1. My advice (not for everyone). Make a notes on your phone. On this anything and everything you want/need to do put it on that list. No matter how easy or hard. I came up with this idea while I was high and it’s helped me a ton. If I feel unmotivated I might find some easy shit to do off the list. Like watch a YouTube video of how to use a new mechanical pencil I got. And attempt to look to the list once every few days

  2. It's a sick feeling, like I know 'it's an important task, I have to complete it or else it will affect me in the long run.' But I have no motivation to do it. And sometimes it also includes, going out with friends, give your mom a call, make your dinner, shower.

  3. Here's a tip I learned from my psych - don't make "I am" statements (I am fat, I am lonely, I am not worthy). "I am" implies permanence, so I can't even say "I am a writer" because I'm not writing 24/7. I FEEL depressed, I HAVE an overweight body, I do not feel worthy etc are more productive, less self-defeating statements

  4. Something that helped me a lot with this was practicing radical empathy. If you think deeply about other peoples’ hardships and meaningful journeys through life you don’t have a lot of space left to think that you suck. Also catching these thoughts and challenging them by having an honest discussion with yourself. Hope you feel better!

  5. what helped me more than anything was learning the historical origins of most of the things i was self conscious about; almost all of which were rooted directly in anti-blackness, especially the fatphobia. this allowed me to completely disconnect from preconceived ideals of beauty & embrace myself.

  6. I had a sudden break up years ago that killed me. I thought I would never get through it, because I couldn’t imagine anything beyond what was happening and what I was feeling right now.

  7. To ease things up for you, can give you some numbers. 10 years later you won’t care. You’ll be busy with other stuff; What you perceive as love now will be transformed into another form. You’ll find beauty in other stuff similar to what now love in that perfect match is for you. And finally you’ll also see the other couples, the most perfect ones and once you’ll have your feet into your own shoes you’ll realize that you prefer your own life rather than anything like anyone else. Maybe you’ll choose to get married and have family, maybe not. But you’ll be brilliant enough to live and love what you live. You’ll be surrounded by the perks you miss now, they’ll be everywhere. That’s about of your transform that’s about to happen to you. And despite the struggle it’s better than you think.

  8. My GF left me because I put efforts in the relationship and expected her to do the same once in a while. Apparently talking to me was difficult. I till wonder what my mistake was? Putting efforts in a relationship is wrong? And is expecting your gf will put some efforts wrong? And i moved to a whole new country and have no family around. I needed her to be there for me now but it's okay I shouldn't be dependent on her to make me happy but for me that's a hard pill to swallow.

  9. In my experience, you'll do infinitely better if you don't work overly hard to get her back right away. There's something deeply unattractive about a man begging. Let the break up happen and spend a lot of time becoming a better version of yourself, by the time you're able to get her back, you likely won't want her back. I've lost the respect of a woman I loved by trying too hard and letting the pain get to me. Lol never again.

  10. It does, even with the best intentions. Best is to let all that emotion affect you as long as it takes (couple days or week but full of it) to get it all out but also having in mind that its not gonna get you after that since its the very last of it coming out. After that things will get clearer, better and on that moment is when its best to think about it and learn from the good and bad. At least thats what i wish i knew before cause it took me almost two months going back and forth to finally get it all out, after that i felt really good and clear minded to finally make up my mind about it without feeling sad.

  11. i know that fresh break ups (but really all break ups) are so hard, i’m so sorry. but one day i hope you see that you deserve to be loved by someone who chooses you and wants to be with you. you will find so many people that love you in ways you didn’t know possible. you are deserving of that love!!!! it will come in so many new forms, friendship, romantic, casual, familial, etc. it is there and will always be there but you don’t need to feel it right now and it’s not your fault if you can’t feel it when you’re going through the pain of this loss of love with this person. it’s there though.

  12. one day you're going to be laid up with someone thanking god it didn't work out with the ones prior, because it led up to them.

  13. The next few years are going to hurt but, you will get better. Just find who you are and what in life makes you happy. take the time to find out who you really are and who do you want to be. Learn to love yourself.

