1. my mom snooped through my room when i was 14, found my journal, then read it and mocked me for what was in it... so I don't plan on doing that to any kid I may have in the future.

  2. Be overprotective over them or be dismissive towards them (yeah, I had both sides of the same coin growing up, my dad was overprotective and my mom was very dismissive towards me).

  3. Lock them into a closet for hours without food or water and after you’ve had enough of there screaming you take them out and start beating the living shit out of them. Them blame it for them being a Russian

  4. Or about money. My mother in law constantly complains about money problems, in front of her kids, in front of me even. When I was a kid I didn't know anything about our financial situation (good, it turns out). They never mentioned it until they retired and set their affairs in order. Even now, I couldn't guess their networth

  5. Get angry at them for saying no. If they do that I'll say "why not?" or assert my authority in a gentle but effective way. I also will knock first when entering a room, and I won't only close the door hallway when I leave. I hate that

  6. One of the first things a friend did was when No wasn't an option, was choices. "We have to go to the doctor, do you want your iPad or my phone on the car ride there" or something like that Still gives kids some form of autonomy

  7. This. My brother has a number of mental health issues and developmental delays. He’s 31 and only had his first job this year and only kept it for a couple months (I was still proud of him). My parents never pushed him as a kid so now I am going to have to figure out how to help him when they are gone. I was alone a lot as a kid - like literally just in my room alone reading books or playing while they took him to OT or dealt with behavioral issues or took him to doctors appointments. To be clear, he’s very high functioning, just a lot of issues with depression and anxiety and OCD as an adult. My dad called us spoiled once when I was a kid and I never forgot about it. I’m in my 30s, married, have a decent job, a nice apartment, and a mountain of student loan debt for other reasons related to my parents but I’ve had worse issues with anxiety and depression in the past year than I have in my entire life. I also have a lot of weird issues with anxiety in my relationship with my husband and people pleasing in general that I kind of assume stems from my relationship with my parents. I see a therapist but it sucks.

  8. My husband had a coworker whose kid needed surgery before he was even a year old. I saw them at a going away party and the wife was pregnant again. I don't get why you wouldn't focus on your sick kid before having another. The wife went full dependa (a term for a military wife with no job, no education besides high school, usually part of multi level marketing, and pops out a kid every year)

  9. Yeah, my friend has a brother with Down Syndrome, obviously he needs a lot of love and care but my friend ends up getting neglected and pushed aside because of it

  10. Never encouraging them when they did good, and telling them they are worthless, useless, hopeless and incapable of doing anything. I will encourage them when they did something, even if they failed.

  11. Wow. Basically described me right there. My mother would never encourage me or thank me for helping her out, even when she never asked. She would only criticise, very harshly at that, if I hadn't done something the way she would have wanted it. Then she would say I'm clueless, useless, etc. I have no self esteem or confidence in anything I do now as an adult. I'm terrified of failing at anything. She wonders why I'm like this now. Shocking. -_-

  12. When I was around 8, my family was walking to a restaurant nearby to get dinner. I was probably excited and ran ahead, but I also stand and waited when I realize I was a bit far from them. When my mom walk up to me she just slapped me in the face real hard. I never forget that night. I don’t think any parents should ever slap their kid, especially in public, for simply walking ahead of them.

  13. Verbal abuse. After probably 50 years, I can still see Mom's angry face and hear her screaming at me "YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE S**T!!"

  14. They never investigated my fears, like the things I said I was afraid of as a kid. Like if they asked why I was afraid of the dark, I probably could’ve explained to them that it was because I either actually saw or thought I saw things in the dark, every single night. What I thought was ghosts as a kid could’ve been sleep/wake hallucinations or something. But there were other times when my fears were legitimate, rational fears & they didn’t even bother trying to investigate, they just brushed me off like always. & then they’d get mad at me when they realized my fear was rational & real.

