1. He also recognises how unhealthy she was when he was growing up

  2. “This person continually tries to arrange for “alone time” with children;” Pattie Fitzgerald “Tricky People”

  3. Personal insights, my mil was like this as many on here are.

  4. I am in the UK and have spent just over a year in court with mil for grandparents rights.

  5. You and DH need to research narcissistic mothers, emotional abuse and enmeshment.

  6. Why put yourself through the anxiety of going at all.

  7. Why do you and DH feel an obligation to sort this out with her?…….

  8. She’s a narc. Your DH family are her flying monkeys and she’ll start the massive smear campaign to everyone and anyone who will listen.

  9. Wow this isnt true. I dont want to buy new docs yearly.. that isnt even necessary because of the quality. I want to buy docs together with my daughter.. I always wanted that, I’m not taking her idea and make it mine. It is more like if she’s going to buy them yearly there is no need for me to do it even once because these shoes last so long.

  10. I totally get you. First off I have a sentimental attachment to stuff like this. Some people see it as ridiculous, as some people are suggesting. I am very strict about gifts with my kids. I hate excessive over the top gift giving it gives me the creeps. It always has but more so after my own MIL issues. Not everyone is like that and that’s fine but to me a gift is out of love and if they make you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason it’s usually your gut telling you.

  11. Thank you so much! I think you’re spot on, well I also feel like she’s giving things and money to get something from you. She definitely is using these gifts as a way of control. Some things happened and I was low contact with her, thats when she wanted to give me lots of money (thousands) and sent me a long text that she had A good feeling about me etc. The money was already on my husbands account. I kindly said no (because I think strings attached) but also said maybe we can put it on our daughters bank account for savings. What can I do now? I dont want her to use it against my child when she’s older…

  12. You need to get your DH on your side for this. You both need to set those boundaries with her or you’ll be fighting a losing battles. The best thing you can do for your child is educate her. As she grows teach her about healthy relationships, healthy gift giving. What red flags are. Conditional love. Then when she grows and MIL says “I put money in a bank account for you for years so you need to…….. “ your daughter will have the power to say “no” and stomp out all the toxic behaviours in all her relationships. You’ll do amazing because you can already see what’s going on.

  13. She wanted to humiliate you that’s why she gave you the money early. She wanted you to feel bad when they all opened the presents and then if you ever said anything she would say that you got the money. You would look bad because you’d look ungrateful and she’d be the victim. I would do nothing and don’t let her get to you. It’s what she wants. They get a kick out of it. Your children will be watching and they will notice how she is with you and they will not like it. As for DH I would tell your mother not to buy him a present next year and then he can see how it made you feel. You didn’t overreact but don’t give her the satisfaction.

  14. I wouldn’t do anything rash at the minute. You need to be clever and careful. I don’t know if your DH is aware what his relationship with his mother is but it sounds like he’s not aware. You need to work on DH, their relationships is emotional incest and enmeshed. Find out why she is closer to him than the other siblings. You need to use “grey rock” on your MIL.

  15. Ive read all the replies and yours and first thing to say is WELL DONE for finally seeing her for what she is. I’m sorry that you’ve been through this. There will be the guilt and shame of your relationship with your mother and the guilt and shame you feel for letting your partner down. The what ifs honestly you need to focus on you. Reading your replies it’s clear you have seen the light and are trying to get the help you need. Do your research and keep up the therapy. My husband was extremely enmeshed with his mother and the shame and icky feelings he still gets when he thinks about her are hard. I really struggled to understand the relationship and blamed him a lot for things that happened. I understand it all a lot more now and I don’t blame him BUT he snapped out of it very quickly, BUT his mother went from naught to psycho very quickly. I don’t know the particulars but the pain your ex will feel and your betrayal will be hard to deal with. I would only suggest in time write a letter to your ex apologising for what happened and leave her to move on.

