1. Her husband really needs to attend some form of therapy. He’s seen a very terrible example of how to treat a wife and family. Also even though MIL’s stances make sense, the kids not having a connection to their mother would have negatively impacted them. Making them even more likely to take in the disgusting Dad’s bs over trying to help their mother.

  2. Also, she thinks this woman is worked to the bone and thinks people are taking her money but she’s happy taking her money, too?

  3. I know right ? This was insanely chaotic post . While I can empathise with OOP because her dress was ruined and so was her wedding day there are a hell lot of things problematic with the whole situation .

  4. MIL was sold, drugged, probably raped and emotionally and probably physically abused and financially exploited and her kids didn’t even care enough to say something. Everyone loved her abusers and thinks she is a piece of shit. I don’t blame her for wanting a new life. She was essentially a slave and even her own children didn’t give a crap about her and participated in the abuse.

  5. I think GMIL and FIL aren't the only people OP has to watch out for when it comes to potential abuse towards her children.

  6. OOP literally said “I wanted to intervene but I would lose out on a house as a wedding gift and all the other niceties that come from child rape/marriage/exploitation.”

  7. Yeah, that would be a deal breaker for me, but instead OOP married the guy! I would not be surprised if he starts abusing her, too, when they have kids.

  8. Yeah..when I read that, part of me was thinking "something is probably off about the son/OP's husband, as well.

  9. I feel bad for OOP about her dress and all, but I mean, $60k’s a pretty nice wedding and all of that other shit. Not OOP’s fault that that stuff happened and everyone in the MIL’s life benefited from her forms of success, but her having a psychotic break and the dress being the victim is… kind of sadder for MIL than OOP.

  10. After hearing what her MIL went through - abuse from parents, essentially sold, her kids watching her domestic abuse and her still giving them as much as she did… OP being upset about her having a breakdown and cutting up her dress just doesn’t feel right. Yeah it was a shit thing to do, but it sounds like OP and her family benefited so much from this woman and stayed silent while watching her abuse. I just can’t feel it’s justified remaining angry about the wedding dress when she’s witness to this woman’s trauma.

  11. Yeah OOP is leaving a looooot of stuff out because of not wanting to look bad, but MIL is correct and right when she says that they took part in the abuse. They likely never worked for anything they have.

  12. I had no sympathy for OP. Mil spent 60 k on her wedding and probably bought the wedding dress too. OP stood back and watched the emotional/verbal abuse. It also sounds like she was upset that the MIL was free before she could be used to buy them a house.

  13. Yeah I only feel for MIL in this story, op can kick rocks! She has no empathy for what MIL went through! She was more concerned about $ and who could be around her family- yet somehow the woman who was manipulated and forced to do so much isn’t good enough to be around her family? Yes, the tearing up the dress was a shit move but if you’ve been used and abused enough- it makes sense!!! I wanted to feel for OOP, I really did …. The more she wrote, the more I think she was just as bad as the rest of the family!!! That poor kid(s), they won’t get a wonderful grandmother that sacrificed her everything for them, because OOP is so stuck up as to not realize how much she sacrificed and did what she could. MIL was probably conditioned to have no empathy for even her children… her life was about making money! She was a huge victim here, I’m glad she broke away to find a good husband who gave her the wedding she deserved! If she had that before her sons- the dress thing wouldn’t have happened! We have to consider how everyone feels in this situation and I’m inclined to MIL to be the worst off mentally.

  14. Yeah, also OOP making themselves out to be a victim too is a little ridiculous. Yeah, having your wedding dress cut up sucks, but 1) you're having a $60k wedding and the dress ruined it? And 2) the mom was abused, sold and used until she was in her 40s and OOP drives up to her in a fancy car bought by the mom and is like "Okay, but think about my fancy dress!"

  15. I'm really confused by the whole thing because it says MIL attempted and went to a mental facility for 30 days the day after she cut up the dress. So when was the wedding? Did they get married while she was in the facility? I get that weddings have deposits and shit but how the hell did they go ahead with the wedding while the mother's in a facility!?

