book of texts and vowed never do that to somebody ever again….

Tell your ex that you feel this way and apologize to him.

I feel the same way about mine. I could of given her more, but didn't...

Could always start moving forward by apologizing and reaching out

This happens in life. We make mistakes and we have the chance to learn from them. Hopefully we can make things right, or the next time we can do things right.

Been there.

Never dwell on the past , you won't forget the past but you need to learn forgive yourself before your guilt eats you. Nothing you can do that will change it. The best thing you can do it move on .

And you are most likely right.

Now you'll be using him for one last time, as a learning experience for personal growth.

Sounds like my ex. Just know that once you betray peoples emotions, if that person has any self respect they’ll never respect you ever again (even if they forgave you)

Take it as an opportunity to treat the next person better. If you can grow from this, you will be a better person, and give someone else what you wished you could have given to your ex. I’ve been on the opposite side of this, where I gave the world to someone who didn’t deserve it with how she treated me. I still harbor some resentment cause I truly loved her, but I’ve gotten over a lot of it. If she came to me saying what you’re saying, I’d tell her what im telling you (after asking if she wanted to go at it one more time lmfao.)

At this point all you can do is learn and grow as a person. Maturity and self respect is something 2 bad breakups taught me.

Therapy. You need to talk these ideas out and find out if it's a chronic problem or if it was a one-off. Maybe there's some deep seated feelings that you don't deserve love, or that you deserve special treatment because you're special. It's best to work on resolving the root of these issues once you notice them, or they can become detrimental to later relationships, including professional relationships.

I definitely used my ex

Love must be a two way street.

Yeah and I could never reach the level of love he did

I feel the same tbh. I was a terrible partner. i hope he now can find happiness.

I'm in the same boat. Just broke it off with a guy because I felt like I was using him and I'm afraid I'll never find someone who will love me that much again.

Well, it also depends on how long ago it was that you broke up, and how he feels, you don’t know what’s going on in his head, he might still be thinking about you and hurting, he might feel the same way, you can’t keep that shit in, if it’s still somewhat relevant and you’re able to talk to him, I’d say do it, I’m in the exact Same situation, my ex used me, even tho I cared for her deeply. And it might make you both feel better, even if you don’t get back together or anything, you need to get that off your chest, or else it’ll do more harm. Edit: I understand that some people think you’ll end up hurting him by talking to him, that’s why you need to approach him nicely and calmly, and ask for him to hear you out, be calm and positive ig.

You should apologize to him and let him know.

Been on the receiving end of that. Just don't. It's people like you that make people like me, and sometimes when life gives you lemons you can't paint that shit gold.

It's never too late to make amends, if it's appropriate, reach out and tell him this. It could help both of you immensely.

Hmm. Maybe. Grow from this. Do better Give him time to heal and for you to become better.

Apologize to him for your actions then learn, grow, and do better.

Ha hah haaa are you my ex?

That’s what creates bitter men and misogyny.

A bad experience may not be a person’s fault, but the bitter man is still responsible for not visiting his pain on others.

Yes, it’s all one woman’s fault misogyny exists.

Oh, stop victim blaming. Men who hate women simply cause one woman broke their heart are losers. Like, “my kid cries a lot so I hate all children including my own.” That’d be fucked up. Misogyny happens because men refuse to see women as people, and are selfish and arrogant. Ridiculous comment lmfao

Snoop and Dre had it right js

you liked the fact he liked you so much that was about it

I think you owe it to him to find and pleasure him like he’s never been pleasured before

You should give him a call and offer him some head for old time sake I’m sure he’d appreciate it

There is not one word in your post about regret, or being sorry.

I do regret doing that

…. Megan?

Guess you fucked up

Hindsight is a bitch, and apparently so were you, lol.

good. he was better off without you!

Instead of saying this to the internet, maybe you should say this to him and apologize.

Well hello, Amanda.

You had one of those to huh?

I think this should be on AITA.

What should I write?

I bet you would have been nicer to him if he was a dick to you.

Is your name Angeline?

‘Pologize.

I had

Guess it’s good that you two are not together then. Good for him.

Elyvia? lol

Go post this on

Yeah ig..

Don’t worry about it. If he allowed to be treated like a jerk off it’s his problem not yours.

You sound like someone I used to know

…..thought process of many, many women in their later years. No tears here!! Y’all made ur bed…sleep tight!

Jayme?

Sky? Is that you?

Too many of your type ruin his type. And those who see it don't want anything to do with your type. Then all we see are posts where are the good men?

Lisa, is that you?

So tell him. Not me

Wonder genuinely how many dudes are thinking “Babe that you?” after reading this 😂

Got a lot of comments asking if I am their ex gf

Maybe contact the dude and talk it out. You might have created a misogynist. Trust me guys especially young guys are fragile one bad gf is all it takes.

What was him name might be me 😌

It’s okay I forgive you lol

found my ex's reddit?

You could just tell your ex that, I’m sure he’d feel better hearing that

Lauren- is that you? 😂

Ah yes, the teenage breakups.

If you feel like that, then it's probably true. You likely hurry him needlessly.s

Boo boo, he was a boyfriend not a husband, FYI a boyfriend isn’t a real relationship

Are you my ex?

Paige?

Well congrats, you're a bitch

I hope my ex feels like this someday.

It's okay your a woman he used you also and he enjoyed you being more than a fuckbuddy until you turned to be a bitch afterall don't feel bad this is natural.

My ex did the same thing to me and she realized later her new boyfriend wasn’t lovey at all and she missed having someone who wants fake

Because you’re probably a shitty person that felt bad for a few hours and then you’ll continue your shitty behavior after some attention.

Brave to shit on someone who is trying to be open and learn from their mistakes. If you're looking for someone to be angry with, maybe a look in the mirror is in order.

I highly suggest going to therapy, or reading some self help books. There are even YouTube videos and self-help TikToks that I’ve actually found useful, and I normally hate watching videos because reading is so much faster and easier.

[удалено]

Acceptance, change, growth and the story continues

In the future don’t tease men who know how to love. Frankly I hope this was your one chance and you blew it. No sympathy for you!

Wow that's... Remarkably insecure. I hope you heal from whatever made you so bitter and vindictive before you take it out on someone who doesn't deserve it.

[удалено]

[удалено]

Most women don't deserve an actual good man. You'll just break him and then we have another asshole like me in the world. The whole concept of relationships is kind of stupid, someone or both people always lose everything in the end.