Thank you stranger. Shows the award.

  1. I just started lamoTRIgine and it's honestly so helpful for me. It's a mood stabilizer and I noticed times when I would otherwise be anxious and upset and with the medicine, my body would just be chill and roll with it. I know how it feels when your body just works against you and you feel so burdened. LamoTRIgine almost completely got rid of it and it leaves me with enough mental energy to solve my remaining issues. The doctor said that an overdosage will make you sleepier and there's the rare side effect of a rash but I haven't experienced either. Im really happy I could find something that works and feel normal. And whatever you end up taking, I hope you feel better soon.

  2. Which dose are you at? I am at 75 mg now and didn’t start seeing positive effects yet :( will go up to 100 in 10 days

  3. I started noticing effects starting with 25 mg. But I'm also small and usually don't need large amounts of anything to feel effects. My doctor put me on 50 mg because he says he sees the effects best then. I'm sorry you're not seeing effects yet. What works for me may not work for you and that's ok. Things take time. Even medicine.

  4. I'm a visual learner and this gives me so much motivation to do more body scans and meditation. Thank you!

  5. Like other people said, it's not possible to eliminate it genetically yet, probably.. so nurture vs nature it. Yes your child may have a predisposition, but you knowing fully what's going on may actually be the best thing for your child. How much farther along would you be if your parent had tips on how to handle stuff from an early age and could empathize fully?

  6. Thank you. It's rough cause for the last 6 years my life has just been all her. I miss her so much everyday.

  7. Because I have BPD and I split whenever something bad happens, can you articulate what makes you miss or still care about someone after they've done wrong by you and mentally hurt you deeply? You don't have to answer if it's uncomfortable or hurts to think about

  8. I don't know how to really explain it. I love her. She means the world to me, and I can't imagine a future without her. Aside from what she did that hurt me I have never been happier than I am when I am with her. She just makes everyrhing in my life better.

  9. My partner says similar things to me. Trying to reassure me that I can be fixed and I'll be forgiven and loved. But I just feel like a burden and in debt needing to live up to whatever happiness I'm supposed to provide to counteract the days I make it hell which are most. It gives me so much guilt that it feels hopeless to fix. Your love must be so strong to want to be with her. I feel like that energy is missing from me and it makes doing the right thing so much harder. Thank you for your responses, gives me lots of thinking to do.

  10. Could be for any number of reasons not related to BPD but yes. If I don't have something going in the background I can't study or focus. This wasn't always the case, but recently it has. It keeps me from thinking bad thoughts. When it comes to people though, I can't have anything go on otherwise I can't focus. Any background noise messes with my listening and it makes it sooo hard to concentrate.

  11. I'm right there with you. Even when I'm introduced to the skills and practice them, it isn't enough to stop me from doing bad things. The pile of to-dos in comparison to the done pile is such a motivation killer. Like I can't even celebrate not wanting to kms for one day without being reminded of the 10 other things I need to work on. My therapist is now suggesting antidepressants.

  12. I'm glad you shared your story because it didn't occur to me that birth control might be part of why I feel so numb and why my relationship took a nosedive. Even after I've been off birth control for 3 years after using it for only 6 months my sex drive with my partner has never been the same. Ironic because I got it specifically to do stuff with them over the summer and not once acted upon it and going off birth control didn't bring back anything. It could simply be depression and anxiety too, but this is just more food for thought for me. Not really helping you, but you've helped me a bit.

  13. I rarely split in positive thought where I think I'm a capable and good person but when I do, i instantly regret it and shame myself back down to the dirt I belong. My whole existence is shaming myself down because I'm too scared of the grandiose self that comes when I split on positives

  14. I'm right there with you! People say that being hypersexual has to deal with the desire to be close and sex is an easy and fast way to get there. The opposite is true too, if you fear intimacy or being vulnerable with someone then you don't want anything to do with it. This isn't the only explanation, but it's one that makes me more mindful of my urges and where the sources of thought are stemming from. That doesn't mean though that I'm good at initiating sex still. I just know why I'm avoiding it which is better than not knowing why you do the things you do.

  15. I just graduated a month ago and I can totally relate. It felt like I was having a midlife crisis at 21 and the very few friends I made in college stopped checking on me once projects were up.

  16. I'd search up the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube. She has lots of good relationship stuff that may help you assign words to your feelings and see them for what they truly are.

  17. I made a very similar post and I feel your frustration so much! As much as I try to reduce the bad parts of BPD I'm not perfect, my partner knows that it's unrealistic for me to not make mistakes. But that doesn't stop times when I make mistakes, to feel absolutely suicide inducing and terrifying. The short term solution is to just bottle my problems up, but ofc it only leads to the inevitable emotional blow up. I wish I could give you advice but I'm in the same situation.

