1. You're right. The best advise is to be kind to yourself. But I know it's hard. My mother is BP. And I'm ADHD. So beating ourselves up is what we do.

  2. We're strangers but we're a safe space for you. Your little girl will not be forgotten here. ❤️

  3. At times like this I feel so alone and lonely, I feel as though there no one here for me

  4. I feel the same way sometimes. Even though my partner was there. My parents were there. I still feel like I went through everything alone. Grief makes you want to isolate. And sometimes that's okay. But it's just as important to reach out to the people you love and ask for support. Coming here to this sub reddit was a really great way for me to vent and surround myself by people going through the same heartbreak. People who understand. I hope it helps you and I hope you have good support at home.

  5. I can’t talk to anyone about it not even my own husband, no one understands how it feels to go through the pain of labour knowing that your child is already dead. My husband has a daughter from his previous marriage and sometimes as bad as it sounds I despise him he gets to see and hold his daughter while we buried my daughter.

  6. I'm so sorry you're going through that. I recommend therapy to just about everyone but I know it can be hard. I also know about stepchildren. My partner has two children with another women. And she remarried and had another baby a few months before I had mine. So I get to see that every time I pick up my step kids. It sucks and it's not fair. And I understand the anger. But you can always talk to us here. We know the pain.

  7. hi mama. i think of you and damien a lot right now. i had denial of coverage for the er room and ambulance bill and i fucking lost it. i am not the person to “freak out” over the phone to some poor soul but i was about to pull the bereaved mother card. i wasn’t going to fucking pay for a trauma room when she was DOA. the hospital had her birth date wrong and that’s why insurance denied it. haven’t heard about it since. so anyway, in that way i relate. my husband and i wanted 0% to do with anything we were left with (bills, insurance, burial, obituary, ect) we still had to of course. but that was too much. luckily we got it solved.

  8. I had brought the letter (20 pages of ALL his tests while he was in NICU) to the office and told them I didn't understand because he was premature and he passed away. The ladies in the office got mad for me and called the hospital immediately. It was taken care of that same day. One of them came out and hugged me so tightly I will never forget it. I'm glad you had your issue resolved too! It's very scary being left with a bill like that and i know some people aren't as fortunate.

  9. I hardly know how to respond...something about the story you described is so sad but also so sweet and intimate. the pile of triggers and unwelcome, indignities just felt so familiar. even if it wasn't a cozy place to be, I know we've been there. Even if not the same exact place, I know we have all been a place like that. Where life lifts your chin and you think you'll be consoled but you get slapped instead and think "yeah...why didn't expect that?". I am really sorry life sucks this much. I wish it didn't...but I can tell from the complete openness of your account that you know who you are talking to. You know you aren't alone. Thank you for such deep honesty.

  10. I discovered this page about a week after my son passed away. The first week I went out of state to get away. That second week I was off from work but my partner wasn't so I was alone. I sat in my house surrounded by all his things. An empty swing. An unpacked stroller. A closet full of diapers. It drove me crazy. Literally. Crazy. I had to vent, to cry out about my pain. And this place let me do that without judgement. I could say things here I can't say to anyone else. I just hope my words and my pain and my consoling can help someone else.

  11. I'm waiting for my good news too. Placenta abruption at 26 weeks. He passed away after 57 days.

  12. I'd also like to add I had high blood pressure before that went undiagnosed and untreated. According to my OB I didn't show "clear" signs until I went into LD.

  13. Are you serious? I thought most hospitals wave the charges when there is a death of a child or infant.

  14. That's insane. My son was at a children's hospital but they did their testing out of another hospital so I was billed twice. But when medicaid decided to be an ass hole they both wrote off any charges. That's so cruel.

  15. My partner and I said our Damien went back to the stars. And that's what we put in his obituary. Now he's our little star.

  16. Tip get better at the game then me and all my friends won't sawn camp you well doing the tale tale

  17. Tip for you: get better at spelling then I won't assume your a complete idiot who only finds happiness in making others miserable . 😬

  18. You should probably talk to someone about that, man. It's not normal. I hope you have better days.

  19. I had a few family members doing the same thing to me. It really pissed me off. They said I needed a distraction. I finally snapped and sent out a long description of what it was like to watch my son died. And then described what my PTSD flashbacks are like. At the end I put "so if you think there is anything that is going to 'distract' me from these horrible images I can't control, please feel free to let me know". They stopped saying things like that ever since.

  20. The name and the urn are so beautiful! I'm so sorry about your baby girl. Wishing you better days. ❤️

  21. I am so sorry about the loss of your boy. I lost my boy, Damien, in September. I had a traumatic c-section as well. He lived for 57 days and passed when I was told his lungs would never develop. It was a hard decision. And I feel regret and guilt every day. I'm part of a pre-eclampsia survivor page and I see babies born at 26 weeks all the time that survive. Even babies with trachs, which we were given that option but ultimately told it wouldn't save his life. I spend a lot of time crying. Talking to him. Holding his things. I could sue about three different doctors if I wanted to. But I don't want to go through the stress and pain. I held in a lot of my resentment. I remember the first time I screamed was when he stopped breathing. I didn't scream until a month later. I drove down the river, a place where I grew up. I sat next to it for hours and just watched leaves fall on the water. Then, on the way home, I screamed as loud as I could. I screamed until I couldn't scream any more and I couldn't talk afterward. It helped me. Surprisingly. I haven't felt the need to scream like that again.

