Not a doctor but please ensure the doctors test or have tested for a UTI. My mom is a few years older than yours, and a UTI caused her to have a psychotic episode a few years ago - it’s not uncommon in older populations.
I’ve been on methylphenidate and Vyvanse. On methylphenidate, I could easily do what you described. On Vyvanse, I do what I need to do much more than when I was on methylphenidate.
I’ve been unable to get my Vyvanse for like a month. Again. I feel like I’m sitting in a pile of all the shit I have to do right now, and I can’t even SEE any of it. I have no idea what any of it is! I can’t remember what it is! I’m fucking half-BURIED in it and I CAN’T SEE IT.
Mostly I agree with you on schools, but there are some that are different. My kids go to a parent participation school in the South Bay and it’s very different from other schools. No grades, tons of projects and games, focus on social/emotional learning and kindness, lots of extra activities done by the parents. It attracts a ton of neurodivergent kids because the school does most of the things ND kids tend to need, just as a matter of course.
This video drives me nuts. He full-on states that armor helps with injuries that are NOT fractures, then goes on to say that armor is useless because it doesn't prevent fractures.
Well, not directly. But I told him how I can't see anything without them. How I almost got into a car accident and how I get headaches without them. I thought he will understand that way. But he just said that's unfortunate and he feels bad for me because I have to wear them no matter what
NTA. They are endangering your health. Each of my 3 OBs would have ripped them a new one. You cannot be standing for long enough to make dinner for 3+ people when you gave birth 4 days ago, you could hemorrhage or develop all kinds of other problems.
Wow that’s such a good point. I have to do those things myself because I don’t have any family around. He treated me quite badly when my panic disorder developed into something nasty, acting annoyed with me all the time, essentially telling me he can’t deal with it. Well lo and behold he had his first panic attack a few months ago and I spent as much time as I could reassuring him and walking him through it. What a fucking clown I am. Thank you all.
He used you for childcare, housework, and sex for over 14 years. You found yourself in a shitty position and did what you had to do to survive and to raise your children. You're not an asshole or a user. But he is both of those things, and I suspect more besides.
I saw a documentary on brain surgery a couple decades ago and the patient had to be awake enough to count out loud. The surgeon pressed on various parts of the patient’s brain and the patient’s counting went weird in one way or another.
Wear girly pop shit. Wear it all the time. Practice your skills so that if some POS tries to hit on you or pull some shit, you can flip him the bird and zoom away even if he’s on a motorcycle too!
I am 44 and have been with my husband for nearly 20 years. I had lived on my own (or with my ex, in which relationship I did most of the adulting) for five years before we met. He lived with his parents and his mom did everything.
I'm a woman and ngl I wouldn't want to date a GUY who was that into his dog, so I don't know if this should be framed as a "Men just don't understand" thing.
Great call regarding injuries. That was definitely a big knowledge gap for me when I started out—I didn't realize what "road rash" really meant, what foot protection was protecting against, or other common motorcycling injury types and how to mitigate them with proper gear + riding technique. Will definitely work on incorporating some of that in. Thank you!
“She’s not comfortable with that.” That’s what your husband says (under the “your family your responsibility” principle), though of course you can give the message directly (“I’m not comfortable with that”)if it comes up naturally. Like don’t avoid saying it if it’s in conversation.
At a certain point, nothing is going to stop your arm from breaking. But I think the armor can do a lot of good below that point. Padding is better than concrete every time.
Sucking snot out of baby’s nose makes things better for all involved. Baby sleeps better, mom sleeps better. The little tube contraptions to do it seemed gross as hell at first but you get used to it and the results are worth it.
The Baby Frieda was very effective, and the little sponge thing and long tubing made it clear that I wouldn't get anything into my mouth, but I always gagged if I thought about it too much. Baby wasn't too happy either, at least not until the job was done. Then zzzzzzz....
I say this as an adult with ADHD: Whether he has it or not is not your problem. Whether he can get his shit together or not...not your problem. He is an adult, it's his responsibility to handle his own shit.
The only time any of my three were hospitalized after their birth stay was when my middle got RSV at 1 month old. They weren't even sure about it, because he was technically like 2 days over 1 month old, and 1 month is the cutoff for automatic hospitalization for RSV.
There were certainly times when I was not exhausted and overwhelmed while my kids were younger. The exhaustion and overwhelm weren't literally constant. But they were a lot more than at any other time in my life.
Not a doctor but please ensure the doctors test or have tested for a UTI. My mom is a few years older than yours, and a UTI caused her to have a psychotic episode a few years ago - it’s not uncommon in older populations.
A UTI convinced my father that my brother was Jesus.
The best move you made was deciding “maybe I’ll start to clean and then see if the meds help”.
I’ve been on methylphenidate and Vyvanse. On methylphenidate, I could easily do what you described. On Vyvanse, I do what I need to do much more than when I was on methylphenidate.
I’ve been unable to get my Vyvanse for like a month. Again. I feel like I’m sitting in a pile of all the shit I have to do right now, and I can’t even SEE any of it. I have no idea what any of it is! I can’t remember what it is! I’m fucking half-BURIED in it and I CAN’T SEE IT.
