Do you have anywhere else to go? Your family, or a friend? I would nope right out of that. Your partner can live with you and the baby or his daddy and his chick. If it's bad now, I can't IMAGINE what it will be like when you bring the baby home. They need to go. And until they get out, they need to be told YOU are not their maid.
Look, my spouse is not the best cook but even he steps up and cooks when I’m under the weather. The man recently had my daughter (she’s 21) come teach him how to make matzo ball soup because I was sick with COVID a couple weeks back.
Honestly I slid down the inside of the door on my back and sobbed before I called police. I came so close to opening it before I remembered that time I got grounded for not crying enough at a funeral and embarrassing her. The “but your mom” stuff makes me so mad.
"But she's your mum......" And some mums suck. That's just the fact of it. The "Karens" of the world often have children. When you know someone who's a jerk, the might have children. Not nice people come from somewhere, and they often have kids!!! It's absurd to think every mother is a saint.
I’m glad you finally got justice. I am surprised by the amount of resources (money) she used to trace you. It’s impressive in a very messed up, bizarre way.
I was thinking that, too. Those are $800 flights!!! And she's taken TWO, just to bother OP. Not to mention the drive to NYC. You just can't GET far enough from this woman.
I don'tsee how you're being a bad daughter. Relationships are two way streets. She's not trying to be a better mother, or person for that matter, and you can't carry all the weight yourself.
I felt used in terms of labor. Suddenly I was expected to drop the kid off and pick him up. I was expected to do all the laundry, pay extra for groceries, cook all the food..... It got old very fast. Not that it will be a surprise, but when I stopped doing those things, when I wasn't available to drive his kid all over, when I wasn't home to make dinner, he got MAD. We didn't last long after that. I was pretty easy to see he didn't want me for me, but wanted someone to be his free nanny.
Scars are part of life. You only get the one human suit, and if you lived at all, it's gonna have some mileage on it. Scars say that you survived, and someone that cares about you will be happy that you did and the scar won't make a bit of difference.
The flip side of that is she has alllll the alone time with MIL. That's a no from me, dawg, you know? If DH wants to waste all his PO on his mother, that's on him.
You need to consider letting this relationship marinate for another 6 months. You might hate them by then. You haven't known one another long enough to consider marriage or home buying.
I feel that way. It's left over from childhood and I have had loads of therapy, but the meal thing lingers. If you are shitty, if you yell, if you have an attitude, I can't eat. I just sit and shake like a chihuahua.
I always recommend a different bank. Then there's no potential for a parent to lie to the teller and say something like, see, I was on THIS account, and it was just a mistake, so please add me to THIS new account, too. Nope. New bank, no shenanigans.
I have had good luck with a set schedule. I come over every other Tuesday after work, so whatever they need, they have learned to stack up and we'll tackle it all at once, ON TUESDAY. That's stopped the fantic phone calls and the freaking out. Nothing has to be taken care of right now. Most bills are 30 days out. There is no emergency in paperwork. I will see you next Tuesday and we'll deal with it then.
I should add, my parents are kicking 80 in the ass, so tech IS hard for them. Just last week, dad fell for one of those phishing emails that LOOKED like it came from a legit vendor they do business with, but they wanted to confirm the password. So we had a hacked account to deal with, and a reminder that NO ONE will ever need to confirm your password.
If you don't put in the time with a kid when they're little, they have no time for you and feel no obligation to make time for you, as adults. She made this bed, she will have to lay in it. Don't feel a bit sorry for her, either. She did this to herself.
I mean, there's nothing to delete. Never mind that none of it is that crazy or wild, it's just reposting on my instagram stories. That's literally my entire social media presence (aside from Reddit, I guess)
I always say, my socials are for people that are far away and that's the only way I have to connect with them. I don't add people I see every day, since, look! we're talking right now!!
As a mom, pregnancy “crazy” is crying at 1am cause you got a craving for Taco Bell and they forgot to add the hot sauce packets. Or spending 20 minutes looking for your glasses when they’ve been on your face the entire time.
She needed therapy decades ago. I would go no contact until she gets some. Her expectations are so far out of bounds that it's past the cheap seats and way into foul territory.
FWIW........ Today is my 25th anniversary with my partner. In all that time, he has never called me a name in anger. Not even when I probably deserved it. Because he respects me. This man that you've written about doesn't respect you. I'm not even sure he likes you. Please make a plan to get out safely.
You didn't ruin anything. I'd bet money he was one of those dudes that was looking for a free nanny. When you put the breaks on the kid scene, he bailed because he's not looking for a relationship at all, just a bang maid and free child care so he can live his life on his parenting time. They're a dime a dozen.
46 year old man here, this is the correct answer. He may be amazing in every other way but when angry he resorts to violence. He will get angry again. I get angry all the time, I’ve been married for 23 years and have never once put my hands on my wife. If violence towards you is a solution now, it will be a solution in the future.
25th anniversary here today. Husband has never even considered touching me in a harmful way and would defiantly leave an impression on anyone who tried.
Do you have anywhere else to go? Your family, or a friend? I would nope right out of that. Your partner can live with you and the baby or his daddy and his chick. If it's bad now, I can't IMAGINE what it will be like when you bring the baby home. They need to go. And until they get out, they need to be told YOU are not their maid.
Just tell the server, after MIL says one check, no, actually, we'd like TWO checks, please, ours, and theirs, separately. Done.
Look, my spouse is not the best cook but even he steps up and cooks when I’m under the weather. The man recently had my daughter (she’s 21) come teach him how to make matzo ball soup because I was sick with COVID a couple weeks back.