  16. And he is pretty astute at the dynamics. ‘Looks like everyone got what they deserve.’ MIL has her life back, while her son is with a selfish and self centred wife. Perfect.

  17. It seems that her husband is the first person in her life who truly gave a fuck about her well being and happiness.

  18. I reposted it cause of an AITA that gave me the same kind of vibes with the son saying shit like "my Mom's half siblings were raised to hate her but my Mom should know better than defend herself" (paraphrasing) It makes me so upset.. Just because there are no bruises, that you see at least, doesn't mean the person has not been put through hell.

  19. I know it isn’t the “suffering olympics,” but how in the world can OOP still be upset at the MIL about what happened? She suffered a mental breakdown after decades of abuse, and OOP is just like “I get the child trafficking, drugging, probably rape, but what about my special day??? Also I’m gonna keep this car.”

  20. I know the part where they told her to shut up, when she agrees to meet and was there because they asked her and was doing exactly what they asked when she was told to shut up, after recounting something very traumatic… I just have no words. OOP is an entitled brat as far as I’m concerned. Such little empathy it’s honestly appalling.

  21. It really sounds like they felt entitled to her money, so as a grown ass adult still leeching off her without even an emotional return on investment, her son is still a negative in her life in addition to being a reminder.

  22. I am actually THRILLED that she cut up that dress! Yep! Because that was the FIRST DAY she stood up for herself and said NO MORE!! No more abuse, no more taking everything that SHE HERSELF EARNED and them handing it out to themselves while doing nothing to help her. It was a giant huge ENOUGH! It saved her and got her out of the torture that would have killed her if she hadn’t tried that herself.

  23. Oh my god, I don’t know. The OP still seems to be devoid of empathy. I get that her wedding dress was ruined, but MIL paid for her whole wedding and by the sounds of it paid for everything else as well. A person has pretty much been forced into a servitude her whole adult life, has a mental breakdown and snaps and you keep going on about wedding dress? Surely when she was gifted $60k wedding she could have bought one thing for herself. And MIL was right, OP and her husband are complicit and I don’t blame her for wanting to be NC.

  24. I do know! The OOP is shockingly lacking in empathy, this woman was literally forced to work, forced to marry her husband, and most likely forced to bear the children she can hardly even look at. She called it imprisonment. She fucking snapped and then tried to kill herself, but all OOP can think about is "I had to wear a cheap dress on my wedding day" – all I can hope is that she's just super young, and will grow up to loath her younger self. She's just like all the rest of the people in this woman's life – a leech from start to finish. She only even wanted to talk to her because she was worried about her kid. I'm glad the MIL seems to have someone in her life who actually cares about her now.

  25. the timeline of this is odd - she cut up the dress right before the wedding, tried to kill herself right away and .... they still got married???? If my boyfriend's mom tried to kill herself the last thing I would be worried about would be the party I was throwing in a couple days, let alone the outfit I was wearing. Of course, I am saying that with the hindsight of two divorces under my belt but still. that poor MIL>

  26. I think the key point for me is that during that final conversation, OP’s husband tells his mom to shut up (?!) just because it’s a stressful conversation and it’s upsetting OP. Like that is incredibly out of line especially since it’s a serious discussion about such a terrible situation. I can’t help but feel like OP’s husband has been influenced by his dad to be cruel or dismissive to his mother, too, and OP is blinded by the dress situation to not just have empathy but also see the warning sign in her husband witnessing this abuse and not getting involved all these years.

  27. Honestly, oop is one of the people I understand the least. Like, I feel like I know why husband and sister in law don't give a damn about their mom. But oop is... Bizarre.

  28. I cannot fathom a situation where revelation after revelation keeps coming that I'm currently, in that moment, living on the proceeds of a woman's long-term abuse and not wanting to tear off my own skin.

  29. Seriously. Like her cutting up the dress then trying to commit suicide didn’t clue you in that something was seriously wrong? Like she was not well. I think MIL deserves a pass here given her obviously horrible mental health.