  14. Hugging. That’s hugging, my blind ass reading in the dark thought it was a headstone. I was… alarmed that you would send everyone a headstone. Hugs back, after I find my glasses. :)

  15. I’ve been tired ever since 2020. I thought it was from lockdown, and maybe it was triggered by it. But I live in Florida and our lockdown wasn’t very long.

  16. I seriously suggest getting a physical done with every hormone, vitamin, mineral, cbc, cmp etc test there is. I lost my thyroid to auto immune disease at 19 and it took years to get it diagnosed. Your story sounds like mine. Its far more common than thought to have the body affect the mind and its hard to discover. Push to find what's affecting you, your not crazy.

  17. sounds v much like you’re “burnt out” of neoliberal hellscape life aka “depressed” aka actually very fucking normal & tired of being worn down by the daily traumas of existing under capitalism

  18. I agree, 100%. Financially speaking, we're in a better place than we've ever been despite everything going on right now, I have a loving partner, and I just got a promotion at work...

  19. I’ve heard light boxes help. You can get a good one on Amazon for under $50 I think. Also try planning a short trip someplace warm to look forward to

  20. I heard this in an Eminem song funnily enough, but I always found it to be helpful what I was grappling with this. “Don’t ask why, ask why not” something about asking why not feels like a major flex to me and really helped me get along. I hope it can help you to <3

  21. That’s pretty fucking awful. I have been there. My first wife left me for an old boyfriend of hers. 8 years later I see that I am soooooo much better off without her. It was a long journey to get there, but it was worth it. Hang in there.

  22. Me too, dude. Its not even like I have no friends, just feel like I'm on an island most of the time. Hit me up if you ever need someone to vent to.

  23. I’m there with you. In both loneliness and in solidarity. There’s probably a world of people that care about you. Reach out to someone, even if it’s me.

  24. I have struggled with that too for the entirety of the year, until I reprocessed "alone" into "by myself" - I'm not any less of a person because I live by myself, I don't require another person to be whole

  25. I haven't been able to listen to music in bed for years now, but even falling asleep is starting to get difficult now because of that fucking beep

  26. It gets easier over time. I'm a bit of a drama queen, but I actually considered suicide at the prospect of living with that ringing forever (I was going through some other stuff too admittedly). That was 3 years ago. My tinnitus is always there; I just don't notice it anymore. You learn to tune it out. White noise helps. Fans are your best friend.

  27. I'm 32 and it started right around Covid. Thought it would go away but it didn't. In fact it seems like it's getting worse.

  28. I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I’ll be working for another 40 years. I’ve been working full time since 18 and really have never had enough time or money for a vacation, I’ve been carrying credit card debt for years. I’m 26 now and I’ve been trying to find a new position but every time I find something new and feel like I have a job that can support me the cost of living goes up or rent or etc. If I had this salary when I was 18 life would be good but I feel like I’ve been chasing a carrot my whole life and can never catch up. Just feel like the whole system is designed to keep you right at that point of enough money to pay bills but not enough to be happy. I want to learn a new skill and advance myself but there never seems to be time. Very demotivated and not hopeful for the future.

  29. Everything about this is a yes. I'm 33 in a month and that's all I've ever felt. I make good money, just never enough. It gets frustrating.

  30. everything you said is just so true god i wish i had advice but i just simply relate to this. can’t even think objectively about it so i just wanna overthrow the system lol.

  31. That's the thing with money tho, regardless of how much you make, it never seems like enough. I just hit the 100k/year mark last year and guess what? It still doesn't feel like enough! I'm in a union where all everyone does is complain about how we don't make enough for what we do, which may or may not have some merit to it, but in the grand scheme of things, I think it's objective that we have it really good.

  32. Our little escape artist dog got out of our fenced and thoroughly secured yard when my wife let him out in the yard last week. She thought he would come back in through the dog door with the other dogs and didn't realize he was gone till a few hours later. We found him in our garage, still warm, but too late. He had been shot with a bb gun, several times. Looking through our security cameras he spent hours trying to get back in the yard and the house, tried to get someone's attention at the windows. I went out to get breakfast, he heard my car, came to the door, waited for a while, gave up, and slowly walked away. I came home, he came back and waited at the door again. He was last seen just 10 minutes before we went out looking for him, and he died alone in our garage, just a few feet away from us calling his name. We live in a neighborhood and, not the woods, and I thought the neighbors were normal people, but someone shot him repeatedly. He was just 15lbs and super friendly. He couldn't have been mistaken as a threat.

