1. Absolutely one of my favorite jokes of all time. It's Krusty's delivery on SEX CAULDRON that gets me every time, he's just so incredulous that the Sex Cauldron might be back open again.

  2. Bart: "Hey, can I hold your bb gun?" Nelson: "Sure, it never hurts to have another set of prints on a gun."

  3. Max Power: Kids: there's three ways to do things; the right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way!

  4. After being on dating sites for years, I finally said "fuck it" and just stopped taking it seriously. I used this quote as my bio on Tinder, meaning it was the only thing on it. I didn't even say anything else about myself, just used the quote. Got matched with someone because they thought it was hilarious. Five years later, we're getting married this summer. Thank you, Homer Simpson.

  5. Ralph Wiggum: "Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."

  6. My favourite part of this episode is when it looks like a long winding corridor but it just becomes tiny fast and Barney's eye is through the door at the end. 😂

  7. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel. -Homer

  8. Montgomery Burns: "If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift, or the Jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well I say, "Cheating is the gift man gives himself."

  9. I like the one where he's complaining about the ghost town by rhetorically asking why it's so far away.

  10. Lisa likes Nelson! She does not! Milhouse likes Lisa! He does not! Janey likes Milhouse! She does not! Üter likes Milhouse! Nobody likes Milhouse!

  11. "If you don't like your job, you don't go on strike; you go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way!"

  12. Oh Lisa, you and your stories - "Bart is a vampire", "beer kills brain cells"...now let's go back to that...building...thingie...where our beds and TV...is.

  13. “When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents 'till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions.”.

  14. "I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary to me."

  15. Ooh! Look at me. I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happy Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!

  16. Once in an episode Homer and Flanders are driving in a makeshift plow to try and get somewhere, and Homer runs over something, Flanders says I think you hit something, then Homer shouts "I hope it's Flanders!" I love saying that to questions.

  17. Similar to this, in one of the Halloween episodes everyone turns into a zombie. Homer leads his family to the car in the driveway, and Zombie Flanders approaches them. Homer shoots him with a shotgun and the kids yell “Dad, you shot zombie Flanders!” Homer responds, “He was a zombie?”

  18. This was my answer. I die laughing everytime and I also say it all the time. Funnier because the makeshift plow is also made from Flanders' roof lol

  19. Simpsons had the most clever, perfect, and poetic sense of irony in their writing... There's a lemon behind that rock!

  20. “Now Lisa listen to me. This is important. I want you to smile today ... well it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know? It's what shows up on the surface that counts. That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad feelings and push them down. All the way down past your knees until you are almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in. And you'll be invited to parties. And boys will like you. And happiness will follow.” - Marge Simpson

  21. Lisa, I apologize to you. I was wrong. I take it all back! Always be yourself. You want to be sad, honey? Be sad! We'll ride it out with you. And when you get finished feeling sad we'll still be there. From now on, let me do the smiling for both of us.

  22. Fuck me, when Abe comes in whistling, takes off his hat and then sees Bart and does a complete 180 never breaking rhythm or stride. Hilarious

  23. Welcome to Itchy and Scratchy Land, where nothing could possibli go wrong. ...PossiblY go wrong. *chuckles* That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.

  24. “ marge you know whenever I learn something new it pushes something old out of my head ! Like that time I learned how to make wine but I forgot how to drive !” That’s because you were drunk!” “ and how marge , and how!”

  25. I'd like to remind them that, as a trusted TV personality, I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

  26. I can't quote it but I used to laugh so hard at the scene at the shop "the doll is cursed." "That's bad!" "But it comes with free yogurt!" "That's good!" "But the yogurt is also cursed" "that's bad!"

  27. Grandpa there are only 49 stars on that flag. I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah

  28. Somebody ordered the London Symphony Orchestra? Possibly while high.. Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction.

  29. When Grandpa Simpson was taken out of the outhouse by the SWAT team and he said "this elevator only goes to the basement, and someone made an awful mess down there."

  30. Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell...

  31. “Aurora Borealis….at this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Completely localized to your kitchen?!?”

  32. Either: "Ironic, isn't it, Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."

  33. “Everything you need to know to succeed is on that piece of paper!” -Lisa turns over the paper and it reads; “you are Lisa Simpson”. I always found that so beautiful and inspiring, saying all she needed to know was that she was a unique, brilliant individual with a bright future.

  34. The most wholesome episode I can recall is where Homer covers the sign “Don’t Forget, You’re Here Forever” with pictures of Maggie, changing the sign to “Do It For Her”.

  35. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. Gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.

  36. Homer -(thinking to self) "Dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces."

  37. "My opponent claims that there are no simple solutions. He's not looking hard enough, I remark." — Bart for President of the Class

  38. "Gentlemen, your attention please! I am detecting a gigantic amphibious lifeform - it's 80 meters long, and it's heading this way. Oh, GOOD GLAVIN IT'S ON MY SHOE! It's a... a small frog. Oh, wait a minute. This isn't the Monsterometer. It's the Frog Exaggerator!"

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