  30. Dress was cut couple days before the wedding and MIL tried to kill herself the next day. So they had wedding just days after MIL tried to commit suicide. How tf does one not cancel the wedding under those circumstances? Family full of leeches. I have no other words for them.

  31. So regarding the suicide attempt, I’ve been down the Reddit rabbit hole that I’ve heard plenty of stories about people “attempting” after acting out specifically in an attempt to nullify their behavior.

  32. To be very honest to internet strangers, MIL’s story hit me really hard. I’m currently doing a lot of really tough therapy to deal with some childhood trauma. A lot of what MIL went through (even described second hand!) resonated with me. I was not expecting to cry at what I thought would be a fun BORU post. I get that OOP can’t possibly understand. I feel try to be really generous with people that can’t understand what I’ve been through. But I am really feeling way more sympathy for MIL than OOP

  33. Yeah, I kind of think OOP is the AH here. I hope MIL gets to live the life she's always wanted now that she's finally free.

  34. I hate to say this but I agree with her MIL. I mean she was forced to marry her ex and her kids never stood up for her even seeing how their father spoke to her. It's sad. I can see why she doesn't want a relationship with her kids. I'm happy that she's found someone that loves her.

  35. I mean her kids were the product of human trafficking and slavery more or less. Hard to be maternal with that as the premise.

  36. It's much more complicated than that, abusive households are so warped and chaotic that everyone is literally doing what they think is best to survive. Kids of abusive households do what they need to do to survive. My in-laws have 5+ kids. Only two of their kids talk to them. Only two. One daughter tried to stage an intervention for their mom to get her out, "someone" called CPS in on her for retaliation.

  37. Right there with you. I basically went, well no shit, MIL is messed up. I get that the kids would feel one way, it's really awful, but once they were adults they just used her? From what the mom said she went through, and then even as an adult, she was just used for her money? I can see exactly where she's coming from. What a horrifying situation.

  38. I couldn't believe that after she listed the ways FIL abused MIL, OP says in the next paragraph they're still "very close" with FIL?! Her son "adores" him? What the fuck!? OP is still ignoring what MIL went through.

  39. Yes! OOP acts like she wanted to defend MIL at times but didn't do anything because she was told not to... I'm assuming by her now husband?

  40. I thought once OOP kept uncovering how terribly MIL had been treated her whole life and how abused she had been, OOP would have a little compassion about the dress but no. She didn't seem to have any at all for what had happened to this woman, despite bringing up examples of how she had seen the abuse first hand!

  41. agree. i kept expecting the story to make MIL out to be the bad guy but I just started feeling extra sorry for her. and OOP is just jealous and feels entitled to her money. i would not want a relationship with my kids either

  42. Why is it up to the kids to stand up for their mother? They've been raised around that dynamic their whole life, why wouldn't they think everything was normal?

  43. How would a kid stand up for her? They were kids. By the time they were old enough to stand up for her they had been living in a situation where only their father loved them and their mother treated them like shit. Why would they stand up for her at that point. It's not the kids' fault.

  44. Why would they "stand up" against what they've been taught is normal? Those children were also traumatized and abused, including by their mom. Regardless, her position on these issues is very understandable, as is the son's. Neither of them are wrong for how they feel.

  45. I'm sorry but OOP and her husband did watch the abuse and did nothing. She brings up one instance herself (the birthday cake spoon thing). And she totally lacks empathy towards her MIL.

  46. I'm kinda disgusting with Op. Like she cried because "it wasn't fair" that MIL looked so beautiful on her wedding cause she was so pretty and thin...but she just talked about how Mil was barely ever allowed to eat and how her beauty put her through so much.

  47. Right? Am I the only one whose heart hurts for MIL? Because OOP absolutely could have, as not just a woman and DIL, but as a human fucking being, speak up and say something during one of the instances she personally witnessed MIL being emotionally abused by her own family.

  48. One thing that struck me was "MIL ruined my wedding dress and, oh yeah, attempted suicide the next day but guys, MY WEDDING DRESS!!"

