1. Yeah seems like he wants to party and is making no effort to not go out everyday, he has a family he could say that to his boss or whoever it is that is taking him out everyday, but it seems that he wants to party. Do you trust him fully?

  2. I do. He finally told me what he went out and did that entire Saturday night into Sunday morning. Fucking went to a hookah/club place and did blow with his boss and coworkers and some chicks that his boss was trying to set up his friend with and they just smoked a shit ton of weed and drank. Just had a grand time. While I was home. Waiting for him to call or something. But no. I’m being crazy and codependent and shit. So. It’s cool.

  3. Girl this is a mess. I’m sorry to put this in your head, but he’s acting like he doesn’t give a shit about you- while going out and spending time and money with OTHER GIRLS! Super suspicious that he’s buddy buddy with his boss, and they’re hanging out together outside of work, trying to hook up with girls, but you haven’t met him yet. If it’s to the point where HE is hanging out with his boss, friends, and girls that the boss is trying to hook “friends” up with. If you’re not in on this work friend situation, like at all, you can bet your ass he’s complaining about you all day at best- and be careful if they’re hanging out around girls trying to hook up with them.. I’ve never heard of such disrespect in my life. Don’t have to answer, but were your children planned? Please don’t take that the wrong way

  4. Ur not putting anything that isn’t already there in my head. And idk I have no proof or what happened out there. I can just trust he’s telling me the truth about those “fat girls” he had to like really point that out to me and I’m like. Ok. But idk if my guy wants to cheat he will. People will do what they want. I just have to trust he didn’t and won’t. And that’s all I really have. Also. I have met his boss his boss knows me and the kids. His whole store knows me knows I’m his girlfriend-which we actually call each other husband and wife so they think I am his wife. And to answer ur question. First kid was unexpected but second we planned.

  5. He still hasn’t proposed after all this time? Why doesn’t he want to give you and your children the legal protections of marriage? What happens when one of you has serious medical issues and you can’t make the call for one another? What happens if god forbid he dies early? You have kids together! There needs to be a contingency plan! I’m so sorry he doesn’t want to be there for you or your children.

  6. It’s frustrating. Extremely frustrating. And don’t get me wrong. I know all the legal stuff that comes with it and I know that is an importance to make for sure but the real thing as well is just why can’t me wanting marriage be enough. Why do I have to have some elaborate explanation on why is marriage so important to me and all that. Why not simply because I want it and I was clear about what I wanted from the beginning. And he said he agreed so sorry if I thought we were on the same page. But we have to discuss this asap cause. I feel like imma explode

  7. He has two kids with you and you live together and have been in a relationship for 7 years and he doesn’t want to commit to marriage? Are you kidding me?

  8. I sometimes regret being the bigger person. I always tell myself “I hold myself to a better standard than what this person is giving me. Do not. Cave. Ever.” And I always have. I broke once but It made me stronger. Helped me find my limit. So now I know when I need to walk away or stand my ground

  9. I’ve traveled for work, and idk why but it’s more exhausting for some reason, even when you’re not being expected to wine and dine.

  10. Agreed. I’ll try it and see how it goes.

  11. Honestly, he is showing you his character and his priorities. If you are wanting to see if the relationship can improve, I would put a hard boundary down about seeking couples therapy. He can take it or leave it, and if he leaves it you can leave him.

