1. Yes! I’m 24 and anytime I feel sick to my stomach I get a million “are you pregnant” “when was the last time you had sex?” questions. FFS women aren’t just baby makers!!!!!!!! Like damn I just really enjoy spicy burritos

  2. THIS - I was early pregnant after suffering a MC so I wasn’t in a hurry to share the news. The amount of pretend alcohol hoops I had to jump through to not bring upon questions is ridiculous. I drink socially, also not an alcoholic.

  3. We need to normalize that some people just don't drink. Period. There are so many reasons why people choose to stay dry and none of them are anyone else's business (if we don't want to share).

  4. I turned it around on the asker once - asked if they were pregnant because they looked like they gained weight since I saw them last. They got really offended, even more so when I pointed out the hypocrisy.

  5. I'm a guy who also doesn't drink and I hate making up excuses. I was out with friends and my friend's boyfriend was upset I was drinking water because he "wanted me to have fun". Like I don't judge anyone FOR drinking, so please let me enjoy my dinner with a glass of water.

  6. It’s such a weird way to impose yourself on another person’s uterus. Why are we so obsessed with watching every move a woman makes to prove some kind of deceit or scandal or pregnancy or deceitful scandal pregnancy. It’s so exhausting, man

  7. I'm with you. I don't understand why it's a "must" for someone to drink when they are at social events/settings. People don't always want to imbibe, nor are able to.

  8. I once said at work that I was a little nauseated (we had a bday at work and I ate too much cake. Bite me) all the male colleagues jumped at “ohhhh are you preggo” and I looked at them and said “would you ask a male colleague the same??” They didn’t understand. Bc women can get pregnant and men can’t so it’s perfectly normal to ask a coworker I guess. Ugh.

  9. I think I either killed or seriously made unwell my aunt's pot plant one Christmas. I was in the early stages of pregnancy and didn't want to tell anyone, so I accepted the champagne going around and surreptitiously watered the pot plant with it. Thing is, my glass kept getting topped up...

  10. This goes for anyone really. As a man, you'd swear I had a disease or something the way some people react when I tell them I don't drink. 😅. It's ridiculous, you can see them immediately labelling you "Not fun" once you say it.

  11. I totally agree. Although I knew my old boss was pregnant because she made such a big deal of saying no to a glass of wine, it was clearly a performance so someone would ask (it wasn’t me that asked)

  12. I don't even want children, but I try to avoid drinking in social settings, since it's easier to lose count and my family has an extensive history of alcoholism (including drinking themselves to death)

  13. I hate that you feel like you have to drink. Let them think you are pregnant. Nine months later,they ask about the baby. Stop,stare,squeeze out a tear if you can,and run from the room. I have suspected,and been correct,about several women being pregnant,but I never asked them. When or If I need to know,they’ll tell me.

  14. I never drink. Never. And for the last 20 years I had to listen to the “why not?” “You’re missing out” “are you sure” “not even today?” were and are still answered with a “I don’t like it.” If they are pushing and I want to shut them up it’s a “I don’t like drinking and I never will thanks to my abusive pos stepfather” and if they push and I do like them it’s more like “sure, I’ll have a glass of your 1936 Dom Pérignon, thanks”.

  15. And even if you are pregnant, if you haven't told them yet, maybe you don't want to tell them right now! I am super bad at lying and had exactly the same situation as op. Wasn't drinking at a party and got asked: are you pregnant? My reaction was so embarrassed that when I told those friends 3 weeks later, everyone was just: oh, what a ... surprise!

  16. I have never related as much to anything than I did “I’m just a little overweight and don’t like drinking”. I felt that in my SOUL

  17. I don't drink alcohol at all. Most people who don't know me assume that I'm on some kind of drugs because I can still enjoy myself by only drinking water!