  49. Yeah, and also no self-awareness about profiting from MIL's suffering - like 60k for the wedding, or the car. Still mad about the dress - that MIL paid for - not appreciative of everything she got.

  50. Seriously. She paid 60 fucking k towards your wedding while she was being emotionally and verbally abused by the entire family while you stood by and did absolutely nothing,and then surprise surprise she has a fucking mental breakdown after years of abuse and all you can say at the end of the day after hearing about more abuse is just being angry cause 'your wedding day was ruined'.. I'm sorry a human being is worth more than a fancy white dress.

  51. Right? As a victim / survivor of abuse, I feel so much sympathy for MIL. She’s been forced into playing the role of the “perfect” child for her entire life — her parents and her husband treat her like a porcelain doll, like she’s a toy for them to play with.

  52. Exactly. I love the whole "oh, I was going to say something but I was told not to" like that makes it any better. And I'm sorry, but there is no way that the husband never saw shit while he was growing up. If FIL was that blatant in front of OOP and presumably others, then I can only imagine how he was at home. And honestly, it sounds like her kids were forced upon her through rape; I get it that it sucks that the husband probably felt unloved, but in that situation, I think most people would feel like MIL. It's not the kids' fault, but it's not MIL's either. I can't even imagine just how hard hearted OOP must be to know the whole story and still be angry about a dress she didn't pay for, for a wedding she also didn't pay for. The whole family seems awful and I'm really glad that MIL seems to have finally found someone who will love her and be there for her.

  53. Op is a Pos for accepting a 60k dress and not having a good relationship with the person she took it from and not trying to help her when she was abused and not including her in her wedding. Good for the MIL tbh.

  54. I can understand her husband's skewed perception of everything, given that was the environment he grew up in, so he would not bat an eye at the abuse, but OOP? She came into this situation as a grown adult with an understanding of the abuse she was witnessing. And still she chose to be silent and compliant with it. It doesn't sound like she tried to explain to her husband why it was wrong, all while claiming she totally wanted to stick up for MIL, you guys. Really. She just couldn't because ???? Probably because she personally benefited from MIL's abuse, too, and made no attempt to right that wrong even by the end.

  55. God, I get OP being extremely upset about the dress in the moment, but she is truly lacking in empathy, and doesn't seem to feel bad that she basically took advantage of a slave for years.

  56. And finds it awkward when... MIL gets comfort from her husband by putting her head down on (I assume) his shoulder? (I'm assuming the shoulder because I feel OOP would have worded it differently if it was in his lap)

  57. Yeah, that strikes me, too. On the other hand, it's so off, I have to wonder what kind of abuse she's suffered. It's pretty common for people to end up with people who're similar to one or another parent ~ Her husband's mother was terribly abused, I'd be completely unsurprised to find out OP, who he picked to be his wife, was also abused..

  58. Also, I don’t know anyone who spent 60k on a wedding. No gratitude for getting that paid for, but lots of whining about a stupid dress she didn’t pay for herself.

  59. Seriously. She is very good at sweeping the whole “well I knew she was being abused but I was told not to get involved” under the rug to justify to herself how she is the true victim and not the poor person who was a literal slave for the majority of her life.

  60. Yeah, OP and her husband seem pretty crappy. Him "pretty much telling her to shut up" after she recounted her years of abuse because OP is so clearly getting upset by her relating it to the wedding dress incident is very telling. I understand it being upsetting to OP, but it seems like it was so clear that the MIL was being terribly abused and yet the wedding dress is still OPs central concern.

  61. Even if it was only that she cut up the dress and then was suicidal the next day…my reaction would be that she had a psychotic break and I would forgive the dress thing.

  62. Perhaps not as egregious, but I personally know someone who was forced to be a cashcow since childhood. This type of abuses probably happened way more than us regular folks realized.

  63. Except her sons seem to be more in her corner. In fact her whole relationship with her kids seems very different (probably a big difference is that she wanted her children, she wasn't pushed into having them by her abusers, if anything it's the other way around).

  64. I would understand her IF she hadn't seen and been a participant of the abuse....... her jealousy about stuff afterward surely was also about MIL cutting the money line.

