1. late reply here, but this video by Dr. Todd Grande gives a good analysis on Kurt Cobain's Depression/death etc "Kurt Cobain | Life & Death | Mental Health & Personality"

  2. Rehab is pointless unless you admit yourself, and it’s not easy, especially if (I’m assuming this btw) is all you are given is subutex when your body and your mind are used to being given large amounts of heroin daily… 99% of rehabs have an open door policy, he didn’t “escape” he just hopped the wall when he could have just walked out the door, but he clearly didn’t want them to inform whomever that he had left.

  3. I have also one of the worst side effects that ever existed. Even though I am eating normal amounts now and following a meal plan my body has created an inability to gain body fat a year ago. I am only able to gain edema and that is so painful. My kidneys are gargling so much and immediately after eating (only a few seconds) my legs swell up to a massive size. I just want to be able to gain body fat…

  4. that sounds awful. I also have trouble gaining weight after years of having anorexia, along with frequent urination. not sure why this is happening but it is very scary to deal with

  5. most of the time, people are telling you to eat because they care about you and don't want to see you starving yourself. but I can understand how it can get annoying at times. I just try to remind myself my family cares about me and wants me to survive.

  6. Oh okay, is there any way for you to get tested for allergies for medication specifically? I have a cousin that is allergic to basically everything and they just tested her exactly for antibiotics to tell which ones she was allergic to.

  7. I think it would be a good idea to get tested for allergies specifically. I can look into it. I am afraid of change and new things, because of autism, so this makes it a lot more challenging to recover. with anorexia recovery, change is expected, and that's something autistic people really struggle with. that's true. the body can heal. maybe it won't heal me 100%, but I can feel better, hopefully.

  8. Yeah, look into getting tested, i definitely understand why you would be traumatized. I mean maybe treatment is best, maybe it's not, idk, i think doing anything is batter than nothing

  9. even if you have only had it for a few months, it can still cause harm and medical complications. the good thing about getting treatment early is that you are more likely to avoid permanent damage. when you suffer with an eating disorder for many years, health complications do happen and even when you want to recover, it becomes a lot more difficult, because the behavior is more entrenched by then.

  10. yes, my body has a hard time digesting food now also. I also worry that my body will fail me even though I want to get better. having support from others is very helpful. I really hope your doctor offers you some helpful advice. you are not alone in feeling the way you do, and I hope you can start to feel better soon

  11. This is so important. You body can only last so long. Now that I’m in my 30s and I’m feeling the affects of it on my body I regret it so much. It’s not spoken about enough :(

  12. So true. a person's body can only take so much. it's truly scary when you start to feel the effects of anorexia. it's really sad. I wish I wasn't anorexic. I wake up every day hoping that I can just snap out of this. it's more difficult than people realize

  13. I have felt the same way. reached a goal weight and it turns out it didn't make me happy. that's the thing with eating disorders, no weight is ever good enough. not feeling sick enough for inpatient is a common feeling. I felt the same way, when I was forced to go inpatient. I didn't even think I needed it but that's because I was incredibly sick. usually when you are sick, you don't realize how bad you are at first. it's great you want to get better, and whatever treatment option you decide, I hope that you are able to feel better and become healthier. healing from an eating disorder is incredibly difficult and scary, but it's not impossible

  14. you worded this post perfectly. this is so true. eating disorders make you feel ok and safe at first, and then they ruin you, and you don't even realize it

  15. well now after years of suffering from anorexia, I have a hard time digesting and absorbing the nutrients from food properly, which results in uncomfortable digestive symptoms and difficulty in gaining any weight, which is really unfortunate. I wish I had taken care of my illness years ago when it wasn't this bad. anorexia nervosa can cause so many stomach problems.

  16. You don’t have to tell me that an Ed is not a diet. I’ve been living with Ed’s for 17-18 years. I’ve been hospitalized, I’ve lived through many different iterations of my ed. I’m not asking for weight loss approval from anyone, im just here venting like everyone else in this sub

  17. saying that you need to lose weight is participating in pro eating disorder behavior, it's glorifying an eating disorder because you are suggesting losing weight through an eating disorder is a good thing. and it's not. you can wish to lose weight all you want, but this forum is not the place to just post about that, when so many people here are actually struggling with eating and wish they could gain weight.

  18. Tbh, I see posts all the time about the desire to lose weight. Sorry my post doesn’t fit your standards or triggered you! Have a great night !

  19. yes, and those posts that glorify losing weight usually get reported. just like your post did.

  20. you are fixated on food because you are starving yourself. it is natural to become highly obsessed with food when you limit your intake of it. and also, you can still love and enjoy food as an anorexic person. we don't hate food, we just have a hard time eating enough or knowing what is healthy.

  21. I see healthy weight people as healthy and overweight people as overweight. I see myself as extremely skinny. I do not think I am fat

  22. I have been through inpatient treatment twice. no, it wasn't successful. I am autistic and the programs wouldn't make any accommodations for me. people could have been more understanding about how difficult it was to be in that situation. to have my autism completely ignored in inpatient. I found my hospital stays stressful and completely unhelpful. I wish they would have listened to me. I would say in order for inpatient to work, you really have to try to help yourself and it helps if you feel like people are taking your anxieties and fears about eating into consideration. I fought and resisted the entire time. now when inpatient treatment gets recommended to me, I refuse. I would say the hospital helps many people, but it doesn't cure everyone

  23. people with anorexia can still have very serious health problems even with normal bloodwork. it doesn't mean you are okay. I am surprised they didn't want to admit you to inpatient, considering the bmi you are at, which is at a very dangerous level. doctors do not know much about anorexia, to be honest. i would get a second opinion. if you really feel this bad. you are clearly really sick, and deserve some help. my bloodwork is always normal, despite my low weight. bloodwork doesn't show all the damage, and your levels can change. this is why it is really important to be checked by a doctor frequently, when you are this sick.