  18. We need to normalize ANYONE being able to just not drink. People are insane when it comes to alcohol, you say you don't drink and they immediately jump to conclusions. "Were you an addict? Are you pregnant? Was your parent an addict?" like wtf is this? Alcohol is a DRUG, people need to realize that and stop behaving like not drinking is something weird. Everyone just got very comfortable with getting drunk to the point they can't even stand up because otherwise "the party is not fun 🥺". That's a messed up approach.

  19. Exactly this! It's so toxic people have to prove they are not pregna t or are somewhat shamed for choosing not to drink alcohol in whatever kind of circumstances..

  20. I (m) don't drink (I have my reasons) when I told my family, one family member congratulated me, while for years others including my mum would constantly ask me if I wanted a drink. It took a few years before they stopped.

  21. No kidding. I don't like drinking and I stopped going to most parties nearly a decade ago because every time I went to one someone would try to pressure me into drinking. Like, it's okay for me to not want to drink. I don't tell other people not to drink, it's just not for me. Leave me alone.

  22. Exactly! I don’t drink and when I see a woman who doesn’t drink, I don’t assume she’s pregnant. Others need to do the same. Just because someone doesn’t want to drink on a particular night shouldn’t be alarming to anyone.

  23. Do the college anti-peer-pressure trick: fill a cup with something that looks like alcohol (or wine) and just nurse it all night.

  24. I’ve started saying I’m on a medication that has an extremely dangerous interaction with alcohol, but even then I can get “I’m sure just one sip won’t hurt”. Still, it’s more effective than saying anything else. It’s ridiculous we even have to provide a reason.

  25. Or simply normalise not drinking. I don’t like the smell or taste of alcohol. It makes me angry the amount of pressure put on people to drink in social situations. I can not stand the taste but people keep insisting and asking if it’s bc religion, medication or pregnancy. Nope, I just don’t like the taste.

  26. NTA - We really need to straight up normalize not pressing a no to a drink. T he conversation should be no more than just “want a drink?” “No.” “Ok.” There are so many temporary and permanent reasons to avoid alcohol, a lot people do not want to discuss with others. So if anyone says no to a drink, let it go and offer them water or soda.

  27. It’s also really a nightmare for women who cut back on drinking to get healthier prior to getting pregnant. We had to try for a while for my first, so I did all the things I could to help my body be healthier. But anytime I refused a drink I’d get “are you pregnant???” And I’d have to be like “nope….. still not pregnant….. thanks for the reminder….”

  28. Normalize people being able to not drink. I have been sober for about six years, and I can’t tell you how many times people, men and women, think they are entitled to know why I got sober, and all the other details of it just because I turned down a drink from them.

  29. NTA. Nothing is worse than a bride that thinks the whole world should stop for her and her wedding. Offering you a class of wine is fine and polite, but if someone refuses why keep offering and even make the pregnancy joke? Sounds like she was intentionally wanting drama.

  30. In my experience the only ones who push alcohol on others are ones who can't control their own drinking and want others to be as drunk as they are, so they don't feel out of place, or ones who want to sus out who's pregnant because they're nosy.

  31. Especially if she is then making a big scene. OP did not say anything. She got pestered all night long. The bride to be announced it (against permission of OP) to everyone in the most immature way.

  32. This exactly. She made the joke so that if you were pregnant then she could cause a scene that you told everyone at her party. If you weren’t pregnant then she could say you were rude because you refused to drink her family’s wine. She sounds like a drama Queen and I wouldn’t bother with her. And if anyone tries to come at you, tell them that she kept trying to force wine on you and then specifically asked you if you were pregnant. All you did was answer her question.

  33. I totally think the same thing. Something also tells me hypothetically, if the SIL didn't bring up the pregnancy at the engagement party. The SIL would have claimed OP is trying to ruin her wedding or steal the attention when OP and her husband would have made their big announcement later. Imagine at the wedding...."You ruined my wedding because you're pregnant!" Cue the banshee shrieking.

  34. Nta. It’s not like you said it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen posted where the op made it this massive showy way. Like bringing their own cake, standing on chairs. You just rejected a drink, she shouldn’t have kept pushing. She blew it out of proportion, you kept it discreet.

