1. I find this so entertaining, reading the comments you can easily identify the first time parents…. I laugh because I was once you… now, as a dad of more… if it keeps them quiet and is age appropriate then it’s all yours… watch what you want, just please give me some peace and quiet….

  2. Hi! Step-parenting is a complex and ever changing family dynamic, my advice is let the relationships grow naturally, don’t set expectations of what you think should happen just roll with the changes in your step kids lives… one calls me dad, one does not… I always think that the bulk of the work does fall on the biological parent, your initial role is to be a supportive, somewhat fun adult figure, the parenting side may or may not develop. But my biggest single piece of advice is communicate with your partner, set time aside to check in every week at least on how they are feeling regarding you and the kids and how you are feeling… this will be a way to stop any resentment feelings building, communicate openly and often and you will have a wonderful life with your instant family 😀

  3. How old is your daughter? For me, the dummy is currency… take her to a shop and let her choose a toy, have a conversation with the store before hand and let her pay for the toy with her dummy… she hands it over and gets something she wants for it… then the dummy is gone, and she knows why… it really works….

  4. I’m a kid from a larger family, so can’t speak to being an only child, I can however speak to having a second… in my experience the second increased the workload exponentially. My suggestion would be to wait another 6 months to be sure it’s what you want. Because you don’t want to resent the child if you agree now and then realise you’ve made a mistake. Take time, think, communicate…

  5. Firstly, these types of dreams are really common. So don’t stress that it’s unusual… how to deal with them is easy too… when you wake up from the nightmare, re-write the nightmare with a positive outcome, for example baby gets kidnapped would change to, you go into baby’s room he/she is there and their first word is spoken… using the same situation as the nightmare, such as where it happened but removing all negatives from it. Then before bed that night read or repeat the happy story you made.

  6. THIS ! She was having a medical emergency and you don’t find a babysitter? If you have custody on that day, no you can’t just change to plans but you can find a babysitter. And be with your pregnant partner. Who is having your baby. Like this comment is everything everyone is dogging out the mom but no one is thinking that she was alone, scared, and pregnant and this guy is like “I’m busy” which is fair he is, those are his kids and if they were all their children they would be in the same position so what would you do? You would find a babysitter. You would discuss to the children about what’s happening. It’s an emergency. Like THIS

  7. Medical emergency was on the Saturday of the week prior (baby already born) I stayed with her overnight in the hospital - taking baby to her for feeds, doing everything to make her comfortable, then swapped with her mom second night to look after her two kids. I stopped work to be there for her during this time. got her home on the Wednesday. My daughters arrived on the Saturday, on the Saturday and Sunday I got up, made her breakfast got her comfortable. Then took the 4 kids to my parents for the morning. Returned at lunch… gave her lunch and left again to the park for the afternoon. Returned evening cooked dinner, bathed all kids put all kids to bed then repeated on the Sunday….

  8. Was she alone with the baby and how was she after the medical emergency? And also that’s a lot of work to take on four kids, while she handles the baby but if she’s in a lot of baby, even being alone with the baby would be brutal when you can’t get up. It just feels like to many children and not enough hands. I’m so sorry that during this time it’s just hard all around. It sounds like maybe it’s time to be kinder to each other, and think about hormones, stress, you’re stress, her stress, and maybe just love on each other more and lean on each other more, and not focus on what she’s doing and what your doing wrong but what y’all are doing to survive four kids and a new baby. Maybe telling her the truth, you’re only one person and you need help, she’s only one person and she needs help. Y’all just need some help and some time to sleep/heal and try again. Sometimes families like this have a period of adjustment that’s freaking hard. Maybe see her and understand that this is temporary? Ask her to only do this for a few more months? And talk to your girls about it? I honestly don’t know what’s right for y’all , it just seems so hard all around for everyone.

  9. Thank you so much for writing this, it actually really hit me deeply…. Thank you….

  10. 4-5 times a night is really a tough amount for both you and mom. Has she ever self settled after waking? Or has she always woken this much through the night. I’ve had kids that have done both… and whilst right now it feels like forever they do grow out of it. 5 nights is enough to break the habit, I would suggest a cuddly, that you buy with her and is very special to her: (generally introduced as a baby, but I have recently had a 7 year old take to one because of sleeping challenges, “cakey” saved the day 😀

  11. It’s a tough one, I for one prefer discussing it in a way that is reassuring and honest “you don’t need to worry about dying, it’s a natural part of life, if you look at how old I am, I haven’t died yet, well your nana is that much older again” “life is journey to be enjoyed”

  12. Sounds like a really tough spot that your in at the moment…. The struggle is real and it is hard, I don’t know the whole story such as what the stress did to you to make you a monster…. But there is a positive about rock bottom, take this time in your hometown to start again… don’t rush… you don’t need to rebuild in a day, it might take years… but this is where you get to shape a build your future. If you can manage 30 minutes every day of doing something productive initially, then that’s a start… it will compound, you can do this…. And even though your wife is not with you, you have a child… a child that you will become their super hero… make them your why! and be the dad that they need. I wish you strength!