  22. Sorry this ended up being so long and maybe not entirely helpful. I've been sick all week and just really down. I don't know what to do with my anger honestly.

  23. I'm so sorry. I've been wondering how you've been doing. For me the grief has changed and I've managed some days not to have a break down and I think I can be OK with this reality where a child isn't in it. But then like today it feels so unfair and I'll so deeply sad that this is how it ended for Luca and I. I've been thinking about this year and all the things they happened. It was my best year to be a mom, even with loosing him, I am still so grateful to have been pregnant with him at all. And it's been the worst year. Even though I have this trauma now, I will never regret the time we had. I loved being pregnant, I just wish I could still have him.

  24. Thank you for thinking about us. Since starting the EMDR therapy, things have been better. The breakdowns are less controlling, so I do vouch for the therapy for sure. There were a lot of things we weren't ready for with Damien, but we were we 1000% ready to be parents. I am so lucky to have the 57 days I did. If it wasn't for my OB, he wouldn't have lived at all. I just wish he was like all the other 26 weekers I see in the preclampsia groups that get to live. I just don't understand why my son had to be part of small statistic.

  25. I wasn't expecting Luca for another 3 months so I didn't have much ready (to get rid of in my house) so it was easier to have the reminders gone. And it hurts so much to have the reminders gone. I still have the rocker I bought new which was expensive and i can still use it as a chair, but I'm so sad at it, it has a new wood smell and even the smell is so hard for me. My sister hasn't sat in it with her twins yet. I don't know how I'm gonna feel when I see that. I'm so sad but starting to accept that my partner isn't grieving the same way. It still stings when I interpret something he says as meaning he didn't want/is grateful for Luca not being here. This issue has come up in therapy and the therapist said that there is no evidence that he isn't feeling grief, or that he feels a certain way, that I'm ascribing his intention to whatever the trigger is. So it's starting to hurt less, I'm starting to accept that the grief isn't the same. The missing our child isn't the same because he wasn't real to him yet. He hadn't experienced him yet so he isn't experiencing the loss of fatherhood because it was anyway an idea he wasn't comfortable with. I don't know if it's a good idea to actively try to conceive when he feels this way. We have barely had sex, I think because of that issue. He wants to agree that we should prevent but he won't force the issue because I'll disagree so we just avoid the issue of sex. It's fucked up tbh

  26. Oh honey I'm sorry. That sounds so difficult. We were remodeling part of the house for Damien and it didn't get finished... so his things are just... all over. Anywhere we can put them. There's little reminders all over the house of what never came to be. The house is just... a disaster. But I'm slowly getting it together. We'll pick back up on the remodel in January. My partner is grieving differently, as well. He does it more quietly than I do. And privately. A lot of his guilt comes from not being able to be with me and Damien. He had to work while we were away. He only held Damien once right before he passed. He has a further goal in mind to conceive, but I want to try in the spring. I know I'm currently not mentally ready for it. I still miss Damien too much. I'm just now getting to the point where intimacy doesn't make me cry. I would start sobbing during sex so we stopped. Still don't do it that much. It's hard to communicate grief with your partner. And everything just seems so much more fragile. I think men in general just suck at communicating their feelings when they're vulnerable. But I mean, for something like this, it is so important to still have communication. I hope he comes around.

  27. Losing my son made me bitter. I don't trust doctors, now. I resented family members for saying inappropriate things. I'm angry with work because there was no card, no condolences when he passed when every one else received flowers for their loved ones. I look at all the fucking tiktoks and facebook posts about people experiencing these traumatic things. And all I can do is feel disgusted. That doesn't happen. Not to people like me. I almost die. My son passes away horrifically after 57 days. And I get nothing. I get hand and feet impressions. I get a free decorative plate with his name on in it. We got maybe $1500 that made up for a lost check my partner had missing work and enough for gas to get us to and from the NICU. Medicaid declined to pay for my son's services, so the hospital is waving everything. Not sure what I would do if they didn't. I have a lot to be angry about. And I get to hear people all day at work complain about their lives without their wifi... and I'm sitting here still trying to cope that I lost my son.

  28. “But I like to believe our boys didn’t come here to cause us pain, but to show us how unlimited the depths of our love can be…”

  29. Christmas was the same for me, too. It didn't feel right without him. I didn't decorate like we normally do. And I didn't get presents for the step kids. Instead I got them season passes to an amusement park. They seemed disappointed and I didn't know how to feel. My partner tried to reassure me it was fine. But then I found out their mom didn't do anything for Christmas for them this year, either. I feel a little guilty... but I had a legit excuse. And the kids have always counted on me for decorating for any holiday. I just hope they understand.

  30. I'm so sorry. I had mine two days after my Damien passed. I was upset at first. But I saw it as a sign that it was okay to try again. It was so fast. My body had stopped producing milk two weeks before he died, which was a turning point for him when he got very sick. It was like my body was trying to tell me it was okay to let go.

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