  35. It's the only vice in life we actively discourage people giving up. It's bizarre. If someone said "I just don't feel like having a cigarette" you'd go "well done keep it up!"

  36. I dated a guy who initially poked fun (or so I thought) at my desire not to drink. That was until it became full on shaming me in front of strangers in order to convince me to drink.

  37. Yep, I don't care if people drink, I use to drink all the time. Now days alcohol gives me heartburn for 3-4 days, so I just don't drink alcohol. It always seems to annoy someone, it's like they think I'm looking down on them for drinking when I couldn't care less.

  38. NTA You delayed telling expressly not to overshadow her party. She offered a drink and you refused because you couldn't safely do so, despite her unreasonable insistence, then when she guessed the cause you quietly withdrew. You didn't cause a scene, hell you technically didn't even tell her. She's being a megalomaniac.

  39. Not only did OP delay to be kind to SIL, but then SIL repaid her by ruining her & her husband’s pregnancy announcement. They are excited to be parents and because SIL had to be a pushy, boundary-stomping drama queen, OP’s in-laws all know about the pregnancy prior to their announcement.

  40. Turn it around. Tell everybody that SIL was pressuring you to drink, DEDUCED that you were pregnant, and announced it in a horrifically negative and public way without your consent. Point out that SHE stole YOUR moment to announce your pregnancy in the way you wanted. Be madder at her, and if anyone gives you shit, tell them that being engaged does not make her above criticism. NTA.

  41. Yes!! Flip the script!! That is exactly what happened to OP and she should share her side of the story with all mutual friends & family members.

  42. NTA she likely kept asking because she wanted you to say it. She had to notice you were drinking water and wanted you to say you were pregnant. When you didn’t she caused a scene making it out to be you did say you were pregnant when you didn’t even answer her. There would have been no making her happy. Didn’t tell her she makes your pregnancy about her. If you had told her, she likely would have done the same and said you just got pregnant to ruin her wedding. There’s something going on between SIL and your husband and/or you that needs resolved on her end since she’s not saying what’s actually bothering her.

  43. NTA, you never said you were pregnant, she did. Probably for the best you aren't invited to the wedding, I don't think you'd have much fun with her anyways.

  44. If you had done a whole announcement, then ok yeah... but even if you had done that, screaming about it would be a bit ridiculous. However, you didn't. Hell, it seems like you didn't actually say anything. NTA.

  45. NTA. Why does she not understand no means no? She should've stopped asking the first time you declined. Seems she should learn to stop pressuring people, even if you weren't pregnant thats just a shitty thing to do.

  46. NTA. You didn't make any announcements. All you did was not drink alcohol, I mean seriously it was quite rude of her to continue pushing alcohol on you. People don't drink for a multitude of reasons. She should have accepted your refusal the first time. If she is upset, it's all down to her own behaviour.

  47. NTA! You were not trying to ruin the engagement, it's ENTIRELY her fault for pushing you to drink when you didn't want to! More people need to respect others' drinking preferences and not push it. She has no right to disinvite you from the wedding and throw a fit when it's her own damn fault.

  48. Story sounds totally fishy. OP did not tell her SIL that she was pregnant. According to the post those words were never spoken.

  49. Finally someone who sees through this post. Either it’s fake or there is WAY more to this story than OP is disclosing (my theory). Something isn’t right here.

  50. This part. Common sense says if it’s common knowledge you LIKE wine and you go to a winery and don’t drink wine people are going to notice and ask questions. She had more than enough time to have viable excuse for why she wasn’t drinking. Something about this story isn’t true.

  51. Also, as someone who’s been pregnant, why did she have to refuse? Just take the glass of wine, say thank you and pretend to take a few sips every now and then. Accepting a glass of something and drinking it are two different things.

