1. I don’t necessarily have any advice but I absolutely have gone through this exact thing. I need somebody who is able to take control or else I feel like it is an evitable that I get the ick if I feel more in control.

  2. Thanks for sharing that. It’s so frustrating. If I am more in control I can become dismissive towards the other person and I hate that part of me. I prefer to be kept on my toes a little like I have to work a little to keep them. Not healthy really but that’s my comfort zone

  3. Thanks for your kind words. Yeah, I’m not used to being loved. I’ve always been drawn to avoidant men because that felt safe but that never led to healthy relationships.

  4. I'm not super sure but maybe if you haven't instead of focusing on the fact that the ick is a trauma response try reminding yourself of all the good things about him and about you together. Focus on all the positives and let the negatives when they come into your head just pass instead of ruminating. Could take a while but might be a way to positively influence the things your brain is focusing on.

  5. Thanks! Yes, I think that’s the best approach. Keep tuning into gratitude and compassion for him. And when the ick feelings come try to accept they are there without getting into any stories around them so they hopefully wash away. I want to try everything to make this work. This guy is amazing and I have the opportunity for a loving and healthy relationship. And he deserves that too - not someone feeling grossed out by him at times

  6. That's ok hope it all works out for you and it gets easier and better :)

  7. Don’t tell them! As long as you can provide a fixed address I don’t see that it’s anyone’s business as to where you live provided you deliver on the job. If you have to do zoom calls put one of those backgrounds up. Ensure you have reliable WiFi (you can use personal hotspot on your phone) and make sure you have a microphone and/or laptop technology that blocks out background noise (it’s SO noisy when it rains in van). Get all that in place and nobody needs to know!

  8. Choose well the person you intend to be with and use the relationship as a way of coaching eachother to evolve as humans. Relationships aren’t about finding a comfortable life and coasting along. It can be a dynamic forum where you can learn so much about yourself and let go of things that you thought were you but are not. And make a promise to eachother to:

  9. As someone whos just been broken up with, never forget what you have and always show them how much you love them

  10. I realised when the father of my child, and other half of 13 years didn’t bother to kiss me happy new year at midnight, and then when I got upset (it’s already a deeply toxic and abusive relationship) he then decided to tell insult and berate me for the first 30 mins of the year until I walked away and cried alone in another room in the dark, while he did nothing other than shout after me and call me a useless mother for walking away from him screaming at me while holding the baby, I decided in 2023 I’m going to do whatever the hell I have to do to get out of here before my baby is old enough to understand these things

  11. Awww this broke my heart to read. And also I felt a sense of inspiration and power in your words. Sounds like you know what you need to do. You and your baby deserve to be happy and feel safe and this man doesn’t seem to be able to help contribute to that. I wish you every bit of strength to find your out of this into a new path. It won’t be easy to get there, but it will be so worth it x

  12. First, check if this is a friendship worth keeping. If it is, let him know in a firm and friendly way.

  13. Was drunkenly making my way to a friend’s house. Thought I’d got the right house. The front door opened and I started crawling up the stairs (my friend lived in a flat on the first floor).

  14. Yep, you do need to report it. The next person it attacks could be a small child and the consequences could be worse.

  15. Two of my exes are M INFP and in a few days I’ll go on a first date with one! I’m an F INFP but am almost at the border of ENFP. I only really like INFP or INFJ men. I like me who feel like a real blend of masculine and feminine which is how INFPs feel to me.

  16. Been there my friend. I now have 2. I always thought I did small wees until I got to see how fast my jug fills up!

  17. I’m 41 and I feel your pain. Since covid my friends seem to have remained in the bubble mentality. My friends live in other countries and are dotted around England so there’s heavy reliance on phone calls or (in England) making over night trips.

  18. Having the coil fitted and your body trying to reject it I had to lie down as I felt sick and faint. Then the contractions started with sharp pain - the most intolerable pain I’ve ever felt, made worse by the fact that I thought I was haemorrhaging inside. I couldn’t help it but I was screaming and crying in agony. I called emergency services for advice and was advised to go immediately to a gynaecologist (this was in Holland so wouldn’t have happened like this in the UK). I called an Uber and warned the driver I might scream… I did! Poor driver! So it turns out my body was trying to give birth to the coil, hence the contractions!

  19. I was sat waiting in a cafe to have a first date with a guy. I’d arrived earlier and already ordered my drink. I was sat down with my (first-ever and last turmeric latte). I happened to be wearing Invisalign at the time and was getting near to the end of the lengthy process. And by this point was lazy about taking them out for hot drinks (naughty naughty).

  20. What cruel and unpleasant behaviour. You are so better off out of this friendship

  21. Oh dear god, that's a terrible idea. I hope they're not giving the time to him!

  22. He might think he’s the one to deliver it now he thinks he’s a national treasure mehh

  23. okay maybe i have to explain it this way: them, their, and they refer to groups of people right? a large number of people.

  24. I’m with you on this. Also got BPD here and none of the above applies to me. Please be careful with the over generalisations because it does makes it harder for all people with BPD. It feeds this stereotype of us being monsters and makes it even harder to gain the support and understanding we need in society. Thanks!

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