Mine learned to make albondigus soup for me when I was sick!!! Best thing ever!!! I love that you have a real partner!!!!
Honestly I slid down the inside of the door on my back and sobbed before I called police. I came so close to opening it before I remembered that time I got grounded for not crying enough at a funeral and embarrassing her. The “but your mom” stuff makes me so mad.
"But she's your mum......" And some mums suck. That's just the fact of it. The "Karens" of the world often have children. When you know someone who's a jerk, the might have children. Not nice people come from somewhere, and they often have kids!!! It's absurd to think every mother is a saint.
I’m glad you finally got justice. I am surprised by the amount of resources (money) she used to trace you. It’s impressive in a very messed up, bizarre way.
I was thinking that, too. Those are $800 flights!!! And she's taken TWO, just to bother OP. Not to mention the drive to NYC. You just can't GET far enough from this woman.
I don'tsee how you're being a bad daughter. Relationships are two way streets. She's not trying to be a better mother, or person for that matter, and you can't carry all the weight yourself.
I felt used in terms of labor. Suddenly I was expected to drop the kid off and pick him up. I was expected to do all the laundry, pay extra for groceries, cook all the food..... It got old very fast. Not that it will be a surprise, but when I stopped doing those things, when I wasn't available to drive his kid all over, when I wasn't home to make dinner, he got MAD. We didn't last long after that. I was pretty easy to see he didn't want me for me, but wanted someone to be his free nanny.
Scars are part of life. You only get the one human suit, and if you lived at all, it's gonna have some mileage on it. Scars say that you survived, and someone that cares about you will be happy that you did and the scar won't make a bit of difference.
That’s what I keep saying, I just don’t want to have contact with her.
She doesn't need to see your socials. Block her.
I'd only allow her visits when DH has vacation time. No more, no less. If he can't be home with her, she can't be there.
But then she won’t get any alone time with so while he’s on his vacation…
The flip side of that is she has alllll the alone time with MIL. That's a no from me, dawg, you know? If DH wants to waste all his PO on his mother, that's on him.
Don't threaten me with a good time. I'm happy not to help you with your kids.
Lock the door. She doesn't need to come in. Once every two weeks is more than enough for visiting. An hour is the max time I'd allow visitors.
Hard to respect a man who behaves like that with his mother.
You need to consider letting this relationship marinate for another 6 months. You might hate them by then. You haven't known one another long enough to consider marriage or home buying.
You stay in a Airbnb or a hotel. That's a must.
Dude no. Arguments that happen in the context of making or eating a meal suck. That meal is dead now, a special kind of depressing.
I feel that way. It's left over from childhood and I have had loads of therapy, but the meal thing lingers. If you are shitty, if you yell, if you have an attitude, I can't eat. I just sit and shake like a chihuahua.
Open a new account and transfer all of your money to that account, preferably at another bank.
I always recommend a different bank. Then there's no potential for a parent to lie to the teller and say something like, see, I was on THIS account, and it was just a mistake, so please add me to THIS new account, too. Nope. New bank, no shenanigans.
I have had good luck with a set schedule. I come over every other Tuesday after work, so whatever they need, they have learned to stack up and we'll tackle it all at once, ON TUESDAY. That's stopped the fantic phone calls and the freaking out. Nothing has to be taken care of right now. Most bills are 30 days out. There is no emergency in paperwork. I will see you next Tuesday and we'll deal with it then.
I should add, my parents are kicking 80 in the ass, so tech IS hard for them. Just last week, dad fell for one of those phishing emails that LOOKED like it came from a legit vendor they do business with, but they wanted to confirm the password. So we had a hacked account to deal with, and a reminder that NO ONE will ever need to confirm your password.
If you don't put in the time with a kid when they're little, they have no time for you and feel no obligation to make time for you, as adults. She made this bed, she will have to lay in it. Don't feel a bit sorry for her, either. She did this to herself.
If she starts to act up, husband needs to ask her to leave. Be direct and firm.
I mean, there's nothing to delete. Never mind that none of it is that crazy or wild, it's just reposting on my instagram stories. That's literally my entire social media presence (aside from Reddit, I guess)
I always say, my socials are for people that are far away and that's the only way I have to connect with them. I don't add people I see every day, since, look! we're talking right now!!
As a mom, pregnancy “crazy” is crying at 1am cause you got a craving for Taco Bell and they forgot to add the hot sauce packets. Or spending 20 minutes looking for your glasses when they’ve been on your face the entire time.
When I was pregnant, it was commercials. Anything sad, anything sappy, anything with kids or dogs. I was a weepy mess.
She needed therapy decades ago. I would go no contact until she gets some. Her expectations are so far out of bounds that it's past the cheap seats and way into foul territory.
FWIW........ Today is my 25th anniversary with my partner. In all that time, he has never called me a name in anger. Not even when I probably deserved it. Because he respects me. This man that you've written about doesn't respect you. I'm not even sure he likes you. Please make a plan to get out safely.
You didn't ruin anything. I'd bet money he was one of those dudes that was looking for a free nanny. When you put the breaks on the kid scene, he bailed because he's not looking for a relationship at all, just a bang maid and free child care so he can live his life on his parenting time. They're a dime a dozen.
46 year old man here, this is the correct answer. He may be amazing in every other way but when angry he resorts to violence. He will get angry again. I get angry all the time, I’ve been married for 23 years and have never once put my hands on my wife. If violence towards you is a solution now, it will be a solution in the future.
25th anniversary here today. Husband has never even considered touching me in a harmful way and would defiantly leave an impression on anyone who tried.