  24. people with anorexia still eat. they eat full meals lots of times, the amount and what an anorexic person chooses to eat is very individual. it's not the same for everyone, you can still be restricting and eat a normal meal some days. also, you don't have to cry or make a big scene about eating. sometimes it can actually feel okay to eat. sometimes it causes you anxiety and you can pretend like it's not bothering you. you say you feel like a liar and a cheater and a fake. being sick isn't your fault. and the worst thing you can do to yourself is compare your behavior to someone else. I eat full meals lots of times, I like things like sandwiches. I am still starving myself and still underweight.

  25. thank you for replying. yeah i know that anorexics still eat and stuff, i know im not being rational. ig i just wanted to vent a bit to people who would understand instead of just telling me its a good thing i ate or that i should eat even more. im not very good with words and im really really bad at expressing whats in my head into words. i never meant to sound dumb or mean or invalidate anyone with this post, and if that happened im really sorry. still though, thanks for taking time to reply to me <3

  26. no need to apologize, just letting you know that your feelings are valid and I am sorry that you struggle.

  27. yes. had to be hospitalized twice. my liver almost failed. If I had not gone to treatment, been forced to go to the hospital when I did, I would have died. had to be hospitalized twice, still not recovered, and much worse now. I am choosing a harm reduction approach to treat my anorexia now. even though inpatient treatment was recommended by people to me, I refuse to go back. I know I will never recover, and my health is getting worse. but I waited too long to treat my anorexia, now I am stuck with complications and possibly a much shorter lifespan than I would have had if I had taken care of this earlier. I guess this is a lesson to recover as soon as you get sick, and be as cooperative with treatment as possible. this disorder ruined my life and my future. I can't see myself recovering. ever

  28. yes, this happened to me a few years ago. my doctor said it was because of malnourishment. they said I needed urgent nutritional rehabilitation in order to fix the liver issues. It is a serious thing. my liver enzymes went back to normal when I started eating in treatment again. so it is reversible, but it is serious. I would listen to your doctor if she says you need urgent monitoring, at this point

  29. inpatient programs are often not set up for individuals with autism and anorexia. I have anorexia and autism. the inpatient programs I went to were never helpful in regards to my fear of new foods, sensory issues and fear of change. that's why I prefer at home treatment. I can eat the foods I like. hospital programs are not the best place for people with autism, in my opinion. people there are just not equipped to deal with it or understand how challenging it is trying to recover while being autistic and anorexic. I hope you can find a supportive team that takes your specific needs into consideration

  30. i hope so too, my hope going in was to finally be tested for autism since my parents never got me tested. It’s not 100% sure I have autism but it would explain so many things and probably take a lot of guilt of me cuz it would show what I was experiencing was ‘normal’ there was a reason for it and maybe I and the people around me could learn how to handle it. I’m pretty sure it being undiagnosed/treated (it’s not a ilness that needs to be cured ik that) made all my problems spiral. Especially always being told how wrong I am and weird and unatural I am

  31. I hope you can get tested for autism and that things work out for you

  32. it does no good to compare yourself to others. it only makes you feel worse. just because others struggle more sometimes, does not make your problem invalid. everyone with an eating disorder suffers in some way, and that's the truth. it's not about who has it worse or who has more problems. if you were faking your disorder, you probably wouldn't be so upset about how you think others have it worse. there are people who fake eating disorders, but usually they just glorify it online, act like it's a good thing, they don't complain about not being sick enough. your problems are valid

  33. tell your mind it's wrong, and you need both food and water to survive

  34. I have been inpatient before. they will probably give you a feeding tube if you don't eat. depending on how medically unstable you are, they may still keep you even if you are not eating. like if you don't have anyone to advocate for you to leave inpatient. which is what happened in my case. signed myself in, wasn't able to leave even when I wanted to sign myself out, didn't want to get a feeding tube or drink a supplement, so I just eventually started eating, because I wasn't able to leave otherwise. the programs usually find ways to make you comply. it's interesting you said they discharged you last time you were refusing the tube. in my inpatient experiences, they were so watchful over me. they intimidated me into eating even when I didn't want to and wouldn't allow me to go home, even though I begged them to

  35. Yikes, that doesn’t sound fun at all. I was 16 when i was refusing tube and i assume they didn’t care much because i wasn’t as small as i am now so it wasn’t seeming like i could die? But honestly the facility was trash so they didn’t really give a shit about anyone. At most they would threaten me with more ensures or something but i’d just spit it out onto the floor in front of them, quite the menace i was i see why they wanted me out haha.

  36. It was not fun:( I am sorry about your last experience with inpatient. I hope you get the help you deserve

  37. I am sorry you are feeling this way. it hurt me reading this, knowing there are so many people in this sub struggling right now. You are always deserving of existing in eating disorder communities. recovering or not, eating well or having problems eating enough. you are always welcome. and you don't have to feel invalidated because someone struggles more than you. other people's struggles are their own struggles. your eating disorder is your own struggle. please do not feel bad for eating. there's no shame in taking care of yourself. there's no shame in struggling more some days with eating. we are all struggling in some way.

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