  16. Your wife isn’t the problem your mother is, Read Adult Survivors of Toxic Family members. By Sherrie Campbell. It really helped my husband deal with NC with his mother. It really will explain all of the dynamics in your family and help you find ways to deal with therapy and moving forward. I hope you find peace and there’s a group on here I think it’s called raised by narcissistic parents. That will help too. Good luck.

  17. It is emotional incest but it is also physical! It is abuse. She has gotten worse because he is getting better. He is healing and wanting physical contact from other people. She is jealous of anyone he will give affection to but especially you because you are receiving what she wants from him. An emotional intimate relationship that is also sexual. She wishes she had that with him. She will not change however much therapy he has or she has. I would suggest ways to see the family without her there. See if that is an option. Or like someone else said stay somewhere else when you visit. No amount of boundaries or talking to her is not going to do it. She feels she is entitled to him because she “made” him. It’s scary because she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with her behaviour otherwise she’d hide it. The rest of his family needs to call her out on it too and this may make her stop but it could cause her to rage and cause more issues. I’m sorry you and SO are going through this.

  18. She’s beyond jealous, DH hugs his aunt and suddenly JNMIL is accusing aunt of molesting DH as a child which is why she’s always been his safe space. She’s a horrible person. We should’ve gone NC when she rammed into our community gate or attempted to jump the fence. She needs professional help, FIL said he’ll try to get her into therapy soon. DH doesn’t really care, their relationship is essentially over. I really thought professional help would help her but I think you’re right. I just find it odd she chose her middle child to make her designated therapist.

  19. I mean Jesus you need to go no contact. It’s hard to suggest it to people because it’s not always that easy but if you and DH are on the same page it’s only going to be a good thing. I also had the massive smear campaign, I’m a domestic abuser etc even accused me in court. Just ignore it all and heal. You and DH will never be healed if you have contact with her. I’m sorry for DH having this level of abuse to deal with and I’m sorry you have to deal with it. I know how hard it is to be that support while all the time you’re being blamed for it all. Stick together and good luck.

  20. She’s jealous that you are good at things and she wants the attention you get. I’d tell her you’ve taken up sculpting penis’s see if she copies that hobby 🤣

  21. Block her and any flying monkeys. No contact means you have no contact, you do not read messages or even receive them. She’s still thriving because she knows you’re still reading them. Do not even try to understand this madness. She WILL ramp up the toxic behaviour, you need to get advice on your options at protecting yourselves. Document everything, get cameras and call the police if she turns up at your house.

  22. My MIL was like this after I announced I was pregnant. She was obsessed with wanting to be alone with the baby from newborn. Very similar manipulative messages and playing the victim. I’m very firm on boundaries and in the end she threatened court and followed through. We’ve spend a year in court and it ended last week. If anyone mentions taking people to court for other peoples children that is a massive red flag! On top of that you’ve got all the other red flags. You are not overreacting and you need to protect yourself and your baby. I’m not saying you will experience what I have but it is not normal to even mention court unless a child is being harmed. Congratulations on your baby and I’m sorry she’s been like this.

  23. Congratulations! It's really shocking that he couldn't be bothered to read the documentation, so thankful you got a decent outcome!

  24. Congratulations, that's amazing. I had to sue my dad's caretaker after he died (long story) and family legal issues are so draining and exhausting and the money flows like water. I didn't realize how depressed it made me until after it was over. I am THRILLED that you got such a good outcome and are guaranteed 2 years free from it.

  25. She’s a narcissist and jealous of you. The fact he’s not cut her off already shows he’s trauma bonded to her and is clearly used to this abuse. He just doesn’t know that’s what it is. My SO didn’t realise either but then he did and we’re together working through it. If you can’t get him to see it then I’m sorry to say you should end it. Don’t have children with him unless he cuts her off. Please, the fact she’s had a narc collapse over your engagement is sooooo scary!!! Massive red flag!!!

  26. Yours mil sounds a lot like mine! Mine asked for our address to send Father Christmas letters to the kids, we never received them………. But we did receive a court application. I went through all this when I was pregnant, I feel for you. Keep her out your life. Enjoy your beautiful baby and I hope all goes well for you.

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