  15. I’m not going to ignore uncomfortable conversations the way my parents did. Sex, consent and drugs especially.

  16. Gendering chores. My parents always made me clean my brother and I’s shared bathroom since my “hair was everywhere” and my brother might accidentally see a period product in the garbage, which is too gross for men to handle. Meanwhile I had to clean off all his pee stains from the toilet seat and clean up all the little hairs he’d get everywhere from his shaver. They still made him do chores thankfully but it was usually yard work or something. If I have kids they’re gonna take turns doing all the different chores so they’re able to do it themselves once they’re an adult

  17. “Fenders” as my parents lovingly called it, a night where they refuse to cook or help us make something to eat and as a 7 year old it’s very hard to make things without help, and I mostly ended up eating chips and gummies. This was done 90% of the time growing up, I wouldn’t do that to my kids

  18. I know these are your parents but WTH when my parents wouldn't feel like cooking, They would order something BOOM solution. Anyways, I feel so bad for 7 yr old you

  19. When our daughter was little, we'd have "flip days" for fun. She'd pretend to be the parent, and we'd pretend to be her kids. Obviously she couldn't drive, use the stove, etc. so we helped. Really taught her how hard being a parent is.

  20. I have the greatest respect for people who know that they don't want kids and/or would be lousy parents, and so choose not to have kids.

  21. Put my vices before them especially in difficult times. Example; cartons of cigarettes, beer, hours of meaningless entertainment consumption etc.

  22. "young people can't have problems.", "At your age I had it far worse than you." While my parents did live in worse conditions than me at the same age, my problems shouldn't be invalidated because of that. It makes small issues become bigger over time. I will listen to my kids and try to help them.

  23. The wild thing to me was both my parents enforced a Catholic education while they weren’t much of practicing Catholics, themselves. We only attended church for funerals and weddings.

  24. Strict religious up bringing. I just remember feeling guilty about everything! Church 4x or more per week, private Christian school, no Halloween (the devil's holiday), and anyone who didn't believe like "we" did was wrong and/or evil... Most judgemental group of people I know!

  25. This x1000. I grew up in a strict religious upbringing that singled me out from other kids and robbed me of a normal childhood. Just because YOU think a certain set of ideals is correct doesn't mean that the child should inherit those ideals.

  26. Not listening to them or denying their issues when they’re trying to talk to u. Like when you’re trying to tell your parents that you’re having issues and they blame it on your damn phone or just being lazy. No mom, I’m not lazy. I have an actual fucking problem, if you’d just listen to me you’d see that. 2yrs of arguments later and I was diagnosed with ADD, borderline depression, OCD and anxiety. Also asthma, but that’s my physical health lol. The doctors also were able to back me up on the argument my mom had with me about working out. That it was actually better for my knees that were messed up bc it was making to muscle around them stronger, making it harder for me to injury them again.

  27. They beat me for a behavior that was a direct result of living in a high stress household. It was a high stress household because my father was a vicious, violent, asshole alcoholic who liked to come home drunk late at night and scream at everyone and beat anyone he could catch.

  28. My parents took me to a psychiatrist once because they thought I was crazy. The psychiatrist said that they were basically using me as a scapegoat. They kicked me out that night and I haven’t lived at home since. That was my third family. I’ve been adopted twice. So I still don’t have a family even after two name changes. The reason they thought I was crazy was because I was having tingling sensations in my hands. Found out a couple of months later that my neck was fractured and I had to have neck surgery or I would be quadriplegic. So not crazy. Just injured.

  29. Admit when I am wrong to my kid . My mom was a single parent but she had a very respected and well paid job , she was a good parent but her lack of patience and sometimes anger issues which I hate that I inherited were her weakness and one of the things she would always get mad at me for was when I would Tell her something that was the truth or what would happen if she didnt listen to me but would pull the I am your mother I know all crap . So I swore to myself if I ever became a father that I would admit to my kids when I’m wrong , admitting that your wrong to your kids not only shows that even the highest most respectable people make mistakes at the end we are all human and we can and will make errors and nobody knows everything no matter how old or young you are .

  30. Shame them for expressing emotions. Even if it’s in the wrong way, it shouldn’t lead to anger or yelling, it should be a learning moment for the child to know how to get out their feelings and emotions in safe ways.

  31. Go through my kids things, particularly internet history, and than make fun of them for what they look up. Its different if your kid is looking up worrying and illegal things. There is a difference between telling your boyfriend of a few months about your kid's "embarrassing" internet history and asking them why they're doing things and wanting to help them.

  32. Force my kid to finish his meal. Studies show that actually increases the likelihood of obesity and not eating until you're full but overeating.

