1. I would absolutely find another place for him. It sounds like she doesn’t have the patience to care for babies and small children. I wouldn’t trust her to care for their emotional needs.

  2. We just had our childcare close suddenly and immediately and I absolutely understand the feelings you're feeling about not having childcare. My best advice is to keep checking all of your resources frequently to find new childcare.

  3. I would be worried about my babies safety. It sounds like she neglects him. I know you say you’ve looked everywhere because it’s a small town. Are you close to a bigger area you can drive to for daycare? Then drive back to work? Not convenient but it would keep him safe. Does your partner work? Can either of you change your shifts so you work opposite hours and one stays with your baby?

  4. I work in a slightly bigger town 1/2 an hour away. Nobody there has space either, and it would cost us £300 a month more at least. I've been trying to get a work from home job for almost a year and can't get one. Neither of us can change shifts and he doesn't drive so his job hunting is very limited to probably 2 companies, one of which he already works for.

  5. What advice are you looking for? It seems that everything everyone is suggesting you keep shutting down. There seems to be no solution in your mind. When you have a child you sometimes HAVE to sacrifice and compromise on things you have been very firm against doing. Your options are: call around to daycares within an hour away and start your day much earlier and take him to a daycare/child minder further out from where you live, stay home with him until he is a little bit older, get a job at a daycare and see if you can bring him with you, hire a babysitter and all she has to do is watch the baby (no house tidying etc. that way her hourly cost is lower), literally make a sign that is looking for childcare and hang them up in your neighborhood (my friend did that and the sweetest older lady reached out to her and is now watching her daughter), move, ask your families to help, if your child’s father is still in the picture ask him to help search too, OR if you two are still together have him be a SAHD until the baby is a little older…you have a lot of choices you just need to sit down and really think about them and decide what you guys can logically do/handle.

  6. Some of those options just aren't feasible for us. We cannot afford to be a single income household. We have no family. I tried to get a job at a nursery I could bring him to and that fell through, all the others said I couldn't bring him. A baby sitter would still cost too much money, it would be double the cost of what we are paying now. Moving also costs money, we own our house and so would have to pay solicitors etc and we barely have 2 grand at the moment.

  7. I live in England so all childcare is licensed through the government. There just aren't many here because it's a small town in an area that's mostly old people. A nanny would be more than I earn and I've tried mom groups, nobody can help

  8. So sorry for your situation. How awful. It seems like one limiting factor for your family is your husband not having a drivers license. If he did you could move to a place with more options for childcare and jobs. For your immediate situation, it looks like you or your husband will need to take unpaid leave. Who makes more money? If it’s close, he should stay home with the baby and try to get his drivers license on your days off. Then he can apply for employment in the nearby city where you work and you can move.

  9. He's learning to drive but because of COVID there's such a backlog of people that there isn't a test available for months. And you can only book 3 months in advance, so you can't book a test.

  10. I absolutely hate leaving him there. But it's not just a sticky situation, if I don't work we can't pay rent...

  11. I think she just wants rid of him for some reason. I have no idea why but that's clearly her goal. We are only young ourselves but even the minimum wage for an 18 year old is 200-300 more per month than what we are paying now. And I doubt anyone would work for less than minimum wage

  12. We had a similar problem but if the childminder is saying this then definitely go to another place. Easier said than done though. My wife and I had to look after the baby in shifts so that we had 8-10 hours each to work until she got into a daycare centre.

  13. I don’t know if it works differently in the UK, but in the US you have to be persistent about keeping in touch to get a spot in any of the daycares where you’re waitlisted. Call to check on the waitlist spot with every center where you’ve put in an application. Better yet, have your partner call. These centers are used to moms calling to check in. The dads rarely ever do, and it sometimes gets their attention when they hear a male voice on the other end of the line.

  14. There aren't waiting lists here. It's really a full or has spaces kind of deal. Ive been calling periodically to check but now schools started back the spots likely won't change much

  15. So I don’t know what to tell you here, it doesn’t sound like you have any options. You could try giving him acetaminophen in the morning before drop off and maybe that will keep him calmer while his tooth comes through? In the mean time maybe consider moving if you can’t do anything else that everyone has suggested. I’m not being facetious either, look at moving to a bigger city.

  16. I did give him some Calpol before drop off a few days and then she told me off for giving it too much and said if he needs Calpol then he shouldn't be there he should be home with me. We can't afford to move and there isn't a city anywhere near us so we would both have to get new jobs

  17. Have you been screened for PPD? A lot of your responses have some clues that perhaps might be indicative of depression. I am sorry you are going through this and hope you figure something out..

  18. We own our house so it would cost money to move. We don't have anyone we could move in with either, most of our friends still live with parents, those that don't live in 1 bed flats. I spent months looking for a wfh job, couldn't get one. Can't work nights because the baby still wakes up too much for my partner to do nights and then go to work at 5am and work a manual labour job. I could get a different 9-5 but that wouldn't help

  19. How old is your son? How long has he been there? My little guy is only just now starting to not cry all day after 2-3 weeks at daycare. Maybe you can send him some toys from home to help comfort him? Depending how old he is it might be with working on some independent play at home (still responding to When he cries).

  20. He's 11months. He plays independently really well at home. For like 30-45 minutes at least, I don't really leave him longer than that though. He's been there for 5 months.

  21. The person who owns the least out of you and your partner needs to request leave or quit. Or alternatively, is there childcare near yours or your partner's work?

  22. My partner doesn't drive so it would have to be near my work. I've called around and been told no but I'll call again

  23. I know its the last thing on your mind but I would post a review of this childminder, warning other parents of their mentality and beliefs on looking after children. Your poor baby doesn't seem like he is getting the support he needs and I wouldn't be surprised if they neglect other children's needs as well...

