That's a wonderful story, but a few questions: did they rebound? How did you receive the news of the rebound? What was their attachment style? Did the both of you date/ go on dates with other people while separated? How did you talk abt that when reuniting? What if he had been dating someone when you decided to reach out? Did you remove/block them on social media or add them back after a while? Please answer these because it will help me out with my situation!

Thank you for the kind words. Neither of us dated anyone. They lean towards fearful avoidant while I am anxious. If he was dating while I reached out I would respect that while focus on building connection between the both of us. We removed each other on social media while broken up.

What about him? What did he work on? Or was he perfect when he broke up with you?

He was aware of some of his issues as well. We talked about it.

Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like you are really struggling, I hear you. I understand completely, I hear what you are saying. Your emotions make perfect sense. What you feel must be painful, lonely, and tiring. I am happy to hold this space for you to feel whatever it is you want to feel. You are a worthy human being. You are good enough. You can text me anytime, I’m here with you.

Be ok with the possibility that you might manifest a different person. It sounds like you're doing the right things, but if you can let go of your attachment to your ex, it'll be easier to manifest a new SP (whether that happens to be your ex or not).

I might manifest a new SP? How so? I don’t quite understand. Could you elaborate please?

What if its the other way around? The dumpee wants to prove to you that they are maturing and growing? That they are actively working on their bad behaviour. How would the dumper feel? Would the dumper gives in?

Thank you, I love this and have been trying to do this more

You can do this OP. I believe in you. You’re beautiful inside out.

I practise in front of the mirror, telling myself “I’m awesome” “I’m beautiful” “I’m worthy of love” “I love myself” everyday. After a while its ingrained in you and you feel good inside, it’s empowering :)

Congrats to you. Really happy that reconcialiation is in progress! What made her change her mind knowing that she was unhappy in the relationship? Did she miss you and wanted to work things out again?

her explanation i take with a grain of salt. truth is, in life some people just prioritize things differently. her top priority in life has always been school; she goes to an prestigious university and will start working on her doctorates at an Ivy league school(i won’t name for privacy reasons) later this year. it’s impressive for anyone of the the age 21 in my opinion. When things between us (life in general) got hard, she didn’t prioritize putting us back together - she just felt unhappy. she probably felt lonely after and wanted someone around but she channeled does much anger at me that i was the last person she wanted. I can not blame her for trivial emotions - i believe empathy is such a important part of life (something i need to work on still a lot myself). after being apart she realized it wasn’t me that she hated but things in her life and that she missed me.

I can understand that she had career as a priority. And she felt you didn’t understand her. When the break up happened, was she truly angry at you? Throughout the 8 months of NC did you both contact at all? Did you ever think you’d ever get back together? Or you lose all hope, move on and date others even when you knew you still loved her?

Hahahha love your answer

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Needed this.

Sometimes, the only apology is changed behaviour. You've done your part already.

Should I apologize to him for my behaviour that caused the break up? At break up he said he had lost trust in me and would not forgive me after I threw a tantrum at him. I really regret my behaviour.

No, you should stop, the more you do this, the more you will appear manipulative. We understand how truly sorry you are. That's great, because this gives everyone a chance to learn about themselves in order to grow. But girl, sometimes, no matter how loud you try to scream from one island to the other, the wind will not carry your voice. And I tell you, changed behaviour (improved) is the only way right now to show your apology. But that doesn't mean you have anything to prove to him, because in the end, even when you do change for the better, it's not for him, but for you.

Thanks for the reply. I understand that. Will take this lesson and improve myself moving forward.

Because empathy and soothing are learnable skills.

This is a really helpful way of putting it. I’m learning alot from your insight. Thank you so much.

I believe its different for everyone as ever relationship is different. You can give yourself a pretty good idea though with how the relationship was. Anything under 6 months and they dumped you they probably took it easier a few weeks pass and they wont think about you.

This a very good perspective. No dumpers would forget someone in a matter of weeks or months. I guess it’s fair to say both parties are feeling miserable at the same time or others. And yes the powerful thing about being dumpees are our drive for self improvement. I was once a dumper and I hardly done much improvement compared to now being a dumpee it’s phenomenal to experience this significant growth in us. Goes to show how powerful human minds are.

Thank you for this I really needed to hear it. Is the root of your problems also how you were raised ?

Yes indeed, I struggled with low self esteem all my growing up. My father was emotionally unavailable.