  33. I’m so sorry for your loss. You can’t blame yourself for this though. Maybe putting together a “service” or memorial for him would help?

  34. Mental health issues including anxiety, depression, and ptsd. Just got home from a six month deployment overseas and I’m seriously struggling to move on with my life. I can barely sleep and get no enjoyment from life in general. I’m 22 and still haven’t been in an actual relationship, and I feel like my unit and most people I know don’t give a fuck about me, and know many people I work with like to talk shit about me behind my back. I feel more lonely now than I ever have, and just as lost too.

  35. Have you tried consulting someone from the army about this or maybe even group therapy. Part of what you’re dealing with sounds like something many more (ex-)soldiers could be dealing with. If you wanna improve your life, you gotta start small. You gotta start somewhere. Only thing is nobody’s gonna do it for you but you! Hope you start enjoying life soon my man. There’s a whole lot of beauty out there.

  36. I think my marriage is ending, and I wish there was an easy instant fix... But I know there's not :(

  37. Hey, just wanted to chip in here as I was in a failing marriage which led to us being separated and filing for divorce. If you have acknowledged that there is an issue than there is time to fix it if that’s what you want to do. I also wish there was an instant fix for you but at the same time if there were that issue would just resurface. Taking the time and energy to work through the issues is what will help resolve them for the future. I luckily realized this and was able to save mine. I truly hope the best for you and if it’s something you want to save, since you know there is an issue, there is still time. I truly believe that. All the best.

  38. Trying to be better. To start exercising, getting my drive licence, be stronger and better. Trying to be more independent and more confident. It's so damn hard..i don't think i can do anything or change anything. I think it's already too late and that I'm fucked up.

  39. Hang in there, man. When it feels like nothing is going right is when you start to spiral faster. Drink some water, go for a short walk, then take a hot shower. I promise you will feel better afterwards.

  40. One step at a time, man. It might be hard to visualise large changes, I find it easier to visualise making a small step forward, just for today.

  41. My husband was diagnosed with Kidney Disease less than six months after we got married. We are about to have our second wedding anniversary. Our relationship is great we've been together for four years and never had a single fight. But the stress of dealing with his health is putting a strain on both of us. His depression is getting worse [and no matter how many times I ask him to look into therapy he is still dragging his feet.] I try to be there for him as much as I can but I am one person [who also has depression, anxiety and cptsd. I go to therapy and am currently working on my mental health.], I can only do so much. I'm spreading myself too thin in every aspect of my life.

  42. Would you tell someone who lost a child it doesn't matter because someone else lost their whole family? No, right? Cuz it's still immensely traumatizing no matter what.

  43. Got dumped over text, can't even be mad about it. He's struggling with depression badly and it got too much for him to deal with on top of a relationship. He called it both a break and break up so I don't actually know what even happened, begged me not to respond to his message and gave his apologies.

  44. I am a teacher at a high school, and I have seen how the girl-bullies are not treated as harshly as the guys.

  45. Far out I feel this from when I was at school. I am 32 now and yes I still have some of the emotional scars from bullying but life is bloody brilliant. My last day of school as my “friends” were yelling goodbye to me I just ignored them and walked straight out those gates and never looked back.

  46. My dad died on September 8. My step dad died on October 5. My mom just spent the last two days in the hospital. All of these has ravaged my heart, my soul, and my finances. All of my bills are late this month and I don’t know how I’m going to pay several of them. I am barely putting one foot in front of the other right now.

  47. A few weeks ago my wife said she wanted a divorce. I've spent the last 24 years happily ignoring friends and family to make her happy. I miss her, the kid and dog she took with her so much it literally hurts sometimes.

  48. I just need someone to hug me and tell me everything is gonna be ok. I'm scared to start a relationship tho because I know that if I'm hugged for too long I'm gonna break down in their arms due to the past 9 years of emotional abuse.