  24. She’s a childminder? Seriously? There are good ones out there, she’s not suitable to care for children. Explain to work what’s going on and get online and find another one. I’m not usually a Karen but I’d give her a very bad review as she’ll leave other parents high and dry if their babies cry. Good luck x

  25. Is he a perfect easy baby tho? As a former childcare worker so many parents would not believe us when their children had issues, and the issues would never get addressed because in their mind their child could do no wrong. This went as far as children who were horrible bullies at 3-5 years old hurting other children and their parents refusing to address it. Dig deep if this is possibly you because it will continue to be a problem throughout their life if you put off recommendations by the people who spend most of the time with your child. You have to raise your child to be okay being minded by others, not just you. That is the hardest but one of the most important parts of parenting.

  26. I've also worked in childcare. Yes my child is an easy baby. I know they can be very different at home to at childcare but he's 11 months old and isn't hitting or bullying other children. He just wants to be held sometimes

  27. OP I’ve read a lot of the replies and they’re all giving great advice for how to find childcare but you’ve seem to have tried a lot of what they’re saying already. All parents are allowed up to 12 weeks parental leave from their jobs between the birth of the child and their 18th birthday. It might be that you need to use the parental leave now to give you chance to search new areas for childcare or new areas for a new job/home.

  28. Is there a system where you live that allows you to suspend your job? Leave without pay, parental leave etc. I think in this case you'll need to use that and wait until a childminder close by has space. Most of them have waiting lists but they're not eternal.

  29. I think I've used all the time they have to give me. I could take some time off unpaid but we could only manage 2 months or so before we would be really really in debt

  30. Ugh, I’m heartbroken for you. I hope a solution presents itself, but I know from experience that it feels like there’s very few options. Big hug. I hope you find somewhere for baby where you feel peace.

  31. Bro, WHAT. I'd not have her around the babies at all. When I hear babies cry I go full maternal and must help them get comfortable. You should find a new sitter. Maybe someone to do it in your home where baby is most comfortable.

  32. Im so sorry to hear about your situation, OP. It seems like you’re in a different country than I am (I am in America.), so I don’t know if this may be of any use, but I wanted to try anyway. I work for a nonprofit company that provides childcare (day care centers and shelters) to children whose family is in desperate need and are below the poverty line (since we are government funded we also have to allot slots to children above the poverty line.). I don’t know if you could look into a program like this where you’re at? I would search to see if a similar income based, government assistance childcare program could be offered to you! It’s probably a far shot, but I figured I would throw it out there.

  33. Ah we definitely don't have any thing like that here. You do get some hours funded but only when your kid is 3

  34. Oof, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Is there an entity to which you can report her? Perhaps the government licensing board or the website where you found her? She sounds absolutely awful and other parents desperate for childcare should know that is isn’t a capable childcare provider. I would even so much as leaving a detailed Google review if she’s searchable there.

  35. Why would you even want to leave him all day with someone that so clearly dislikes him, borderline hates him? Find something else, this lady ain’t it.

  36. I don't want to leave him there. But I cannot find any other childcare. So unless I want to be jobless then there is it.

  37. I'd find another place asap and offer pain relief medicine. Sounds like you and her are not in alignment about child care approachs and methods.

  38. Thing is at home he's fine, doesn't need any. She says if he needs it he should be at home. I picked him up early Monday because she told me I needed to and he was absolutely fine when we got home

  39. What about a nursery? Is there any in your area that could take him? Even if it’s just for a day or two at first, then he’s first priority if more sessions open up? That’s what I ended up needing to do with my wee girl- at first they only had Tuesdays and Thursdays open so I was able to re-arrange my work hours around that. Then when more spaces opened up she was first priority and now she’s got full time!

  40. You need to call your local county/city council and ask for their early years department. They can help you 1. Check what's going on with this Childminder as she can't refuse children to attend because they are "difficult", and 2. they will know all childcare providers in your area and might even be able to see how many have availability.

  41. I'm assuming from your comments you're uk based? If so ask your company if they have a flexible working policy, if so ask them to allow you to go part time or drop some shifts if they say no then by law they have to explain why.

  42. I already work from home a little bit to keep our Costs low. I work for the NHS so some of my role is client facing and I do have to be in for that

  43. He was well adjusted, he's been there 5 months. But he does get upset when his teeth are coming in. Which currently they are

  44. Since ur in England, try the ofstead website (where they list all registered childminders). That’s how found our childminder - she wasn’t advertised anywhere else!

  45. In the beginning of September some of the children will have moved up so they may have space in the rooms. Call them all again

  46. Oh lord I’m thankful my daycare has kept my 2 yo girl. From what you’ve said she’s much more difficult than your guy… I’ve been called to pick her up for scratching, biting, losing her shit. Quite a few times. But she’s been going there since she was 4 weeks old (fucking America) so they’re working with us as we work on her behavior in various ways.

  47. I found my daycare by posting on a local childcare group. All the centers were full but 15 or so home daycare providers who were all licensed reached out to me. Have you tried a group like that to find care?

  48. If you think it is teething, can you try children panadol? Then ask them to administer at childcare too. It might just help get you through this period.

  49. You said the community where you live is relatively older..is there a way for you to ask around if a retiree might be able to watch your son for a few hours? You could have a mix of care where the care is provided by multiple people.

  50. We don't actually have any family. My parents were horrendously abusive and so was my partners mum. Our whole families are a mess. Id literally choose homelessness over leaving my child with my parents.

  51. I’m sorry that’s so difficult but it might be best to move him anyway as it doesn’t sound like he’s getting the care he needs.

  52. I've posted on all the local FB pages, a local child minder has reached out to everyone she knows too. I'll try peanut though

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