  65. Yikes. The “that looks like abuse, but it’s none of my business, so I won’t do anything, yet I’ll still take her (the abused’s) money’ is pretty hard to get past. TG MIL found what seems to be a bonafide protector.

  66. What did I just read? That poor woman. They all suck. I’m sorry a dress was cut up and that was upsetting for OP, but that whole family is horrific.

  67. If OOP thinks via inaction in the face of abuse they didn't make it worse, they did. They helped normalise it and OOP should really either not accept 60k dresses from people she is not "close with" or at least include them in the wedding somehow if she does.

  68. Exactly. Neutrality is complacency. I’ve lost friends over calling them out on their neutrality, because in their eyes, “they never did anything wrong.”

  69. OOP and all the rest of that family are massive AHs. They sat around and either watched or participated in MILs abuse. That poor woman was treated horribly and still expected to pay for everything. Education, cars, weddings, vacations, houses... But she never got any of it. At her own birthday she wasn't allowed to have any cake but was allowed to have some icing on a spoon. And then everyone laughed at her. She wasn't allowed to go to prom, college, have friends. All because she was expected to be everyone's piggy bank?! She didn't even get a wedding or to find her own husband for that matter. She was sold to FIL. And OOP continues shaming and blaming this poor woman. Boo-boo my dress (that MIL paid for). I understand being upset but seriously, let it go! The woman had a psychotic break. She wound up in the hospital for a month, and then the truth of all the horrors she had faced started to emerge. But all OOP cares about is a dress?! Then she tries to shame MIL again because she doesn't want anything to do with her kids anymore. Considering the way they all treated her, it's no wonder the poor woman wants nothing to do with them. Who wants to be buddy buddy with their tormentors? Then, OOP ends buy showing just how self-centered she really is. Because once again it's all about her. And her mental health. Never concerned with anyone but herself, that one. I am so glad that MIL finally got away from them. I really hope she has a happy ever after with her new husband. She deserves it.

  70. Unfortunately for OP, I think she’ll find out about it with her husband. The man has only ever seen an example of an abusive husband, and he thinks he’s a good man bc he was a nurturing father!

  71. It's staggering how much OOP is playing the victim in a story where she got a lot of financial gain from a sex trafficked woman who was terribly abused and probably raped pretty often.

  72. Yeah, that increases my suspicion that OOP is also reacting out of trauma. She's jealous of her MIL having a fiancé who is in love with her and demonstrates this by doing things like going to her therapy appointments or giving her the things the fiancé knows are her deepest desires? This is her MIL being rewarded by the Universe, like having a fiancé who loves you and will throw you a great party are an insane prize that few people get and a person who cut up a wedding dress definitely shouldn't get?

  73. I can see both sides here. MIL was clearly horrifically abused, but I also see OP’s point that she blames her children as if they were co-conspirators. They weren’t, they were children raised in a bad household. That kind of trauma takes years to unpack. They probably didn’t realise how bad it was because they were so used to it. I’m not trying to excuse it, I just understand the psychology behind it.

  74. I'm confused. Why does OOP hate the MIL again? Is it just because the MIL destroyed the dress the MIL bought OOP? Is that really the only thing? Because all the added details just support the MIL's position.

  75. OOP is awful, frankly. Total lack of empathy, and very self-centered. This woman was a medicated cash cow for the family, abused in front of them with no one to stand up for her, and OOP is worried about her wedding dress? She also noted how she was close to FIL despite watching him abuse his wife. I hope that MIL is happy and safe, and am glad she seems to be with a man who loves her.

  76. I understand why OOP was upset about the dress, but you'd think that after hearing MIL's story that would put it into perspective somehow.

  77. To be fair, it sounds like the MIL went no contact with them as well, and she even specified that she still wanted no contact after their talk—understandably so, considering that OOP still seems to prioritize her “ruined” wedding over the MIL’s trauma.