  18. I'm on the other side of this. If I bring it up as an observation, they get annoyed with me, but if I ignore their self harm then they think I don't care about them. How do you wish people to treat you when they see you've self harmed? I'm aware that opinions can be different.

  19. You shouldn’t feel like you have to “fix yourself” in a relationship. Of course there are things you need to work on but if it’s become a chore and you can’t be happy because your issues are so intense.. maybe it’s time to take a step back. Relationships can be really triggering in themselves. Maybe taking a break to let you relax and revisiting the relationship can improve thing

  20. I've thought about it, but it's hard when we're living together and don't have the financial means to live apart. Is there any way to take a break but still live under the same roof?

  21. asking someone who is angry at you if they’re angry at you is a great way to prolong that anger and make them feel like your feelings are more important than theirs. do not ask her if she’s angry or if she still loves you. she’s slowly rebuilding her trust in you. questioning her shows a lack of trust and won’t help her rebuild hers.

  22. Ok, but if we never say anything, and she continues to not say I love you, then we're going to be stuck not knowing anything which can lead to all sorts of miscommunication. So, be honest and ask.

  23. but they know the answer already! they had an episode and in doing so widened the distance between them. you really think asking isn’t just ignoring what she needs, which is clearly time to feel less of that distance?

  24. The situation is that they have waited "some time" we don't actually know how long that is, but I assumed at least a few days to a week. We don't know the severity of the episode or how much she's hurting, or if the OP apologized yet. Assuming the OP apologized, it's been at least a week, and is looking for reassurance that their episode won't result in their girlfriend not loving them anymore period, it makes sense to simply ask. We won't know how the GF is hurting, what's stopping them from saying ILY etc unless we ask. Then we can take actions to better the relationship.

  25. I got alot of harassment and shame from my parents when I left to live with my partner and never came back. When I tried opening up to them about how awful and unappreciated they made me feel, they denied their actions and told me to go get therapy without actually lifting a finger to help. I blocked them on everything, and when they cut me off the phone bill they couldn't call or text me. I moved somewhere else, so now they don't know my address. Even doing all of that, they still find ways to find me like through email which triggered a lot of anxiety. You've got to be strong and practice setting that boundary. It hurts and I cried lots for feeling like I was the mean one in the situation. Framing them in my mind as any troll online helped me block them and move on with my life.

  26. I have the fear whenever I go outside that my parents will find me and drag me back to live with them even though I ran away and they cut me off. I also fear my online sex abuser will find me. Whether it's some other trama or BPD idk. General fear of everyone out to get me is present so to imagine intensified fear of a specific scenario that feels particularly believable doesn't seem far off.

  27. I'm always scared to believe this thought because I've been disappointed so many times...

  28. Sending condolences. Not that I'm much better, but BPD has alot of fear of abandonment with it. So you could have the urge to break up because you're trying to beat the person to the punch to avoid being hurt yourself, while also craving a close connection to someone. It's intense, it's confusing, I experience it and I empathize with the confusion. Chart your feelings on a scale of 0-10 in intensity for either choice, as you feel them and wait to feel calmer before actually acting on anything. If you never feel calm like me, just sleep on it and if you entirely forget why you felt the urge to do one or the other, then you know it was just the rollercoaster and not your true feelings.

  29. It's just an echo chamber with one narrative narrative because like it or not, no matter how much we try to improve ourselves, someone will get hurt and will see us as evil. Because they won't tolerate pwBPD perspectives, they'll never empathize with us. If they cant reciprocate the empathy we give them, then there's no use in talking w that crowd.

  30. Movies about self discovery are a slap in the face to me. The character is down in the dumps about their failure, a ray of light shines down upon them, and they've all of a sudden got unlimited motivation for everything at life... I want that. I can have motivation and "phases" of interests which I follow passionately, but none last more than 2 years. Or I'll go on a spree of loving/hating the hobby I'm doing. Being introspective about my interests is so hard when I was literally shamed for anything I did as a kid.

  31. Welcome to the bad mom club. My mom threatened to kick me out of the house at 18 because I said I didn't feel loved by her. You did nothing wrong and yet she's still not pleased with you, and that's because she probably feels guilty about herself not being what she wanted, so that's why she pushes you to do everything she wanted on her behalf. You were 20 which is more than reasonable so there's no reason to get upset except that she has to accept you've grown up. I would look at YouTube channels, Doctor Ramani, The Crappy Childhood Fairy, and Dr. Daniel Fox to see if your overall experienced aligns with what these people say, and give you some strength.

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