1. They probably can get guy friends in real life, but either they don't care about them or a subreddit has become their only way to get laid. In real life it's probably obvious what they're doing.

  2. Some of these comments are about trying to get laid, and I think that’s true to an extent. One comment is about past abuse, and that’s perfectly understandable to have trauma around men. But I also think a third reason is looking for a free therapist. So still true they arent looking for just a friend... I dated so many dudes that wouldn’t open up to their friends or that thought therapy was a sign of weakness, but then they used me to work through their issues. Not in a “we’re dating so I’ll be honest about things” way, but in a “I’m going to dump all this on you after knowing you for a week because you’re a woman and I feel less weak confiding in a woman than a man. Now please make me feel better and also I don’t care about trying to help you with your issues. You are just a person to talk at because you have a vagina so you’re always emotional” way.

  3. "If I become a friend with a girl, then I can get into her inner circle. Once I'm in her inner circle, I can start to subtly push her boundaries. Sure, I might get impatient after the first 30 minutes of the conversation, but once she says 'hi' and that I'm nice, I'm winning!"

  4. Actually, that's not true at all. I'm a man who was sexually abused as a child and part of my trauma is that I have a hard time making friends with males, because I don't trust them. On top of that I was bullied relentlessly in school by dudes.

  5. I used to get so many messages on Instagram like this back before my account was private 😂😂😂 it would start so nice and then they’d hit me with weird sexual questions or “will you marry with me?”. Imagine them being so bold irl 😭💀

  6. Tell them you orgasm from being fed wads of lard with a garnish of Accent and they’ll leave you alone.. or love you, depends on how much they want to know about your ‘past orgasm records’

  7. Back in the day, craigslist strictly platonic was a much more surefire way to find casual sex than even craigslist casual encounters. With the shutdown of both of these, perhaps people think what was acceptable through strictly platonic is acceptable through other friending platforms.

  8. I would guess that there's an 80% chance that these guys think they're clever and/or deep for pursuing friendship first, hoping it will lead to more.

  9. I'm glad to be that 20%. The only way I'm going to be interested in a woman, is if I have a connection other than sexual. I'm not looking for a one night stand. I have told a few woman no.

  10. Because this type of man can't even form of a concept of women as complete human beings that might make good friends without being fuck buddies.

  11. There’s of course many guys who are just looking to score some nudes, but I think a lot of guys also just find it a lot harder to open up to other guys about their feelings and other deeper topics

  12. This. I’m sure the vast majority are horny chuckleheads, but it’s a lot more chill to talk to a woman, less competitive somehow? I also usually end up being “therapy friend,” and guys don’t really open up like that.

  13. Back in my heyday, wow and aoc, women seemed more relaxed and adventurous. Guys were always trying to out alpha, especially if there was a woman in group, but also wanted to grind the same stuff to be the best.

  14. Oof had this happen to me, I asked in a fashion sub why my pants was not fitting right and got this comment “must be the panties, can you take your pants off to see why they’re not fitting?”

  15. So, i have posted on meetpeople and r4r before as a guy only looking for gals as friends. Reason? Have only had guy friends my whole life and i sucked at talking to women through text chat, let alone voice chat or in person. So, i thought making friends of the opposite gender could, well, make me less awkward around them.

  16. In my experience female friends tend to be different than male friends. More open to showing platonic affection, more emotionally open/vulnerable, more caring in general.

  17. Either they’re not looking for friends or they already feel like they have enough male friends and they want to get better at talking to women regularly

  18. I don't feel comfortable building a friendship with a man or... being honest and vulnerable. It feels like something that should not happen. But I'm totally comfortable with women and can trust them. Sometimes even too much.

  19. 11th comment in thread that looks like honest and real answer. And has 100x smaller upvotes than top comment.

  20. I got ghosted by guys on reddit that I just wanted to be friends with and they said the same. Why was I ghosted? Because apparently I wasn't attractive enough.

  21. Along with the whole Horny thing, in my experience a friendship with a girl is usually quite different from with another dude.

  22. It is impossible for us to give you an answer without making broad assumptions about everyone, which would just end up as detrimental to the members of those subs that DON'T actually fall into the generalization

  23. Guy here. Guy friendships are not hard to come by although they can often be quite limiting and sometimes a little redundant. Girl friendships can be surprising and don't have to lead to any intimacy while having a unique dynamic.

  24. Lucky you I guess. In my experience it’s a lot harder for me to find deep/meaningful friendships with other guys.

  25. Well most guys only get guy friends. I have always wondered what it would be like to have one that is a girl. (I dont visit any of the subs i just thought of posible reason)

  26. Unfortunately they’re not looking for just friends most of the time. But I try to be empathetic, so I’m considering the most innocent case it could be, which I think is unlikely. But they’re probably following advice that’s been given to them, which is to make friends with girls before you try to date one. That’s good advice, in all fairness, but I think specifically filtering for girls is missing the point of said advice. That advice is meant to convey that girls are just people like everyone else and that if you’ve never been just friends with a girl, then you’re probably going to act weird while trying to impress one or make them want to date you. You ought to just be friendly to everyone and eventually you’re bound to cross paths with girls that want to be friends.

  27. I’ve done that, couple years ago. It was when I never felt like I could by myself around men, since I was dealing with a lot of mental health issues and my childhood convinced me men shouldn’t be.

  28. Because of toxic masculinity. Male friends are strictly activity partners, they are people who share interests who you can do things with.