  78. So I see a lot of people posting about how OOP is petty and wrong. When I clicked through to read OOP’s comments, they said they eventually were happy that their MIL got her beautiful wedding. It seems like an important part of the story, and one I’d suggest should go in the BORU post. Like everyone else in the story, OOP has nuance and (maybe) some personal growth.

  79. I've read this story before, about the MIL who worked as a model and paid for everyone and everything, the abusive husband and MIL's abusive father. Can't remember where though, but this is no new story.

  80. Gotta feel bad for the MIL man, she finally sticks up for herself but unfortunately burns everything on her way out. Years of being abused will do that to a person though, they pray for the day they get to walk off into the subset holding their middle finger up its just unfortunate that you and her son were also seen as part of the problem.

  81. Wow. I'm very much not sympathetic to OOP here. Yes it sucked that her dress got cut up, but dude try at least a little to get over it considering your MIL was literally abused in pretty much every way one can be! She paid $60k for OOPs wedding and they're driving a car she bought FFS. OOPs husband also sounds fucking awful. Good lord.

  82. If y’all just intervened from the jump this wouldn’t have happened. I mean your husband is her son, that was plenty of a right to intervene. Is your husband scared of his dad? Or his moms dad? Or is it just pure hatred for his mom? Yk if you guys would just tell her your extremely grateful for what she’s given to you both and your sorry for not sticking up for her. Then maybe you’d come to see a new light from her. I think you need time before that but it needs to be done.

  83. A son hears his Mum describing her abuse and tells her to shut up because it's upsetting his WIFE? Fucking hell. MIL is better off NC with them. I wish her all the best.

  84. “Let’s set up a meeting so you can tell us about the abuse because we need to know if it’s safe to have our child around these people.”

  85. I don’t like OOP. How can she say the abuse that her MIL went through was horrific, then turn around and still be mad about the ruined dress that she didn’t even pay for?

  86. OOP is right to feel sad about the dress but I would also be kind of glad. It aired YEARS of abuse. But no, she is just as bad. Hope she understands that what the family did to MIL, they can do to her children or herself.

  87. Anyone else think MIL was sexually abused by her parents on top of everything else? There's a part where her husband tells her "if your mother touches you, start screaming and don't stop." And OOP is being cagey about exactly why she doesn't trust the parents around her kids.

  88. MIL was abused, terribly, and clearly abused her children as well. Regardless of how much material serif she paid for, MIL telling her children how much she didn't want them and how her business was the only thing she loved had to have an impact on them. Obviously she was treated really terribly, but it seems like she took all of that out on her kids and then their partners, instead of directing it at her father and first husband. Regardless of whether you pay for it, cutting up someone's wedding dress just a few days before the wedding is really cruel. Wedding dresses can take months to get ordered and fitted, it would be really difficult to find a replacement that fit properly and was available on short notice, whether OP had the funds for the replacement or not. Women often get really attached to their wedding dresses, too. I have a lot of sympathy for MIL, because she was treated so terribly, but it also must be said that she comes across pretty narcissistic herself. OP isn't the one who drugged her or denied her the life she deserved, but even with all these years to think it over she doesn't even see how cutting up the dress might have affected someone else badly? It's still all about her feelings, with no room for an acknowledgement that she spread that pain to other people in a vicious way instead of getting help sooner? And to know what her father and first husband did and not tell her children seems incredibly narcissistic, because she didn't even warn them that there were monsters in the family after she got safe.

  89. I think it’s worth pointing out that MIL isn’t NC with her mother, ie one of the people who literally sold her, but she’s going around telling people that she never had children at all. That’s a lot of misplaced anger from MIL, and I can’t blame husband for not viewing her charitably.

  90. Oh man. I go in reading this, thinking that it's just gonna be one of those narcist MIL story but it's actually MIL's call for help.

  91. Jesus this poor woman has been abused for years. No shit she snapped and cut the dress SHE paid for. OP sure did not mention that shit in her statement. She is an accessory to the abuse, she not only did not speak up to stop it, she profited off it. Holy crap this poor woman. And boo boo f, oh pity party for a shitty dress.