  49. I'm going through the same thing. I've had several relationships but all of them were one-sided; me giving love and support while not receiving any. When someone does come around and shows me the least bit of affection I fall to pieces. And they always end up taking emotional advantage of me and then throwing me away when my own needs inconvenience them. I realize I'm part of the problem here and I've tried to communicate my emotional needs but no one has listened.

  50. Oh god so much, I feel like I’m drowning. 5 months post-transition out of the Army; nothing makes sense anymore. Back in my shitty hometown. Grandparents re-triggered so many of my wife’s traumas and insecurities. My marriage is fucked. Money struggles. Depression, PTSD. Tiny apartment too small for my family. Climate anxiety. Feeling purposeless and lazy. My anger has always been something I can manage and stay very aware of (birth dad was a raging alcoholic with anger issues) and recently I’ve had a few lash-outs which has never happened before. My dog was eating the trash and I went to give him a mild butt smack, but upon contact, my arm kept going and I push him so hard he spun in a circle and fell.. he’s fucking 14 and I LOVE HIM. I cried for an hour afterwards. Fuck dude

  51. I have zero motivation. I have reasons to do things- laundry, house cleaning, etc. But I have zero motivation to get off the couch. I'm being treated for depression, but medication is only part of the equation. Some of it is up to me, and I can't find that willpower within me.

  52. I went through a very difficult time a year ago, both of my parents had just passed away, I was dealing with being the executor of their estate, I was working full time, I had boxes and boxes of things/stuff from their house in my house, my spouse was working longer hours ... and housework like cleaning the kitchen or cooking just felt like it was absolutely too much to do on top of everything else.

  53. Same thing every day. Sick of being single, sick of being a virgin. 10 years is way longer than I thought I'd go, and I'm about to have a breakdown

  54. Getting over my wife and how she treated me the past month. Being treated like a piece of crap, being cast to the side and forgotten about hurts. Especially when you held the person in high regard and put them over everyone else. It hurts.....

  55. Heartbreak. Even though it's my fault, it still sucks because I've never had such strong feelings before in tandem with her being the only person I've genuinely trusted and felt safe with in my entire life. I've been through really bad heartbreak before and didn't think it could feel worse but I was very, very wrong. On top of that, being shoved into full adulthood & being my mom's legal guardian after she had a massive stroke and we don't know if she'll ever recover is.. incredibly scary and tough. Combined with two jobs and continuing on with college, it's a lot to say the least. But knowing me, I'll get through it all.

  56. I've lost 55 lbs, started styling my hair, and I'm scared to try again. Historically, I'm lucky if I get 3 likes a month - regardless of app. I'm still hideous, just less hideous.

  57. We had this trick in the 90s to early 2000s where we would randomly meet person's of interest out and about while just doing normal stuff.

  58. I hear that. I've had matches but then a few paragraphs back and forth and then crickets. A few have been cool with letting me know it's not going to work out but it's still disconcerting because it's so abrupt compared to what I was used to the last time I was trying to get a date (many moons ago). I did have one date IRL but then they ghosted me after we'd tentatively planned our second (which was fine, I wasn't feeling it but damn, I was hoping at least for someone to watch football with, you know?).

  59. I know to most this will sound soooooooo dumb. It sounds dumb to me. I'm 58 but my brain doesn't seem to understand this. I still love and desire the female form. As much as Id like to think my desire could lead to action I'm told a hundred times over it ain't going to happen. I may not be explaining it very good. I'd like to kiss a women with some passion. The last time that happened was 18 years ago. In all honesty. I'm finding it hard to find reasons to even want to stay alive. I find my situation challenging.

  60. I’m in a city I don’t want to be in. This city is boring Theirs no where to meet people. Plus if I really want to pursue my dreams which I do I have to move somewhere where that work is available. I’m saving up and trying to plan my escape but, I just don’t have the patience anymore.

  61. Not knowing what to do with my life. Went into a corporate job after finishing my master's and now I just quit because I wasn't happy there. Don't really have any goals or desires to chase after so not sure what to do now. Only upside is that I finally got a consistent exercise routine going now that work doesn't consume all my energy anymore.