  52. I agree. The ‘I smiled and walked away’ is all you need to know. That’s the sign of an AH who wanted to announce it at the engagement party and waited for the right time to do it so as to not seem like the AH. There are many excuses / little lies one can tell like, ‘my husband is currently on medication which means neither of us can drink (then drive home)’; or ‘I’m finishing an antibiotic cycle and cannot drink at all’ or any other excuse to not make oneself the center of attention at another’s celebration.

  53. Honestly, SIL seems less mad about people finding out and more mad that OP is experiencing an exciting life event that’s a few milestones past her own. She wanted this party to be solely about her wedding, and simply knowing OP’s got something going on herself—and thus is no longer a supportive background character—ruined it for her.

  54. NTA. She pressured you and then guessed your secret. But, even if you had told her you were pregnant at her engagement party, so what? Can't people talk about anything else? And, if this is her engagement party, she's just getting started. How many events does this bride need that are all about her? Good grief!

  55. NTA. Wow she uninvited you for telling her she's pregnant? What did she expect you to do? Drink the wine? No one should ever be pressured to drink.

  56. NTA. You would figure a woman would notice you're not drinking, put two and two together and drop the matter when you refused once.

  57. NTA you didn't actually go out and say it, which is good, and the fact you aren't drinking is very good. She had no reason to react like that, much less keep forcing wine on you.

  58. NTA. You did all you could to make it about her that day. You weren’t making a scene about not drinking, you just… weren’t. And then when asked, you just gave a nervous smile and tried to diffuse the situation. Kudos to you for the way you tried to handle the whole thing.

  59. NTA. SIL sure is though. Anyone pressuring someone else to drink after they've refused is TA. Pregnancy is not the only reason someone might decline to drink at an event. There's a really common antibiotic in the US used for many things but a lot of the time for bacterial vaginosis. If you drink while taking it or even for several days after your last dose, it can act like a date rape drug. Would OP be obligated to tell anyone that's the reason she's not drinking if it were the case? SIL created her own problem and drama. AND if she made a scene/told others, she actually stole OP's announcement, which makes her even more TA.

  60. You are not at fault! She pushed and somehow made you the bad guy. If I were you, I’d be questioning why you talk to her bc if she pulls this shit with you right now, I wonder what she is going to be like when the baby is here.

  61. Oh my word. The amount precious parcels that arise on this sub for "ruined" gender reveals, engagement parties, baby showers, weddings etc. over such small and inane things just blows my mind. NTA

  62. Yes, this also surprises me. Very much. I've never heard, here in my country, of brides trying to determine hair or eye color to bridesmaids or thinking that the whole world revolves around them and anything "steals their thunder".

  63. Just because a woman doesn't want a drink doesn't automatically mean she's pregnant 🤦‍♀️ I can't stand wine so I would say no if someone asked me. It could be an allergy, alcoholism, don't feel like it, etc but your SIL went to the first thing most people would assume. So she ruined her own engagement party. Go NC with her. Don't feel bad either!! She did it to herself!!

  64. Except OP clearly pointed out it’s known that she likes wine. Of course someone is going to question why the person who likes wine and is at a vineyard isn’t drinking. OP should’ve been better prepared, she should’ve know she would’ve been asked.

  65. NTA at all. She ruined her own party by yelling at you. It's probably better you aren't going to the wedding if she is going to treat you like that. It sounds like you did your best to avoid telling her, and it sounds like you didn't even actually say yes, you just walked away and she came to that conclusion in a negative way.

  66. nta; she’s acting like you made a big deal of announcing your pregnancy at her engagement party when you barely confirmed it. she’s an absolute diva and i’d honestly stay away from her so you can have a more stress free pregnancy

  67. NTA, and boy - good luck having this one for a sister in law for the next 20 or 30 years. You can probably expect her to put herself in the middle of numerous similar hysterical, irrational dramas on a regular basis.

  68. NTA. You didn’t tell her you were pregnant. You tried very hard not to tell her or anyone else. Not your fault she kept pressuring you to drink, which is a shitty thing to do anyway.

