1. not sure cuz mine is measuring at 63 right now in buffalo. i’d think if it was ohio related, mine would also be that high

  2. I’d be okay if he said “hey I’ve got to take a break from this for a bit. I’m not sure how long it’ll be, could be months, but that’s where I am now” rather than whatever this is? It’s very odd and feels patronizing

  3. saying he wants a break when he doesn’t would be even more patronizing. he is being wishy washy because he’s cowardly, not because he likes you and wants to try later. he said he wants you to find someone else. that’s not something you say to someone you want a little break from

  4. Is it a break up text? Or a “I need a long break”? It’s confusing and a turn off regardless

  5. to me, it reads like an “i’m not that in to you text but i feel bad because you’re nice so i’ll say some shit about not letting you go but then say i hope you find a better dude cuz truly it’s not gonna be me”

  6. yes they have gotten sick of me, but not because they are bored but because my vulnerability then triggered their own fears about intimacy. although to be fair, that person may have been an FA like me so the magnets switch polarities often for us

  7. That’s interesting. I didn’t consider that as a possibility. Is (or was) it an immediate switch in polarities? Or is it more of a gradual shift? I’ve been both on the anxious and avoidant side before, but never with the same person, so I’m curious how that works

  8. it usually shifted slowly after some type of fight/disagreement/vulnerability. we were unfortunately together a long time so many chances for these shifts

  9. the strength of terry going to the hospital with damar and reportedly saying (according to chris brown on OBL) to spare not a single expense saving him. that any bill is completely covered… weighs so heavy on my heart. i totally understand with complete clarity why that organization was gassed in their final game ❤️

  10. I don’t know 😞 I think maybe instead of trying to stop all at once it could be good to find safe people (friends, ideally ones who are also trying to better themselves) whose attention we will use to motivate ourselves, instead of using romantic interests for this purpose…? I mean like friends who can help us track our progress or give us tips or who we can share our accomplishments and creativity with?

  11. then you’re just codependent with friends instead of codependent with a partner. i read this can be common with adhd (needing a person for motivation). some have worked around this by getting something done with a youtube video on (where the youtuber acts as the pseudo motivation)

  12. everything is a spectrum. just because someone has a reason for breaking the law (adverse childhood experiences, etc), it doesn’t mean they didn’t break the law. i think stalking is frowned upon by society because the stalker is not the victim here. The LO is. Sure, hurt people hurt people, and it’s important to humanize people—but laws (and public shaming) are meant to protect the vulnerable and shape human behavior to the betterment of society… these practices are not there to make the perp feel better about themselves or enable them to continue unscathed. That said, not all people who experience limerence are stalkers (but all stalkers experience limerence), and most people in society can draw a distinction between an unhealthy obsession and stalking

  13. I‘m FA leaning secure and a few reasons why I don’t like to spend too much time together with my partner when I’m in a relationship are:

  14. yep, hit the nail on the head with every point. After therapy, I constantly want to take a nap because the vulnerability hangover is real (FA here)

  15. Okay, avoiding insecurity doesn't mean normal levels of insecurity that everyone has, because we all struggle with insecurity from time to time. Avoiding insecurity is for toxic unhealthy insecurity with people who do not respect boundaries. That is a turn off for me. In such cases, as I've said, I will walk away. I think my post is fine in all honesty and I don't have to edit my title. (At least, not to that extent.)

  16. this added context makes a difference. your post as it reads now just sounds like someone on a high horse dissing anyone with ANY insecurity or “insecure energies” meaning anyone not secure. not sure where you make that distinction in the post? but you do you dude. when i posted on your other one saying as an FA, I was never attracted to insecurity, that was due to my own issues and insecurity (not that i was healed). the behavior for me was attachment related and had nothing to do with healing. setting boundaries that aren’t too rigid or transparent? that’s where healing is for me

  17. That high horse thing wasn't my intention. I'd be a hypocrite then because I was highly insecure before I really started to work on my healing.

  18. totally understand and i apologize if my comment came off as harsh. i just know for me personally, i tend to be attracted to avoidants because i like to avoid all intimacy related stuff, but being able to sit with some of the insecurity (like someone wanting a morning text for example), has been a challenge and something i’m working on. but i absolutely agree that people who push on my boundaries too hard and don’t make the same effort to understand me are not at all attractive to me

  19. You didn’t know what was coming… you made an assumption without giving the other person any benefit of the doubt that they have a life that doesn’t involve being at some stranger’s beck and call every second. The way you word this makes it seem like you’re justifying your actions. sorry, that type of lashing out is not justifiable. they didn’t deserve that because “you knew what was coming.” once you come to that conclusion (and avoid the people cheering you on for doing it), maybe you can change your behavior and have a better relationship because of it