  29. As a guy, my friendships with women are usually friends' SOs and the rare female friendship is usually deeper or at least meets different needs

  30. They might have guy friends already, but want female friends for a different perspective, even if they want nothing further with that person, having a female friend help choose clothes/cologne/give dating perspectives is invaluable, especially for guys who don’t have a sister/etc. that they can go to instead

  31. Wholesome: they don't have many friends that are girls and or have trouble talking to girls so they want to branch out their friends group

  32. Interesting with the comments is how when men do it malicious intent is readily assigned, but when women or any other gender does it it's "their right to choose".

  33. Perhaps they already have male friends, but aren't friends with many/any women (too nervous, no mutual friends, etc.). Either that or they are pushing their luck trying to get more than a friendship.

  34. Because after sneakily making their move, it's easier to face rejection if they can gaslight and just say "actually I just wanted to be friends, what are you taking about"

  35. As a guy, my friendships with women are usually friends' SOs and the rare female friendship is usually deeper or at least meets different needs

  36. As a woman I've found that men do not generally value friendships with women unless sex is the endgame. It's rare to encounter men who accept women as ... Actual complete people and not some sexual conquest/girlfriend/mother figure.

  37. They're either not looking for friends and just want girls, pretty much all guys have unconscious-bias to be more likely to talk to / help Girls tho but actively doing it is a bit different

  38. Many people answered the sad truth : most of these guys are just horny and want to hook up with girls but try to look innocent and well intentionned.

  39. Yeah this is why I don’t want to make friend with random guys anymore. We can talk about games and stuff but the moment they find out I have a vagina, they start getting creepy asking for pic and more personal stuff. Like, do you ever do that with your guy friends?

  40. Most of my guy friends have standards and are absolutely not trying to sleep with every woman they meet lol. I've seen them be completely disinterested or even actively uncomfortable by women's advances. I've heard them say "she keeps flirting but I only see her as a friend." If you don't have standards that's probably just you

  41. Because they don’t really want to be your friend they just want to say that until you trust them and they can date rape you. You’re welcome.

  42. Speaking in terms of personal experience, I believe it is from either a lack of available options to meet female counterparts or a ruse to try an angle where the actual goal is to end up in a relationship through being a good friend.

  43. I mean, apart from the obvious horny creeps answer, I bet there's also a chunk of men who have basically exclusively other men as friends and want to have women friends as well, without actual ulterior motives

  44. For me personally, I tend to get along better with women than I do men. In my experience, women tend to be more open with their feelings and less competitive. I find it easier to have a meaningful friendship with women than I do men because of that

  45. The aren't looking for friendship, and they are the reason why I don't post on friend subs anymore. I'm a dude btw, personally I don't care if men or women message me I'll still reply

  46. If you want insight from a guy here. It's because, most guys are horny Bastards ( save a few). Idc who I talk to/message. But most times if I message a dude, I won't get a response, get a message about being gay, or just have the message deleted instantly. There's the occasional guy thst responds and we get a conversation going. But it never leads anywhere afterwards.

  47. Knowing how most people are: best-case scenario, they probably want nudes. Worst-case scenario, they want some lame online relationship that they hope will somehow end with a real-life meetup.

  48. They hope it'll evolve into something sexual, seems massively creepy but they aren't gonna stop and that sucks harder than a hoover

  49. For me, I don't get along with guys unless we are gaming on a FPS. I also get along better with women plus having a gf less chance of her getting hit on.

  50. Depends on the sub where you meet i think, i am a 47 y.o. male and have had conversations with other men about car stuff. Sometimes women have car questions as well, or anything tech related from both genders.

  51. Almost all of my friends irl are guys. I have found that I get very nervous talking to girls because of my insecurities. So when I message people, I almost only message girls so that I can work on becoming more confident and it also gets my mind off of my ex that I still miss. I’m not like most guys, sex is very far down on my list. So that’s my answer as to why I only message girls

  52. I'm not sure if I count anymore now that I've realized I'm trans, but back when I thought I was a cis man ... I just always felt safer and more comfortable talking to women than I did talking to men. It was easier for me to be open with women.

  53. Most guys are probably just horny but personally I have trouble getting along with other guys, I find it hard to be vulnerable around them and talk about my true feelings about things without being judged or told that if they were in my shoes they'd solve all my problems in two seconds, it just gets old, women tend to be much kinder than me and that's something I need at this stage in my life. I also find that men often have more annoying flaws like arrogance, or belief in macho bullshit or incel shit.

  54. Because they don’t want friends, they want either a girlfriend, or more frequently, some one that will send them dirty pics or sex chat.

  55. The emotional aspects of a male-to-male relationship can be very different from a male-to-female one. Men are taught not to feel emotion from a very young age by their peers and authority figures, meaning that in most male-to-male platonic relationships, feelings are rarely brought up.

  56. When a guy shows he can be friends with girls- especially hot ones, then that subconsciously makes girls feel more comfortable around him and may even make him more attractive. A wing woman works better than a wing man. Whether he is posting fun pics with the girls on social media or out at a club dancing, he looks cooler than if he were with a bunch of guys. This works mostly on younger women. Don’t believe me, go look up dating tips from red pill guys or pick up artist YouTube vids.

  57. Alot of people forget to mention that men can hurt other men. Especially the ones who abuse your ex girlfriend to a point she leaves you for him.

  58. Because they're pathetic and think by going in with a "I'm just a friendly guy" angle will somehow win them some brownie points.

  59. Women tend to be easier to connect with, better at conversation, and less critical of your actions. If you're not the most "masculine" of men, having guy friends can be really demoralizing. Also, some of them probably just want to be friends with someone they can have sex wit, but I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt

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