  62. I lost my protector, my cuddle bear, best furry friend this weekend. He had just had his senior wellness vet check up and they said he had a clean bill of health. A week to the day later we had to say goodbye due to heart failure.

  63. My son is currently transitioning from a male to a female. I’m 100% supportive of their choice and am doing my best to guide them with everything they need. Medicine, paid for it, planned parenthood appoints, you got it, and I’ve told them I’m here no matter what. I’m a father of six and I have two children who grew up as LGBQT. What I’m struggling specifically with is my transitioning child refuses to talk to anyone, consistently mentions suicide, and uses it as a weapon to get what they want. Example: this evening they asked if I would take them to the store for sushi. I currently have my grand babies over and one of them watching my transitioning kid. ( I’m specifically working on my pronouns as they have not specifically said how they would like to be addressed yet). They then went off on my grand baby, who is three, as if she had hurled a racial slur. This isn’t the only time this has happened and I’m just at a loss on what to do. So, being a man I did what comes naturally and lost my temper. I told them that she’s just a toddler and doesn’t understand what your saying to her. She’s looking at you because you’re at the door; not because she’s trying to pick a fight with you. They then said forget it and stormed off upstairs.

  64. That is a bad way for your child to behave... bear in mind that being trans is ENORMOUSLY challenging in terms of mental health, which isn't an excuse/justification for being hurtful or manipulative. But it might be a partial explanation.

  65. Using suicide as a way to get what you want is a shit thing to do. I'm sure he's going through some rough emotions, but your son needs a kick in the arse, figuratively or maybe literally. But that's the problem isn't it? Giving up will either set him off or set him straight. A kick in the arsenal will either set him off or set him straight. Saying "communication is key" will do nothing. You're dealing with a human and not an ideal, so you could quite literally do everything right and still get a negative result. You're in a tough spot, my dude. I wish you luck.

  66. Living alone. Beginning a PhD without much motivation. Being alone in the lab. Eating alone. Have a girlfriend (4 years) but shet decided to live with her younger brother instead. Many days I don't speak a single word (not counting voice calls to gf). All days are the same. Passing most of the days reading scientific publications. Its hard.

  67. I'm applying for a job. If I don't get it, I'm genuinely considering suicide. I'm not sad or anything, I just don't care enough to try for anything going forward, and this seems like an excuse my loved ones would buy, rather than me saying that I've been at best bored for the last five years and I don't care anymore

  68. For what it's worth, I've been there. So glad it didn't work. My daughter is five now, and I couldn't imagine this planet without her on it. Keep fighting. Your awesome

  69. Preparing myself mentally to leave my parents to stay in a college hostel for the very first time in my life.

  70. My Gp. I had to get a blood test, went to my gp and two nurses couldn't find the vien for half an hour. (wich happens i get it) They booked me another wich i went to, only to find they booked it into another gp and i had to go there. I then got told that sample wasn't viable and now i'm waiting for another blood test. I've spend the last 2 months barely being able walk well, to do anything for myself or handle the pain and they don't think the blood tests are a priority.

  71. My brother is in jail. Seeing how he's treated, learning how terrible our prison system is in america, spending money just to communicate with him, getting no answers, not knowing how long he'll be in there. It's just awful.

  72. I had breakfast and afternoon drinks with a girl I fell in love with 10 years ago. Haven't seen her in 4 years. I didn't realize the overwhelming amount of feelings I have for her until she sat down in front of me. I am at a crossroad in my life. Now I don't know what to do.

  73. Bulimia, and I have little hope I'm going to get better. I've been bulimic for 26 years and I'm afraid I'll want to die if I can't binge and purge. Yes, I know it's crazy, wasteful, and just more crazy, but that's the truth. But the other truth is that I want to be around for my husband, niece and nephew, and my parents. I'm ashamed and exhausted.

  74. My dad’s death. I stood in that room for 8 hours until he passed. He never made it for my 15th birthday, I was really looking forward to our dance together.