  20. stop it by changing your “justifying” thoughts…. your emotions got the best of you because you kept fueling them with inaccurate thoughts like “i knew what was coming” instead of a more harmless thought like “they are prob busy and if they are not interested I WILL BE OK”. that tells your brain you’re safe and your actions will follow

  21. they might have an anxiety disorder (agoraphobia) and are just looking for distant “intimacy” via texting so they feel less lonely

  22. i’ve always been like this though… has insecurity ever attracted you as an FA? I tend to like people who seem “need-less” so that way they don’t feel any desire to actually depend on me for intimacy or support

  23. This is true, but blocking someone is extremely childish on his end, so clearly the communication on both ends in that situation needs work. Also, she mentioned that he agreed and understood that she needed more out of the relationship, but still did not change his behavior. If he wanted something more casual after that conversation, it's his job to let her know that. Let's make sure we're not just blaming the "typical dramatic woman" here.

  24. I was just pointing it out as I saw. op wasn’t questioning her partner’s behavior. She already knows that. She was wondering if she was acting anxious. She was trying to say that her response was normal. In my opinion it is not a normal secure response regardless of the partners role. Yeah, sure people would be frustrated if the relationship expectations are not being matched, but instead of hang on and get passive aggressive, they would just walk away from the relationship and wouldn’t get themselves so upset or worked up.

  25. True, she definitely is anxiously attached and she knows that, but I'm saying he also is showing bad relationship etiquette on his end, so it's a mix of both.

  26. yeah, both are triggering-nothing is normal or expected though. because one person can be triggering and then if the other person is secure, they leave or don’t get triggered by it

  27. It sounds like she’s had 2/3 issues in the span of 5 months. I don’t think that it’s all the time. Just seems that way because it’s in one post.

  28. she blamed him for giving her a cake with caffeine in it… if that isn’t a red flag for toxic blame shifting/lack of personal accountability, i’m not sure what is. it’s not the number of issues, it’s the context of what is upsetting this person that makes me think she is verbally abusive

  29. Idk I feel like one off comment about a cake keeping her up does not make verbal abuse. I think it’s absolutely a dumb comment to make, but who hasn’t made a stupid comment that was worse in hindsight.

  30. you aren’t in love with these people… you don’t even know them if you only went on two dates. google limerence

  31. For me it is not 2 dates but HOURS of getting to know somebody by phone calls + 2 dates. Why talking to someone for such a long time doesn't count? + no matter, how we would call it, it is a pain

  32. damn that good faith rule was put in after i left that sub. glad i left when i did. what an ass kissing ring now

  33. and this is why i will laugh in anyone’s face who says “stanley cup or bust”. if we get to the play offs, we will be ripped apart

  34. people probably know the canes and don’t want to be disheartened (hence empty seats)

  35. Wow what a prick. Very easy to end something when someone is this aggressive. you say bye and if they don’t listen, you block. no need to be all “you were xyz when i set a boundary so it’s over.” just say it’s over. no need for a long drawn out talk about feelings. this dude isn’t your boyfriend. no sex is good enough for that attitude

  36. isn’t the slot more dangerous/injury prone? correct me if i’m wrong but i see receivers get absolutely smashed in the slot

  37. Tip: don’t text a lot before meeting. That “little drama” likely created sexual tension and the illusion that there was more intimacy than was actually there

  38. After three years, as an avoidant, if this happened (i started responding less, one word answers, moved out) i would be emotionally detaching myself slowly preparing for the break up. if the AP confronted me on it, then it would likely escalate the break up. Of course, there’s a lot we don’t know here like your role in all this as well as the reason for moving out (which is a huge step backward in any relationship where living together was previously a thing). when i did this with my abusive ex (we lived together then not), I basically just had a sexual relationship the last two years and checked out emotionally 💯. Edit: for slightly more context, my ex moved out for many reasons, some of which being he didn’t pay rent or expenses (refused), and was an alcoholic who didn’t like when i’d be upset when he stayed out all night. So he moved in with his mother. I know i know, great choice on my part. Him moving out pulled the rug from under me and any sense of security or stability i had built with him (which wasn’t as much as it SHOULD have been) went completely out the window. I never trusted him with anything again. Basically just used him to warm my bed until it just became too toxic to bear

  39. Not to detract from your advice which is great, but I will say that the responding less is not an indicator or detaching or a future breakup for me. So there's at least some tiny morsel of hope!

  40. yeah it’s absolutely context dependent. but a move out for me definitely triggered a full blown deactivation that would have been hard for even the pope to get me out of (i’m FA… if it’s true the distancing started at the move out—and the move out was not what the partner wanted/the deactivating is not fabricated in OPs head—then the partner might just be FA too if the move out is in fact the trigger)

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