Same thing here. Very low self esteem. It's almost like I purposely sabotaged my relationships thinking I don't deserve them

Same here. Probably deep down I felt I was unlovable so each time I was looking for signs they werent. Its horrible. I miss them but I didn’t like how I was in the rs.

As the trust breaker I get it. Sure we both did things to each other which weren't right. But she won't ever trust me again. Despite all the changes I'm making. Regardless, she left me before the broken trust stuff came up. But still, I'll never get to show how I really am changing because all I'd want to do is be in a relationship as a changed person with her.

Im in the same boat. Are you on NC? Have you tried apologizing to her after the break up?

Yeah. I apologized a couple times. Shes done though. Which means i need acceptance.

I can understand. When someone wants out, it means they are done trying. We can only accept it.

Me too :( I just want to be happy again

Reply with a single text like okay, thanks etc. Or whatever in your mind except miss you or text with angry tone . I have to ask you one thing that , are you still thinking about reconcile ?

Actually right before the text came (he took ONE week to reply to that simple text btw. But anyways). I felt really disappointed that he gave up on us so easily when problems arose. He literally gave up. I’m not sure if I want to reconcile at this point. I feel that both parties need to heal completely and start over in order for a reconcilation to happen. I read that successful reconcialiation happens yearsss down the road. 2-3 months is too short. I feel like leaving him on read tbh.

Leave on read is the best option . I asked about reconcilation just to know whats your aim by keeping no contact . I started nc for reconcilation and i want to my ex miss me but she reached out and keep saying im the only one who understand her and asked to stay as friends. I agreed to stay as friends and one day she asked me that: i definitely do sex with others in future , do you have any problem if i told you that ? , And i was shocked why she want to told me that ? (Yeah she can have sex with others but there is no need to tell me that ) after that i realize , talking or listening to her is not the right thing ,she getting better and im getting hurt . So i initiated the nc strongly again and blocked her , first week was hard and i was waiting for her to talk about getting back together ( she can contact me by phone number ) .After 2 weeks i feel a lot better and im smiling again. Now im wondering what i saw in her !? Its nothing. Reconcilation is shit and nc helped me to realise it . SORRY FOR THE LONG POST AND OUT OF TOPIC. I just want you to know how nc helped me to get out of these troubles and i want you to try nc for atleast 3 weeks to see the changes :)).

I’m glad you did the right thing. She sounds not deserving of you. You deserve better my dear. And yes I totally can advocate that NC is the best way to heal. I was actually on road of healing with NC this week till I got his message. I know we can heal and feel happy again. LETS DO THIS 💪

This is good advice. We can't control what others do/want, no matter how much we may want to when facing heartbreak. It's really effing hard to do, but if someone has made up their mind about breaking up, there's nothing you can really do other than accept it and let them go.

Well said. Lets all heal in time :)

I forgave myself a long time ago. Therapy reiterated that anyone else who went through the feelings I felt would’ve done similar things. Even then, I did nothing illegal while in survival mode.

I understand how you are feeling. It takes time, sadly time is our only ally. I went to therapy too to fix my issues. At the very least we are aware of our issues and seek help. We’ll be proud of who we became after the break up.

Let them go. If someone wants to walk out of your life let them. They will regret it at some point.

That they don’t see my value. I deserve someone who does. And at this moment, I see my own value.

I was like your girlfriend too. Until my ex broke up with me and I realize what my problem was. I knew I had issues during the relationship, being lacking self love. But I didnt know what exactly it was and couldn’t get out of the negative cycle. I behaved like your girlfriend out of fear, abandonment and needing validation from my partner all the time. Do be patient with your girlfriend. Be empathetic, reassuring and help her to seek therapist help. I did and it helped me so much on my self love journey. Please know that your girlfriend does not do it out of personal attack, she is afraid, lack of love and vulnerable. She is lucky she has a partner who is patient with her.

Yea I’m in this confusion over the break up, our relationship, the heart break, the guilt. I don’t regret what happened, but I wonder what would happen if I did something else. But no point thinking since its the past. We can only move forward. Feel the pain. One day this will all makes sense...

We will get there. One day we will look at them with INDIFFERENCE.

Stay strong and keep working on yourself! One day we will understand why things turned out this way 🌸

I will remember these words of motivation. Thank you :)

Dude...word. She had most of my photography gear. No way I'm throwing out $4k worth of equipment.

Indeed so. Theyd und that. I commend you on being so brave to put a calm demeanour in front of your ex wife.