1. I don't have any advice to offer. But I just want to let you know that you're not alone. I feel like an embarrassment to myself and the people around me. I feel like a burden and pathetic. And whenever someone tries to give me a compliment I just truly cannot believe they are being genuine. Because it just wouldn't make sense. I feel like other men don't see me as a man and like I'll never hold a position with any sort of respect because of it. So I empathize. All I can say is just do your best to keep your head down and try to make the best of it. Good luck

  2. This resonates with me completely! Both the OP and this comment! I honestly don’t know how to sort it! Sending my best wishes to everyone going through this ❤️

  3. Know that a lot folks don’t necessarily think of themselves as losers, but are a lot more doubtful interiorly than they show. I know CEOs of very large companies with a very high amount of self doubt, daily. And that’s perfectly okay.

  4. Find people who believe in you, like really believe in you. Find people who love you. Do you best and don't let them down.

  5. I never felt like a loser, but a bit of FOMO on occasion. I haven't hit any "normal" adult benchmark achievements, and it sucks to think about sometimes.

  6. So let’s try an exercise, may be difficult and take time to settle but it absolutely works in the long term. When these thoughts arise they do so on their own and then you latch on and ponder on em, such is the way of the mind. When a negative perception comes to mind actively counter it with the opposite and remind yourself that it’s not you thinking the thoughts, you are just aware of them. Acknowledge them, tell them they’re false and then release it. It may be replaced with another thought or the same one, again remind yourself it isn’t “truth”, it’s just a thought. You can think you’re the King Dingaling of Jupiter, doesn’t make it a fact. Try to be present in whatever you’re doing and stay active and vigilant about what you allow to fester in your mind. Before you know it those thoughts will be nothing but a passing moment, a breath of a thought before your brain shuts it down automatically.

  7. To get over the loser mindset I stopped comparing myself to others. I accepted myself as is, faults and shortcomings. I then set out to do something, anything, well. Once I achieved that I set my sights on another thing to master and so on. Like learning to crawl then walk.

  8. Yep. I stopped using social media (except Reddit) and stopped comparing myself to others. I'm the happiest I've ever been.

  9. You have to love yourself. It seems you don't or have not learned to do that. There is only you and the world. You are your own best friend. Your best bud... Would you call your best friend a loser every day? I don't think so.

  10. Every day for the last fifteen years. I don't have advice for you, but like someone else up thread I just wanted to say it because I know sometimes I get bummed out by looking and feeling like everyone has their act together except me, or at least they're working on a game plan.

  11. I have a few times. One that stands out was about 7 years ago. I was at a party with friends I went to uni with. They were all starting their careers, and finding success. I had to leave early to go to my night shift job in a warehouse. It sucked at the time, but it made me more determined to not let that be it for me.

  12. If I may , you should give the book or audio book "The Gap and the Gain" a try. Its focus is high achievers, but the same thing that make them miserable is what is likely dragging you down.

  13. If your problems and feelings follow you wherever you go, that’s enough to tell you that you need some honest therapy, my guy. If you’ve never told your therapist about this issue, it’s never been addressed. Go back and tell them exactly what you just said. They’re professionals, not 99.87% of Redditors.

  14. Hi, I've been there and i get sent back there occasionally when circumstances suck. There are many many people feeling this way. You mentionned having had therapy before but not addressing this, if you're able to, please return to therapy and focus on this.

  15. I'm sorry you feel that way. I constantly face this feeling like you which stems from resentment, regrets, and missed opportunities.

  16. For about 20 years of my adult life. I allowed myself to use comparison to others to determine how I felt about myself. It was not until I got out of a bad marriage and learned that it is OK to be the man I want to whether or not that matches what others want/judge.

  17. I AM a super loser, by some standards! I mean look at that Korean guy, Navy Seal, Harvard Med, Astronaut, and he's even handsome and I bet he's a super nice guy, I'm an asshole half the time. Also I look at my wealthy happy relatives, hoo boy they work hard and play hard and gosh I feel like a schlub next to them, they're even thin and fit along with being rich and popular!

  18. I think that if you've been used to failure, or have a depressed or anxious disposition, it's easy to expect that something is going to go wrong, even if everything is going right. As if the good times will not last forever.

  19. Easy to diagnose from afar. Not so easy to fix. Probably childhood trauma did a real number on your self esteem. The way out is to heal the trauma through therapy and other approaches. Lots of books and standard recommendations via Google. If you were in therapy but did. It bring this up, perhaps you were not ready to be serious in therapy. Good luck.

  20. You need to make friends with the Hostile Judge you have living in your head and ask him to dial it back a bit. Ask him to show you some compassion, especially to your Wounded Child--who needs love and support to heal from his traumas. Get in touch with your Supportive Big Brother voice, who encourages you to make changes, keep growing and going and to do more.

  21. Constantly. Will follow this thread closely as need to get a grip on this myself very badly. Having a mother who constantly ran me down and showed very little affection to me is the root cause I think.

  22. No, I haven't felt like a loser since I've turned 21. I am 30 now and I am professionally doing exactly what I've been working towards when I was 21. However, I do feel this pressure, admittedly self-imposed to a large extent, to be and do better. Which is another source of anxiety in and of itself.

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