  33. Tell me about it. I developed a very unhealthy relationship with food that I still fight with, though fortunately I've enacted some habits that work well, all because my great grandmother raised me. She grew up during the great depression, so she was constantly trying to stuff food down my throat. She was fond of the phrase "You don't eat enough to keep a cat alive." I'd tell her I was full and she'd say "You're not full, there's still food on your plate."

  34. Let my kid present his “counter-claim” or “counter-argument” instead of yelling at them or lashing out for talking back.

  35. When I am older and have a family of my own, I want to listen to my kids and not yell at them. People (especially kids) make mistakes and I think it is super important to listen. I also want to be able to admit when I am wrong although it can sometimes be a hard thing to do. I can’t remember a time when my dad actually admitted he was wrong.

  36. Read their personal journals and disregard their opinion simply because they're younger. People who are wrong get older, too.

  37. I would never heat my child nor say things like, “I guess my opinion doesn’t matter.” It just makes them feel guilty all in the end and it ends up leaving the child feeling like a let down. But it’s just wrong to hit a person in general, you can have consequences but without being violent.

  38. I will never ask my children to critique the woman’s bodies in the pornographic images our creepy neighbour sent us, nor say “shit happens, get over it” when I cry that a boy touched me where I didn’t want him to.

  39. They cut off the ears of my favourite stuffed animal in front of me, because they believed I was lying to them by denying I left a cup full of milk out overnight or something I don’t know it was nothing. I absolutely wouldn’t say I did it (because I didn’t) and after they cut the ears off and I was devastated, my sister started crying and apologising and admitted it was her.

  40. Refuse to call the police after your teen daughter calls you terrified telling you some creep stuck his hand down her pants and tried to convince her to get off the bus with him while passengers and the driver looked on and did nothing. Even when said teen begged them to call the authorities because they didn’t want that pig targeting another young girl.

  41. Put my kids through whatever my partner and I are going through. If we separate, shit happens, that’s fine, but they’re going to be kept as far away from it as possible and I’m going to be there for them and validate their feelings because there are going to be some parts that they’ll see and ways that they’ll be affected, regardless. I became aware of my parents’ issues when I was 12 and I think that it was just last year( when I was 18 )that I finally told them not to involve me anymore, and they sometimes still do in moments of anger. My emotions or bad days will also not be their problem and I’ll admit that I was wrong and apologize when they are.

  42. I will never pretend that I ate most of my child's Halloween candy and then laugh as they slowly die inside.

  43. I thought of this one as I was scrolling through everyone's replies but don't ever, under any circumstances, have a child to "save your marriage" if shit doesn't work out, then fine, get a divorce. Don't force your child to grow up feeling they have to pick a side, and then have the other parent scold them for making "the wrong choice." If i could go back in time and backhand bitch slap my parents for arguing infront of me and my brother about how their marriage was failed and my mom was going to file for a divorce when we weren't even 5 years old yet, I would.

  44. My parents ignored my mental health issues even though I knew I was not doing well and asked them - pretty much begged them eventually - multiple times to take me to see someone. (They could have afforded it. They never put me on their health insurance for some reason, but honestly, they even could have paid out of pocket.)

  45. There’s a lot, i didn’t have the worst parents, but my dad definitely passed along some generational tramua. One thing though, standing at attention. When I was a kid, my brothers and I had to stand at attention a lot. My dad was never able to make it into the military because of health reasons, so he put all that potential into his kids. I remember being yelled at for crying because he made us stand there for a few hours while he was just yelling at us.

  46. laugh at them when they are upset about some thing. or worse, call over other adults so you can all laugh at the stupid kid. it may seem trivial to you, but it is not to them.

  47. i will never not knock on my kids door, ask them before entering, etc. everyone deserves privacy. the only and only reason i would ever go through their phone or whatever they have would be if i was worried about the safety of them or others.

  48. I have semi photographic memory so I never had to study. My older brother doesn’t but is smart. We both earned at least a 4.4 GPA at graduation

  49. Raise him with religion, if we can't teach him the difference between right and wrong without it, then we have failed, not only as parents, but as human beings.

