I need help

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  1. My (stb ex) husband is that first person you described. He is on his phone ALL THE TIME and whenever I text him, he just doesn’t answer. He has said he “sees if it’s something that needs immediate attention” and then decides how fast he answers but seriously - you are either watching TikToks or chatting with random people and you can’t immediately answer?

  2. Female here. I like to read stuff but I don't like texting all day about nothing. My husband and I text if it's something important or funny. I also don't like the digital tether. I think time apart doing your own thing and not having to constantly check in is healthy.

  3. Sounds like a mental health issue that needs to be evaluated. Just be supportive while she gets help and I bet it improves. Best of luck to you!

  4. I say if it's your wedding then do what's best for you instead of worrying about everyone else. If they want to drink they can drink after the wedding or the next day. If your guests, whom I assume will be friends and family, love and respect you then they won't mind.

  5. It won't matter in a few years. My parents kicked me out of the house at 16, but they came to my graduation. I don't remember if they clapped or not. Only my mother came to my college ceremony. That was all so long ago. Be proud of yourself. I don't even remember half of those people. I don't use Facebook anymore either. The people I knew from school are either boring or on drugs. My life revolves around my family and people from work. All that will matter is your little inner circle as you get older, trust me.

  6. It is extremely hard to quit drinking while someone passively drinks around you, but yes, way harder when he actively discourages me just so that HE feels better about HIS drinking. The game the voices in my head play goes as follows: “Just one day. We can get though one day.” “God I hope he’s bought me a bottle of wine as a surprise though!” “No that’s stupid. He wouldn’t do that. Just go to the gym, and make a plan. We’re going to cook, have a bath, lay in bed and watch a movie. Night sorted, no drinking!” “Okay but still it would be good if he called and asked us to pick up a bottle of wine though…” “NO!”

  7. I've abstained and been so proud of myself and then my husband has cracked a beer and placed it in my hand when I wasn't even paying attention. At that point the flood gates are open!

  8. No, in fact I'd be mildly upset with him for not supporting something that's such a lifestyle change for you. It's called a partnership for a reason. Maybe he just needs a gentle reminder of how important this is not just to you, but to your partnership also. Hang in there.

  9. He called me on the porch to say he was getting one more beer(it's always one more) and he didn't want me to be mad at him. I don't want it in my house. He asked if he needs to quit too. This is about me and my problem. I'm doing something for me for once. I'm always the one giving. I don't know how to deal with this situation though.

  10. The canned sparkling waters from the gas station helped me tremendously in calming down when I felt worked up. The psychological effect is amazing. Just the cold can and slowly sipping it relaxed me. I'm still doing it with the cans, not sure what your drink of choice was but a substitute definitely eased my mind.

  11. I bought some today! Everytime I think about drinking I sip my water.

  12. Looking for paper towels at work and found a bottle of tequila near the sink. Today is only day 2, but I felt repulsed by it. IWNDWYT

  13. How much have you saved? I'm interested to see this for my pocket book.

  14. A guy told me once getting sober is sexy as hell! 😄 For whatever reason that motivated me. So good job! It was definitely a victory for you today.

  15. My first response was what? Had to read it twice to make sense of it.

  16. You are definitely worth living. I'm in the struggle too. I believe in you. Hugs💓

  17. To be very honest with you NA beers are not really apart of my journey. When I was less than 30 days sober I tried a 6-pack of O’douls because I didn’t want to be at a party without something in my hand.

  18. I'm more interested in your suggestions for bubbly water. I like to crack the can open. Something about the sound of cracking the can open after work heals me. My mom said always keep your favorite cup with good ice and something with bubbles nearby to help break the habit.

  19. I heard that advice and took it to heart. Where I live I can keep a 12 pack in my car and it’s cold to cool drinkable 9 months out of the year and in the summer I bought myself a retro MTV cooler as a treat to keep them cold.

  20. Amazing advice! Thank you so much! I'm smiling thinking about flavored water!

  21. You're not a loser! I went to AA today and I'm on day #1 again but guess what I made that MF meeting! I also drove past the store today. I'm a boss!

  22. I know they aren't for everyone, but Zoom meetings can be great (w a legit sense of community) and you can hit up out of town (out of state or country too) meetings without worrying about the local factor.

  23. Oooohh I haven't thought of this. I haven't seen any zoom ones available though.

  24. People insist they want addicts to get better, then immediately go for the low blow to mock them for it when they have half a chance. I'm sorry that happened to you!

  25. And they use it against us FOREVER. Dumped a friend for constantly bringing up my past drinking abuses. I was moving forward, but she kept reminding me of the stupid things that I did and said while intoxicated. "Remember that time you..." whether I remember or not is immaterial after I heard her version 20x. A big part of recovery is moving forward.

  26. I'm sorry your "friend" did that. If I was your bestie I would celebrate every single victory with you no matter how small.

  27. Good morning from Texas. Starting over again. 😔 I can't seem to get more than 2 and a half days sober. That's where I fail every damn time! I'm broke and I still spend $ on alcohol instead of needed things. I quit hard-core drugs and smoking, successfully, many moons ago, but can't kick this habit. God help me! IWNDWYT

  28. Phew, you’re not the only one, my friend. I had a really hard time pushing past days 1-5. Really hard time!

  29. I never thought of it as a hard drug, but you are right! How could I stop doing METH, but not quit drinking. So weird to me. My problem is my husband drinks and he doesn't want to quit. He doesn't have the problem I have though. He can not drink or stop drinking. I drink until it's gone or I pass out. What he does should be irrelevant to me though. I have to want to stop which is my problem to deal with.

  30. Reddit users are straight up assholes! I guess because it's anonymous. Keyboard warriors! I've posted things before and been ripped apart. I've realized you are opening yourself up to the opinions of everyone, from everywhere and multiple walks of life. If they've had a bad experience in life you will get picked apart no matter the facts. I can't even explain it all but I've had someone use a support group I was in against me. I may stick to just comments because the world is mean AF!

  31. I had a wife of 7 years gaslight the hell out of me, when I decided to quit the only two people in my life who said I couldn’t do it, we’re my wife and her mother. I’m so glad I’ll be divorced here in a few weeks! You are healing and growing she’s still in her toxic behavior, trust me, stay on your path and the difference between how much each of your lives have improved will be painstakingly visable that you were doing healing while she was still on her BS

  32. I was in Europe at age 14 and stayed drunk because they sold to minors and I was away from my parents. I missed out on alot of stuff because of it. If I had the chance to go again I would take in everything, completely sober for the full experience.

  33. Mine was pretty significant for about a week, then slightly better but still noticeable for the next 10 days. It’s been in the last day 10 days or so that I’ve felt leveled out.

  34. I can never make it past 3 days sober. I always drink on the 3rd day and then recently I haven't gone more than 1.

  35. It’s definitely one of the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. This isn’t my first try - not even remotely, so I hear you. The only difference that gave me success (so far anyway) was I bought a bunch of sparkling water and sparkling juice. Once the craving hit, I popped open a San Pellegrino Blood Orange Sparkling juice. Tons of other things went into it too (like checking in here and focusing on my why) but that was one change from my failure last time (and all the times before) - best of luck to you, my friend. 😀

  36. Having an affair is definitely not the answer. In fact it will just make things worse.

  37. What about a separation instead of jumping straight to divorce. She needs to feel what it's like to not have you. You need to decide if you can forgive and forget. I say get some space between you and after the anger from betrayal settles see where your heart is leading you.

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