  92. Good on the new husband for pointing out that they pulled up in a car MIL bought. Finally MIL can get some peace away from these horrible people. I hope she heals. I could not care less about OOP.

  93. It sucks that OOP had her dress and wedding ruined. And it's not her family so I can't fault her for not intervening.

  94. After reading all that… Fuck that dress, OOP, and her husband. OOP sat there and watched MIL be abused while financing everything for everyone and she wants a pitty party for her dress. I’m not entirely sure I wouldn’t have sat there with my own pair of scissors and helped MIL take that dress out.

  95. I’m sorry are you fucking kidding me? I feel fucking awful for the MIL. The absolute audacity for OOP to completely ignore that MIL is ALSO an entire person with experiences and feelings of their own. This woman was tricked into getting married and abused for her entire life then tries to kill herself because of it and you can’t get over a stupid fucking dress? I’m not saying what she did was okay but god fucking damnit some things, like abuse, are more important than white dresses.

  96. I just got married, I understand how important the dress is. But honestly, it doesn’t make it break the day. There is SO much else. Venue, catering, entertainment, music, flowers, you know, ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED. Yea it sucks, but I’m sure the rest of the wedding went off as planned (or OOP would have mentioned it).

  97. I've read this multiple times since the original post came out and it makes me mad every damn time. I just have no pity for OOP at all. All she does is whine about her wedding dress and how much she hates her MIL blah blah blah, she acts like such a damn victim when the only victim here is MIL. Sure, it sucks she didn't love her kids, but they're basically rape babies that she was forced into having and raising and providing for while being abused in every way by her husband and parents. I can totally understand the disconnect for her there. And her kids aren't entirely to blame for being part of her abuse because they were raised to normalise it - but OOP should have damn well raised her concerns. She chose to stay silent and accept these "gifts", and now she acts like she's so hard-done by cos a dress she didn't even pay for got destroyed in an act of desperation. Nah, fuck OOP. I hope her MIL is living a wonderful life with her new husband. And I hope that everyone who had a hand in abusing her spends eternity walking on LEGOs.

  98. OOP is right to feel sad about the dress but I would also be kind of glad. It aired YEARS of abuse. But no, she is just as bad. Hope she understands that what the family did to MIL, they can do to her children or herself.

  99. Did anybody else get pissed off at OOP solely based on how she wrote it out? Forget about the terrible ppl they all turned out to be. Did anybody else have difficulty trying to follow along with what was even written?

  100. if a more than 60k wedding is "ruined" because you're not wearing the right dress then idk what to tell you. maybe the fact that you got to marry the person you love surrounded by all your friends and family should be something to cherish? no? .... ok

  101. I'm with OOPs MIL in this. This sounds so unfair and sad, she was abused for years, forced marriage, forced kids, forced to work and OOP is talking about a dress?!

  102. She married a man who stood by while his mother was abused and coerced her to do the same because it wasn't their business. Good luck with that.

  103. I have no clue what is going on here or who anyone is. This story is just all over the place. I don't even know what OP is trying to say, or what she wants apart from MIL cut her dress up

  104. Well, between them not being American (not sure what country but I really doubt they are American) and the oop not telling us everything, I'm inclined to wait to judge.

  105. Just so sad for all involved. Sometimes, parting ways is the only solution. The children are a product of the abusive environment. Especially sad for the mother, without the abuse she could have had loving relationships with her children and happy successful life. And, her children probably grew up resenting her for how she seemed to not care for them.

  106. All I got from this post is this woman was literally a child slave and sex trafficked into an abusive marriage, and OOP knows this, but still can’t get over MIL messing up her dress (that, from the sound of it, MIL payed for). Like obviously MIL wasn’t a saint but where’s the empathy??? Like it legitimately sounds like that’s the only thing this woman ever did to OOP. It sucks but damn, imagine feeling angry that that poor woman finally got out of a horrible life and found happiness and all you can think about is “but I had to wear a cheap dress :((((“

  107. Op is crying a lot and blaming the poor mil for ruining her weddinwhen she actually paid for the wedding and only needed to buy a cheap replacement for the dress because it was probably the only thing they could afford… like girl do therapy and grow up… man I can’t even with this people they are so entitled and will spend the rest of their lives crying to everyone about how terrible was for her to have a wedding dress that was horrible because she had to pay for herself…

  108. MIL should not have cut up the dress but the poor woman tried to kill herself the next day and is obviously traumatized. Forget the dress. The dress is nothing.