  50. This one's obvious, I was exposed to carcinogens such as aerosol silica dust and asbestos fairly commonly, if I need them to do a job for me I'll make sure it's as safe to do as possible and if it's unsafe I'll either do it myself or hire a professional

  51. I’m not planning on having kids, but I know with my young family members I will never ridicule them for having ‘phases’ or interests, and if they ever came to me and told me they felt like they weren’t straight or cis I would believe them with no questions, and if they came to me again with a different identity I’d keep believing them. Living in a closet because of the fear of what may happen when you come out of it will never be a thing I help along, and I always want to be loud about my support in case my family ever needs someone they know is safe to work things out with. My coming out ended up being fine for the most part, but in these times of growing hatred I need to be the supportive voice I didn’t have as a kid, because I didn’t know if I would be safe and loved and damn if I let anyone else feel the same.

  52. I love the stories where the kid is super nervous about coming out to their parents, and the parents are like "You're telling us something we've known since you were little."

  53. Divorce. It’s not that they literally did that to me; it was between the two of them. Still, it affected me. I just wouldn’t put my children through that.

  54. well, being mean to them, saying then that they are bad people, never forgive them for stupid things they did in the past, scream and broke things, being violent, make them feel bad for crying, for being sad, for being depressed or for being themselves, gaslight them, and I could keep going

  55. treat sex as if it’s bad or needs to be punishable, also never impede on my child’s sexual privacy.

  56. I can say something for both parents haha. With my mom i can say i will never “test” my children. something my mom did when i was under the age of 10 was she would test my sister and i and this particular test she did just brings me shivers on how someone could be so emotionless. I remember my mom locked herself into the bathroom to see what my sister and i would do and the led to my sister believing she was trying to take her life. My sister then told my grandma and my mom overhead and ended up SCREAMING at my sister and i, my mom got kicked out but took us with her. we ended up taking the bus all the way across town to the ghetto (where i lived) because my moms bf didn’t even want anything to do with what she did. then my dad is just convinced i’m going to get sex trafficked and just jokes about it to my siblings every so often. he thinks that because i wear darker clothes and listen to heavier music, i also don’t really have a relationship with god so that’s a big deal to him.

  57. Force them to push beyond their limits. Both of my parents expect me to be a high achieving kid, and I have all the expectations because my brother can barely pass in school. If I do have kids I will accept the fact that no one is perfect and even offer to help if they really need it. No one is perfect and it's not ok to have such large expectations for a literal child.

  58. My dad yelled and screamed at me since I was born because I wouldn't listen. He also hit me after pinning me against a wall when I was 5 because I called him "evil dad".

  59. Make discouraging comments about things that were, in hindsight, Definitely ADHD or Autism (keep in mind, both are genetic)

  60. whenever i failed at something my mom would victimize herself all about it "why can't you be like other kids? look at their moms they are so happy and you make me so sad. this is all your fault. when i was your age i was the best kid ever and i was good at everything. my mom and dad were always so proud of me. and look at you. you're the reason im so miserable." i have heard this ever since i've been on this planet

  61. I really respect that. I managed to break the cycle of abuse with our daughter, but once or twice I caught myself and realized "OMG that was Mom's voice coming out of my mouth" and I immediately stopped, hugged her and apologized.

  62. Dad- he is an angry individual and is quick to react to basically anything. I had been thrown around, had things thrown at me, called a million different things. But the one that I think about every day still is when he would say I was useless and that I ruined his life.

  63. Telling me I was fat and needed to tone up my entire life from like 12-21. Only stopped when I moved out. I was never actually an unhealthy weight she just wanted me to be perfect.

  64. Drive drunk with me at 90mph. Hit my mom. Hit me. Belittle me into having no real confidence. Leave as an infant only to come back and ruin our lives for almost 16 years.

  65. my parents encouraged me to befriend the standard boys however i made friends with one and my life went downhill he once told me his uncles taught him to have sex at age 6 pretty much out of the box say he harassed me by making me have sex with him, right??

  66. Homeschooling. It was with good reason tho. I was born with a language disability. And they wanted to try and catch me up. But I was jumped in the public schooling system so suddenly at 14. And I had no idea how to handle myself. I would only homeschool my kids for a short period of time, then try our public schooling for like a year just to see what it’s like for them. If they do good, great, if they don’t then we always got other options to fall back on

  67. My mother used to ignore me whenever she was mad at me. I tried to talk to her and she would just straight-up pretend I wasn't even there. I will never ignore my child, no matter how mad I am at him I will at least give him the respect to acknowledge him when he talks to me

  68. Take away food and meals as punishment. Take away treats as a punishment. Start taking meals away, and you're just a bad parent who can't parent.