  12. Hello! First. I know this post is old but I’m here because I’m on the same boat. But with harder tides. Meaning everything is the same as your relationship except we also have two kids. I know. Kids in the mix. So fun. I love our kids to death I just say “so fun” because I don’t wish this for my kids. I wished for us to be United as a family to give them that example. Anywho, same situation. Had ups and downs but nothing that was too concerning. Of course the surprise of our first kid was not a walk in the park but we got through it to the point where after about 3 years we tried for a second on purpose and now they are both here. My story, we talked about getting married in the court house in 2019 when I was pregnant with our second kid. He was hesitant at first cause he didn’t want a courthouse wedding then after a while he came around and we agreed to do it. I got the recite for the marriage license. We just had to go down and sign papers and what not. Did we do it? Nope. He never brought it up again. I kept bringing it up till I just stopped. Fast forward May 2020 I find a ring and I put it back to u know still show I’m surprised. Then boom. Nothing. It’s June 20th 2022 5:41am and he still has that ring in his work backpack. We have talked numerous times to the point where marriage talk really does kinda out a strain on us so I have been hesitant to talk again. The last place we left off was he said he not ready to commit to me like that yet. Then after a brief pause he continued to say “..but my mind has been changing as of late. I thought about marrying you but again I just don’t want it to be just another thing we do. Like something we just went and got over with” so it’s been confusing. He said this to me on May 12th and it’s been sitting with me since. I haven’t worked up the nerve to talk to him again about it cause again it just takes so much out of me that I don’t know if I want to put myself through it again right now. But I want to talk about it because I deserve to know why. I asked him at the time but he just said “idk I just don’t feel like I’m there yet” and so I didn’t push. Even though I should of because that excuse is just. BS. I share all this with you to give u a background but I mainly am here to ask u how u are doing. I saw u said to someone else that u guys broke up in February. I am deeply sorry about that. But I am not that sorry if you are doing much better and if that was the best call for u. Then good I’m happy for you. But just wanted to know ur insight. Wanted to ask how the process went for u and how long it took. Like I said. In same boat. Not in a position to leave. He is the bread winner for sure I’ve been trying to get my degree and he’s helped wonders with keeping me home with the kids and so I can focus on school too but I need help I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind to this.

  13. Body hair. I use to think it was wrong of me to have body hair and would shave my arms. My family would get so so so mad everytime I did it. But I always hated feeling like I was in a arm hair competition with my then boyfriend in high school lol

  14. I think what's best for your kids is two happy parents. And it sounds like being with him is making you unhappy, because he is not committed to you. I am so sorry that this is the position you are in. You deserve a person who shares your values of commitment, just as he probably needs a person who is content to be unmarried. I am proud that you have recognized your own worth.

  15. Thanks you. It’s hard but I’m trying. I talked to his mom and told her about it too and she even said “I don’t understand what he’s waiting for I’ve asked him and he tells me nothing” so. I have no idea what is going on with him

  16. Time to move out, he needs to see all those wife benefits you habe given him gone. Otherwise nothing will ever change, because why would he?

  17. Would it be taboo if you were the one that asked him to marry? Make a plan to propose to him and you get the glory of making the decision? Take your power back Times are changing, could this be a cool thing for you to consider

  18. He would say no. He told me he would say no. I have joke about it before telling him I’ll just get his family and I’ll ask him on a night out with them and he said he would say no be cause he wants to be the one to do it. And so even though we were joking around. I know he is serious and would say no to me if I did a big thing or even if it was a small thing between him and I. He would say no. I think he and I are coming to an end. We were supposed to talk last night about our fight we had yesterday morning. And he said he didn’t want to talk about it after I got off of work. Then he fell asleep so I was. K.

  19. My best friend was with her now husband for ten years before they got married. He told me around year 6 that he had his grandma’s ring and it would happen… I think that he just sees it as intimidating.

  20. Thank you for this. Really. Refreshing. I love my dude. I am hoping for the best. I am just preparing for he worst.

  21. He’s worried about the financial aspects of marriage without a doubt. I bet he’d be a lot more receptive to it if you put an ironclad prenup in front of him.

  22. I apologize I had to look up a prenup but I’m not to sure. Money makes the world go round unfortunately but yea I feel money is a problem. I don’t know if you read in the other comments but I did tell people that it’s not a wedding that I care about I’d rather honestly save that money to have a really cool honeymoon. But if he wants a wedding then cool I’ll help him get that. But I relieved his worry of that a while ago. He agreed to a court house wedding and we could save up for later and we have the papers. Just had to go down pay the fee and say the “I do’s” but it never happened. He pushed it off. So. To say money is an issue. Maybe but I gave him that out or that less worry of needing to be this big luscious gatsby wedding a while ago. So now. Again it’s just excuses

  23. Please try not to get sucked in too deep to the black hole that is Reddit, it can only make you feel worse - just remember that at the end of the day, you are in control, and you are responsible for making your own choices. You are responsible for you AND your kids.