  69. NTA. Wtf it’s so crazy that it’s funny….you didn’t made an announcement on a loudspeaker - she was the one keep insisting you for a drink, maybe she suspected that already and then pushed you to express that you’re pregnant So she could create a scene. What does your brother-in-law thinks and rest of your family?

  70. NTA: it’s not like you clinked your glass, stood on a chair and announced to everyone in the room “I’m pregnant.” You literally just refused to drink wine. It doesn’t even sound like you said the words out loud.

  71. At first, I thought you were going to say you made an announcement, but you didn't. You actually didn't tell your SIL anything, even when asked, all you did was smile and try to walk away. She ruined her own party by trying to force wine in you and when you wouldn't accept it, guessed that you were pregnant and then threw a tantrum

  72. Alien here but um. . why is it bad to say you are pregnant? It's fine where I am from. Is it that the wedding's shine gets taken away by the pregnant person?

  73. NTA. People need to learn to accept no as the final answer for a few things in life. Do you want to drink is one of them. Stop pestering people over shit that ain't yo business.

  74. You tried to refuse the drink and she kept insisting despite you repeatedly saying no. She even straight up ASKED you if you are pregnant, then threw a fit over it when she realized you are. Valuable life lesson she has hopefully learned here: Never ask questions if you're not prepared for the answer.

  75. NTA. I still don't understand why there is such a stigma for not wanting to drink alcohol. In this instance, you have a perfectly acceptable reason, but when people say "I don't feel like one" or "not today thanks", others can't comprehend that someone simply just doesn't want to drink, regardless of why.

  76. NTA. She backed you into a corner. You hadn’t intended to mention it and actively tried to NOT mention it, but she wouldn’t let up and practically forced a reaction out of you. I don’t know how you could’ve possibly handled this in a way that would have pleased her. It’s not like you made a whole song and dance announcement about it. She pushed the issue.

  77. You're NTA Op. You and your husband are not invited to the wedding for not drinking wine at her engagement party & being discreet about your pregnancy? Well boo fucking hoo sil, she should not be invited to your baby shower & not allowed in your baby's life as it's aunt.

  78. INFO: When it came out because SIL asked, did you shift your announcement to then? I don't see how someone would fly off the deep end just from knowing, but if she asked, and you played it up to your family who might have been there since it was out then, you might have some culpability. That I could see someone going off the deep end for.

  79. Info: why couldn’t you just take the glass and take a few pretend sips? Making a big deal about not wanting to drink when you are a big drinker is obviously going to attract attention. Couldn’t you have accepted? Or was she sitting there making sure you chugged every last drop?

  80. NTA solely because she wouldn't stop asking you to drink alcohol. That's not ok on any level. Just go do something fun the day of the wedding.

  81. NTA and your SIL comes across as an AH as well as childish/high maintenance. Perhaps count yourselves as lucky to be uninvited to her wedding.

  82. I came in here prepared to call you the A.H based on the title. But surprisingly NTA. She forced your hand. She didn’t respect your words when you said you didn’t want to drink.

  83. NTA. You were pressured into smiling uncomfortably when she demanded to know if you were pregnant after trying to force you to have a drink. Any awkwardness was caused by the bride herself.

  84. NTA. She kept pushing you til she got the answer. Then she blows up at you after she bullies you? Your SIL is several kinds of TA.

  85. NTA. If I were you I’d be relieved to not be invited to the wedding. The bridezilla shit she’s gonna pull then…. Dye your hair to match, don’t dye you’re hair you’ll stand out, no photos with you because baby bump will steal attention from me, no children so find a sitter, wear flats so you’re not taller than me, wear heels so you blend with the other women in the wedding party, I’ll pick your dress wether it suits you or not, no changing the style if you’re heavy lose weight, if you’re skinny gain weight, darken your foundation, lighten your foundation, no individual touches you might steal my day…..

