1. Yeah, I agree… Thats why I never tell them anything about my life anymore. And then my AM gets upset about it. Its sad actually when you think about it. They expect us to understand and respect them, but never the other way around.

  2. And also they expect us to do all the heavy lifting when it comes to mending the relationship while they put in zero effort in trying to empathise.

  3. This is so true. My mom’s always like, “why don’t you tell me anything? How am I supposed to help when you don’t tell me anything?” Well that’s because it DOESN’T help you idiot. You always misunderstand and honestly are like maliciously ignorant at this point. It’s like a loop now. “Why don’t you tell me anything?” “Well you never understand”. “How can I understand if you don’t tell me?” tells her something and then she inevitably misunderstands. Cue me not talking to her about anything. And then… “why don’t you tell me anything….”

  4. I tried suggesting family therapy to my mother, because maybe these professionals can help both of us to communicate better and explain my side but she said no to that. She told me we don't need to air our dirty laundry out. So, what kind of authority are we talking about? I'm just curious, thank you.

  5. I don’t understand how Asian parents are so into math but don’t understand logical thinking. Logical thinking is kind of like math. You add up information to form a conclusion

  6. Idk yeah it’s logical thinking but it has more to do with being good in interpersonal relationships. They probably have low interpersonal intelligence and high logical intelligence.

  7. this. my AD is a very "smart" guy. he's good at physics, chemistry, math, even English even though its his second language. He solves IQ puzzles for fun and likes playing brain riddles. But for the life of him cannot understand logical thinking when it comes to me (less so than my AM tho...).

  8. I learned this lesson the hard way when I was around 10-13. I tried to find a middle ground with my AM but the moment I gave in partially, she'd do that partial thing then push past it to do it her way 100%, then throw an adult tantrum when I told her to stop. Other times, I gave in to her way, but she'd only make more demands of me after she got what she wanted.

  9. It’s sadly true. I ran away from home and went no-contact, even relatives gossiped about the way my parents treated me (mentioning this because social shaming is usually a huge deter in our culture), but my parents never saw anything wrong with their treatment. Nothing changes their minds, if 1 expert/family friend/authority figure says “no”, they’ll just go off and find someone who says “yes”. You just have to go no-contact or endure everything.

  10. I feel this a lot. My own grandparents said my parents were ruining my life with their "overprotectiveness". That was my mom's own parents, but unfortunately they passed away in my 20s and my parents found other ways to validate their insane behavior. When I left I went NC, but I've had no shortage of people since then from my mom's side telling me to visit home and send her nice video messages for her birthday.

  11. I totally understand what you mean when you mentioned the relatives. I didn't know this before but apparently my parents' asian friends have been telling them to go easier on me, be nice to me. I also didn't know that the way they treated me was pretty transparent. and they still refuse to acknowledge their friends' words and don't understand why.

  12. This is literally so true. They are so stubborn about everything. What my parents don't realise is that stubborn x stubborn is stubborn^2 so I'll wish them luck when they try to change my mind about anything that we argue about because they will never be able to convince me.

  13. I started telling my parents “you don’t understand” to save my tongue from explaining why I’m doing something, seems to work thus far, but I gotta say it is upsetting because I’m quite big on open communication with my friends and boyfriend, and its frustrating that I can’t openly communicate with my parents because like you said, they will never understand.

  14. I have wasted so much energy trying, thinking somehow I could explain or there were some "magic" words.

  15. It is so so true. We never will be good enough for their feelings. They rely on their pride and ignorance to get through things by you. They will never actually help you through anything you can do or even if you can at all.

  16. i had to almost die from a rare auto-immune illness + people that i met in australia studying overseas stepping in after i tried to kill myself and hospitalised for a suicide attempt over there for them to actually start trying 🥴 they’re not exactly terrific and i have literal brain damage and a myriad of mental and physical illnesses, if you can afford to do so just cut your ties with them ASAP.

  17. Especially if they infantilize you… Then even if you’re pushing 40, graying, and [ninja edit: have tons of other signs of handling adulting fairly well] (I swear I’m not flexing, just backing a point), they’ll still dismiss what you said as if you’re a 5 year-old that’s trying to argue that the sky is red (which even then it can be a reddish hue at sunset /s).

  18. In my experience (I'm 29) the dynamic WILL NOT change even when you move out. You just have to accept the fact that they will *NEVER* be the parents you wish they were and just live with that fact.

  19. I learned this the hard way last night. I tried to talk to my mom, explaining my side and all I got was my complaints are laughable and I should be thankful that I am here instead of the Philippines. I really do appreciate everything they have done for me and I will repay their kindness once I get a high paying job but I'm leaving. I don't care if they disown me, I'm leaving. I've had enough of my AM telling me how much money she's spent on me. To anyone who is going thru tough times, we're going to make it. Keep going strong. Take care

  20. It always comes down to Im the parent and you’re the child so by definition the parent is right. Even if you’re an adult

  21. Amen, they'll never admit they did wrong, and if they did they'll make the classic move of trying to paint it as a loving, and caring action.

  22. I have to bite my tongue now. Because I know that if I voice my opinion (which will be the complete opposite to my dad's) it will turn into a heated debate. I've come to the realization that no matter what I say, I will always be wrong. So why bother?

  23. got into argument with my grandma. I tried to explain to her that two people can respect each other even if they are different in age (young or old), and her response was "you're younger than me why should I learn from you!? You have the audacity to teach me? Who do you think you are?"

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