  24. Agreed at the end the day like I said I’ve just came on Reddit to get different perspectives from other people because that’s just how I am I don’t like looking at things in black-and-white everything is very colorful so I look at every color. And with that being said obviously I know my relationship better than everyone on here that’s trying to look in so I know there’s more to us than just what’s been happening these past few years and I understand that he wants to save money or whatever because he went on this whole spiel about “don’t you want to have a nice wedding where we have our family and friends coming I would like to do something like that but we have no money saved for that” and so I understand that but I wanted to come back at him with “OK but you aren’t doing anything that shows me that you are trying to save money there is no savings whatsoever so if you really wanted to do it you would’ve been saving these past few years but you just haven’t you just spend money.” But I didn’t say it. But it’s true. He would be planning taking steps to do it. But. No. He’s just. Complacent. He even told me “are u not happy is this not enough? You joke about having a third baby and it’s like. What’s wrong with the two we have right now like are you not happy?” And I just chuckled like of course I’m freaking happy. And it’s frustrating that he doesn’t get like I’m happy to the point where I want more I’m not trying to bring more people into this world for a heartache I’m bringing into this world out of love. And I apologize I understand I’m kind of going off topic but ultimately you are right and I am with you on everything you said

  25. Tbh, you're a stronger person than me. If the person I've been with for 7 years and have two children with wasn't at the very least my fiancé after all of that, then I'd leave. I would feel emotionally neglected and hurt. You say you love me, but you don't love enough to want to marry me. I'd feel so hurt and upset. I hope things work out for you but you might want to ask him to go to couple therapy to sort out why he doesn't want to get married. Good luck love!

  26. Thank you. And yes. I am hurt. And I am upset and I want to explode but I hate it because I never thought this to be something that would happen to us.

  27. This is anonymous. No one knows who you are and can find you/him. Honestly I would be concerned by that reaction if he will react that way. Men who don't let their partners seek outside counsel do that because they know they are wrong. They want to keep gaslighting you into doing what they want. They know other people will tell you that you can do better than him because he knows it's true too. There is nothing wrong with seeking outside opinions about your relationship like you have here. It's anonymous, you haven't bashed him, you've just said facts and expressed how you feel. If he has an issue with that, then I really think you should think about your relationship. He doesn't want what's best for you.

  28. Thank you I am still figuring out how I want to talk to him cause I want no kids with us so it’s easier for me to concentrate and no one saying mom mom mom mom a bajillion times. Lol

  29. Just because he won’t marry you doesn’t mean someone else won’t as well. He knows getting married is a priority for you and he isn’t following through and after all this time I think it’s good that you are thinking about a you chapter. But honestly if you want marriage I think you’d have better luck looking for it somewhere else because he’s not going to give it to you. It’s not fair to you to keep waiting on him and it’s not fair to expect something out of him when he’s proven he’s not ready or whatever it may be. Find someone who wants to marry you and does it. Especially if marriage is so important to you. It’s okay to want to get married but don’t cut yourself short settling for less than you want. Good luck OP

  30. Thank you. I’m still planning a talk with him. Just waiting for the days we have off together to talk. But thank you for ur comment. Means a lot

  31. I'm sorry. You sound very hurt. Maybe if you leave him for a while he'll realize what he's missing. Or both of you will come to the conclusion that you shouldn't be together.

  32. That’s what I’m thinking. I’m just in no position to leave right now. And I hate the thought of. Planning to leave him like. I feel gross cause again I love him we have been through a lot. And I just thought he was as down for me as I am for him. But. People make mistakes I guess

  33. You don't say he's a bad partner or father, everything is perfect, right. But in reality you need a piece of paper from the court saying you're officially husband and wife. And without it you'll stop loving him, take the kids and leave? You need this paper more than your relationship?