  86. NTA. It doesn’t matter why someone doesn’t want a drink, you don’t push it. If she hadn’t been so rude and kept pushing to the point where she asked if you were pregnant this situation could have been avoided. It’s a 100% she’s the AH

  87. NTA she outed you and announced it at the engagement party, not you. Although if you knew it was a winery and you wouldn't be drinking you must of known there was a chance that would happen. She sounds like a drama queen.

  88. NTA - Technically speaking, you didn't say a single word about being pregnant. She asked, you smiled and tried to walk away. That's on her for being pushy and not leaving you alone about drinking.

  89. NTA. I was pregnant- approx 11 weeks- at a cousins wedding and I did the whole "I've got an ear infection and the antibiotics say I can't drink" but I'm the worst liar. So basically everyone knew, they appreciated the fact that I wasn't ready to announce it yet and didn't want to at the wedding so we just enjoyed our day. We announced the week later and that's that! I don't see why she even feels entitled announce it for you which is effectively what she did...

  90. NTA and you shouldn’t have to explain yourself, but you could have come up with an excuse beforehand. You shouldn’t HAVE to, but unfortunately you kind of knew not drinking at a winery would be an issue. Something like “I’m on an alcohol detox” or “I’m trying to watch my weight” or “I’m on medication that it conflicts with”. Really SIL is the AH for pressing the issue. I never comment on someone drinking or not because it’s RUDE.

  91. NTA. That is a very innocent way for it to come out. Ypu didn't stand up and make a toast or do some big thing to draw attention to yourself. Youbwete being pressured to explaon why you weren't drinking. A normal sister would be excited for you.

  92. NTA. You didn’t make an announcement. You just refused to have alcohol! The news was literally badgered out of you. You SIL is TA for not respecting your drink choices and pushing you.

  93. NTA - it’s weird to try and forge people to drink that forcefully. She really should have just left you alone. It’s her own fault she is probably one of those people that just loves drama and couldn’t help herself when given the opportunity to create some.

  94. NAH. the only thing you should have done different, hindsight you know, since you knew it was going to be at a winery you should have privately told her a few days b4 to explain why you would not be drinking.

  95. NTA. She was the one who asked, you didn't walk around announcing it. Also hate that she kept offering you wine after you declined multiple times.

  96. NTA. She “ruined” her own party. She shouldn’t be asking questions she don’t want answers too. Don’t feel bad OP, and congrats!!!

  97. I'm personally tired of this "you ruined my big day" shit. I can see if someone grabs the microphone and shouts "Becky, I love you will you MARRY ME????" At the reception. That's an asshole. Standing up at engagement party and screaming "GUESS WHAT YALL?!? We GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!" Is a dick move. Telling someone, one on one after they badger you repeatedly that yes, you are pregnant is not being an asshole. It's getting to be if the spotlight isn't on certain people repeatedly they freak out.

  98. omg your sil sounds awful, NTA. she asked if you were pregnant, and you didn't lie to her and that means you ruined her engagement party? omg sounds like the wedding would suck anyway lol

  99. NTA. You didn’t announce it, she did. Honestly, I’d be mad at her for that. Way to take a very personal piece of news and just scream it into the world. I also absolutely hate pressuring people to drink, it’s one of the most classless behaviors in my mind.

  100. NTA. You where asked a direct quieting by the monster bride. If she did not want you announce your pregnancy, she should not have asked.

  101. NTA. Can you explain how her questioning you about something personal ruined a party? And why are only you being blamed for being pregnant? - I’m assuming your husband, her brother, participated . What a special crazy snowflake she is.

  102. I was gonna go into this as YTA by the title but after reading everything no. NTA and she's being very overdramatic. It's not like you announced it to the whole party, just to her after she forced you. How on earth could that steal focus from her unless SHE publicized it- which would still make her the AH bc she has no right to announce your pregnancy. ALSO, can we just talk about how it's so problematic that people push and make such a big deal out of someone not drinking? She's an AH for that too.

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