  109. Jesus, that poor woman (MIL) I can't imagine what hell she went through. I hope she's in a better relationship and place now

  110. So MIL paid $60k to the wedding she never really wanted to pay to, including the dress, and then she cut up what she had paid for with her own money? OOP is mostly upset because she isn't getting an easy life of luxury on her MIL's dime/exploitation?

  111. She is so fucking stuck in the dress , that she completely missed the point that her MIL was being abused for years and no one did anything. If there wasn't any story behind her action I would have been sympathetic. But to know the history and still STILL making the dress the focal point is just so self centered.

  112. I'm finding it really hard to empathise with the OP. Her MIL was horrifically exploited and abused by her parents and ex-husband, and yes the OP did benefit from that exploitation. The fact that she will not drop the dress destruction, which was a fucking cry for help if ever there was one, really rubs me the wrong way.

  113. Everything about this pisses me off. Being traumatized does not give you the right to dump that trauma onto others. I’m sure the MIL’s new marriage will be just splendid considering she clearly worked through her shit. /s

  114. Umm why do you feel bad for OOP? She gives off serious POS vibes. She spent the entire post complaining about a destroyed dress that she didn’t even pay for, and doesn’t seem that empathetic to what happened to her MIL

  115. OOP and her husband are absolute users and enablers. OOP is a bad person for still holding on to the anger and hate after what she learned. Good for MIL that she got out and finally lived her own life.

  116. I think that OOP is well within her rights to still be upset. MIL took that shit out on the one person in the situation who had NOTHING to do with fucking anything

  117. I’m not going to lie the son grew up in a batshit house with a completely detached mother who seems like never liked him, and a father whose literally an abuser. If I was him I wouldn’t be rushing to give back the sports car that’s the only thing I’d have to show for years of dealing with both these assholes.

  118. Holy cowabunga those "other gems" make the OOP look so much worse than even this post does. She really is going around using her MILs traumas to get herself pity, then white knighting against anyone who gives her that pity.

  119. Shitty all around. I get that the mother in law was an abused woman, but blaming people who had no hand in it is also not okay. Children that were emotionally abused and kept in the dark about what was going on are not at fault. Abusing others is a choice, and the mother in law was also abusive to her children and daughter in law. Neglect, even emotionally, is abuse. Hopefully the therapy helps her overcome the abuse her parents and husband inflicted, but hopefully it will also highlight her flaws and not sugar coat what she did and how she treated/treats others. Just because you were abused it doesn't give you the right to be abusive. No contact is probably for the best for everyone. OP and their husband should also seek therapy, it's got to be hard to deal with being unwanted by your mother and forced to feel guilt for things your parent gifted you or just the fact they raised you. He and his sister were innocent bystanders she was the adult and not them. It's not their fault, it's her abusers for their actions, and partially the morher in law's fault for not leaving and taking her children with her. Letting them grow up in that environment. Shame on all the parental figures involved.

  120. Trauma doesn't erase or invalidate trauma. It's not a competition of who was hurt worse. OOP is allowed to both be very hurt the MIL f'd up her wedding dress and empathize with her horrendous trauma. The emotions of someone you want to trust doing that to you the day before your wedding don't just magically go away just because you learn 'she had it worse'. You can understand why MIL did it and still be pissed she did it.

  121. I actually felt sorry for MIL and OOP comes off sounding like an ungrateful brat. I mean yeah MIL destroyed the dress that she paid for but OOP still had a wedding, didn't she? She still got to choose her husband, gets to drive around in a car that MIL paid for. Honestly I hope wherever MIL is she's having a better life with her new husband because it sounds like her whole life was just constant abuse and exploitation.

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