  34. No you see. People are forgetting that. I stated the importance of marriage in the beginning of our relationship to which he kept promising it will happen it will happen. And he made it a point to tell me it is important to him to. To then find out he’s not ready for it. 7 years. 2 kids later. I want marriage cause like I said in another comment to someone else. Both my dad and moms family have a lot of separations. I wanted to be different and I felt as an adult, Stating that to someone interested in dating me is the right thing to do. Gives them a fair heads up and also a chance to tell me. “Oooo yea. That’s a deal breaker really I’m just here for play” like cool i respect it. I know u will find what u are looking for just. Not with me.

  35. Baskin Robbins and movie night with some pizza and wings

  36. Question: how do you think your life will improve at all just by being married? Aside from insurance and lower taxes, what else would change? You guys live together and have children. Pushing romance and all that aside, what would really change?

  37. It’s more for my sanity and sense of security. He knew form the beginning that was important to me and he pleaded it was for him too so that is why I’m confused but the mixed signals. Being 100% transparent. I love my dude with all my heart. It’s not like some time limit like “oh if he doesn’t marry my by 8 years I won’t love him anymore. No no. That’s not how that works. It’s just frustrating cause he knows I want it. And he claims to too and when I’m willing to be an adult and talk about it. He still can’t tell me anything.

  38. I think that a lot of women (NOT ALL OF THEM) get swept up in the romantic idea of marriage and they tend to forget that people change with time. You guys have been together almost 7 years and I'm willing to bet both of you have changed quite a bit. Your attitude and priorities change when it comes to life in general and romance. Now that you guys are older and have experienced a lot together, his view on marriage has probably changed at least a little. He's definitely speaking some truth though with how you said that he wants to propose on his own terms and not feel pressured to do it. No man wants to feel like he was pressured into getting married and that's what a lot of women seem to forget. They'll keep nagging their boyfriends about it until he's just completely turned off by the idea. If your boyfriend already had a ring for you, he already has children with you and you guys live together, he comes home to you every night, helps you with the children, you're practically already married. I don't understand how much more security marriage is gonna bring you that is more secure than what you already have.

  39. So then all we are doing is playing house? End of the day marriage was something I always wanted. That’s a goal I’ve wanted to accomplish. We did things “out of order” as some say. It didn’t really matter too much to me that we had kids before getting married. But now that we have kids and we live together marriage is the next step in our relationship. If he didn’t want to get married or views changed or whatever. He should at least tell me that so I know what’s going on. But going into this we knew what we both wanted from one another. You are right. He comes home to me every day and it’s like we are practically married. But. We aren’t. End of the day. He is just. My boyfriend. There are no ties that unite us as family except that we have children. To which our children don’t even have his last name. And he wants to change that. I don’t want to be someone’s girlfriend forever and never take the step of getting married and changing our names to his. He knows I want it. And he said he does too. Like I said. There’s no timeline that ends my love for him. But there are things I’m trying to accomplish in life. And I thought he understood that. Maybe he still does and timing just isn’t right to him right now. Who knows.

  40. It’s all good being late to the party lol. But yes I wanted to put it out there because I wanted to see if I was I know I wasn’t the only one but I just wanted to get related posts about it. It is quite some thing I haven’t had anything like that happen to me where it felt like a week but I have had it to where I felt like a whole they had gone by and when I woke up it was the same day that I went to sleep very weird. Our brain is very mysterious I know that there’s only 3% I believe of our brain that we use I could be wrong but I know we aren’t fully using the capacity that our brains can do and I don’t know what needs to be done for us humans to unlock the secret of our brain but I feel like our dreams kind of hint to us just exactly what we can do.

  41. Oh for sure, I literally haven’t told anybody I know irl about this in like 7 years haha. I’m definitely cautious about the way I say things, but I like talking about metaphysical stuff. Partly because of the dreams, but mostly because it’s just an interesting subject that people have been thinking about forever.

  42. Thank you for the share! Definitely getting that book as we speak. I told myself this year is about me. And I do want to extend my mind on topics like this. Like you I too enjoy these types of subjects. I hope one day