1. My name isn't even an actual name and was just made up as a weird ship name of my parents, so I most definitely want to change it. It also makes internet privacy a lot harder since you can easily google me if you knew my name since I'm the only one with it.

  2. Alexa is still a lovely name. Maybe you could do Alexandra and use a nickname (like Alex, Lexie or Andra)?

  3. I like that way of thinking "personal witness protection program". Do you think it's a good idea to remain in contact with anyone my family knows?(ones that I somewhat trust)

  4. Unfortunately I tried exactly that - giving a couple of my Ns’ older bio kids (I’m the only adopted) the benefit of the doubt despite a few red flags - and after they spent months doing all the right things to gain my trust…they BOTH completely FLAKED on me.

  5. What about one of my friends? There's a friend I've had for over 2yrs, but my mom talks to her some. This friend also hadn't gone through any type of trauma, and doesn't seem to understand what kinda effects my home-life has been having on me. Do you think I should try the email thing with her or just leave her behind?

  6. Well, I don’t know her so if I had to guess, I’d say try the email thing with her and go from there.

  7. Unfortunately this sort of thing is all too common - in abuse victims.

  8. Thank you, I really appreciate your kindness and support: I would actually like to talk about my situation, but I apologize because I mean no pressure to read this message or to help me out with my problems.

  9. Thank you for your input. I genuinely just feel so bad for her- even knowing that it's all a game. I hope to stay strong.

  10. Thank you. I've been thinking of keeping a journal of sorts with this information so I really appreciate the suggestion

  11. No problem. My Ns trauma bonded me to cats they purposely lured onto the property and spent the rest of my life controlling and blackmailing me through them - to the point that I refused to leave without what cats I had left once I was older.

  12. I’m not familiar with it, but I’ve found some videos about the term from some channels that talk about narcissism that I’ve watched before. I’ll check those out, because yeah. That seems like it’s pretty relevant here. Thanks for telling me about this.

  13. As far as resources on the word, I’d recommend Dr. Ramani’s channel.

  14. I’d suggest you get on Google Docs and type up everything you remember going through - NO excusing or sugarcoating of N behaviors allowed - and keep updating it.

  15. I have but truly even if I move 2 hours away in any direction there is no little to no change in the rental prices. It almost feels like a lose-lose situation :( also for my job I can’t move too too far away as that would complicate commute and gas prices are $$$

  16. This is a rough situation but have you considered a job change at all if possible?

  17. That’s not possible unfortunately. And unless it’s in the middle of nowhere, the rent pretty much stays the same in all suburban areas where I live. I really don’t wanna to go back to my nmom. She said that she will “do her best” to not be crazy like before but my gut feeling says otherwise

  18. Oh there’s no doubt that your N will return to her usual behavior.

  19. Far as I’m concerned, you deserve something really nice - but they deserve NO credit for sending bribes, especially during NC.

  20. The book "inheritance and environment" by Norwegian author Vigdis Hjorth is written like a novel, but is her confrontation with her enabler family after her abusive father dies. It's brilliant, and caused a great debate here about where the line goes between fiction and facts, what you're allowed to say while covering it as art. But really, I love it. Her sister wrote a novel back at her, and that one made me support Vigdis even more.

  21. Whoof. The pen truly is mightier than the sword. Unless it’s serving as both!

  22. It really is sharp in this case. I read it at the start of my therapy process, and it really put into words why it's so vital for the victim to own their story. Nobody get why she can't just be the bigger person and visit the death bed, act sivil ans keep the dignity. They don't see how she's fighting to own her truth after drcades of gaslighting. It can't just be set a side for facade. It's a really desperate text.

  23. Yuck. That’s partly why I don’t see myself ever publishing my story.

  24. No apology necessary - even my male N has never audibly called his grandchildren “defects” and I’d have chewed him UP if he had in front of me.

  25. It’s difficult because I’m currently in a situation where my youngest sister (22) is still in contact with my mum and has been taking my daughter to visit her (with my permission). The guilt of stopping my daughter seeing her is crazy, because she adores my mum. There are parts of me that want to just cut it, because I feel the inevitable where my daughter gets hurt will happen. She’s 4 atm, so I don’t see that happening any time soon. I’m just being a coward!

  26. I’m really sorry to hear that, but sadly it’s only a matter of time.

  27. Thank you. I needed to hear this. Do you think this is an appropriate time to break contact to explain? Or just tell my sister who speaks to her and takes her there that the visits can’t happen anymore?

  28. You have no idea how relieved I am that you’re accepting the warning.

  29. If you can’t stand being around your N and money isn’t an issue, then what exactly is your biggest concern?

  30. My full story is extremely long but the extremely short version is that I was trauma bonded to cats the Ns lured onto the property and used to control me the rest of my life.

  31. Oh yes, my male N is a SLOB but has called ME a hoarder and messed with MY stuff more than I can count.

  32. Honestly I couldn’t decide originally so I saved up for the CK Pool because it was the most expensive.

  33. If you and your brother could get out and have a way to support yourselves and your siblings, would you be able to take over custody?

  34. Sadly I don’t see this doing any good regarding my Ns - I fully expect the FM’s to just blame the changes on the Ns’ age, mental state etc.

  35. A whole toxic army to deal with. Holy crap. That sounds like it is incredibly difficult. NC is great, because even with my narc parents dead there is still my sister, their toxic clone, plus all the enablers.

  36. Yeah, not ONE SINGLE PERSON in that family has stood up for me except twice when they both talked a good game - only to completely flake on me.

  37. Very much so on both counts but I’m sure you’ve dealt with plenty of mess yourself.

  38. Mmmm, good on you for holding firm - but not calling the police right after your first warning means your N still got supply without consequences - so I would NOT be shocked if/when the N shows up again or sends flying monkeys.

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