My boss told the women in the office to wear dresses on Monday

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  1. No. NC is so we can survive and live. We're not making a point, hammering something home or punishing anyone. We're out of all other options. That's what NC is.

  2. I just finished a conversation with my mom, after an interview, where she asked me

  3. I understand. I also don't wear makeup in day-to-day life and therefore refuse to wear it to job interviews. My idea is: they're seeing exactly what they're getting. No compliance with norms I'll later reject.

  4. That's fantastic. I remember some of your recent posts. You deserve so much better.

  5. I was technically diagnosed early, as a pre-schooler in the 1980s, with the wishy-washy diagnosis of 'mild autism'. That's what I was told (usually in the form of an accusation). I never saw the paperwork, and I don't remember being told a diagnosis myself then or later by anyone other than my parents. I do vaguely remember being assessed, though I didn't know what for - just that I didn't meet my parents' specifications for what a child of theirs had to be like, and that I didn't fit in and feel comfortable at daycare.

  6. I am looking for another job and have a third interview this week. So I am not crazy for thinking 4 execs is too much? These people work 24/7 and and I get hundreds of emails on multiple email threads a day. My manager says the work is manageable bc other admins have done it however the other admins are always complaining about how busy they are etc. also my manager has never been an admin. For me to keep up I would need to work 10 hours a day something I am unwilling to do

  7. Four execs, their reports and clients? You're not crazy, that's too much for one person. If they were incredibly self-sufficient it might be different, but they rarely are. And even then, they don't tend to stay that way the moment they have someone they can hand the grunt work to.

  8. Two of the head EA’s made an “admin best practices guide” we reviewed as a team. Why wasn’t this given to me when I was hired? Apparently our time frame to answer and email is 30-90 mins, we need to keep a fast pace. With everything else I have to do sometimes I just can’t

  9. With the number of people you're assisting and hundreds of emails on multiple threads, that reply time sounds like it came off a wishlist, not a best practices guide.

  10. Unfortunately this was not true when a drunk ass man followed me when I was 12.

  11. I'm sorry to hear what you went through. That's traumatising.

  12. It makes me more apprehensive than I already was. I'm in Germany. Abortion here is technically illegal but can be obtained 'on demand' without punishment - that is how it is usually put - in the first twelve weeks, subject to mandatory counselling that is supposed to make the pregnant person want to keep the pregnancy and a waiting period. 12 weeks, coercive counselling, waiting period.

  13. I would never want to go into an office unless there is an extremely compelling reason. Oppressive office conditions and politics, in addition to having to play social games, is a huge no from me.

  14. This. So much this. And, oh my god, the people! If I never saw my coworkers in person again, it would be too soon. Anything relevant can be communicated online. There's not a single compelling reason for a lack of communication these days - most assuredly not remote work.

  15. Too much. I couldn't tell you precisely in terms of percentages of hours worked, but it is a significant chunk of time. I would leave, but leaving admin work with the kind of stigma that comes with it... not easy, to say the least. (No advice, please - I'm not based in the US ~or~ an English-speaking country.)

  16. Oh yes. I was only allowed to like the people my parents liked. In terms of friends, that meant the children of people with 'sufficient' social standing and the children my parents would have wanted to be friends with as kids. They were always a complete mismatch for me.

  17. I remember that from long ago. As for me: I was attention-starved and mistreated by almost everyone in my life at the time.

  18. My experience (EU): 'like a family' means they lack boundaries and will expect you to work like you own the place for the absolute minimum they can get away with paying you.

  19. Not open at all. In meatspace, I don't tell anyone anymore. My careful experiments telling people didn't go so well. The best outcome I've had was that it was treated like a tidbit of information about me that doesn't matter, like what my favourite colour is, then promptly disregarded. The worst was being undiagnosed on the spot in a couple of cases, and another person immediately reacted by voicing pity for my husband. And those were the kindest, most thoughtful people in my life (besides my husband) who knew me well.

  20. Adult woman living in Germany here. I can't tell anyone my diagnosis and be believed. Children and adolescents seem to be getting diagnosed more, but if you missed the window and are now a middle-aged adult, especially a woman: tough luck. You don't exist.

  21. Me explaining to a therapist that I want to talk about issues with my parents...

  22. I am so sorry you experienced that with a therapist. At the same time, it's a slight relief. That's only because I've rarely heard or read about other people who were stonewalled by therapists because they said they wanted to discuss parental abuse. (Although I couched it in more palatable terms, it didn't make a difference.)

  23. It has lowered my tolerance for demands made on my time, my willingness to mask, my willingness to work on-site when there's no need to, and my willingness to put up with people who add no value to my day.

  24. My completely debilitating cluster headaches vanished without a trace after I went NC. No one will ever convince me this was coincidence.

  25. Same here. I never met anyone in person who wasn't pro 'traditional' wedding, only my husband. The relationship is real, but marriage was very much decided on for legal reasons, and not too soon either.

  26. Young, 30. My mother was even younger. Not old parents. My NT sister was born to the same parents years later. I don't believe it has anything to do with parental age in my case.

  27. None of this is strictly required, so I don't do any of it other than hair salons. I can't maintain my type of haircut on my own. One visit to the salon every five weeks means minimal fuss with my hair the rest of the time, so I tolerate it for the sake of ease. My hairdresser is pretty relaxed and adjusts to all kinds of people, including me. If I say 'no head massages', I don't get head massages, and no one questions or tries to convince me. That makes it manageable and is a big reason I keep going back.

  28. I'm sorry about your situation, and I understand the burn-out coming on.

  29. Working from home. Measured against my part-time job, my commute is insane. In the office, people constantly interrupted me and annoyed me either with non-work stuff or questions they could have found the answer to without my assistance. There was the barrage of lunches I kept having to turn down - again, I'm part-time, I don't need to eat out nor is eating out all the time financially viable for me, and as a part-timer, I don't get a break, so I'd be entertaining people on my own time during lunch.

  30. Not with points, but the system is similar in Germany. There's a procedure that's literally called 'social selection' that favours parents (with some lip service paid to other life circumstances). The terminology doesn't come up in translation - it's always paraphrased or described in flowery terms because giving preference to parents and calling it social selection is crass. But in German, it's so run-of-the-mill, people are desensitised to it and prone to defending it.

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