The single biggest factor in a student's educational outcome is how well-off and involved their parents are. No matter what school they go to.
Mostly I agree with you on schools, but there are some that are different. My kids go to a parent participation school in the South Bay and it’s very different from other schools. No grades, tons of projects and games, focus on social/emotional learning and kindness, lots of extra activities done by the parents. It attracts a ton of neurodivergent kids because the school does most of the things ND kids tend to need, just as a matter of course.
no grades?
K-8 it doesn’t matter. At those levels grades generally do more harm than good.
“Don’t take ADHD meds, be an alcoholic instead!” Wtf
Abrasion resistance is more important than armor
This video drives me nuts. He full-on states that armor helps with injuries that are NOT fractures, then goes on to say that armor is useless because it doesn't prevent fractures.
“Me too.”
Well, not directly. But I told him how I can't see anything without them. How I almost got into a car accident and how I get headaches without them. I thought he will understand that way. But he just said that's unfortunate and he feels bad for me because I have to wear them no matter what
Ask him why he prefers you unable to see. Why does he want you to be disabled? Does he want you helpless?
He's blaming his family for his own lack of desire to be with you.
NTA. They are endangering your health. Each of my 3 OBs would have ripped them a new one. You cannot be standing for long enough to make dinner for 3+ people when you gave birth 4 days ago, you could hemorrhage or develop all kinds of other problems.
Wow that’s such a good point. I have to do those things myself because I don’t have any family around. He treated me quite badly when my panic disorder developed into something nasty, acting annoyed with me all the time, essentially telling me he can’t deal with it. Well lo and behold he had his first panic attack a few months ago and I spent as much time as I could reassuring him and walking him through it. What a fucking clown I am. Thank you all.
He said "maybe we shouldn't be friends" but it sounds to me like he hasn't been your friend for a long time, if he ever was.
[удалено]
You said it was your fault too, but nothing you said in the same comment supports that.
He used you for childcare, housework, and sex for over 14 years. You found yourself in a shitty position and did what you had to do to survive and to raise your children. You're not an asshole or a user. But he is both of those things, and I suspect more besides.
You said the word, time!
I saw a documentary on brain surgery a couple decades ago and the patient had to be awake enough to count out loud. The surgeon pressed on various parts of the patient’s brain and the patient’s counting went weird in one way or another.
Wear girly pop shit. Wear it all the time. Practice your skills so that if some POS tries to hit on you or pull some shit, you can flip him the bird and zoom away even if he’s on a motorcycle too!
I am 44 and have been with my husband for nearly 20 years. I had lived on my own (or with my ex, in which relationship I did most of the adulting) for five years before we met. He lived with his parents and his mom did everything.
I'm a woman and ngl I wouldn't want to date a GUY who was that into his dog, so I don't know if this should be framed as a "Men just don't understand" thing.
Seems to me that OP very much understands that.
Ist jetzt auch nicht so furchtbar bekannt und ich bin mir ehrlich gesagt auch nicht ganz sicher, wie es genau geht. Hat nur die Omi immer gesagt.
OP might appreciate the translation of the pearl (via
Great call regarding injuries. That was definitely a big knowledge gap for me when I started out—I didn't realize what "road rash" really meant, what foot protection was protecting against, or other common motorcycling injury types and how to mitigate them with proper gear + riding technique. Will definitely work on incorporating some of that in. Thank you!
The phrase that really brings it home for me is “meat crayon”. Such a visceral way of describing it.
“She’s not comfortable with that.” That’s what your husband says (under the “your family your responsibility” principle), though of course you can give the message directly (“I’m not comfortable with that”)if it comes up naturally. Like don’t avoid saying it if it’s in conversation.
“Why can’t she sacrifice just a little more for the good of her kid?”
At a certain point, nothing is going to stop your arm from breaking. But I think the armor can do a lot of good below that point. Padding is better than concrete every time.
I fell on roller skates a couple years ago and busted open my knee. My leggings didn’t get as torn as my skin did. Lots of bruising, too.
This is abuse and the reason he won’t read the comments is that he knows it’s wrong.
Sucking snot out of baby’s nose makes things better for all involved. Baby sleeps better, mom sleeps better. The little tube contraptions to do it seemed gross as hell at first but you get used to it and the results are worth it.
The Baby Frieda was very effective, and the little sponge thing and long tubing made it clear that I wouldn't get anything into my mouth, but I always gagged if I thought about it too much. Baby wasn't too happy either, at least not until the job was done. Then zzzzzzz....
I say this as an adult with ADHD: Whether he has it or not is not your problem. Whether he can get his shit together or not...not your problem. He is an adult, it's his responsibility to handle his own shit.
The only time any of my three were hospitalized after their birth stay was when my middle got RSV at 1 month old. They weren't even sure about it, because he was technically like 2 days over 1 month old, and 1 month is the cutoff for automatic hospitalization for RSV.
There were certainly times when I was not exhausted and overwhelmed while my kids were younger. The exhaustion and overwhelm weren't literally constant. But they were a lot more than at any other time in my life.