  69. Most of the parents, If they gave certain amount of support and caring to first born and they think equal amount is just enough for others which is not always the case. most of the time youngest child are given more love and caring but I am talking about exceptions.

  70. Make comments about their weight in front of company or sales people, or put them on a diet at 12 because I’m getting chunky.

  71. I won't ever have kids but I realized that if I ever did, I won't hit them. I was the eldest and was hit a lot since my parents were stressed young parents and it's considered the norm.

  72. “You have no reason to kill yourself. I will bring you back to life to kill you myself” as a depressed human. Dealing with depression since age 12. I’m 19 now btw. I hear this everytime I hit a rut. If you’re 13 years old and want to kill yourself that’s worse that a full grown adult with actual reasons in my eyes. People don’t understand how bad this truly hurts.

  73. Shaming them for been fat. Till this day, I don't have the courage to do a Lot of things because I'm ashamed people Will make Fun of me...

  74. Shaming them for asking something that seems obvious to me, shaming them for what they think and invalidating their feelings

  75. I will never talk about my kids weight. I have a high metabolism and my mom always talked about how skinny and pretty I was and it caused me to develop an eating disorder from a very young age.

  76. Once I went out of my home when my parents caught me they tied me up to a bed like they put my leg on the bed they like tied it up

  77. There are a lot of thing such as Comparing my child to others children Bounding them to study and not playing games Not letting them go with their friends

  78. Hit them or gaslight them, there’s a reason I moved out at 18 and my children will never have to doubt their own thoughts or be afraid of being choked up against walls so long as I have any say in the matter

  79. Small one that isn’t abuse but my mom never told me I did a “good job” at stuff because she didn’t want to assign moral value to actions. She never told me I did a bad job either but Now I just feel everything I do isn’t great or worth doing.

  80. die, jk my mom is really good so not much id do different, though my boyfriend might wanna change a few things cause hes trans and has got... "that" type of parents...

  81. My dad was always really really fuckin dumb and lazy he would always verbally abuse my mom for not doing to dishes and all the stereotypical abusive dad stuff (except physical) he would never play game swith me and my sister and never would be proud of anything I did. And thats really important and I would never understand how people would be able to force their kids to do stuff like picking up sticks from the backyard which is an endless task that I was forced to do and I would get punished for saying stuff like aren't you gonna mow the lawn or cook dinner. So what I learned from those 12 years of my life is that laments need to be helping your children and playing with your children and do it even if you don't want to

  82. I was over sheltered. I wasn't allowed to go hang out with friends if there wasn't an adult chaperone. I guess they were worried about me doing drugs or having sex or otherwise getting into trouble, but I feel like it destroyed my social growth.

  83. Tell them that school is the most impprtant thing. My mother would tell me homework is more important than sleep/eating or anything really.

  84. I will let that child be upset or sad, and I wont be so angry towards or around them. I grew up feeling I couldn’t act upset or sad about something (wether I was in the right to or not) cause it ‘wasn’t fair’. I get me being mad about a choice I made can be annoying to the parent cause I chose to do that- but that shouldn’t mean I still can’t try and process the consequences after or whatever.

  85. And also, not reward them (at least too much) with food- I’m not gonna call my parents abusive for the fact they’d reward me with some candy or soda solely cause we relied heavily on food boxes and food stamps, so like say I clean the house and instead of money they’d get me like, some chocolate or a soda. While it is nice to still be rewarded, I’ve come to rely on my soda for a ‘feel good’ emotion and such soo-

  86. Put them through custody battles and a divorce. Deal with abusive SOs after said divorce. Deal with an alcoholic parent. Choose friends and parties over them.

  87. I'll never cage them inside the house indefinitely (unless it's a horrible neighborhood) or start assuming smthn malicious when they're 3 mins late

  88. being mad because they stand in the way my dad always got mad when i stood in the hallway where he wanted to go, he got mad instead of just telling me to move

  89. treat them differently from their siblings because you were their first born and severe mental illness/behavior issues.....

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