  13. I want to offer some advice from a dad…. I have multiple kids, and a 6month old baby. My advice is this, don’t make big relationship decisions in the first year of baby’s life…. I think this is your first child together? I agree with advice around when he finishes work then it’s a 50/50 split on household chores, that’s a rule everyone needs, he works all day and you work all day. Then it’s time to share the jobs - communicate through this. As a dad, I find this first year really tough, a lot of dads consider it to feel like prison… especially for the first. Life changes so dramatically and it’s a really hard adjustment. Book in some time to reconnect together, to communicate better and get him talking to other dads that can reassure him that it gets easier and becomes more natural. One thing that is unspoken but I feel is a real thing worth considering is the feeling of not being a great dad, or wanting to be a great dad and not meeting your own expectations of this, this is often around seeing the amazing bond mom has formed with baby, ability to soothe care for and love and not feeling your anywhere near this close relationship… a really simple fix here is encouragement… when baby is cooey tell dad ohh my gosh baby loves you so so much…. Something as simple as this will change his life…. I promise you. Communicate, bond, remember why you both fell in love, become a team again…. You’ve got this… and as a mum your doing an incredible job!

  14. Thank you for this, I do appreciate the dad perspective. I really do try to encourage him and not criticize him or blame him when it comes to parenting or not being able to soothe baby. I involve him in routines and point out how he makes baby smile and send him pictures of himself and baby together.

  15. Your life has changed dramatically also, and more so than dads… I totally agree with you! And it’s really tough… but it is tough on both of you, I can’t actually explain why it feels like prison… I feel like it’s along the lines of our lives up until babies are a bit selfish, suddenly for the first time we have a responsibility that will outlive us, and in the first year it feels like the rest of our life will be like the first year…. It’s kind of like quitting smoking, in the first week it feels like that feeling will be with you forever.. but it’s not, it gets better… and I promise this for you and dad, it’s worth working through it together… he will find his stride as dad, your doing all the right things as mum…. The last paragraph of your message is technically correct… but for me, the positive affirmation totally changed my relationship with my son, I was literally feeling depressed, lost in a cycle of feeling I wasn’t connecting just right…. Granted I was trying but not seeing the signs of just how strong that bond was forming…. And having the affirmation from my partner really helped me…

  16. Hi! Ouch five… well I’m 5 months in to having 5 (blended family) and I can tell you…. I got the snip immediately 😅 It’s actually great! The older siblings make it so much easier and our son loves his big brother and sisters! How old are your other kids? I think that’s really the big difference is the mini me helpers, congratulations to you both! Also I think it’s easier, you know what to expect with a new born, it’s challenging ensuring each child gets enough attention and that no jealousy builds, because naturally the baby takes more time than the big kids. But you do what you can, and take some time out with your other kids to keep them feeling special too… I highly recommend gifts from the baby when born, because again jealousy and the baby gets a lot of attention from family and friends.

  17. Hey! Starting with my oldest who is a Son-9, Son-7, Adopted Daughter-7, and finally Son who is a year and a half. That's a great idea with the gifts!

  18. Perfect ages to be a great help to you and mom! Get them invested in the pregnancy… maybe a baby gender reveal party with just your family if your doing one, ask how they are feeling about the baby etc… it’s going to be busy! But no busier than you already are! I wish you all the best!

  19. Hi, congratulations on being a new dad… this is going to change your whole life. Don’t get too hung up on reading books on babies…. I feel you can read forever and there is no complete baby manual. The next year is going to have its challenges…. Sleep deprivation can be tough….

  20. Agreed. Saw someone NOT recommend this sub the other day to a new dad somewhere else. Saying it’s often just a bunch of Dads looking for karma and patting themselves on the back. - I didn’t get into then with that person, but whatever, I don’t agree with that sentiment. And besides, we pat each other on the back because we’re all awesome dads, trying to be the best dads we can be. And if someone is proud of something they did, they should share if they want. Nobody cares about the little karma arrows that go up or down, we care about being awesome dads.

  21. I can’t agree with this enough, if I’ve been through an experience that can help another dad get through something they are struggling with… I want to share that, because the fact they are here asking for advice means they are a good father and they care.

  22. Day one for me too… 20 years on 20 a day, cutting the booze for the first week… tried plenty of times in the past but this is the forever one.

  23. Such a tough situation to be in, this market is really tough, I’m in a similar situation to your husband, self employed… but loosing a lot of money every week in this market. I’m stressed, not sleeping… but also not wanting to burden my family. I had the foresight to see the downturn coming and built enough savings, but loads of people didn’t…. It’s ok - the markets will change… any excuse will do. Just another month. My advice is thus: don’t accuse, don’t berate… approach it from a place of love and empathy and a true want to sit down and discuss it. And put a strategy in place to survive until his income bounces back. But also if his business is not succeeding don’t let him ride it to the bottom. Cut losses and seek employment - he can always start a new business in the future. And remind him that like 80% of all super wealthy businessmen have been bankrupt at least once. I wish you all the best.

  24. I’m sorry your in this situation…. I can imagine how tough it would be. Stick with me here, if you were 50 years old and your own son came to you with the story you have posted here? What advice would you give?

  25. My friend has been preparing to propose to his girlfriend of 5 years, however we all know that she has no interest in him anymore and is only with him to keep him happy. She’s told us all that she has no interest in him romantically anymore and we just cannot break the news to him as it would ruin him. But also if we dont say anything, when he eventually does find out we will feel awful for not telling him.

  26. Ouch…. Tough spot for him, and a tough spot for you…. She is terrible for what she’s doing… your mate deserves better… time to pull off the 🩹

  27. A peppermint hot chocolate from Starbucks.

  28. I'm in massive trouble, I'm not only fighting the Zombies but dealing with a room full of bugs, Ahh Well I guess I can eat them for Sustenance for the first week? IDK??

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