  75. Sick of the life I was givin I’m tried of being lonley tired of over working to get no where and I’m really tired of the cycle I’m stuck in it’s a never ending trap of a life emotionally spiritually mentally and physically I’m just tired

  76. Depression. My boyfriend of three years left me because his mother did not agree to let him marry me. We are both Indian. I was separated to be divorced from an earlier marriage before but my boyfriend came into my life and pushed me for the divorce so we could be together. It was hard for me since divorce is a taboo, my parents were against it and it was impacting their health but I did it all so I could finally be in a happy marriage. I moved out of my home and took the next steps for divorce and now my boyfriend said he will choose his mother over me. I understand it at some level. But i am devastated and all alone.

  77. Misophonia. It is taking every ounce of control I have not to scream at my husband. His vape “crackles” and he is tapping on his cell phone with his nail. I don’t want to yell at him and I don’t want to be controlling. But it is unbelievably horrible for me. Arrrrrgggggg

  78. Life. Adjusting to diffrent medications over and over and over fighting bi polar depression. Every time I change pills it changes my personality and it's wild. Iv been so manic I did things I never thought possible, and so depressed iv had a gun in my mouth. Mental health has by far been my largest roadblock in life.

  79. my dad died last month and i haven't been allowed to really mourn. i had 3 days to get it together and go back to work, its been nearly four weeks since the funeral and i'm just expected to act like nothing is different. everyone tells me to vent and cry and "take time to take care of" myself, but when i vent or cry i'm told i can't let my emotions control me, i need to "fight it". figured i would just try and make time but between work, learning how to drive, being in the middle of a move still, and being the only person with a pay check i just can't find a balance between being okay, working, and letting myself be NOT okay.

  80. I live in Iran.These days there’s an actual war in my country.The police is killing so many people including children!!Living is my biggest struggle rn. If there’s any questions feel free to ask.

  81. I had to break up with someone I love very much. Bought a ring we were planning to get engaged. Was moving across the country and their BPD flared up and they had some kind of episode and freaked out on me. Her parents flew in and took her the rest of the way to California. 4 days later her ex best friend told me a mutual saw she was on hinge. I called her to see how she was doing and what she wanted to do, because we were planning to get an apartment together (she previously had moved in with me after graduating college, I ended up selling all my stuff to move across the country with her) and she just hung up on me. I was basically stranded in LA waiting from her, and she showed absolutely no remorse or empathy for how horrible she treated me, but rather, played the classic gaslighting card of blaming me for how she acted. She lied a lot during the relationship and projected her issues on me, I went from being her favorite person on earth to bring her biggest enemy. I moved back home and have been absolutely heartbroken. She’s since been sending condescending texts which led me to have to block her. So I’m struggling with heartbreak.

  82. No damn idea, I just have random anger thoughts that make me want to kill everyone who goes against my wishes. Or random spouts of depression that are most common after I get very hyper and excited. I've never had any mental diagnosis of any kind so I don't know what is wrong with me.

  83. Not having any friends. I sometimes cry because I see my sister or boyfriend having so much fun with their friends, but all I have is my boyfriend and I can't do a lot of things with him. I really want friends but I'm quite literally very ugly, and I hate it so much.

  84. Difficult co-worker relationship. They engaged in name-calling that had a slight racist undertone and I feel so alone since I'm the only POC.

  85. Anger at the medical establishment and my parents for teaching me at an early age that my medical concerns will rarely be taken seriously.

  86. My failing business and the thought of running out of money soon. I got 2 kids and a wife. I'm hoping I can get out of this soon and get us back to where we were.

  87. Hate my job. Its in a field I'd love, but I believe I was initially mislead about the role. I need it for the income, but I'm looking for another. Its just soul destroying going to bed on Sunday knowing I've got 5 more days of it.

  88. My constant fear of failing on the outside world post military retirement is seriously leading me to dark places. I honestly fear that I'll take my life soon after I do my 20. I honestly don't know how to NOT be in the military and it scares the hell out of me.

  89. Being emotionally drained. I can't seem to care much about most of my loved ones lately. A person I had an unhealthy friendship with stole my ability to be the loving and caring person I once was. Deep down, I still care, but I feel like I'm colder. It feels like something was stolen from me.

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